“Concentrate! Stop letting your thoughts linger to other things and just focus on yourself!”

Niyleen stood and glared at Trineiya. “How in the heck am I supposed to concentrate when you’re constantly bothering me like this!”

Trineiya sighed and turned her back on Niyleen. “You see, this… this is why you’ve made no progress in the last week! You’ve got five days until you face Alishondra, and you’re mad at me for trying to help you? How are you supposed to learn anything from me if you don’t want to listen to my instructions?”

“Learn? You haven’t taught me ANYTHING! Coming here was a mistake, a big mistake!”

The Altmer looked at Niyleen and shook her head sadly. “If you honestly believe that, then go. I told you I wouldn’t have any patience for this, especially since I’m essentially helping out… Nega. Just know, that when you lose to Ruby, it’ll be because of your own stubbornness, and NOT my ineptitude when it comes to teaching.”

Niyleen gave Trineiya the finger and ran off. She still had no idea where she was or how she’d get back to Skyrim, but anywhere was better than being with that Altmer. Eventually she got tired and stopped to rest under a tree, the sun’s rays bathing her in a warm embrace.

 

 

 

“Haaa… I can’t believe she thought sitting still was going to help me overcome Alishondra… No amount of that’s going to help me fight that Dunmer! Why can’t she see that?”

You’re not even trying…

 

Niyleen blinked. Other than her coming out, Nega hadn’t said a word since they arrived here so her suddenly speaking was a shock. “Wha-what do you mean I’m not trying? I did the whole song and dance! I sat still, arms and legs crossed, eyes closed—”

You put forth zero effort. You’re afraid to be okay with your past. And that’s fine if you’d just admit it.

 

“Who in Oblivion do you think you are! This mess… this WHOLE mess is your fucking fault! From the start of the cycles, to the Altmer hating you, to me being here! If I would have just stayed at the lair none of this would be happening!”

And you would have put both your sister and Carciel in great danger. They would have been underpowered facing Teresa and her forces. Do you really think that that would have been wise?

 

Niyleen tried to make a comeback, but Nega was right at least for their sakes. “So what, you were right about them. But I don’t need this training! Killing Ruby isn’t going to help me fight Lucari! They’re two completely different entities!”

And yet for you, fighting them is going to be exactly the same battle. Although for different reasons, you don’t wish to fight either of them. If you can’t overcome that, then you won’t survive these ordeals.

 

Niyleen grit her teeth and kicked the tree she’d been resting against in frustration. “If you’re so damned knowledgeable about everything, then why don’t you fight them both. Heck, I’ll even let you have permanent control of this body!”…

“Exactly, so shut up.” Niyleen sat down and put her head into her knees. “…Just shut up and leave me alone.”

And so for the next three days Niyleen was utter alone. It’d been a while since she was alone by choice and not necessity. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling. With each passing hour, Niyleen could feel Ruby’s presence draw nearer, and with her shunning both Nega and Trineiya, she didn’t see how she was going to beat her.

 

(So this is it? I’m just supposed to lose to her?) Niyleen let out a frustrated shout and did her best to stop herself from crying. “This isn’t fair! This isn’t right! Why am I even caught up in this conflict? I’m just a thief! That’s it! I’ve tried to be a hero, and each time I got exactly what I deserved, so why do I have to be caught up in the Daedric Princes’ plot? This isn’t fair, THIS ISN’T FAIR!!”

 

“Life isn’t fair girl, but if you don’t do your damnedest to try and change it, aren’t you just selling yourself short?”

Niyleen turned whipped around and saw an old man standing there dressed in some old clanky armor. “Who… are you?”

 

“I’m just a relic of the past child,” the man said warmly. “I’m someone who’s seen too much, and yet refuses to let it distort him. Don’t worry girl, we’ve all got problems that seem too much for us to bare.”

“Heh, you say that, but you’ve never had the fate of the world resting on your shoulders…”

The old man laughed and took a seat. “Girl, you couldn’t imagine the battles… the fights I’ve been through. The Fate of the world you say? Bah! I’ve seen the gates of Oblivion here on Nirn and fought off the worst the darkness had to offer.”

Niyleen’s eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Indeed, I’ve seen doom and despair more times than I’d like, and yet as long as there’s hope… Oho! Who am I kidding, a little thing such as yourself doesn’t want to hear the tales of an old man such as myself.”

