Queen Bee Posted December 19, 2012 Posted December 19, 2012 Friends of mine keep telling me I should have my own advice column. While I'm just egotistical enough to believe they're right, I'm just humble enough to think I might not be the best at it. So while this might seem a really strange place to do this, I thought I'd test my advice-giving metal by fielding some of your questions and doing my best. Also, ONE AT A TIME PLEASE. I'm just one woman, and a woman with a career at that. If you see someone is ahead of you please wait your turn (after I have answered their question). If you don't get to me in time, try again later. It's the same with any other advice column. DISCLAIMER I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. If I don't feel comfortable tackling one of your issues, I won't. I'm not singling you out or snubbing you. I will try to accept as much as I can, but if I can't then deal with it. Also, if I think you're trolling me I'm going to skip you entirely. My advice is simply that, advice. If you disagree with it or decide to go against it, that's fine with me. If it causes you butthurt, then take it somewhere else. I will do my part in phrasing my advice with the upmost tact possible and will be mindful of your feelings regarding touchy subjects; please do me the same courtesy should you choose to post a follow up response. My advice might be harsh at times, but only if I deem harshness a necessity (i.e. calling you out on any bullshit if I feel you're doing it on purpose). I believe in tough love where appropriate, so if you suddenly feel like I'm being hard on you, understand it's because I care. And remember, when all's said and done, I'm just some chick on the Internet. On the flipside of that, remember the old Latin phrase: Caveat Emptor ("Let the Buyer Beware"). You get what you pay for, and my advice is free (and amateur as shit). I take no responsibility should you choose to follow my advice and it fails, just as I won't take any praise should it work. Take everything I say with a grain of salt, and if it doesn't work out for you please don't come back to me with accusations of having lead you astray. I'm not your mother, and even if I were I still wouldn't be held liable for what you do. You are (presumably) an adult capable of making your own decisions. And again, I'm just some chick on the Internet. /DISCLAIMER I hope that's all clear and dandy. Now hit me up with some problems and let's see how I do.
Guest Lady Luck Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 say ..wha .. this thread completely lost me >.< i don't know whats the actual goal on this topic but i'm trying to understand what you saying Lol excuse my stupidity it happens when my brain is too hyper..
Nonsense667 Posted December 21, 2012 Posted December 21, 2012 Sure! I'll throw a fairly simple one that pops into my mind often enough, should be interesting to get some thoughts on it. As an atheist, should I feel bad about using the word "god" as an exclamation/cuss? Such as: "God dammit!" "God!" (muttered in frustration) or even "Oh god yes." (And you know how that's used. ) Is this "dishonest," or is this just something I should stop worrying about?
Queen Bee Posted December 21, 2012 Author Posted December 21, 2012 say ..wha .. this thread completely lost me >.< i don't know whats the actual goal on this topic but i'm trying to understand what you saying Lol excuse my stupidity it happens when my brain is too hyper.. It's an advice column' date=' like what you see in newspapers or online. You tell me a problem you're having and I give you my best advice for it. Your recent post about your brother-in-law is a good example of the kind of questions I would tackle, and the advice I gave in that thread is the kind of advice you might expect of me. Sure! I'll throw a fairly simple one that pops into my mind often enough, should be interesting to get some thoughts on it. As an atheist, should I feel bad about using the word "god" as an exclamation/cuss? Such as: "God dammit!" "God!" (muttered in frustration) or even "Oh god yes." (And you know how that's used. ) Is this "dishonest," or is this just something I should stop worrying about? I suppose this one depends on whether or not you consider atheism a belief system, and if you feel even verbally acknowledging a god contradicts those beliefs. For most atheists I know (myself included), atheism is more a conditional rejection of belief in a higher power than a belief in and of itself; I'm fully prepared to accept the possibility of a god or gods existing, but I won't believe they do until I'm presented with some pretty hard evidence. Which is why I don't see a problem with saying "goddamnit", or any other saying that refers to the supernatural. And English speaking people have a lot of those: "For Pete's sake" refers to St. Peter, "What the hell" refers to an afterlife, and "My stars" refers to astrology. When used by secular individuals, these become meaningless exclamations used simply to convey an emotion, just like normal swearing. When I'm angry I might say "Son of a bitch!" I'm not calling anyone that, and I'm not referring to a literal female dog. I'm just expressing myself. Also, you might note, I always use a lower case g when typing the word god, unless it starts a sentence. This helps convey that I'm not referring to the Christian god. But that's just my preference. In short, go ahead and use "god" all you want. Or pick other religions and mix and match. A friend of mine likes to say "Buddha's Belly!" and "Odin's Eye!" He doesn't believe in either of these gods, he just likes the sound of them. But whatever you decide, don't feel bad for using their names in vain. That's for the believers to worry about.
