Does she like me?

[Chaos63]

 

 

 

Men and women can't be friends.

I hear this all the time, yet I've never heard a good explanation as to why.

Personal experience. All it takes is one weak moment and bam we go from friendship to romance. I spent my fair share of time drunkenly sobbing at bars with my male friends, and yet it never led to a makeout session.

It's a sexuality thing, that's why gays have so many female friends.

Some men and women can't be friends, true. But what's true for your personal experience isn't necessarily true for everyone. I have male and female friends, and I've had a few of both genders creep on me when I didn't want it. I was also friends with my husband before we started dating. Relationships can go in any direction, and I think it's severely limiting your options when you say "X can never be friends with Y".

 

Also, I don't know about you, but the gay men I know have both male and female friends of all sorts of sexual orientations.

 

Don't know what to tell you, man. I didn't write the book, I just read it.

I have my experiences, others have theirs...I can roll with that.

 

[Jazzman]

 

At the risk of stepping into a sensitive topic, I will argue that rejection doesn't have to be a bad thing. You can look at it as a door slamming in your face if you choose, but it's really more of a course correction. 'What you're looking for isn't here, please look elsewhere'. It's no one's fault, and the one who did the rejecting isn't a bad person for it.

 

Also, I do wish people would stop vilifying friendship as if it's an insult. Platonic love can be just as rewarding as romantic, unless your the sort of person who can't separate love from sex.

That depends on the situation.  For example: what if the person getting rejected was being manipulated from the start?  Who would want to be in a "relationship" like that?  No one likes to be played for a fool.

 

And a platonic relationship can be viewed as stagnation, due to fear of rejection from both sides.

 

Sure you deserve such a 'platonic' best friend that sticks to you no matter what, often for decades since childhood, sometimes even forever? What stagnates over time (oh how short that time can be, huh) that is the animal attraction of the attracted, and that might occasionally go both ways. Incoming Ice Age. The couple parts ways again, often with a bucket full of hate on side of the one who feels left behind, taken by surprise for having ignored the writing on the wall.

[Queen Bee]

 

That depends on the situation.  For example: what if the person getting rejected was being manipulated from the start?  Who would want to be in a "relationship" like that?  No one likes to be played for a fool.

 

And a platonic relationship can be viewed as stagnation, due to fear of rejection from both sides.

 

 

You're right, that sounds like a terrible scenario. I'm sorry if that happened to you. I honestly can't imagine why someone would do that. On top of being needlessly cruel, it sounds like a complete waste of time.

 

I do want to reassure you that that's not the norm among relationships. People aren't all out to play each other, and a vast majority of the time rejection occurs because the two people in question simply weren't compatible. Most people can't control who they are and aren't attracted to, so it's not a reflection of a person's worth when someone says they're not the right one for them. Hell, if you haven't rejected someone yet, just give it time. Someday you'll meet someone who's really into you, and you'll feel a distinct lack of romantic attraction. That doesn't make you a bad guy, it just makes you not the one for them.

 

And as for "a platonic relationship can be viewed as stagnation, due to fear of rejection from both sides", I strongly reject that idea. Platonic friendship is not a stepping stone toward romance, it is its own destination, and even then the journey doesn't have to end there. I can have platonic friendship with men and women, and no one is feeling stuck or fearing rejection just because we don't want to bone each other. We accept each other, we care about each other, and we wouldn't want it any other way.

 

 

Don't know what to tell you, man. I didn't write the book, I just read it.

I have my experiences, others have theirs...I can roll with that.

 

 

The thing is, there's no one book on relationships. Everyone is their own book, in a way, and you can't read one thinking it's going to be exactly like the ones you've already read. You could know someone your entire life and still learn something new about them. There's entire worlds inside our heads, and none of them are the same. Why assume people are all carbon copies of each other when there's so much beautiful variety in the world?

 

Sure you deserve such a 'platonic' best friend that sticks to you no matter what, often for decades since childhood, sometimes even forever? What stagnates over time (oh how short that time can be, huh) that is the animal attraction of the attracted, and that might occasionally go both ways. Incoming Ice Age. The couple parts ways again, often with a bucket full of hate on side of the one who feels left behind, taken by surprise for having ignored the writing on the wall.

 

 

Again with the stagnation thing. I don't know where you're getting the idea that staying friends with someone is stagnation. It's not a question of animal attraction, because friends don't necessarily think of each other that way, and I would never walk away from a rewarding friendship just because they don't want to fuck me.

