“No, I’m not ready to wake up yet.” The bright morning sun has found a gap in the blinds, gleefully shining its warming rays on my face. I pull the duvet up around my neck and roll over in bed. I reach out an arm, feeling for him under the covers. Disappointingly, my search party returns empty handed. “James?” I whisper, opening one eye. Not here. I guess he must already be awake. I sit up in bed and see the door to his living area slightly ajar, the faint noise of what sounds like frying coming from the kitchen. “Mmm, that smells good” I think to myself. As I lie backwards, I stretch out my arms and look up at the ceiling, content in the knowledge that last night was not a dream. It would be a good dream don’t get me wrong, a very good one, but no, for the second time in a week I’d had the most mind-blowing sex of my life

 

 

 

“You should probably get up, Briony”, I think to myself. As much as I wanted to laze around in bed all day, his bed, I promised mom I’d be back in good time, with it being my last day at home. I sit up again and look around the floor. “My overnight bag must still be in the living room” I think. As I place my feet onto the floor, I notice one of his hoodies folded over the back of a desk chair in the corner. This will do. I pull it over my head and it practically drowns me, but the fabric is soft and warm and it smells of him. I wrap the arms around me as if it is giving me a hug

 

I open the bedroom door and walk into the living area and see James busy in the kitchen, his back to me. The tv is on, showing the news. It takes my eyes a moment to adjust to the brightness of this room, with the blinds fully open. “Oh, good morning sleepy head” James says with a smile, as he turns around and notices me. “Just making breakfast. I thought I’d try again, you know, after last night’s disaster” he laughs

 

I walk over to where he is standing and put my arms around his neck, standing on my tip toes to give him a kiss. “No last night was perfect” I reply, opening my eyes and gazing into his “but thank you, breakfast sounds lovely. I couldn’t find my bag, so I borrowed your hoody I hope you don’t mind” I step back and pirouette, holding my arms out. It covers my bum but not a whole lot else, hopefully he likes that ‘feature’. My hands hilariously however, don’t even reach the ends of the sleeves

 

“No of course, not at all” James chuckles, “It looks great on you.” As I back away, fitting another pirouette in, I cover most of my face with the sleeve and give him a wink, “why thank you” I giggle. “I’m definitely keeping this” I think to myself, I’ll need something when reality hits and I’m inevitably missing him in a few days’ time

 

 

 

“What would you like to drink with breakfast? I can make you a coffee, there’s fresh fruit juice, oh your bag is next to the couch by the way”

 

“Both please, if that’s okay” I reply, as I sit down centre stage where last night’s passion took place. I notice my stilettos underneath the coffee table. “So naughty” I think to myself, as I feel my core clench and tighten. I lift my overnight bag off the floor and onto my lap and take out my mirror

 

“Oh my god!” I didn’t take my make up off last night” I groan, as I see the reflection staring back at me. I hear James let out a laugh from the kitchen. He walks over with a glass of fresh orange juice and places it on the coffee table before squatting down in front of me “and yet, sat there in my hoody, you still manage to look this beautiful” He smiles and kisses me on the cheek, “There’s your juice, I’ll bring your coffee to the dining table as breakfast will be ready in a few minutes.” I watch him as he gets up and returns to the kitchen. “This man…I mean he’s wrong about how I look right now, but he can come over and tell me again if he likes” I think, as I blush and try to hide my grin

 

I reach into my bag and pull out my make up wipes and begin to remove last night’s face. Breakfast smelt really good and I was hungry; I couldn’t wait to eat. “Want me to set the table?” I ask, taking a sip from my juice and getting up from the sofa. “Oh yeah sure you can do thank you, everything is already out over here, I’ve just not put it out yet” James replied. I wandered into the kitchen and picked up the placemats, plates and cutlery and set out 2 spaces on the dining table. “Would you mind grabbing a couple of trivets as well? James asked “They are just over here by the chopping boards. I’ll drop the dishes straight onto those”

 

 

 

We sat and head breakfast together, James had honestly gone all out; bacon, sausage, scrambled egg, beans, tomato, French toast. It was delicious! Between that, my coffee and a few glasses of juice, I doubt I’d be needing much lunch, if at all. I glanced out of the window, watching the city waking up in the distance. Saturday mornings at his place. I could get used to this. ‘If only’ I thought to myself. For a brief moment, a feeling crept over me I feared I’d experience a whole lot more over the next few days. Sadness

 

“Is it okay if I take a quick shower?” I shout through to James, as I take out my clothes and make up bag and place them on the end of his bed. “Yeah of course, you don’t need to ask. There are fresh towels in the bathroom” I hear him respond. I walk back through to the living room; James is sat on the sofa reading. I sit besides him and place my legs over his and cuddle in. “And would you like to join me?” I ask playfully, running my hand through his hair. James puts his book down next to him and looks at me before smiling, “I thought you’d be tired after last night?” He runs his hand up and down my thigh. “I mean sure I am tired, but I go home tomorrow remember, and besides, if we both shower now, it saves water, right?” I say, tracing his jawline with my finger. “Saves water” James raises an eyebrow, “I mean if it helps save water, how can I say no” he responds, before smiling. I lean into his neck and almost let my lips touch his ear. “Exactly” I whisper, before slowly straddling him and looking into his eyes. I place my arms around his neck and tilt my head, kissing him slowly. I knew I had to savour these, cherish each one, as if by somehow studying each moment intently, it would give me the ability to recall it at will when I needed it