Nonsense667 Posted December 22, 2012 Posted December 22, 2012 (I'm not sure if you want it to be like an actual advice column, as in "question-answer-question-answer" format, or if you actually want responses. So if you want, I'll just delete this. ) But yes, you are spot on about everything, yeah, my atheism is certainly not a belief system, hell, I call myself a "spiritual atheist." I may not think that there's a god out there, but there very well could be something "more." But that's for another time. And damn good point again about comparing other swears, I love stuff like that that just makes sense. I'll try harder not to worry from now on! Even though that's kinda my thing!
Queen Bee Posted December 22, 2012 Author Posted December 22, 2012 Feedback is desired, of course. This is a test to see if I have what it takes to tackle an advice column, so please let me know if my advice is good or bad. I'm glad mine worked out for you in this instance.
nonusnomeni Posted December 25, 2012 Posted December 25, 2012 how old man should be to lose interest in girls? since i am single for four days now and right now i don't want to see or hear for any female (hope that will last for rest of my life)... all i need is some moonshine and peace... but also i am 99.99% sure then i will make same mistake as 6y ago... and watt the hell females want??? i know i am boring quiet guy who prefer seating if front of comp then cinema, concert and other events, but after all that is reason why she was broke into my life, determined and absolutely sure to ruin my 10y long lasting solitude and peace... and hell, i hate changes, i hate surprises and new things in my life...
Queen Bee Posted December 25, 2012 Author Posted December 25, 2012 First, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a breakup. I've been there myself, they suck royally. The good news is what you're feeling is temporary. The bad news is how long it's temporary is up to you. If you were in a serious relationship and just broke up four days ago, my advice is going to sound awful and you'll most likely reject it out of hand. I know I would. Thinking back to my last big breakup, it completely wrecked me. We were amazing together, I thought we were going to be together forever, and when it was over it left me feeling like I'd been scooped out and filled with sour fruit. Nothing was right, everything was wrong, and it felt like it was going to be that way forever. It took a long time (and some counseling, and some anti-depressants) to get over it, but I did. And I'm here to tell you that yes, you too can do the same. But right now you don't want that. You said it yourself, you don't want anything to do with women and you hope you'll stay that way. I'll tell you right now, if that's how you feel, you won't listen to anything I have to say. But I suspect you really don't want to stay this way forever or you never would have asked me for my advice. You took the first step to recovery, you reached out to someone, and that's a very good thing. You say you fear you'll make the same mistakes as six years ago. I don't know what those mistakes were, but whether or not you'll make them again is entirely up to you. It may seem trite to say, but you have complete control over your own life, and that is a wonderful power to have. You may not be able to control the world or people, but you can make yourself into whatever version of yourself you want. Don't worry about those mistakes too much. If you recognize them as mistakes, then you'll surely recognize them if they come around to you a second time. And this time you have a powerful weapon to fight them with. You have experience. You say you're a boring, quiet guy who prefers to stay at home in front of the computer or watch a movie rather than go out. There's nothing wrong with preferring quiet evenings over raucous dance clubs. There's plenty of people in the world like that, and I'm sure there's women who would like nothing more than to do that with someone like you. Of course, in order to find someone like that you'd have to both go out, and...well, you see the problem. But I will say that you'll never find someone like that if you don't go looking for one. It's easy to fail if you never try, and it's all too tempting to choose the easy way out after a breakup. Believe me, I know. You ask what women want. Oh boy... Women want a lot of things, just like how men want a lot of things. But when it comes to boyfriends, I can tell you what we want the most is a man who knows his own worth and treats himself accordingly. I know it can seem like we want the douchebag with the fancy car and tribal tattoos, but that's not what we find attractive (and I don't find those type of guys attractive at all). But I guarantee you every douchebag with girls on their arms have them because of something women find universally appealing: Confidence. We want a man who will stand up to a challenge with a can-do attitude, someone who looks at life