Hi guys!
So, where is the best possible place to stage a vampire hunt? How about an old abandoned mine? Nope. Maybe a dark creepy dungeon? Nah.
It's gotta be in a bath-house, of course! This is the concluding part to the story which began here, and continued here. But it is also completely standalone if you'd rather not check those out. Hope you enjoy!
Mai and the Bath-House Vampire
Part 1
Whiterun. Night.
Mai: "We had lots of fun tonight, right Lars! But it's time for you to run along home now. It must be way past your bed-time!"
Lars: "Bed-time?! Ha! I go to bed when I feel like it! Although I am kinda sleepy...so maybe you're right..."
Mai: "Good boy! And....um.....it'd be great if you can keep tonight as our little secret....please!"
Lars: "No problem Mai! But hey - you watch out for that sneaky vampire hunter! I don't trust him..."
Lars: "I think he wants to steal you away from me!"
Celann: "Heh...........Smart kid......"
Mai: "Oh don't worry Lars - I've definately got my eye on him! You run off to bed now."
Lars: "Bye!"
Mai: "Goodnight Lars - sleep tight!"
Mai: "I hope I didn't mess up his head with all that talk of Forsworn and monsters?!"
Celann: "He'll be fine. Y'know, you two make a really cute couple!"
Mai: "Well, mister vampire hunter - now that Lars is gone I believe we have some....unfinished business to attend to!"
Celann: "Oh....um....WOW! Mai, you are so direct! I mean....I've dreamt about this moment for so long......but.....you wanna do it right here?! Right now?!"
Mai: "Um.......well, yeah! I mean...if we don't kill this vampire you mentioned then who will?!"
Celann: "Oh.....right......the vampire! Of course.....silly me! Well according to our sources it's somewhere in the city. We think it will try to either turn or kill the Jarl."
Celann: "Have you noticed anything strange lately, Mai? Anyone acting out of the ordinary?"
Mai: "Sorry Celann - I kinda keep out of other people's business. I'm not sure if I can help...."
Mai: "But I know someone who definitely can! Follow me..."
Ysolda: "BY THE DIVINES!!!!!"
Ysolda: "Mai - your boyfriend is back! Where did you find him?!"
Mai: "Well, first of all, he's not my boyfriend! And secondly, one of the reasons he's here is to kill a vampire hiding in Whiterun."
Mai: "And we need your help Yssy. Have you seen any unusual travellers hanging around lately? Think hard, the Jarl might be in danger."
Ysolda: "Oh my! Hmmmm...lots of travellers moving through the city lately. But none stay for longer than a few days...........unless..........."
Ysolda: "I know who it is! The bath-house recently hired a new attendant. I felt something was wrong from the moment I laid eyes on him. And he only works the nightshift too!"
Mai: "What do you think, Celann?"
Celann: "It's the only lead we have, and time is running out."
Celann: "Vampires have a habit of knowing when they've been discovered. We'll need to act tonight. Ysolda, can you take us to the bath-house now?"
Mai: "What do you say, Yssy? Are you ready to go hunt a vampire?!"
Ysolda: "You bet your bare ass I am!"
Part 2
Ysolda: Well, here we are - Whiterun's famous bath-house!"
Celann: "This place is massive! Any ideas on where we'll find the vampire?"
Ysolda: "Well, providing he actually IS a vampire - the guy I mentioned is usually out on the back decking. So we shouldn't need to go into the main building at all."
Mai: "Good - at least that cuts down on the number of civilian bystanders that might get hurt."
Celann: "Okay then, let's not waste any more time. Stay sharp guys..."
Ysolda: "Hey! Not so fast - aren't you forgetting something?! Celann, strip naked!"
Celann: "Hahaha, very funny...."
Mai: "Oh yeah - she's right! We ARE going into a bath-house after all. Everyone will be naked!"
Ysolda: "Exactly! If we walk around that corner wearing clothes and all geared up with weapons, our vampire will be gone before we know it. Get those clothes off, Celann!"
Celann: "Hang on just a minute. There's gotta be another way..."
Mai: "No excuses Celann. Clothes off! NOW!"
Ysolda: "Come on - let's have a look at little Celann!"
Celann: "I can't believe this. If only Durak could see me now! Fine, I'll take off my clothes...."
Ysolda: "WOW! Mai - stop staring!"
Mai: "I'm not staring, you're staring!"
Celann: "Can we please go hunt vampires now.....?"
Mai: "Yes. Now we can go hunting vampires!"
Mai: "Feels good being naked, right Celann?"
Celann: "When this is all over, please never speak a word of it to anyone!"
