Before we get to Parman’s reaction to my reaction to seeing him again, let me paint you the picture that I was only able to piece together over the course of the next ten minutes or so.

 

As you may recall, when I first got dragged all spaghetti-like into this world, I was wearing my favorite flirty summer dress because the schizophrenic Spring weather in Ohio had finally turned warm and dry enough for it. Also, I had on my Cole Haan pumps with my favorite kitten heels that made my legs look absolutely stunning, if I do say so myself.

 

This time, however…well, it was different.

 

First, my dress. My fun flirty summer dress had morphed into a sex worker’s work attire. It was tight everywhere, the skirt barely made it past my butt cheeks, and a large portion of the top was cutaway lace that didn’t hide much, especially since my bra was nowhere to be seen. Worse, my Cole Haans with the adorable kitten heels were…well, not. Instead I had on clunky Mary Janes that looked worse than they felt. I took them off and threw them into the corner of the room almost immediately. Upon which they immediately turned back into my Cole Haans, so i picked them back up again. Apparently my clothes were still mine, just not when I wore them.  Sanguine is an ass.

 

Beyond that, I felt…really good. I hadn’t realized how much pain I had been in until it was gone. First and foremost, my wrist wasn’t broken anymore, which was an immediate relief. But far more important, the aches of all those years of mining had disappeared along with, a quick glance at my shoulder confirmed, the brands they had burned into me.

 

Above all, though, was the fact that I could breathe. The moment I stepped outside the cave (which, narratively, we haven’t got to yet), I spent several moments just standing there inhaling lungfuls of fresh air. Well, and exhaling, of course, for those pedantic enough to quibble.

 

Anyway. Everything else was pretty much how I remembered it – a small but cozy cave crammed with bookshelves, a table and chair, some food, and several bottles of wine. Now that you have the picture, let’s resume at the spot where I said:

 

“PARMAN??!!”

 

The irrepressible mage was, momentarily, repressed.  "You...you know my name? How is that possible?"

 

 "Aaahh...that's too complicated to answer. Tell me, Parman the not-quite-so-great-as-he-thinks, what is the correct word for 'demon' in the summoning language?"

 

Parman huffed and looked quite offended while I crossed my arms and tried to raise an eyebrow, although that is a skill I have never been able to master.

 

“Every child prodigy knows that. Roldor."

 

"Good! Now look carefully at your notes and tell me what you actually said."

 

"I...what?"

 

"Look at your notes..."

 

He frowned and glanced down at the book on the table.

 

"Go on. What's written there?"

 

Again with the offense, as he puffed up. "It says roldor! Right..." He stopped and peered at the page, then leaned closer.

 

"What's it really say?"

 

"Well..." he looked properly discomfited. "It does say roldor but the word was...smudged a bit and now it looks like roldoe."

 

"Very good! And what does the word roldoe mean?"

 

"Um..." He scrunched up his face in thought. "Teacher? No, it ends in so heh, so it's peritave. That makes it learner!" He finished on a triumphant note and I gave him my best parental tired smile.

 

"Good! You're so smart!" He began to puff up again. So adorably stupid. "Now, what do you suppose that means?"

 

He scrunched up his face again. "Well, I suppose it would mean that the ritual..." He paused.

 

"Yes?"

 

"Um..." He began to flush and fidget. "The ritual..."

 

"Say it."

 

"Didn't work," he finished in a whisper.

 

"Oh, it worked all right!" I gestured at myself, which is when I first discovered my new outfit. I put two and two together in an instant - so that's what that demigod asshole was doing when he touched me! I cursed under my breath. Start over, indeed!

 

Parman blinked and then blanched. "You...so you're..."

 

"A regular old college student, not a demon, that's right."

 

Parman sagged. "So close. I was so close."

 

"You were! Although I've met some of the daedra and I'll tell you, if that's what you were trying to summon, be glad you got me instead."

 

Parman blinked and waved a hand. "No, not a daedra. I do not think any ritual in the world could summon something so powerful. No, I just wanted a minor demon, like an imp or a succubus."

 

I snorted. "Yes, I bet you would have loved a succubus."

 

His eyes gave a brief flash of anger. "Don't be ridiculous. I didn't want that."

 

"Right." I cut off his continued protests with a hand wave of my own. "Well, now that that's all settled, how about sending me back?"

 

I knew what he was going to say before I spoke, of course, but I figured it couldn't hurt. He blanched and began humming and hawing again, muttering about space/time and fractals and components. I rolled my eyes.

 

"I figured that's what you would say, and I don't think I could live with myself knowing that the dragons are going to destroy the world in six years anyway. So..." I looked around, ignoring his incredulous stare and the beginnings of his protests, "...what kind of weapons and armor do you have stashed around here?"

 

"...been dead for...what? Armor? I don't have any armor. What are you..."

 

I interrupted again. "I suppose that should come as no surprise. What about weapons?" I moved around the tiny cave as I spoke, trying to find things that would be of use. I found a bag that contained a few tattered scrolls and dumped them out (ignoring his, "Hey!") and grabbed some wine bottles and stuffed them in the bag (ignoring another, "Hey!"). I definitely needed a drink. I grabbed a couple loaves of crusty bread and some cheese. A chest in the corner yielded a small bag of coins, which I decided to leave since I wasn’t a thief. There was also a dagger and a pair of worn boots, both of which I did take. After I put them on, the boots turned into stiletto-heeled stripper boots that were too large and went horribly with the dress, but the Mary Janes were much uglier. Sanguine has no sense of style.

 

“Don’t you have any other clothes?” I had hoped for a robe, at least, preferably one with a hood. So much for my new plan to avoid standing out – the ho dress was going to be noticed.

 

“I...no, I...”

 

"You are disgusting. What about weapons? Any beyond this dagger?"

 

 "I...no, I don't...now look," Parman began as I hoisted the bag, "you can't just barge in here and take..."

 

“Ah, an axe. A dull one. You need to take better care of your things.” It was an axe made for chopping wood, not chopping heads, but it was better than nothing. I picked it up as I gave him the most withering stare I could manage. "I didn't 'barge,' you yanked me here because of a fucking typo. You can't send me back, so you owe me big. This is about  the smallest payment you could reasonably expect."

 

"But..."

 

"Plus, you need me. The dragons are going to be waking up any time now - some of them might already be around - and when they do, this world will need my abilities."

 

"Your...what are you talking about?!"

 

I waved a hand as I strolled by him. "You will see in time. Probably. Now that I think about it, I never found out what happened to you. Maybe, if you stayed here, you were safe from the purge. Anyway, I need to go talk to Lysha. Bye! Thanks for dragging me into this mess, you incompetent ass!"

 

His sputtering half-words followed me up the path to the exit of the cave and were cut off by the slamming of the door.

 

Silence and golden sunlight made me pause, and here is where I spent some time just breathing. It was glorious. Then I turned to the task at hand.

 

Last time, some frenzied Nord had attacked me for no apparent reason, so I needed to be careful. It would be just my luck (and probably Sanguine's wet dream) if I began my second chance by becoming enslaved right off the bat. I tied the bag around my hips and pulled out the axe and dagger. Best to be ready for anything. 

 

Don't feed the bastards. Feed yourself instead.

 

 

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