with eager tenacity. It's where that "come at me, bro" mentality comes from. Confidence and a good dose of self esteem. That's what women want from men. I suspect you ask me that because you fear you're not what women want, so I'll tell you what we don't want and you can compare. What we don't want is the guy who doesn't care about himself, or doesn't take care of himself. We don't want the guy who reacts to a problem by folding like a deck chair and doesn't brush his teeth or shower regularly. That guy is a slob who will go nowhere, and we don't want to be the ones picking up after him. We want to be a man's girlfriend, his wife, his lover. Not his mother. If this sounds like you at all, then it may be time for a change. It all comes back to you. Remember, you have the power to change any part of you that you don't like. The only person who can take that power away from you is you. If you do that, then there's no helping you. If you decide you're fine feeling the way you do, you'll never change. And hey, there's plenty of guys out there who've done that and enjoy their lives quite well. But again, I suspect you're not that type of guy, or you wouldn't have asked for my advice. If you do choose to take the path of self improvement, do whatever it takes. If you need it, go see a counselor. Don't be ashamed to ask others for help. Lots of people do, and they're better for it. Same thing for medication. If you need it, then take it. I know self improvement may seem like a daunting task, and I won't sugar coat it, it will be one of the hardest things you've ever done. Trust me, I know. But believe me, it's worth it. It's worth it because you're worth it. That's something you have to decide for yourself, and you have to keep deciding that for yourself every day for the rest of your life. That's the kicker right there, it's not a one time thing. If you're going to be the kind of guy you want to be, self improvement is something you have to do forever. But don't do it for the wrong reasons. Don't do it for a girl, or because you want people to like you. Do it because you want to like you. Do it because you're worth it. So remember this for when the breakup depression stops feeling like a comforting blanket and starts feeling like a lead weight holding you back from something wonderful: Breakups suck balls, they always will, and it's okay to feel what you're feeling. But once it's over, it's over. And there's nowhere left to look but forward.
nonusnomeni Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 apparently i am late to delete post... last night i was drunk, sober i would never bother anyone with my personal (to personal) problems, but then this thread was show himself with strange coincidence... i will never ask (sober) for anybody help or approval... advices yes, and you are here made very good job, it was my pleasure to read something so simple and so rational, very good indeed... i like my wall and i don't let anybody in... and that was my mistake 6y ago; when i was let her inside my wall, when she was appear on my front doors with bags and decision then i am her man... she was probably curios and i was surprised, because she is nice, dissent, respectful girl and i was always been a lure for some impious promiscuous sluts... but now i am sober, everything is over, 3 days of drinking was very helpful, and tomorrow is the new day... anyway thank you very much for wasting time on this old grumpy...
Kashiwaba Tomoe Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 I gotta DISAGREE queen bee. I've seen WAY too many girls (not going to dignify them with the term ladies or even women) who PREFER a guy that's a fuckup, thinking they can fix him. One male acquaintance (who I rather dislike, but he's a friend of a friend who I only see at that friends house) has like 2 kids, and one on the way. All of the mothers came from a background with money and ALL thought they could 'fix' him (when all he wanted was to knock them up so he could mooch off of them or their families for as long as possible).
Queen Bee Posted December 26, 2012 Author Posted December 26, 2012 True, there are some women who crave the fixer-uper, the guy who becomes their pet project. They actually do enjoy slipping into the caregiver role, very much like a mother. I suppose I forgot about those types because I disagree so strongly with their tactics. You can't change a man, you can only encourage him to grow. You can't fix a man, you can only point out where he needs to fix himself. The kind of guy they're attracted to has a lot wrong with him, and he's gotten comfortable with being how he is. Give a guy like that enough room and he'll stretch out and relax, and he'll never get moving. Snap the whip, and watch him curl into a ball. But I stand by what I said. Show me a woman who doesn't want a confident man with good self esteem, and I'll show you an abusive, manipulative bitch who just wants someone to wipe her shoes on when she's in a pissy mood.
