So, I'm totally bummed, the whole last segment didn't load for me =(

By the dialogue it sounded epic !

I did love the other ones though, specially the now visible interior conflict in Gerruck, The ghost effect, and of course Davey's boner at the sight of Taeyva!!

I knew it!! Cause no dude could like nonchalantly hang out with her fine ass and not get wood!!

Brilliant stuff, I dunno if the last part is a problem on my end or your image hoster, Lemme know if there's something I'm doing wrong ?

I really like the whole segment with Taeyva and Talen. ^_^ 
And in general you have a rather pleasant narration style.

7 hours ago, WANOBI12 said:

So, I'm totally bummed, the whole last segment didn't load for me =(

Strange, because for me it did not load too at first, but now everything is normal.

8 hours ago, WANOBI12 said:

Brilliant stuff, I dunno if the last part is a problem on my end or your image hoster, Lemme know if there's something I'm doing wrong ?

Might be due to the .pngs he's using, I'm not sure. Some images hosters seem to have problems when too many images/too much data is requested. The images loaded fine for me though. But this may have to do with bandwidth on the users end, I'm not sure, but I get loading problems quite often when I'm in a slow WiFi, maybe images hosting sites refuse to stream data to you over a longer period of time or so.

Great job with the story and some really nice dialogues! Maybe Sheogorath could have been two numbers crazier, he seemed very rational and reasonable. 

I also appreciate that you reverted a bit back to a more traditional screenshoting style with less tilted images and fancy camera perspectives. I think it serves the story much better. 

Also Erinye has such a cool look:

 

I really do love this image. ?

Very nice chapter!

And damn, Erinye is a bit overpowered, isn't she? ?

Great shots and well done on the expressions. 

On 2/12/2019 at 4:28 PM, WANOBI12 said:

So, I'm totally bummed, the whole last segment didn't load for me =(

By the dialogue it sounded epic !

I did love the other ones though, specially the now visible interior conflict in Gerruck, The ghost effect, and of course Davey's boner at the sight of Taeyva!!

I knew it!! Cause no dude could like nonchalantly hang out with her fine ass and not get wood!!

Brilliant stuff, I dunno if the last part is a problem on my end or your image hoster, Lemme know if there's something I'm doing wrong ?

Dang. That final spoiler was one of my favorites. ? Glad you enjoyed the rest though! I've been dying to do that Davey and Taeyva scene for a while now. I'm threilled you liked it! Thank you!

16 hours ago, Crw said:

I really like the whole segment with Taeyva and Talen. ^_^ 
And in general you have a rather pleasant narration style.

Strange, because for me it did not load too at first, but now everything is normal.

Thanks, Crw  

15 hours ago, Alter Native said:

Might be due to the .pngs he's using, I'm not sure. Some images hosters seem to have problems when too many images/too much data is requested. The images loaded fine for me though. But this may have to do with bandwidth on the users end, I'm not sure, but I get loading problems quite often when I'm in a slow WiFi, maybe images hosting sites refuse to stream data to you over a longer period of time or so.

 

Great job with the story and some really nice dialogues! Maybe Sheogorath could have been two numbers crazier, he seemed very rational and reasonable. 

I also appreciate that you reverted a bit back to a more traditional screenshoting style with less tilted images and fancy camera perspectives. I think it serves the story much better. 

Also Erinye has such a cool look:

Sheogorath was tough to write for. I'll admit, I don't think I hit the mark either. I wanted to add his craziness while also supplying the necessary plot dialogue. I'll work on it. And yes, I kept in mind all the advice I had from you and Tirloque about my screenshots when shooting this act. I'm actually quite glad you noticed! Thanks!

8 hours ago, bodabira 01 said:

Very nice chapter!

And damn, Erinye is a bit overpowered, isn't she? ?

Thank you! And if you think so now, wait until the next act.  

8 hours ago, The Gauntman said:

Great shots and well done on the expressions. 

Thank you, Gauntman!

On 2/13/2019 at 11:57 PM, Collygon said:

 

Sheogorath was tough to write for. I'll admit, I don't think I hit the mark either. I wanted to add his craziness while also supplying the necessary plot dialogue. I'll work on it. And yes, I kept in mind all the advice I had from you and Tirloque about my screenshots when shooting this act. I'm actually quite glad you noticed! Thanks!

