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Chapter I - A well-made plan


FoFun

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Preface: this is my first try to make some kind of  whole, structured story. Also, English is not my native language, so if you found some mistakes - just let me now, I'll be very grateful! ?

 

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9 Comments


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Hmm. Thieves, plans, Dwemer technologies, daedric artifacts? I wonder ^ _ ^ I like it ?
As for mistakes 

Spoiler

"aoften" was the only one I foud, so imho nothing critical ^_^ 

Nive work :) 

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intriguing!

I like it already =D

(i am sure thats not only because that elv lady is ...well... has the right arguments^^)

 

great cliffhanger too!

will she be able to reach her nose in time?! (only 4 days left) ?

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So you finally decided to apply your skill to stories... Great news !

 

As for the story itself, it's just a beginning but it's promising, with immersive and nicely balanced screens, several key actors, and an interesting challenge. And the in-screen subtitles are a pleasant format. About criticism now : 

  • First, PNG isn't a wise choice for stories, it's ok for short 9-10 images screenshots entries, but for average sized stories (50-70) it'll make loading times much longer than they should. You'll find some good tools to use JPEG here.
  • About the english, it's mostly ok, though the title hurts a bit (use "the" only in front of nouns, not defined "proper names" such as persons or artifacts name). So "heart of the earth" is ok as earth is a common noun, but not "Heart of the Nirn" or "Heart of the Allariel" as there's only one Nirn/Allariel around. "Heart of Nirn" or "Allariel's Heart" would be correct.  — Also "in life of every crime" is in fact "in the life of every criminal". Aside of that, there were no significant mistakes. 

 

Anyway, I'm glad you took the advice to make stories, keep-it up ! ?

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My green button finally works again! so Now yer can has a green number up!

This is good stuff, hats likes it, she hopes to see more. ❤️❤️❤️

1 hour ago, Tirloque said:

You'll find some good tools to use JPEG

Been playin' wi Jpegs lately, wasnae hugely impressed. They seem to gain a sorta "Fuzziness" to them, though yish, their load times are a hell of a lot better. :D

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11 hours ago, Crw said:

Hmm. Thieves, plans, Dwemer technologies, daedric artifacts? I wonder ^ _ ^ I like it ?
As for mistakes 

  Reveal hidden contents

"aoften" was the only one I foud, so imho nothing critical ^_^ 

Nive work :) 

Yay, thanks! ?  I guess it's was just because of my inattention, haha.

 

11 hours ago, donttouchmethere said:

intriguing!

I like it already =D

(i am sure thats not only because that elv lady is ...well... has the right arguments^^)

Yeah, she have lots of talents which her friends actively use ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

11 hours ago, donttouchmethere said:

great cliffhanger too!

will she be able to reach her nose in time?! (only 4 days left) ?

Will find it out in the next chapter!

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Spoiler
2 hours ago, Tirloque said:

So you finally decided to apply your skill to stories... Great news !

 

As for the story itself, it's just a beginning but it's promising, with immersive and nicely balanced screens, several key actors, and an interesting challenge. And the in-screen subtitles are a pleasant format. About criticism now : 

  • First, PNG isn't a wise choice for stories, it's ok for short 9-10 images screenshots entries, but for average sized stories (50-70) it'll make loading times much longer than they should. You'll find some good tools to use JPEG here.
  • About the english, it's mostly ok, though the title hurts a bit (use "the" only in front of nouns, not defined "proper names" such as persons or artifacts name). So "heart of the earth" is ok as earth is a common noun, but not "Heart of the Nirn" or "Heart of the Allariel" as there's only one Nirn/Allariel around. "Heart of Nirn" or "Allariel's Heart" would be correct.  — Also "in life of every crime" is in fact "in the life of every criminal". Aside of that, there were no significant mistakes. 

 

Anyway, I'm glad you took the advice to make stories, keep-it up ! ?

 

 

Many thanks! It was your feedback that helped me to get motivated and start making stories. ?
Yeah, I've always had problems with "the" on English lessons at school, as well as with grammar (tenses and aspects). So, thanks again for your advices and nicely done guide - they will be very useful!

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2 hours ago, The First Lady of Hats said:

This is good stuff, hats likes it, she hopes to see more. ❤️❤️❤️

Glad to hear! I suppose, she will not be disappointed. 

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2 hours ago, FoFun said:

Many thanks! It was your feedback that helped me to get motivated and start making stories. ?
Yeah, I've always had problems with "the" on English lessons at school, as well as with grammar (tenses and aspects). So, thanks again for your advices and nicely done guide - they will be very useful!

Ah ha, the power of comments ! ?

 

Glad to hear that. As for the english, it will improve eventually with practice. But even if it was flawed (and globally it's not), that should not prevent you to create stories. Awaiting to see what the adventure has in store ! :classic_wink:

4 hours ago, The First Lady of Hats said:

Been playin' wi Jpegs lately, wasnae hugely impressed. They seem to gain a sorta "Fuzziness" to them, though yish, their load times are a hell of a lot better. :D

JPEG are lossy, PNG is lossless. So best quality will always go to PNG, only thing sometimes it's not noticeable, whereas the size increase is twice to seven time heavier. But your right, on quality jpegs if you compare closely some lines, curves and details are less crispy, which leads to a very slight fuzziness. Point is if you don't have the PNG right next to compare, you'll never realize it. And in some case, it even creates some sort of antialiasing, as the result on very thin aliased line somewhat makes the aliasing less crispy. axrWsMKf_o.gif

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