 

“Wh-what? I’d love to!”

“No you wouldn’t,” he said firmly, catching Niyleen off guard. “I can sense unease and urgency in you. My tales would be a momentary reprieve, but ultimately a destructive distraction.”

“Then what should I do,” Niyleen said with a sigh.

 

“When we can’t find the answers outside, sometimes it’s best to look within.”

“You… you mean meditate?” The old man nodded and Niyleen felt her heart ache. “That’s what got me into this mess in the first place! I… I just can’t…”

“Afraid of what you may see?” Niyleen nodded. “We all have our demons child. For some it’s drinking, others it’s something more. Death of a loved one, rape, betrayal. All sorts of wrongdoing that was done, all sorts of things that made you feel vulnerable, weak, and defenseless. Sometimes it’s things we did that we wish we could take back. But unless we tackle them head on, no matter how far we try to run from our demons, they’ll always catch up.”

“I… you… dammit…” Niyleen didn’t want to, but she couldn’t help it. (Sorry Nega. You… were right. I know I told you to leave me alone, but I’m really sorry for how I treated you.)

 

…You’re so weird you know that? Why apologize to me? Me! The person trying to take over your body.

(Because you mean well and you’ve had numerous times to take control and haven’t. Since I’m still in control, I know it’s because you don’t want to be.)

 

Haaa… it’s not like I care about you. It’s just a hassle to be in control. Or maybe I’ve grown accustomed to going along for the ride. I don’t know…

 

“Ha! You’re so dishonest,” Niyleen looked over and saw the old man looking at her like she was crazy. “Uh… sorry, I’m… a bit weird.”

 

 

He gave her a soft smile. “It’s alright child. If anyone were normal, they’d be the most boring person in the world.”

Niyleen couldn’t help it when a smile crept on her face. (This old man knows exactly what to say to make me feel better… kinda like the granddad I never had…) “So old man, what should I do? How do people typically meditate?”

 

“Just sit down, close your eyes, breathe calmly and clear your mind. After that,” he shrugged, “You’ll get what you need. I’ve come to realize that not everything can be put into words, and not everything should be put into words. Realizing things for yourself, does more than you’ll ever realize.”

“Okay, seriously. Who are you?”

“Just an old man that’s lived too long.”

 

Niyleen rolled her eyes and smiled. “If you say so.” She waited a few moments before deciding to actually give the whole meditation thing one more go. Taking a deep breath, Niyleen closed her eyes, crossed her legs, and cleared her mind.

The rustling of the trees, the crashing of the waves, the birds, the insects, the old man’s gruff breathing… she closed it all out and what was left was her looking back at herself. It was like before when she’d met Nega face to face, but this wasn’t Nega… This… this girl was really and truly Niyleen.

 

 

“Hello? Niyleen?” Niyleen went to touch this other her and found her to be cold, almost inhumanly so. “Listen, I don’t know if this is normal, but I don’t think this is what everyone meant when they said know myself, you know?”

The other her fluttered her eyes and soon was staring back at Niyleen. “Where… where am I?”

Niyleen reached out to comfort the girl. “It’s alright now, no one’s going to hurt you—”

“No! Get away from me!” She pushed Niyleen away and distanced herself. “Where’s my mother? What did you do to her? Answer me!!”

Niyleen raised an eyebrow. “Mom? How would I know where she is? It’s been years since I heard anything from her. She stopped sending me postcards the moment I sent back her scimitar.”

The other Niyleen glared at her. “What do you mean you sent it back? I have it right here!” She pulled out a silver ornate scimitar from seeming nowhere, and immediately Niyleen understood what was going on.

“How about your father? Do you care about him?”

 

“I DON’T HAVE A FATHER! Now where’s mother!” The girl had flames in one hand and a scimitar in the other.

(This isn’t good.) There was a major issue with fighting herself. The basics that Niyleen had thrown away were going to be ingrained in this younger version of herself. This meant that her combat skills would indefinitely outclass Niyleen’s.

 

Don’t let her overcome you. You know what must be done.

 

Niyleen sighed, and began charging up a sparks and frost spell, one for each hand. “W-what are you doing!?”

“Do you know what is most essential in battle,” Niyleen spoke in a firm tone, which was unlike her.