I think I only noticed it because I spend some time in the last weeks trying to learn how to write proper dialogue, for both  books and movies (I found the later one more helpful for my screenshot stories). It made me get a lot more respect for good written dialogue in general and realize how poorly written my dialogue so far is (which is the first step to improvement).

It also made me realize how well written your dialogue typically is, your writing background shows. The exposition problem you mentioned with Sheogorath is a common problem in screen writing where you can't bore the viewer with hour long monologues and it's really hard to get this short, entertaining and useful (or rather informative).

Got me hyped for the next chapter, hoping for a badass fight, spear vs sword.

21 hours ago, Alter Native said:

I think I only noticed it because I spend some time in the last weeks trying to learn how to write proper dialogue, for both  books and movies (I found the later one more helpful for my screenshot stories). It made me get a lot more respect for good written dialogue in general and realize how poorly written my dialogue so far is (which is the first step to improvement).

It also made me realize how well written your dialogue typically is, your writing background shows. The exposition problem you mentioned with Sheogorath is a common problem in screen writing where you can't bore the viewer with hour long monologues and it's really hard to get this short, entertaining and useful (or rather informative).

 

 

I highly recommend studying Ernest Hemingway for dialogue. Though he is a book author and not movies, he is considered  pretty revolutionary in writing dialogue. He wrote dialogue how people talk, which was kind of a new thing at the time. Of course, this style has been adopted by pretty much every author nowadays anyway, but I took a lot of inspiration from Hemingway's leading the charge. I would say just write more dialogue. I never found what you have to be poor, but rather what you lack is substantial. I personally dislike images with nothing to read with them as it often forcefully speeds up the tempo. Of course, this is coming from someone who mostly reads. I bet many of your readers enjoy having little to read. 

I appreciate your kind words. It makes me happy that many years, and many failures, of writing has been worth something.  

13 hours ago, ther1pper said:

Got me hyped for the next chapter, hoping for a badass fight, spear vs sword.

Thanks, r1p! I got some good stuff planned; it will be badass for sure!

14 hours ago, Collygon said:

I would say just write more dialogue. I never found what you have to be poor, but rather what you lack is substantial.

Thanks for your reply, could you elaborate on that last point, maybe it's my English, but I'm not sure what you mean with substantial. Like in a general sense of lacking a story to tell in the first place? Don't get me wrong I'm interested in your opinion.

Quote

I personally dislike images with nothing to read with them as it often forcefully speeds up the tempo. Of course, this is coming from someone who mostly reads. I bet many of your readers enjoy having little to read. 

I think it's just a different way of telling a story. You can have a couple of images in a row that tell a story without a single written word. In movies you have something similar quite often where the story is told by the images alone without any dialogue.

This is what I'm going for, but of course a movie has much more powerful tools.

For example you write very often how a facial expression or the mood of a character changes, which is fine and it works. I try to show the change of the facial expression and their feelings via the admittedly somewhat lacking skyrim emotions and I think it works as well if done correctly.

8 hours ago, Alter Native said:

Thanks for your reply, could you elaborate on that last point, maybe it's my English, but I'm not sure what you mean with substantial. Like in a general sense of lacking a story to tell in the first place? Don't get me wrong I'm interested in your opinion.

 

I think it's just a different way of telling a story. You can have a couple of images in a row that tell a story without a single written word. In movies you have something similar quite often where the story is told by the images alone without any dialogue.

This is what I'm going for, but of course a movie has much more powerful tools.

For example you write very often how a facial expression or the mood of a character changes, which is fine and it works. I try to show the change of the facial expression and their feelings via the admittedly somewhat lacking skyrim emotions and I think it works as well if done correctly.