Mai: "Ha! Don't pretend you don't like it!"
Mai: "Looks like it's pretty quiet here tonight. Not too many people..."
Ysolda: "Yeah, and look - there's our guy..."
Ysolda: "He's always in the same spot, staying away from people. I've never actually seen him helping anyone..."
Ysolda: "Just silently watching what everyone is doing. I stopped coming here at nighttime because he was creeping me out so much!"
Celann: "Nice work Ysolda. Even from here I can tell he's a vampire. Okay, here's what we are going to do. One of you ladies get over there and lure him back here, away from the civilians. Then we'll drop him.
Ysolda: "Good idea - go seduce him Mai!"
Mai: "Um...exuse me?! Why am I being volunteered?"
Ysolda: "Because we need to seduce him, and your breasts are bigger than mine! Besides - you're a Companion! No fear, right?"
Mai: "Whatever. I'm not sure about the breasts thing - but I AM a Companion. I'll go."
Celann: "Don't worry Mai, I'd never let you come to any harm. Trust me!"
Ysolda: "Good luck Mai! We'll be waiting in the hot-tub!"
Mai: "Yeah, thanks for the wonderful support..."
Mai: "Ahem....Um.....Hi there handsome! I was just wondering if you.....um.....could give me a massage, perhaps? I'm just feeling so tense today..."
Attendant: "I'm sorry, I haven't been trained on how to give massages yet. Maybe you should go find one of the other attendants inside."
Mai: "Hmmm. Well then....how about.....um.....I give your penis a massage! Um.....with my breasts?!"
Attendant: "Look young lady - I can see what you are trying to do. But you're wasting your time. Unfortunately for you I prefer the company of men, so you'll just have to find some other attendant to help you unwind."
Mai: "Oooooooh.....I see. Well, this is awkward. I'm just going to go back where I came from now. Sorry for bothering you...Bye!"
To be Continued....
Part 3
Ysolda: "Hey - the fearless warrior returns!"
Celann: "Well? What happened? What did the vampire say?"
Mai: "I couldn't lure him over here. He......uh.....he said he prefers the company of men!"
Ysolda: "Well that's not a problem - we've got a man right here!"
Celann: "Woah there - hang on a second..."
Ysolda: "Time to show us little girls how a true vampire hunter operates. Now get over there and seduce that man!"
Ysolda: "And you might want to wake up 'Little Celann'. I'm sure he'll help you make a good impression..."
Celann: "What are are you talking about? Oh.......I see. Eh, ladies i'm not so sure about this plan anymore..."
Celann: "I mean...there's gotta be a better way of going about this!"
Ysolda: "Don't be such a wimp Celann! Mai, I think he needs 'a hand' with waking up!"
Mai: "At last - a job I actually don't mind being volunteered for!"
Celann: "Okay, I'm going to punch myself later for saying this - but I think we need to focus here! I mean, there is a vampire right over there!"
Mai: "Relax! That vampire isn't going anywhere. Besides, I wanna hear more about how you travelled across Skyrim to see me again. Or was that just empty talk?"
Celann: "No...I swear....I've been dreaming about you day and ni---------- MAI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR HANDS?!"
Mai: "Hmmmmm, there we go. Wakey wakey!"
Ysolda: "Hehe, great work Mai! Now quickly, get him over to that vampire..."
Mai: "Not so fast. Little Celann just woke up - I think he needs a workout!
Mai: "What do you think, boy? Do you wanna exercise with me?!"
Celann: "I guess.....maybe a little exercise......might be good......."
Celann: -GULP- "Mai, your skin is so soft..."
Ysolda: "Um....guys! That vampire is gonna get.......OH WOW!!!"
Mai (moans): "Ooooooooooooh........"
Mai (Screaming): "Uuuuhhh......that feels SO GOOD!!!"
Adrianne: "What in oblivion is happening over there?!"
Celann: "Oh Mai! Your body feels amazing! Please - tell me this isn't a dream...!"
Mai: "Uuuuhhhh.........Uuuuuhhhhh........who cares!"
Mai (Screaming wildly): "OH GODS!!!"
Attendant: "Hmmmm. Looks like that girl found someone to help her relax. Good, that gets her off my back."
Attendant: 'For a minute there I thought she might have been a member of the Dawnguard. She's the first person to approach me since I've been here. Regardless, that little scare has reminded me that I've delayed too long. Time to finish my mission. Time to pay the Jarl a little visit!"
Ysolda: "Hmmm, our vampire seems to be up to something...I don't like it...."
Ysolda: "I knew it - he's leaving! He thinks he's gonna get away, but he doesn't realise that the Dawnguard are right behind him! Right guys.....?"
