Despite my proclamation that I wanted to explore every cave, ruin, and barrow we came across, we skipped over the ones on the way to Ustengrav. Who knew how long it would take Delphine to realize there was a Dragonborn and abscond with the horn? I wanted to travel double time – sixteen-hour days instead of eight (all numbers estimated. I really miss having a portable clock, either via watch or phone) but after the first day of that, I couldn’t hack it. It is one thing to walk along semi-maintained roads through low passes and long flat stretches and quite another to travel along narrow animal trails through steep passes.

 

We took this route because Lane was familiar with the land and knew several shortcuts through the mountains that kept us from having to swing wide around them or risk some place called Labyrinthian, where apparently a large number of trolls had begun to gather. I remembered the one on the Greybeard’s mountain (who had eaten my horse, the fucking thing) and shuddered at the thought of facing more than one at a time.

 

So even without the extra travel time, we made it to Morthal about three days earlier than if we had gone around and I spent the night boasting about how I knew exactly where the place was. I also purchased the stoutest piece of parchment I could find, borrowed a pen from the innkeeper, and wrote a note to leave in place of the horn, assuming it was still there. See how Delphine likes it!

 

Naturally, I could not find the fucking place. It turned out to be far farther north than I remembered and it took us an entire day to get there. And then there was the camp of bandits that hadn’t been there before.

 

I suppose I might have been able to sneak past, had I been alone, but middle-class suburbanites are not known for stealth, so this is, for those keeping count, likely the third time I would have been captured or killed because there were about a dozen of them.

 

Fortunately, I had help. The fight with the bandits was the first time I fought at Kellan’s side where I was not a complete liability. I Shouted the one that came at me into a stumble then, as my panicking mind threw out everything Kellan had taught me over the past three weeks about stances and balance and proper footwork, I just lunged forward, leading with the pointy part of my sword, and got a hit on the man’s neck because he happened to recover from the Shout and was beginning to stand back up just as my sword reached him.

 

It was dumb luck and almost exactly like the first time I killed a man, back in the previous timeline when I took the wrong turn out of Nightgate Inn on my way to Riverwood and ended up being chased by bandits. So if you are wondering how much I had progressed in my fighting abilities over the ensuing six plus years, there is your answer.

 

His jerking death throes yanked the sword out of my hand and I rushed after it with a cry; by the time I had it again, Kellan and Lane had already killed the rest.

 

“You didn’t freeze!” Kellan gave me a squeeze on the shoulder. “That was very good!”

 

“Don’t patronize me, Kellan. I totally panicked. I was way off balance and just got lucky.”

 

“I was not patronizing, I swear! You took action this time, and you downed your opponent with one strike! That is an accomplishment. I do not expect you to be a fully-fledged warrior all at once – I just expect you to take steps forward. This was a big one.”

 

I gave him a long look, but he seemed sincere, so I forced back my instinct to turn defensive and said merely, “Thank you. I will do even better next time.”

 

“I know you will.”

 

Another squeeze on my shoulder and he turned away to help Lane clean up the mess we had made while I stood and fumed. I felt like one of those anime girls who gets a headpat from the male protagonist as her reward for doing something good; every time I saw that in an anime, I wanted the girl to tear the protag’s patronizing arm off and beat him to death with it.

 

The entire thing swung my perspective around. Instead of feeling like an equal, I suddenly felt like a child with two parents who kept telling me what a good job I was doing when I swung my toy sword at a chair leg while they were gearing up for a real battle. The worst part, of course, was that was not far from the truth.

 

I was still chewing on all this when we entered Ustengrav. Last time, of course, I had come here on the wings of Dibella’s (and the lingering remains of Molag Bal’s) powers and had rampaged my way through without a thought. This time, someone else had Dibella’s powers and I was only myself.

 

I was chomping on the bit to kill things in some desperate bid to prove I was not a child to be looked down upon, but that, of course, is exactly the mindset of just such a child. Kellan and Lane both turned out to be experienced (that is to say, cautious) ruins-delvers and constantly called me back just as I was rushing forward to attack.

 

It was, of course, one of those ironic (yet completely predictable) situations where I kept wanting to prove myself an adult only to have my every effort reinforce the opposite. I have been a slave many times but seldom have I felt such humiliation, especially when Kellan gave me a literal head pat to reward a moment when I didn’t inadvertently set off a trap (I told him not to touch my head again or I would remove his arm. He looked amused but at least did not do it again). I did manage to kill some draugr – I had some experience with that, at least – but, of course, Kellan and Lane killed ten for every one of mine.

 

You will, no doubt, have noted the very large number of times I just said "of course." That is because all those things are obvious to someone who has not built up an incredibly large and entirely undeserved arrogance based on their own lack of abilities.

 

We got to the lower levels of the place and I started to head for the entrance to what I considered the “Dragonborn Trial” portion but I was stopped by Kellan, who said, “If that is the way to the end of this place, let’s see what there is to be found here first,” and motioned toward a path leading further down – a path I had either not noticed or had ignored my first time in the place. I shrugged and followed Lane and him down a curving path that ended at a pool filled by a waterfall that fell from some dark opening above…and, behind it, a familiar smooth-faced wall with obscure carvings.