 

By substantial I meant quantity. As in, there is a large amount of no text. It was a transition into my next point which was the tempo. I have never felt there is a lack of story at all. Though, I'll admit I do miss the comprehensive story in Blood and Pleasure. While I have been absolutely enamored with the latest chapter, the last few chapters have been mostly side stories instead of a consistent chronicle. That's not a bad thing by any means, it's just not my preferred style of story. But you continue to keep my attention anyways

Yes, movies do have powerful tools. Namely, music and camera. Music has a huge impact on how a scene is displayed. Additionally, a camera can slowly pan over a character or room to build suspense. The latter we can somewhat achieve by using multiple photos, but without music we'll never be able to mimic the same atmosphere that movies can provide. 

It's why it is important that we compare our work more closely to books and graphic novels, I think. All of which have very different formats and styles. Whenever I say something about your lack of writing, it is not criticism, but rather personal taste. I enjoy reading; it's that simple. But I also enjoy your story because you do convey emotion and imagery without words better than most blogs. I will always suggest adding more writing though. It has nothing to do with the story itself or a lack of entertainment. Instead, it is because I like reading and if you want to practice your dialogue, then writing more dialogue will really help.  

On 2/13/2019 at 11:57 PM, Collygon said:

Dang. That final spoiler was one of my favorites. ? Glad you enjoyed the rest though! I've been dying to do that Davey and Taeyva scene for a while now. I'm threilled you liked it! Thank you!

Thanks, Crw

That final part was unexpectedly rich in twists, stakes and action ; and I must say you emphasized quite well Erynie's power. I like the whole chapter a lot from my part, with Davey's misadventure being hilariously funny, and the whole thing (Sheogorath and Talen potentially conflicting with Taevya, Olivia and Gerruck potentially creating some binds, two prophets about to fight...) full of promises. And with quite the effects (Elyvaea, Alduin), plus awesome screens as always, that chapter was a great moment. Excellent job, Colly !

On 2/13/2019 at 11:57 PM, Collygon said:

Sheogorath was tough to write for. I'll admit, I don't think I hit the mark either. I wanted to add his craziness while also supplying the necessary plot dialogue. I'll work on it. And yes, I kept in mind all the advice I had from you and Tirloque about my screenshots when shooting this act. I'm actually quite glad you noticed! Thanks

Oh oh, we've been taken in account !

I agree with the Sheogorath part though : he's quite rational, though his fast changes of poses do make him a bit hectic. IMO he feels more like the Prince of Chaos than of madness, but each one has his own interpretation of him.
If I could, I also found Elyvaea's presence in null quite lessening to her death. Bringing one people from death do create the surprise, but if you bring too much then it looks like DBZ, Bleach or Fairy tale : you know the author isn't serious about deaths, so you stop taking them seriously.

On 2/15/2019 at 12:20 AM, Alter Native said:

I think I only noticed it because I spend some time in the last weeks trying to learn how to write proper dialogue, for both  books and movies (I found the later one more helpful for my screenshot stories). It made me get a lot more respect for good written dialogue in general and realize how poorly written my dialogue so far is (which is the first step to improvement).

Your dialogues aren't bad. Bad dialogues would be ones failing to describe their character's personality, motives and emotions adequately. Excellent ones can add some levels of fun/depth to that layer, but as long as that first level is good, dialogues are fine.

On 2/15/2019 at 9:39 PM, Collygon said:

I highly recommend studying Ernest Hemingway for dialogue. Though he is a book author and not movies, he is considered  pretty revolutionary in writing dialogue. He wrote dialogue how people talk, which was kind of a new thing at the time. Of course, this style has been adopted by pretty much every author nowadays anyway, but I took a lot of inspiration from Hemingway's leading the charge.

Interesting. I couldn't even imagine dialogues which wouldn't have made the way people talk for my part, so having it as a step is something new to me. 

On 2/15/2019 at 9:39 PM, Collygon said:

 I never found what you have to be poor, but rather what you lack is substantial. I personally dislike images with nothing to read with them as it often forcefully speeds up the tempo. Of course, this is coming from someone who mostly reads. I bet many of your readers enjoy having little to read.

Haha, Alter is gonna have a stroke. ^^

Though the lack of pacing of silent scenes is a thing. I'm not against inserting one or two silent images from time to time, when it serves some purpose, but dialogues and sounds do add temporality to it indeed.

