Why does anything at Shearpoint always turn into a complete clusterfuck?

I mean, I'm at Cronvangr Cave, minding my own business, collecting soul gems and re-fertilizing the cattle, and I realize that Growl's Call of the Wild as a 40% chance of me wolfing up tonight. No problem, I'm just about done with the Cronvangr girls. Best thing is probably to change now and get it done with. So that's what I do.

A first it all goes fairly well. I kill the sabrecat at the Riverside Shack, munch on a few mudcrabs at Mara's Eye Pond, kill the sentries at Gallows Rock (not going in there until I have to!) and then clobber the bandits outside Rathbaldr.

So now I'm looking at the compass, looking for unvisited map markers, and I see a dragon roost. So, yeah, OK. Taking down dragons as a Wolf is tricky, but they generally land sooner or later an when they do, they're toast. So I figure let's go kill a dragon. The thing is, in my head, I think I'm coming up on Skyborn Altar. But of course, I've traveled nowhere near that far. Where I'm going is Shearpoint. Of course, I realise my mistake fast enough once I get there.

The trouble with Shearpoint, as I'm sure most of you know, is that blood Dragon Priest, Krosis. He's a nippy bugger, and he'll fly round in cirles in one direction, blasting you with fireballs as he goes, while the dragon flies the opposite way, lightly toasting you from on high. Concentrate on one and the other will get you. Only this time I'm prepared for it. I charge his coffin and hit him as he emerges. Whack! Whack! Whack! And he's down, the corpse is looted, and the dragon is barely airborne. This going to be easy.

I dance with the dragon, circle strafing, trying to spot the dragon against the night sky and work out his movement patterns. Ah! There he is. Got him. All I need do now is keep moving so he can't toast me too crispy and wait till he lands. If I start getting low on health, the legendary werewolf sprinting speed should get me to somewhere where I can shelter for a while. No problem.

So of course, this is the point at which I run out of bloodlust. That dead bastard Krosis turned to ash; didn't have anything worth eating. Worse, I'm about 400 pounds over my encumbrance limit from all the gear looted in wolf form. I was planning on loading it all onto the foodenfuck when I got to this point, but she's still trying to catch up (which is good since at lest she won't get in the way) but it means I can't run and dodge while I'm fighting this thing, and I don't really fancy dropping 20 to 30 bits of kit in order to get mobile.

What are my assets? Well I have a ton of armor (possibly literally) but this build isn't really designed for hand to hand so I'd prefer not to go that route. I have gear for a 60% reduction on destruction spells, potions for 40% fire resistance and a 70% bump to destruction damage. I've got a basic ward, a lightning bolt and plenty of magicka pots. It's just an ordinary dragon without any irritating adjectives (like "ancient" or "revered") so I can probably block the fire with the ward and wear him down with lightning. And in fact, it looks like this approach might indeed work.

And then the sodding dragon lands! This was the thing I'd been waiting for in wolf form. As a human, it's bad news. If he gets to biting distance he's going to chomp straight through my shield and likely bite my head off. I hadn't wanted to do this, but there's only one option left - I engage my other beast form and go Vampire Lord.

As a vampire lord, it's a much easier fight.  I can dodge most of the fire, and what I can't I can replenish by draining the dragon's health. He can't do the same to me, so the outcome is never rally in doubt. One dead dragon, one dead dragon priest. Yayy me!

What do you mean there are red spots on the compass?

Well, it turns out that the Silver Hand weren't too happy with me killing and eating their sentries and so have sent a three girl hit squad to take me down. I'm caught wrong footed here and don't much fancy my chances against those silver arrows if they get to set the terms of engagement. So I do what any self respecting vampire would do in such circumstance. I run right off the edge of the cliff.

Hey, I'm still in vampire lord form - it's not like the fall is going to hurt me. But they can't easily follow, and while they're finding a way down, I get a chance to put some rock between me and their arrows. Now I have time to evaluate my options. I give serious thought to just running away. I've got all the head start I'd need and it's not like I need any more slavegirls;I have a couple of dozen in either Cronvangr or Bleak falls, plus a few more at Lakeview Manor. On the other hand, if these are Growl hunters, then they'll probably appear again standing on my toecaps the next time I fast travel somewhere, and I never did like running from a fight. Sod it, let's do this!

Silver Hand Elite need to be handled with a degree of respect. For one thing, due to the mod combination I'm running, these are all likely Deadly Wenches, possibly further boosted by OBIS. They can drop you with two or three arrows, and if they get too close some of them can land hits fast enough to keep you stunlocked. Mist form or Ethereal are about the only fixes when that happens, but I don't currently have either option.

So they key is to keep moving (but not too predictably) and try and take them on one-on-one.  The first one wants to close to melee range, so I kite her so that there's a a cliff between her and her missile support. A couple of blasts of the old vampire drain should weraken her enough to enslave her, but there's (yet another) complication. The foodenfuck has finally caught up, so I have to dance a few more rounds until I get a line of fire that doesn't also target her. I get my chance and two blasts later the Hand girl is on 10% health - and mine! For number two, I hide behind a different rock and wait to see which of the archers is first to come looking for me. Once I have my shot - that's two! And with no support Three is now pretty much a formality

With everyone pacified, I slap a leash collar on each of them and lead everyone back up Shearpoint Roost: there's a nice level area there, prefect for playing getting-to-know-you with my new friends. But I only get as far as restraining one of them when everyone else goes into a combat crouch. Surely I can't be under attack again? Turns out I can; it's that sodding Boethia cultist. Happlily then Hand girls have some frustrations to work off, and they join the fight, entirely unasked. They keep him occupied, and I wait until his health is low then finish him off with a combat bite.

After that, there are no more interruptions, and I can finally finish tying up my loose ends.

And if you'll all excuse me, I think it's time to start that cluster-fuck I mentioned earlier