“Who do you think you—”

“DO YOU!!”

The younger minded her flinched and said, “Y-yeah… to be calm, resolute. Fear is the number one cause of loss in battle.”

“You would say that…” Niyleen dispelled both spells and replaced them both with flames. “You follow your mother’s teachings, and yet you use magic taught to you by your father?”

The younger her immediately dispersed the flames in her hand. “W-w-what do you know? Tell me where my mother is now, before I—”

“You’ve only faced your mother in combat, but it even proves true there. But it is not fear that causes battles to be lost, but weakness.” The younger her gripped her chest and shook her head, begging Niyleen to stop… but she did not. “It wasn’t weakness of the body, but of the heart, of the mind. That’s why you were taken advantage of, that’s why your father—”

 

“What was I supposed to do!”

The words echoed around her and the younger her was nowhere to be found. It took her a moment to realize that the words had come from her mouth. “I was a child, he was my father! I thought that he’d ultimately have my best intentions in mind, I thought—”

No you didn’t. You were too preoccupied with disappointing him that you purposely ignored the signs…

“N-no… I didn’t! I…”

 

~

“Father,” Niyleen said as the two finally stopped in the middle of a road. “Why are we out here again?”

Niyleen looked around again and there was nothing, not even a rabbit around as far as she could see. “N-no father. But it seems a bit far from camp… And the last time we did magic training—”

(You made me eat rabbit hearts telling me it’d would expand my Magicka pool and had me kill my pet wolf pup so I could embrace the darkness… NO I DON’T TRUST YOU!) “Y-yeah father,” she said as she fidgeted with her thumbs. “Of… of course.”

 

~
 

“You thought,” Niyleen said aloud to no one in particular. “You thought closing your mind off… taking solace in the fact that this history wasn’t true in Nega’s life would somehow benefit you?”

“But it’s the past. I… I’ll never forgive my father for what he did to me and how he raised Nyleine… I’ll never be able to understand why, no how he could do such a thing to his own child… But, in some weird twisted way, if he didn’t do what he did, I wouldn’t have Nyleine in my life. So… I don’t know…”

But what about Nyleine, asked a voice mockingly. Do you even love her? Her, the product of your father’s betrayal?

 

Her thoughts lingered to her sister and Niyleen could feel her heart shattering. On one hand, she knew for a fact that Nyleine was her actual sister, and she loved her deeply because of it, but that wasn’t Niyleen’s reality. That was from a reality outside the scope of Niyleen’s imagination.

 

“Do I… love her?” Nyleine had kidnapped and tortured Niyleen, and then treated her like she was a goddess ever since. There were no ups and downs, just a down and several ups. Nyleine even chose to stay near her when it was obvious that Niyleen was, consciously, draining bits and pieces of her soul away.

But Nyleine wasn’t her mother’s daughter… she was her father’s. She is the embodiment of what would have happened had Niyleen not have died then, if her soul was split and her father took her away. But is that Nyleine’s fault? She didn’t ask to be separated… didn’t ask to be born. This was all on her father, her father who… Nyleine killed…

“Yes… I love my sister… I love Nyleine with all my heart, and I’d do anything to protect her. I’d put money on that.”

 

*
 

Niyleen opened her eyes and could feel her heart thumping through her chest. “So that’s meditation… intense.” She took a couple of moments to gather herself before remembering where she was. “Hey, thanks old man! It actually—” She turned to her side but there was no one there. “…worked.” (Did he just up and leave? Without a goodbye?)

 

 

Niyleen was upset, but the elderly fellow wasn’t anyone special to her, so it wasn’t right of her to feel like he was obligated to help her. She bowed in the direction she had last seen him and silently said, “Thank you.”

It was then that she felt something odd brush against her chest. She retrieved it and couldn’t believe her eyes.

 

“An amulet of Julianos… just like the one Eolri got me…” This time Niyleen didn’t even try to stop the tears from falling this times. She didn’t know if the old man was real or a ghost, but all the same his words had been invaluable to her. “Thank you again old man… whoever you are…”

 

 

Niyleen looked toward where she had left Trineiya and sighed. “I can’t go back… not after how I left. I swear I’ll apologize to you face to face Trineiya, and thank you.”

Niyleen sat down and once again began to meditate.