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The trouble with Humans...


DocClox

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There are many stories about how it came about. This is but one of them.

One day, roughly mid-way through what we now think of the as the Second Era, the daedroth Urulaaska-Shun was summoned to appear before his Master, Prince Molag Bal. Urulaaska-Shun had been given a task to perform; it had not gone at well. His failure was due in no small part to a band of Human adventurers who had set themselves in opposition to his scheme.

Now Urulaaska-Shun stood before his Lord and prepared to account for his failure.

"The trouble with Humans" began Urulaaska-Shun is that they are too clever by half"

Lord Bal arched an eyebrow. "Is that why you come before me in this guise, Urulaaska-Shun?".

The daedroth had chose to appear in the form of a human dressed in formal clothing. In fact, were it not for the reptilian head, Urulaaska-Shun might have easily been mistaken for the scion of some minor human noble house.

Urulaaska-Shun lifted his chin and cleared his throat. "Yes, Lord Bal, it is. I chose this form as a gesture of humility, and as an admission of failure".

Molag Bal shifted sinuously upon his marble couch. The Lord of Rape had adopted a female form for this audience. This was rarely a good sign.

"The humans are clearly too clever for you, clearly. Perhaps all I need are cleverer lieutenants?"

"Respectfully, I disagree", said Urulaaska-Shun. "The humans have outwitted all your lieutenants and you yourself into the bargain. I think we need to change our approach".

"So tell me", Lord Bal inquired icily, "how do you propose to address this supposed imbalance in intelligence?"

Urulaaska-Shun straightened his posture and looked his lord in the eye. "Lord Bal, I propose that we improve the race."

Again, Molag Bal arched one elegant eyebrow. "So this wretched race is already, in your opinion, too clever for us, and yet you propose to improve them? Perhaps you would care to explain how this would be done and how the doing of it would benefit my schemes. I would advise you to be brief".

This was definitely not a good sign. Then again, in the court of Molag Bal there were no good signs. Urulaaska-Shun steeled himself and continued. "My Lord, the 'how' is something we can learn from the humans. For years they have been breeding their livestock for certain traits. Sheep that give more wool; cows that give more milk; pigs with more succulent meat".

"And you propose we apply this to humans, how exactly? Would you breed bigger, stronger smarter humans?" Lord Bal assumed an ominous stillness.

"We could of course do those things, my lord. Or we could breed for features we would find useful".

"Such as?"

"Such as unquestioning obedience, my Lord; or irresistible sexual appeal; or uncontrollable libido".

Molag Bal considered for a moment. "Your proposal is not entirely without merit, but how does it benefit me? You would give the humans a breed of disciplined soldiers that multiplied like rabbits and whose diplomats were irresistible. Explain to me how this constitutes any improvement."

Urulaaska-Shun fought to suppress a smirk. "My lord, I propose to breed them for stupidity".

Then Molag Bal asked "And that would constitute an improvement of the race?"

"From our point of view" replied Urulaaska-Shun, "I believe it most certainly would".

Molag Bal laughed. "There would of course be great suffering entailed in this program?"

"Initially it would be unavoidable"

"It would require mass rape, degradation and humiliation?"

"I see no other way, my Lord"

"Presumably you would require, from time to time, fresh blood to prevent inbreeding from weakening the stock?"

"I see no alternative"

"Then it all sounds delightful!" exclaimed Molag Bal. "Come and pleasure me!"

For the first time Urulaaska-Shun looked uncertain. "My lord is too kind, but I have much that I should attend to..."

Molag Bal cut him off with a gesture. "You are mistaken if you think that I am being kind. Doubly so if you believe that was a request. Must I repeat myself?"

"No, Lord Bal" said Urulaaska-Shun, resignedly.

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Urulaaska-Shun.

 

That's always the problem with exotic names. How Larry Niven managed to keep a consistent spelling for Phssthpok the Pak I will never know. Although you'd think I could keep my -Shuns separate from my -Shals

 

Anyway, hopefully the spelling is now consistent.

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You could have said it was deliberate.

"He's the Daedra of Changing-His-Name-A-Lot."

 

Hmm... that's a good name for an Argonian, actually. Changes-Name-Often, the confidence lizard.

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Or just "Changes-His-Name" :)

 

[edit]

 

"Wears-Many-Faces"

 

Although that makes him sound like a lizzardy Hanibal Lecter...

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Would it be okay if I used Urulaaska-Shun, and the premise of this (just a nod at it only making sense if players have read this entry, really), as a scenario in CCAS?

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