Decisions, decisions ...

[Guest]

 

> This dilemma is based on a true event we had today. Namely, the chief of "x" department in our Hotel came to ask Lidija and my Prince for advice. His wife quit the job in the factory she was working saying that she hated that job and she had it enough. Since she doesn't see the future in Croatia and since she heard about well paid jobs in Ireland, she told her husband that she plans to go there and find a job. She asked him to quit his job and go with her since she doesn't plan to return to Croatia. Now, he works for us for many years and he loves his job and he is well paid. He told her that he can't do that and he tried to reason with her to stay and find the job here so they can stay together. She was very determined to leave the country for good and he is very determined to stay. Now, he is afraid that their marriage is on the slippery ground and they both think how the other side doesn't love sincerely for if it does, it will do what is asked.

 

>Lidija and my Prince didn't want to interfere into their marriage and say who suppose to do what. They invited her to talk together with them and her husband. She declined. So, my Prince invited my Ivy and me to join conversation. On man's question: "What would you do if you were me?" we said: " We love our jobs and carriers very much, but we love our husband more." My Prince said the same for us.

 

> Anyway, I am very curious to know what would you do without calling the other side names and being insolent and insulting. Thank you.

Edited May 19, 2022 by Evaloves4

[Psalam]

2 hours ago, Evaloves4 said:

 

> This dilemma is based on a true event we had today. Namely, the chief of "x" department in our Hotel came to ask Lidija and my Prince for advice. His wife quit the job in the factory she was working saying that she hated that job and she had it enough. Since she doesn't see the future in Croatia and since she heard about well paid jobs in Ireland, she told her husband that she plans to go there and find a job. She asked him to quit his job and go with her since she doesn't plan to return to Croatia. Now, he works for us for many years and he loves his job and he is well paid. He told her that he can't do that and he tried to reason with her to stay and find the job here so they can stay together. She was very determined to leave the country for good and he is very determined to stay. Now, he is afraid that their marriage is on the slippery ground and they both think how the other side doesn't love sincerely for if it does, it will do what is asked.

 

>Lidija and my Prince didn't want to interfere into their marriage and say who suppose to do what. They invited her to talk together with them and her husband. She declined. So, my Prince invited my Ivy and me to join conversation. On man's question: "What would you do if you were me?" we said: " We love our jobs and carriers very much, but we love our husband more." My Prince said the same for us.

 

> Anyway, I am very curious to know what would you do without calling the other side names and being insolent and insulting. Thank you.

I believe the term is "irreconcilable differences." (In most places that is considered adequate grounds for a divorce.)

[Guest]

8 hours ago, Psalam said:

I believe the term is "irreconcilable differences." (In most places that is considered adequate grounds for a divorce.)

> You've right. Such things often ends in divorce. Too sad. The three of us are very serious about what we said to that man. But we would rather stay together than have successful carriers and make fortune. My Prince and I had chance to advance in our carriers and make more money, but we rejected for it required temporal separation. Besides being sex addicts, the three of us are addicted to each other. So, the thing from the title wouldn't happen to us.

[Darkpig]

13 hours ago, Evaloves4 said:

Damn it! Now I have to post this:

 

[Sarathis]

If this were a normal situation I'd say they talk it over and ultimately stay together no matter what decision they come to. From the way you describe it, however, it sounds as though the wife has already made her decision without even consulting the husband. She's going, period. Even worse, she's decided to go simply based on rumors, with no assurance that she'll be able to stay in Ireland or that there's a guaranteed job there for her. That doesn't sound like the reaction of someone who's happy in a healthy marriage. 

 

As I said, if this were a normal situation where two people in a marriage between equals were discussing their future, then he should stay with his wife. It isn't, though. His wife has made her decision and left him out of the process. She's looking out solely for herself, so I'd suggest that he do the same. If their marriage breaks down because of it then he could be consoled by the fact that it likely hadn't been working out to begin with.

[Guest]

I think it depends on who has more flexibility. From my perspective, he has more. She wasn't just unhappy with her job; she wants out of Croatia entirely, something she can't do if she stays with him in Croatia. Meanwhile, he can do exactly what she's planning to do: get a new job in Ireland. If he has no aversion to Ireland or particular reason to stay in Croatia beyond a job that could be replaced, maybe with a better one, in Ireland, then he has more flexibility to leave than she has to stay.

 

But, ultimately I agree with Psalam. This sounds like irreconcilable differences. It may be best to just call it a day. It sounds like they may just have very different priorities.

[Guest]

> Thanks for making good points guys. It is interesting to see who each of us approach the problem from different angle.

[Idyll]

Kind of late to the banter but my little grain of salt would say something along the lines of previous posts.

 

If she actually loved her husband as much as she thinks/thought she does/did, she wouldn't have cast her decision in stone without discussing with him and she'd have settled down to hear his stance.

 

From my observations, it's very unhealthy for couples to go all-in with important decisions that change the everyday life of everyone/most-people in the relationship without consulting with them. It's the kind of thing one does when things don't go so well between the parties of a relationship or there's profound trust and knowledge (not just belief) that one's singlemindedly-made decision will be well received, also possibilities of something like a blind trust.

 

If things were as good as they appeared, she would have stayed and listened to others in the relationship's views.

 

In a sense, it's better that it cut there instead of turmoil occurring at a later time in an unforeseeable way. ?

 

Anyway, how have things turned out? Did she stay or did she leave? ?

[Guest]

Spoiler

 

Just in general, a move to a different country isn't easy.

1) have lots of money

2) make sure all your papers are good.

3) not burning bridges at your current home. You want maybe to return if it does not turn out ok.

Since its Europe and EU, its easier. Somewhat.

 

I learned that it takes years to establish yourself in a foreign country. Some get lucky, have connections. But in general, if you know none, it will be hard.

A network would be advised.
We are all going through strange times sometimes but such a move should not be made through emotions.

Its just an advise. Nothing more.