18 hours ago, Collygon said:

Yes, movies do have powerful tools. Namely, music and camera. Music has a huge impact on how a scene is displayed. Additionally, a camera can slowly pan over a character or room to build suspense. The latter we can somewhat achieve by using multiple photos, but without music we'll never be able to mimic the same atmosphere that movies can provide.

Oh ? And what exactly does prevent us from using music ? (last spoiler before the notes )

4 hours ago, Tirloque said:

That final part was unexpectedly rich in twists, stakes and action ; and I must say you emphasized quite well Erynie's power. I like the whole chapter a lot from my part, with Davey's misadventure being hilariously funny, and the whole thing (Sheogorath and Talen potentially conflicting with Taevya, Olivia and Gerruck potentially creating some binds, two prophets about to fight...) full of promises. And with quite the effects (Elyvaea, Alduin), plus awesome screens as always, that chapter was a great moment. Excellent job, Colly !

Wow! That's some high praise. Thank you, Tirloque! 

4 hours ago, Tirloque said:

I agree with the Sheogorath part though : he's quite rational, though his fast changes of poses do make him a bit hectic. IMO he feels more like the Prince of Chaos than of madness, but each one has his own interpretation of him.

Yeah, Sheogorath's rapid movements were my way of styling his "madness", while keeping his dialogue a little sane. I'll improve on him as I go.

4 hours ago, Tirloque said:

If I could, I also found Elyvaea's presence in null quite lessening to her death. Bringing one people from death do create the surprise, but if you bring too much then it looks like DBZ, Bleach or Fairy tale : you know the author isn't serious about deaths, so you stop taking them seriously.

I'm very aware of the death trope in those anime and am trying to keep the balance of death in check. Elyvaea is still very much dead; she is just in the afterlife. That being said, that doesn't change the effect of seeing her again; you are right. I do have plans on working with this though. In fact, the next act will be addressing an aspect of death in this world in another way (that sounds like a spoiler, but I assure you it isn't).

4 hours ago, Tirloque said:

Your dialogues aren't bad. Bad dialogues would be ones failing to describe their character's personality, motives and emotions adequately. Excellent ones can add some levels of fun/depth to that layer, but as long as that first level is good, dialogues are fine.

Interesting. I couldn't even imagine dialogues which wouldn't have made the way people talk for my part, so having it as a step is something new to me. 

Haha, Alter is gonna have a stroke. ^^

xD Haha, Alter just might have a stroke indeed. And I agree, Alter's dialogue is more than fine. 

4 hours ago, Tirloque said:

Though the lack of pacing of silent scenes is a thing. I'm not against inserting one or two silent images from time to time, when it serves some purpose, but dialogues and sounds do add temporality to it indeed.

Oh ? And what exactly does prevent us from using music ? (last spoiler before the notes )

Okay okay, you got me there. We can use music. However! What I really meant was synchronizing music to a scene. For instance, a loud gong upon a face reveal or escalating tempo in a sword fight. That music is synced with specific camera shots. No matter how much I try to slow/speed up the pace in my writing, I can't control where a reader will be when the music is playing.

On 2/16/2019 at 7:47 PM, Collygon said:

By substantial I meant quantity. As in, there is a large amount of no text. It was a transition into my next point which was the tempo. I have never felt there is a lack of story at all. Though, I'll admit I do miss the comprehensive story in Blood and Pleasure. While I have been absolutely enamored with the latest chapter, the last few chapters have been mostly side stories instead of a consistent chronicle. That's not a bad thing by any means, it's just not my preferred style of story. But you continue to keep my attention anyways

Thanks I understand you much better now. As you and Tirloque already figured, I do like telling a stories without dialogues because as already mentioned, images alone can create a narrative as well and in some ways they are even more powerful then texts (not always of course).

You are right of the lack of a comprehensive story though and I honestly I don't want to do one. I'd feel too much pressure to finish it, plan long term and set everything up properly.This is in a general a problem of episodically released content (think fifty shades of grey for example that was fan fiction for twilight and the books have very little overarching story.)

I can forsee how much time I have in the next 6-9 month, but I don't know how my life looks in two years. I'd feel more like a burden too me then something I would actually enjoy. 