 

I get the feeling you're placing romance on a pedestal with friendship the ladder you climb to get to it, and that's so very wrong. As I said above, friendship isn't a means to an end, because in relationships (platonic or otherwise), there is no real end. There's no finish line, no "You've made it, you don't have anywhere else to go from here". Friendships can evolve, romance can evolve, there's no set form for any of it. Friends who really care about each other place each other's needs first and accept it if their romantic inclinations aren't returned. I'm not saying you can't get upset over rejection - because man, rejection sucks - but treating it like a bullet to the brain of your relationship isn't just sad, it's insulting. I have friends that I consider my family, and I can't conceive of walking away from them forever just because they didn't find me attractive. God, if everyone did that, soon no one would have any real friends at all.

[Guest endgameaddiction]

 

The last thing a man wants while looking for a romantic relationship with a woman is getting rejected, or "friendzoned".  That can further complicate things.  It happened to me once.  That's why I just broke off said relationship and moved on.

 

 

Rejection isn't always a bad thing. I've been in a situation where I was rejected and  I took it as "alright, so it's like that" in my head. Week later that female changed her mind and wanted to hook up. Nothing felt more good than to return that rejection. I don't know if she took it the bad way. But I was a punk when I was very young. I let them approach me. That's why till this day I'm a very picky ass person. Unless she really draws my attention, I won't do anything. I'm not the desperate type. Never will be.

 

But normally if I'm rejected and she just wants to be friends, I reject that offer. Sorry, but that wasn't what I was looking for. If that's what she wants, there's plenty of nice guys out there who are looking to just willing/according to be friends with the one they would rather take more serious. And keep on trying and insisting only to finally take a hint the hard way.

[Jazzman]

 

Sure you deserve such a 'platonic' best friend that sticks to you no matter what, often for decades since childhood, sometimes even forever? What stagnates over time (oh how short that time can be, huh) that is the animal attraction of the attracted, and that might occasionally go both ways. Incoming Ice Age. The couple parts ways again, often with a bucket full of hate on side of the one who feels left behind, taken by surprise for having ignored the writing on the wall.

 

Again with the stagnation thing. I don't know where you're getting the idea that staying friends with someone is stagnation. It's not a question of animal attraction, because friends don't necessarily think of each other that way, and I would never walk away from a rewarding friendship just because they don't want to fuck me.

 

I get the feeling you're placing romance on a pedestal with friendship the ladder you climb to get to it, and that's so very wrong. As I said above, friendship isn't a means to an end, because in relationships (platonic or otherwise), there is no real end. There's no finish line, no "You've made it, you don't have anywhere else to go from here". Friendships can evolve, romance can evolve, there's no set form for any of it. Friends who really care about each other place each other's needs first and accept it if their romantic inclinations aren't returned. I'm not saying you can't get upset over rejection - because man, rejection sucks - but treating it like a bullet to the brain of your relationship isn't just sad, it's insulting. I have friends that I consider my family, and I can't conceive of walking away from them forever just because they didn't find me attractive. God, if everyone did that, soon no one would have any real friends at all.

 

We're talking past each other, dunno why but it's a fact. Maybe you're in a sexual relationship with a best friend and not just a partner that tries hard to be friendly as long as it is possible. If so, congratz. However, that's not the normal case, but the exception to the rule. And that's that.

 

Happy Easter.

[Queen Bee]

We're talking past each other, dunno why but it's a fact. Maybe you're in a sexual relationship with a best friend and not just a partner that tries hard to be friendly as long as it is possible. If so, congratz. However, that's not the normal case, but the exception to the rule. And that's that.Happy Easter.

Well, I married someone I consider my best friend, but that's not my point. But you're right, we do seem unable to get our points across to each other. I'd be willing to keep trying, but only if you are.

[Jazzman]

 

We're talking past each other, dunno why but it's a fact. Maybe you're in a sexual relationship with a best friend and not just a partner that tries hard to be friendly as long as it is possible. If so, congratz. However, that's not the normal case, but the exception to the rule. And that's that.Happy Easter.

Well, I married someone I consider my best friend, but that's not my point. But you're right, we do seem unable to get our points across to each other. I'd be willing to keep trying, but only if you are.

 

Well, I'm a single mother by choice, but that's not my point either. Point is, to talk about a specific type of relationship one has to look from outside, simply to avoid the rose-colored blurring from within, the known hot illusion that things we love should last for long and the cold confusion that might arise thereof when the partner is not the best friend (anymore), perhaps not even a friend at all (but a moron), especially in a spontaneously emerging love relationship to people we know just as of late and thus most likely have little in common next to the temporary dominant mutual animal attraction. And then we have the one-night stand which doesn't even belong in the category relationship but in that of the basic human needs, like food and drink. Oops, I'm always thirsty. A haw, haw, haw!