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Defeat mod funny story


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So I loaded up SL and my girlfriend wanted to see a bit of nookie.   When I told her you can even rape enemies - perv that she is - she wanted to see that too.  Here is a half hour of shenanigans trying to snag a bandit chick.


I tell my companion to wait at the Dead Man's Drink, head up the hill from Falkreath toward that bandit watchtower.  Game crashes halfway uphill.  


I reload get to the hill, there are some slavers milling about.  I stop short of the tower, male and female bandits spot me and starts firing off arrows.  Slavers shoot back and kill them both dead.  


I reload. I stop a way off the tower, advance gingerly on foot.  To get to the ramp I have to pass under the tower footbridge.  I sprint to avoid the rock trap, soaking up arrows and make for a low ledge just to the left.  I get ambushed by a frostbite spider on the right side of the road. Between fighting that off and soaking up arrows from the tower, I die heroically. 


I reload.  This time the save is closer to the bridge.  I ride my horse up the hill over the left flank hoping to flank the tower and avoid the spider.  Game crashes.  


I reload. Flank the hill again and get ambushed by a wolf.  Kill it to protect my horse, roll my eyes and curse.  I come down on the left tower from high ground.  Easily kill the male bandit, rush the female bandit.  Weaken her, subdue her, tie her up.


I notice an arrow came from somewhere but after she'd bound the shooting stops.  I assume it was a slaver and she's no longer a threat.  I untie her and give her the 'offer she can't refuse.' She refuses. I accidentally kill her in the melee.


I reload.  This time she's already bound. I give the offer again.  My plan his to walk her up the hill a bit because just doing it on the tower just isn't British.  Neither am I.  This time she does as told and I walk her down the ramp and we head off up the hill.  An arrow comes out of nowhere and kills her stone dead behind me.


I reload.  The arrow was from a legion archer who happened to be strolling by.  He doesn't tolerate uncuffed bandits, even if they're naked and unarmed.  This time I have her run up the hill.  That pine watch house looks like a good spot.  IIRC it was the abandoned place with a creepy crypt behind the bookshelf in the basement.  That will do nicely.


She gets stuck in the tanning rack on the way to the door.  I circle the building once to goad her out.  The lock takes three picks.  I notice a dead frostbite spider on the road and the slavers who must have shot it. At least they got one thing right.


I enter the house with my captive in tow.  I strut down the stairs looking for that big nice bed to force myself upon her.   We both have to go to work soon.


There's a big-ass barbarian with a war hammer in the basement.  I don't remember him.  He beats seven shades of snot out of me, subdues me and proceeds to bugger the living tar out of me while the bandit chick stands smugly by with her arms folded.


Well at least my girlfriend got to see her rape scene in the end.  We were in stitches.

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