I admire you for taking the risk of trying that, it's really brave to do that. 

But still there is a bit of an overarching story. For example chapter 5 with Nora killing Eric etc. couldn't have happend without the downfall in chapter 1 that lead to her being reborn in Chaper 2, that made the queen notice her and gave her the Baroness title. At least there is something that carries on inbetween chapters. That's not the same as an overarching story of course. The flashbacks are mostly separated "side stories" that allow me to tell a shorter more dense story at the cost of an overarching narration. 

You're probably also right about the tempo problems that none written stories may have as you just scroll through them barely giving the individual screenshots a glimpse. But written dialogue scenes may have the same problem. I myself have jumped from dialogue line to dialogue line without even looking at the screenshots in between...

The obvious solutions are speechbubbles and a comic style, but that's not going to happen on my blog  . Ever. 

Quote

Yes, movies do have powerful tools. Namely, music and camera. Music has a huge impact on how a scene is displayed. Additionally, a camera can slowly pan over a character or room to build suspense. The latter we can somewhat achieve by using multiple photos, but without music we'll never be able to mimic the same atmosphere that movies can provide. 

 

It's why it is important that we compare our work more closely to books and graphic novels, I think. All of which have very different formats and styles. Whenever I say something about your lack of writing, it is not criticism, but rather personal taste. I enjoy reading; it's that simple. But I also enjoy your story because you do convey emotion and imagery without words better than most blogs. I will always suggest adding more writing though. It has nothing to do with the story itself or a lack of entertainment. Instead, it is because I like reading and if you want to practice your dialogue, then writing more dialogue will really help.  

I honestly think spoken word has even a bigger influence on the scene then music. Music is good at setting the overhaul mood of a scene, but the way a single line can be spoken by many different actors and different pronunciations can completely change it's meaning and it's tone. 

But so can lightning, camera angle and color palette for example and these are tools we have available in our stories. 

On 2/17/2019 at 2:46 PM, Tirloque said:

Your dialogues aren't bad. Bad dialogues would be ones failing to describe their character's personality, motives and emotions adequately. Excellent ones can add some levels of fun/depth to that layer, but as long as that first level is good, dialogues are fine.

They are serviceable I agree, but they are not "good".

Whether they are "good" or "bad" depends on your definition of "bad" though. In some countries/cultures the "bad to good scale" starts at "ok" as the lowest grade and ends at "super duper mega amazing... and holy shit..."  in some other countries it ranges from "terrible" to "excellent". At least that's my impression.  

I'm from one of the latter countries where we're a bit more direct... so they are "not good" (for me) but not "terrible" , they do their job but that's about it.

Quote

Haha, Alter is gonna have a stroke. ^^

... also I really hate writing dialogue or rather don't enjoy doing it, which makes me skip it wherever possible ?

I have finally caught up with your whole story! Holy Sheogorath on a cheese-wheel, that was epic! ? I now understand why you are considered one of the best writers here on Loverslab. Quite deservedly so.  Absolutely amazing work! You have a unique plot, an intricate story line, memorable characters and reading your work reminds me of a mix of Tolkien's and Bioware's storytelling (might be a strange combination, but it plays out rather nicely). The thought and detail you put in your screenshots along with the narration are remarkable. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your wonderful creation with us and I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. ?

On 3/5/2019 at 2:26 PM, Devianna said:

I have finally caught up with your whole story! Holy Sheogorath on a cheese-wheel, that was epic! ? I now understand why you are considered one of the best writers here on Loverslab. Quite deservedly so.  Absolutely amazing work! You have a unique plot, an intricate story line, memorable characters and reading your work reminds me of a mix of Tolkien's and Bioware's storytelling (might be a strange combination, but it plays out rather nicely). The thought and detail you put in your screenshots along with the narration are remarkable. I just wanted to thank you for sharing your wonderful creation with us and I'm really looking forward to the next chapter. ?

Oh my gosh. Wow. This is amazing praise. Thank you so so much. I've been so over burdened lately that I haven't been able to work on stuff nor be active here for a bit, sorry for replying so late. It's really been bringing me down that I haven't been able to make content. But man, your comment is such a huge boost. Seriously, thanks. :)