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Diary of a Dragonborn Chapter 4: How Did They Move That Big Blue Ball?


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CHAPTER 4: HOW DID THEY MOVE THAT BIG BLUE BALL?
In which our hero meets the one person in Skyrim he actually likes
Previous: Chapter 3, College Guys Gone Wild

 

I get back to the college, and Arch-Mage Aren seems less than fascinated with my news. Look, dude, there's a big glowing blue ball thing, and an undead wizard dude, and magic walls tied to magic necklaces, time warp spells... and... uh... chanting walls. Really, it wasn't my imagination. The walls were chanting at me. I'm sure if you go listen they'll chant at you too.

 

Aren doesn't believe me about the chanting walls, and sends me to talk to Urag. Get me out of his hair, really. Maybe Urag will believe me about the chanting walls. He doesn't though. He's more concerned with completing his book collection. Look, dude, I'll get around to it, okay? He doesn't care about my lack of interest in his books, and sends me off after some dude named Orthorn who apparently stole some books. So... he didn't have Orthorn torn apart by atronachs, and instead just decides to send some random freshman after this renegade wizard who joined other renegade wizards and are now holed up in a renegade wizard fortress, plotting renegade wizard plots and scheming renegade wizard schemes, and nightly dreaming renegade wizard dreams. By day they play renegade wizard games and I'm spiraling down into a hole here, need to get back to the story at hand. Off to the renegade wizard hangout to raid it for books. Maybe I can mix the professions of Mage and Tomb Raider. Mace Raiden, Tomb-Raiding Wizard Extraordinaire!

 

Fellglow Keep is nestled high in the mountains of Whiterun, or possibly Windhelm. It's hard to tell with these W-places. I head to Whiterun, then walk the long way around to Fellglow Keep. I would have taken the short way, but there IS no short way. There are several long ways, though, so I pick one at random and start walking.

 

When I finally reach the renegade wizard fort, I am immediately attacked by two renegade wizards and a human-shaped mobile fire. I've finally found out what an atronach is! It's a wall of mobile fire that shoots fireballs, and when it dies, explodes in fire! So when Urag threatened me with atronachs, he was basically saying that if I damaged one of his books, he would personally set in motion events that would lead to his entire library burning to the ground. I'm glad I didn't insult his mother; he'd have summoned an army of daedra to wipe out the countryside. He should have a sign on the library door that reads "disproportionate response." The wizards go down easy enough with a quick application of warhammer to sternum, and I actually get some use out of my wards when facing the atronach!

 

Anyway, the main doors are locked, so through a side door I go. First I'm attacked by a bunch of renegade wizard's giant spider pets, then the renegade wizard himself. Then I find out the renegade wizards have been keeping some young women prisoner, probably to aid in their renegade wizard plots. I kill the renegade wizard jailer, let the prisoners free, and they immediately sprint for their freedom out the back door... at least, that's what happened in Sane World. In this world, they sprinted into the next room and proceeded to start flinging magic spells at other renegade wizards. Guys, if you could use magic yourselves, how did you end up being taken prisoner? And, once taken prisoner, why not just shoot the jailer yourselves? And if you didn't want to do that, or were too afraid, why are you engaging them now? Why not just slip out the back door?
So it turns out those nice young women are actually vampires. Seems legit - the only thing that could possibly be WEAKER than a mage is a VAMPIRE MAGE boosted by unholy power. The renegade wizards dispatch them, but not without losses, and now it's my turn. I continue wandering through the complex, killing renegade wizards and the occasional vampire prisoner. Eventually I find the one renegade wizard I was sent here to find - Orthorn the Altmer. He's a little coward, and he doesn't have the books Urag wants. I tell him to stick with me, we'll make it out together. I figure I can always feed him to some spiders if I need to.

 

The two of us continue through the dungeon, killing renegade wizards and renegade wizard pets. We pass through the renegade wizard library, but none of these are the books Urag wants. We head up some renegade stairs and through some more renegade doors, along some renegade tunnels, and I find a Renegade Unusual Gem. It floats! It must be magic! And now I can't get rid of it! We eventually come to the top of the dungeon complex/fort/keep/tower, and we meet... The Caller.

 

Orthorn made her sound like some real monstrous renegade bitch, but she's actually the only person I've met here (besides Orthorn) who doesn't attack me on sight. She is actually quite open-minded about my disrupting her renegade experiments and killing her renegade followers. She'll let me go, and with the books, if I leave Orthorn here. You got it, dude! It's a deal! Suck it up, Orthorn, you brought this on yourself. I grab the books and head out the way I came.

 

Back at the college, I walk in the main building, going to head upstairs to deliver the books and WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DOING HERE? The great big glowy blue ball thing? How did you get it out of that chamber in Saarthal? The doors out of there were barely big enough for a person to walk through! Don't tell me you guys can shrink things down and then expand them back up again? I WANT TO LEARN THAT SPELL! Seething with envy, I head upstairs and give the books to Urag, who promptly gives one of them right back to me. And some other books. Look, dude, if all you're interested in is trading books back and forth, just say so. Don't send me across the country... ah, who the hell am I kidding? You're going to do that anyway, aren't you?

 

So I head back to talk to Tolfdir and maybe learn the secrets of the magic shrinking-expanding spell. Tolfdir is unhelpful on that regard, more interested in the big blue ball that he has dubbed the Eye of Magnus. He talks about the ball for a while and then Ancano comes in and demands that I follow him. No way, dude, you're probably just wanting to get me alone to kill me quietly. I know your type. But somehow, following him ended up in my journal/date book, in ink again, so I've got no choice. Upstairs to the Arch-Mage's quarters. If this ends up being something sexual between you guys and you need a third partner, I'm outta here.

 

Hey, it's that time-stopping, teleporting wizard dude from Saarthal! Look, Arch-Mage, I told you! He's real, not a figment of my imagination! He can stop time! Ah, crap, you did it again, didn't you, you bastard? Look, are you just fucking with me? What is this, tease-the-freshman day? Gonna spout some more cryptic bullshit my way then teleport out of here again? Yep, looks like it. He tells me that I have to stop people from using the Eye of Magnus. Well, hell, dude, couldn't you have done that yourself? I mean, you can obviously teleport around and stop time, why couldn't you teleport the goddamn eye out of Saarthal? Or shrink it down? By the way, can you teach me that shrink-expand spell?

 

It is not to be. The elf tells me to seek out the Augur of Dunlain, whatever/whoever the hell that is, and then unfreezes time. Ancano gets pissed and tells the elf that he can't leave. I've got to say, I'm with Ancano on this one. This dude shows up out of nowhere, demands to see the college's latest recruit, stops time, resumes time, and then says it's all a mistake and he should not be here? Fuck off, dude. Either tell me what you know or hit the road. He hits the road.

 

Well, hell. I guess I might as well go find out about this Augur of Dunlain thing. the Arch-Mage tells me to talk to Mirabelle, who tells me to talk to Tolfdir, who tells me to jump in the sewer. Or head into the midden. Something like that. I get the impression that Tolfdir's brain may have been damaged sometime recently.

 

So I'm off to the midden. It's under the college and I'm sure it won't be full of magical creatures that want to eat my flesh. Time for a status update:
HAMMER: 7
MAGIC: 3

 

Next: Chapter 5, Winner Of The Smartest Mage In The World Contest
Start at Chapter 1

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