Kashiwaba Tomoe Posted December 26, 2012 Posted December 26, 2012 But I stand by what I said. Show me a woman who doesn't want a confident man with good self esteem' date=' and I'll show you an abusive, manipulative bitch who just wants someone to wipe her shoes on when she's in a pissy mood. [/quote'] qft
Queen Bee Posted December 27, 2012 Author Posted December 27, 2012 apparently i am late to delete post... last night i was drunk' date=' sober i would never bother anyone with my personal (to personal) problems, but then this thread was show himself with strange coincidence... i will never ask (sober) for anybody help or approval... advices yes, and you are here made very good job, it was my pleasure to read something so simple and so rational, very good indeed... i like my wall and i don't let anybody in... and that was my mistake 6y ago; when i was let her inside my wall, when she was appear on my front doors with bags and decision then i am her man... she was probably curios and i was surprised, because she is nice, dissent, respectful girl and i was always been a lure for some impious promiscuous sluts... but now i am sober, everything is over, 3 days of drinking was very helpful, and tomorrow is the new day... anyway thank you very much for wasting time on this old grumpy... [/quote'] Sorry I didn't see this post right away, since it was on the previous page. Plus its been a busy holiday for me. Anyway, I know what it's like to post a drunken rant and then regret it the next day. Usually I'm pretty fast at catching it and deleting it before it becomes a thing. Usually. But really, I hope my advice helps. I know how hard it can be to deal with shit like this, and I myself have been tempted to just crawl into a bottle and give up. But thats like suicide; it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things will get better, it just takes time followed by effort. Breaking out of your shell may seem impossible, but just keep in mind, even baby chicks can find the strength to hatch. Okay, that was a stupid analogy. But my point still stands. Change can be good, and I encourage it for everyone and anyone who's going through what you're going through.
nonusnomeni Posted December 27, 2012 Posted December 27, 2012 @queen no problem, hope you are find some time to relax and enjoy now... they are helpful, but i don't want to hope then somebody will need them... you have interesting point of view on suicide, think i will use that sometime on someone... sometime it is much better to live by the ancient rules then expose your self to influences of the modern society... let me tell you one story: it was a winter, very cold winter, a band of hunters are go to the hunt into forest one of them was fall into live mud, others are try to pull him out and he was refuse they help saying here is warm outside is cold... so let say i prefer to have warm hart inside then become cold-hearted materialist without soul outside... sorry for lack of punctuation... purposeful over aesthetic... thx again...
R733 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 (I'm not sure if you want it to be like an actual advice column, as in "question-answer-question-answer" format, or if you actually want responses. So if you want, I'll just delete this. ) But yes, you are spot on about everything, yeah, my atheism is certainly not a belief system, hell, I call myself a "spiritual atheist." I may not think that there's a god out there, but there very well could be something "more." But that's for another time. And damn good point again about comparing other swears, I love stuff like that that just makes sense. I'll try harder not to worry from now on! Even though that's kinda my thing! Everything is a belief system (there can be less or more coherent belief system though). We make choices based on our beliefs and reality is outcome of these choices and our thoughts. In a way, belief system is just another word for level of consciousness - way of processing data and reacting to that data based on contemplation of personal experience and theoretical knowledge. Even logic -which is objective-, as people behaviour shows, can be rejected, so it's also a belief system.
Cozy Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I think I'm falling for you, what should I do? Keep talking about kinky stuff maybe? Keep flirting? Both? Obvious troll post from me, but of course with love, my Queen. *purrs*
Queen Bee Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 D'awww, Cozy. This must be the cutest troll post I've ever seen. <3 My advice: 1000cc hot strapon injection, stat!
ChancellorKremlin Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Can't believe I let this thread escape my attention. I'll have to ask something later on in the course of the day. I'll try and think of something deep and profound, as opposed to say, what kind of root tuber should I buy in my next shopping trip... even though said question has been agonising me for the past hour or two. EDIT: R733, don't be a troll.