Ysolda: "Eh.....guys?! Are you even listening to me?"
Celann: "Yeah - take it my little Forsworn warrior!"
Mai: "UUUHHHHHH......Faster! I've been a BAD girl!"
Ysolda: "Well that's just great. I guess this means it's up to ME to save the city! Ysolda the vampire hunter - reporting for duty!"
To be concluded......
Part 4
Attendant: "No more games - time for a face to face meeting with the Jarl. I'm sure he'll be delighted to see me!"
Ysolda: "He's heading for the city! Gotta stay on his tail - if I lose him Whiterun might not get a second chance!"
Ysolda: "By now Mai must have noticed that I'm gone. Her and Celann will be right behind me......"
Mai (Screaming loudly): "UUUHH......UUUUHHH.....UUUUHHHHHHHH!!!"
Celann: "Mai.....I can't believe this! You're amazing - I never want to pull out!"
Mai: "Don't.........OOOHHH........even think about stopping!"
Adrianne: "Exactly - why stop?! If anything, you need to give it to her HARDER!"
Mai: "Um...........ADRIANNE?!"
Adrianne: "Hi there, darling! We heard you guys from over there and thought we'd come give you some support! Y'know we REALLY love sex!"
Mai: "Erm.......what do you mean "we"?"
Ulfberth: "Hello there, buddy! Not seen you around here before!"
Celann: "............................"
Ysolda: "Okay, the vampire ran around this corner. Gotta stay on him....."
Ysolda: "That's weird. He should be right here......but there's no trace of him!"
Ysolda: "I have a bad feeling about this.......Celann did say vampires have a way of knowing when they have been discovered...."
Attendant: "Looking for something, little lady? Your clothes, perhaps?!"
Ysolda: "OH MY!!!! Um.....yeah! I'm just looking for my clothes! Erm - you're going to kill me now, right?"
Attendant: "Yes."
Celann: "Mai, what's going on?! Who are these people?"
Mai: "UUUUHHH.....Just ignore them......Keep fucking me.....!"
Ulfberth: "Your not doing too badly there son - making her work up a nice sweat. But I reckon we can push this little princess a lot harder..."
Ulfberth: "If you wanna just step aside and let me fuck her for a few minutes, I'll show you exactly how you wear out a little girl like this. What do you think, Adrianne?"
Adrianna: "Oh great idea, darling! You take her from behind, and I'll keep her occupied from up here. Sounds good, right Mai?"
Celann: "I.....I think I'm gonna cum, Mai!"
Adrianne: "Oh goody! Once he's done filling her up - you take over, darling! Might I suggest concentrating on her ass?"
Ulfberth: "I love you, Adianne!"
Adrianne: "I love you too, hunny!"
Mai: "By the divines - you people are COMPLETELY INSANE!!! No-one is gonna concentrate on my ass! Ysolda, can you please get rid of these lunatics?!"
Mai: "Um....Ysolda?! Oh no - she's gone! And the vampire, too!"
Mai: "Sorry Celann - we gotta go right now!"
Celann: "No....please....wait! I was almost there!!!"
Celann: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
Mai: "I should never have brought Ysolda along. Hang on Yssy - I'm coming!"
Ysolda: "Oh no.....what are you going to do to me?!"
Attendant: "Normally....I'd do soooooo much to you. Some, you'd enjoy. Most, you'd hate. But I'm afraid I have no time now. I've got to bring the Jarl round to the vampire's way of thinking. So i'm afraid I'm gonna have to cut this short. And by that I mean cut YOU short!"
Attendant: "Hehe...y'know, I used to be a human like you. But then I took a..............."
FFWWW-THUPPPP
Attendant: "AARGGH - an arrow! Right in my knee!!!"
Mai: "Got him!"
Celann: "Nice shot, babe! In the kneecap too! That's gotta hurt..."
Mai: "Keep calling me 'babe' and you might find out how it feels!"
Mai: "Yssy - are you okay? Did he touch you?!"
Ysolda: "I'm fine. I just......I was sure that was the end!"
Celann: "You know asshole, I was about three seconds away from probably the greatest feeling any man has ever experienced in Tamriel...."
Attendant: "Ackk - the Dawnguard. I knew it!"
Celann: "...Just three seconds. And YOU ruined it. Now you pay for that. Time to die, filth!"
Attendant: "AAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHH........................................."
Ysolda: "I've been thinking, Mai. I'm not sure I'm cut out for this vampire hunting business."
Mai: "Really? I dunno.......I kinda like it!"
The END!
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