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Chapter 34: I prefer Cats over Bears.


ther1pper

1,664 views

"Skyrim is for the N-" "SHUTYOURFUCKINGMOUTH" "....Nor-" "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CUNT!"

 

 

 


(Eastmarch Hold)
*WInd Howling*
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Titus: Fucks....sake.
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Titus: Is there anyone intelligence in this Provence.
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Titus: Who the fuck tries to mug a guy with glowing eyes
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Titus: Though, those bandits weren't any smarter either.
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Titus: Whatever, i'll be home soon.
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Titus: Maybe i can ask Rosa to get some more chickens
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Titus: We n-Hm?
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Titus: What's going on down there?
Stormcloak Leader: For the last time i told you.
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Stormcloak Leader: We don't let thieves into our town.
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Ahkari: and I have told you, We aren't thieves, we are traders.
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Ahkari: We have nothing to do with the thieves you see in towns.
*Snow crunching*
Stormcloak Leader: That's what they always say.
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Stormcloak Soldier 1: Why don't we take them in, see if they are telling the truth.
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Stormcloak Soldier 2: Yeah, lets look through those items we'll believe you.
Stormcloak Leader: Yes, we need to expect your merchandise, make sure you aren't carrying any stolen goods.
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Ahkari: We aren't, and even if we were, how would you know!
Stormcloak Leader: We'd just kn-.
Titus: What's all the yelling about?
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Ahkari: Oh! Dragonborn Hello.
Titus: Hello Ahkari. What's up?
Ahkari: They won't let us through.
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Titus: I see, so what's the problem here guys?
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Stormcloak Leader: We are under orders of the High King Ulfric not to let these damn cat burglers into the cities.
Ahkari: Cat Burglars!
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Titus: First of all, Ulfric isn't even the high king, Secondly that's a fucked law, i don't see such a law happening.
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Stormcloak Leader: Doesn't matter, orders are orders, these damn cats have always been stealing from us, you'd never see a nord do such a thing.
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Ahkari: How dare you mark us all that way, wh-.
Titus: True.
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Ahkari: What!?
Stormcloak Leader: See.
Titus: It's kind've true.
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Titus: I've never been mugged by a nord....strangely. Only Khajiits, Dark Elves, and Argonians.
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Ahkari: Dragonborn....we did not know you felt that way about us.
Stormcloak Leader: You see!
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Stormcloak Leader: Even the Dragonborn see's what horrible people you are. Come dragonborn.
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Stormcloak Leader: Help us Stormcloaks, together we along with our true brothers and sisters sh-.
Titus: I'm not done.
Ahkari: Huh?
Stormcloak Leader: Hmm?
Titus: While it's true they may rob me more often, the Nord's by comparasson are far worse.
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Titus: Someone normally attempts to rob me about once a or twice a week, only 1/3 chance of them being a Khajiit, some months i don't meet them at all, compared to the bandits i meet every day i go out.
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Titus: Thieves give you a chance to live, they only attack 1 person, nords however are always bandits who don't give you the option of living and try to brutally murder you for something as simple as a bottle of mead.
Stormcloak Leader: But here in sk-
Titus: I've been nearly killed by a nord at least 1000 more times than i have a khajit, in or out of skyrim. So shove your "Khajits are all thieves notions" up your ass.
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Titus: I'll easily trust these guys 4000 more than a single one of you damn stormcloaks.
Ahkari: Thank you Titus.
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Titus: Well you guys help me out with my busine-
*sound of weapon unsheathing*
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Titus: Hmm!?
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Stormcloak Leader: Fine then Titus.
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Stormcloak Leader: If you won't join us and side with these cats.
Titus: That's a shitty looking Axe.
Stormcloak Leader: Shut up!
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Stormcloak Leader: Then you are against us.
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Stormcloak Leader: And you don't want to go against the might of Ulfric and his Stormcloaks.
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Ahkari: Dragonborn, maybe you should go, we don't have to do business here.
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Titus: Nah, i'm good right here. Look guys, i hate the Thalmor as much as you do, so do these guys. I will happily keep murdering every Thalmor i see without hestitation, but the way you guys go about your freedom of skyrim which from what i've been seeing sounds like any non-human gets fucked just pisses me off. So with that said, i will not ever join you.
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Titus: and Ulfric can kiss the darknest part of my ass, i'm not afraid of a weak idiot who try's to act as tough as i am.
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*Unshealths Swords*
Titus: Now go ahead and leave, before i make this bloody.
Stormcloak: HA! You wish Redguard!
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Stormcloak Leader: Skyrim is for the Nords!!!
Stormcloak 1: I'll mount your head on my Wall!!!
Stormcloak 2: Who's there!?
Titus: ....Fine.
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Titus: Enjoy Oblivion.
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*Sound of muliple cuts*
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*Sound of heads landing*
Titus: Wow, that actually worked this time.
Ahkari: Um....dragonborn.
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Ahkari: Not to sound unappreciative, but was killing them necessary.
Kharjo: This one has not seen so much blood, it is repulsive.
Titus: ......um.
*Sound for Sword's Shealthing*
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Titus: Yeah, you have a point.
Kharjo: The bone is a nasty part to look at.
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Titus: But when you've heard the phrase "SKYRIM IS FOR THE NORDS!!!" For the 8,932,123 time, you just kind've lose it. Sorry about that. Just let them know i came buy, they'll understand.
Kharjo: This one want's to throw up.
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Ahkari: I see, well thank you, where are you often to now.
Kharjo: Someone help this one unsee this.
Titus: Gonna go to my house, then Solitude, i've gotta take care of something there.
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Ahkari: I see, may your roads lead you to warm sands.
Titus: you too.
Dro'Marash: This one recommends not cutting off heads as much, this one finds it nasty.
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Titus:Okay Ulfric get ready.
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Titus: Because after 4 years i'm sick of hearing about your bullshit.
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I do not plan on doing a full story on the Civil War Quest mainly because i don't want to, but you will see bits of it throughout next chapter and next chapter should be Loooooong. So, until then.Have a great morning, day, or night everyone, also DANCE!!!

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8,923,123 times, huh? I've only heard it 7,556,479 times. Why, you must have at least 256 more hours on Skyrim than I do! Haha, in all seriousness though, this was really good. I laughed out loud multiple time, haha

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