Queen Bee Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 I look forward to seeing what sort of question you ask, Chancellor. Knowing you, it'll be something deep and thought provoking. That, or silly and fun. But yeah, one of those.
ChancellorKremlin Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Well, turns out I really could have used your help the other day.I went to the store and bought beetroot.... BEETROOT! What kind of effing root tuber is that, it was fucking gross! Needless to say I ruined my sandwich, not to mention the bloody thing fell off onto my white shirt while I was eating it at work and ooh... bad day QB, BAD DAY!So my question is, what should I buy next time? Should I just stick to a traditional russet spud, in the microwave with a knob of butter on it? Or should I not let my adventurous side be reigned in by a minor little accident? Oh Queen Bee, I am so confused! Help me Queen Been, you're my only hope! That's not my real question. None of that happened. I don't even have a white shirt. I don't even eat sandwiches!I digress. I have a real close friend of mine who suffers from mild depression and certain types of Neurosis. He is on medication to calm his nerves, and attends therapy. The problem is, he needs CBT (Cognitive behaviour therapy) and the therapist he goes to is mostly for venting purposes, ie all she does is sit and make the occasional comment, which he says is rarely helpful, while he talks and talks and talks and basically "lets it all out". The problem is, when something doesn't quite go right in this life, ie he's currently looking looking for a job, and gets a lot of interviews, but people with more experience end up getting the position, he becomes reclusive and retreats into his shell.He breaks off social commitments like going out, meeting up with me and our mutual friends, and he'll end up getting into some nasty fights with his mother, who also suffers from similar problems. The thing is, he often comes to me for advice, but I'm dry out of options. This has been going on for about 3-4 years, and I don't know what else to say. He has good and bad periods, but sooner or later he'll recede into a pit which often takes months to come out of. I've seen him sometimes face his fears, and rather than stay at home and mope and cry he'll go out, we'll have a good time, catch up with friends and he'll be all the better for it. So I say "Look, remember that time, when you were like this, and you decided tto face your fears and you got yourself out there again? You need to internalise that, remember that, and do it again, until it becomes second nature" but for whatever reason, he refuses to allow those positive experiences to build up to anything other than say, a good memory, and focuses only on the bad, to his own detriment.Now, I really care for him, he's a really good friend of mine and my GF, but I just feel this is totally outside my scope. I'm quite a rigid, rational and logical person, and thought processes which I think of as only natural and easy to fall back obviously don't apply to him. So I'm wondering whether I should maybe change tact, or try a different approach? Part of me thinks he needs to realise he has to fight his own battles, but I obviously can go to him and say that upfront. Or maybe I should, the so called "tough love" and all that, even though I think it will probably do more damage than good. But isn't sometimes a bit of a "push" what is necessary? I just don't want to "push" too hard.So yeah... maybe a fresh perspective on the issue is what I'm after. My GF is outta ideas, as am I. I realise this may have be a little too "heavy going" but hey, you did ask lol. Anyway, I appreciate your comments either way, I've known the guy for a long time, so regardless, I'll have to think of something, only sometimes its nice to know you're not alone in thinking up a few ideas, you know
Queen Bee Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Chancellor, your question is complex and I want my answer to do it justice. I'll have to mull this one over and get back to you, if not tomorrow then the next day. After all, it's not every day I get asked about so serious a topic as beetroot. But really, I need a bit to figure this out. I really am going to think on it and get back to you asap.
ChancellorKremlin Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Wow, fast service too! Thanks QB. Take your time, its not like anyone else was making use of your talents! No, seriously though, I've been though this for the better part of fours years now, so I'm sure it can wait as long as you need. Thanks again!
Queen Bee Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 I appreciate your patience, since I'm going to have to make use of it some more. My life is a bit hectic right now, but I will come back to this asap with a response. Bear with me!
ChancellorKremlin Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 I appreciate your patience, since I'm going to have to make use of it some more. My life is a bit hectic right now, but I will come back to this asap with a response. Bear with me! No problem darling, my own life isn't getting any better either, so I've got my own share of problems before I have to dwell on that particular one! Take as long as you need.
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