 

“Wha…” was as far as I got before the wind and chanting kicked me in the groin.

 

Lane was giving me an odd look when I came back out of it. “Does that happen every time you see one of these walls?”

 

I nodded, still panting. “Yes. And when I take a dragon’s soul.”

 

She pursed her lips then glanced at Kellan and back at me. “That seemed like a pretty intense orgasm. If you are able, I recommend sharing them from now on – it should relieve the pressure of it. Otherwise, you’re likely to get an aneurysm one of these times.”

 

I was surprised by this, not least because I would not have guessed anyone in Skyrim would know what an aneurysm is. “When you say ‘share’ them…”

 

Lane motioned at Kellan. “With a partner. It would be most effective with a male, so it is fortunate your proclivities lean that way.”

 

I looked at Kellan, who seemed as uncomfortable with the idea of public sex (the public orgasms were bad enough!) as I felt, then passed the torch on the subject. “We…can talk about that. Later. I guess. For now, we should keep moving.”

 

As we were climbing the path back upward, Kellan asked, “So what new Shout did you learn? That’s what those walls give you, right?”

 

I was surprised to learn I could actually answer that question - I could feel the word in my head and somehow understood what it would do, once active. “Ah. Yes, I learned a new word, although I won’t be able to use it until I get another dragon’s soul. It is Feim Zii Gron. It will make me…” I paused, unsure how to describe it. “…like a cloud, I guess. Physical objects will pass through me for a short time.”

 

Also the inverse – I would be able to pass through solid objects. I mentally kicked myself several times, then and throughout the rest of my days (I’m doing it as I write this), for not finding that fucking wall on the first go around. I could have just walked right out of prison or the fucking mine! Think I’m tied tight? Think again, asshole! Oh my god, what a fucking game changer it would have been!

 

“That sounds useful!” Kellen replied in one of the grandest understatements in history.

 

Lane nodded. “It does, indeed! I wonder what other skills these walls can give you.”

 

I shrugged – I had only managed to learn the two words last time, and one of those was given to me by the Greybeards. “This is why I would like to explore every nook and cranny we come to – you never know where we might find more of them.”

 

“Agreed,” Kellen agreed as we came to the top of the slope and headed for the trial area. “How does this trial work and how will we beat it since you have not had your training yet?”

 

“We’ll cheat.” I motioned toward a tunnel that had a series of four heavy gates lined in sequence. “These four pillars correspond to those gates. Standing by the first pillar opens the first gate, and so on. If I had done my training, I would know a Shout that would give me a burst of speed, so I could run by all the pillars and through all the gates before they closed.”

 

“That’s…impressive.”

 

“It would be but, of course, I have not done that training. Too bad we didn’t run into another dragon on the way here – the new Shout would probably let me just walk through the gates. But since that is out, I was thinking one of us will stand next to one of the pillars, which will lift one of the gates. Someone else will then stick a rock or something under the gate so it cannot close all the way. Repeat for the other gates, then we can all crawl through.”

 

Kellan laughed. “I think you underestimate the weight of a rock that could accomplish that task!”

 

“Do you have a better plan?”

 

“I think I do. Is there a lever of some kind that will open all of them once you pass through?”

 

“I…believe so.”

 

“Then here is what we’ll do – you two stand by the pillars for the first two gates. I’ll walk through then, when I am past them, you two move to the third and fourth pillars. I’ll then get to the other side and open them from there.”

 

I laughed even as I flushed. “That…is a much better plan.”

 

He must have noticed my embarrassment because he started to reach out a hand, then checked himself and lowered it again while saying, “Yours was a good plan as well. It is important to be able to think outside the barrel in places like this – they often have riddles or puzzles to solve, and many of them have solutions that are lost to time, so alternate answers much be found.” He motioned toward the pillars. “Shall we?”

 

Things were uneventful from there. I mean, other than the floor made completely of fire traps and the colony of giant spiders. The final room was as I remembered it – a short causeway across a pool and a dais with an altar - but this time the stupid horn was there. I laughed in triumph as I picked it up, then took out my note and laid it carefully in the horn’s spot. Then set a couple rocks on it to make sure it stayed put. Delphine’s had kept its place for over a year last time, but I saw no reason to take the chance.

 

A heavy storm hit just as we left the place. We briefly discussed holing up and waiting it out, but it was still only early afternoon, so we trekked on for a few hours instead, heading south for the road then turning west. The original plan had been to head to High Hrothgar next, but that was hundreds of miles to the south while Solitude was so close, we could see it outlined against the sky whenever lightning flashed. Sure, it would have been helpful to have all three stages of Fus Ro Dah, and Wuld was nice as well, but it didn't seem worth the time for just those. Besides, the Greybeards had waited patiently for me for over a year last time - they could wait again.

 

Don't feed the bastards. Feed yourself instead.

 

 

 

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