The Pun Thread!

[sammythesquirrel]

hear about the guy who dressed as a maid he was a butler but didnt like being a man-servant

[Guest]

Deafness is getting to be quite a problem for me lately. I never thought I'd hear myself say that.

[wampa]

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh

[Soulslayerzx]

You don't have have to be Dragonborn in order to shout.

[The_Only_Janitor]

I was full of rage when my cellphone battery died, my therapist told me I should find an outlet..

 

I thought I would be mad when my flashlight battery died, but I was de-lighted!

 

I later found out my batteries had an alkaline problem, since then they have been going to AA meetings.

[Queen Bee]

Have you heard the one about the mile high wall?

 

On second thought, I'd better not tell you. You'd never get over it.

[Guest]

Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas.

[chromedome2010]

Secretary: Sir, can I use your dictophone?

Boss: No, you can use your finger like everyone else.

[chromedome2010]

Child: Mummy, mummy, can I lick the bowl?

Mother: No you can flush the chain like normal people.

[Guest]

A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

[sammythesquirrel]

sigh at all donkeys they're always such asses

[Guest]

In the room the curtains were drawn, but the rest of the furniture was real.

[Dranyam1970]

A three legged dog walks into a saloon, and says to the bartender, "I am looking for the man who shot my paw."

 

(Ducks out while people are groaning...)

[KainsChylde]

And then there was the farmer who won an award for being out standing in his field.

[KainsChylde]

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? Sometimes you get an onion with big floppy ears, sometimes you get a piece of ass so good it brings tears to your eyes.

[RandomOne]

How many of you believe in telekinesis?  Raise my hand . . .

[polluxval]

the walking thread