 

 

 

I waited patiently behind him, as James got the shower running and the water hot. We were yet to step inside, but I was already wet where it mattered. My body knew what was coming. My mind had already imagined it, and the former responded, getting everything ready. James turned to me and stepped aside, signalling me to step in before him. As I passed, I looked into his eyes and ran my hand down his torso, just letting my hand graze it as I stepped into the shower. The water was hot and powerful, I let it run down my back before tilting my neck and turning around, taking my breasts in my hands and letting the water run over them. James stepped forward, joining me and closing the door behind him. As our skin touched and the water ran down both our bodies, I took his hand and placed it on one of my breasts, standing on my tip toes to kiss him. As our tongues met in each-others mouths, he took his other hand and placed it on the back of my head, pulling me in closer. “Turn around” he said softly. I did as he asked, and he began to wash my back, starting with my neck and shoulders, working his way south. He then knelt down and washed my legs. Honestly, up until now, I never thought a shower could be this erotic, let alone someone washing me, but there was something about his hands being all over my bare skin, the way he massaged my calves, the way he slowly traced his fingers up my legs, worked his way around my waist and bum, the way he let just enough of his finger graze my lips as he washed my inner thigh

 

 

 

As he stood up, he pressed his body up against mine. I could feel it growing. His hands worked their way around my waist and up to my breasts. As he squeezed my nipples, I let my head fall back into his chest as I let out a moan of satisfaction. I placed my hand over his and squeezed my breast before taking his hand and running it down my stomach to my vagina. “You forgot to clean this.” I let his fingers part my warm, silky opening as intense pleasure began to run through my body. “Oh James” I moaned. He rubbed and teased my clit before pushing a finger inside my pussy. As one hand pleasured me below, the other cupped my breasts and played with my nipples. I leant back against his body, succumbing to him completely until I couldn’t take it anymore; I wanted him inside me again. I span around quickly, gazing up and down at his body, before looking up into his eyes. James smiled, as if he could see this cocktail of hunger and desire building inside of me. I took his cock in my hand and began to stroke. The water, soap and his pre-cum provided a perfect mixture as I jerked my hand back and forth around his rock-hard shaft

 

 

 

There wasn’t a lot of space to manoeuvre inside the shower cubicle, and our height difference would have made navigating this even more of a challenge, but I knew one position that would work perfectly, and luckily for me, James had already shown he excelled at it. As we kissed, I placed my hands around his neck and wrapped my leg around him. “Pick me up again” I demanded. His hands first traced my waist, before moving around onto my buttocks. As he gave my ass a squeeze before lifting me up in one single motion, I gratefully wrapped my legs around him. He began kissing down my neck, slowly, before working his way back up the other side. As his lips traced my skin, I tilted my head away, wanting to give him the greatest access. Each kiss made my nipples harden even more, as if they were trying to get his attention instead. “Don’t stop” I pleaded, as I began to gyrate my hips against him. I could feel his thick cock beneath me. With each movement of my hips, it rubbed against my lips. James pressed me up against the wall with force, “Shit sorry” he apologised. I bit my lip, “don’t be, I like it. Put it in”

 

With me pressed up against the wall of the cubicle, James supported the rest of my body weight under one arm as he reached down and manoeuvred the head to my opening. As his cock parted my lips and slowly began to slide inside, I wrapped my arms fully around his neck and relaxed, lowering myself onto him. Once again, one movement of his massive cock is all it took to send me over the edge. I begin to tremble as a massive orgasm took over my body. I could feel the weight of him as he pushed against me, and me against the tiles of the shower wall. There was nowhere to go, but this only made me cum harder. I twisted my hips with pleasure as he thrust inside me, the juices of my pussy soaking his shaft. As he began to orgasm inside me, I held his face between my hands and kissed him. I knew this was the last time I’d experience this for a while, but I did not want it to be the last, as if this kiss was a subconscious act of possession, “you are mine now understand.”

 

 

 

“What else do you have planned this weekend?” I asked, as I finished gathering my things and put my trainers on

 

“I’m meeting a friend this afternoon and we are going to the gym. I said I’d go for a drink with him later, but to be honest, I’m 50/50 at the minute. Other than that, this is the first weekend in a while I’d have no plans, and I’d like to make the most of it” James replied

 

“Damn, so you mean we could hang out again later?” I joke, although part of me was semi-serious

 

James smiled, “You should spend some time with your mom and dad, they’ll miss you a lot you know, after tomorrow”

 

“Yeah, I know, I can’t believe how quickly this week has gone to be honest, I am looking forward to tonight with them, it should be fun”

 

“Do you leave for college in the morning?” James asked

 

“Probably no later than noon. It’s quite a drive, and I’d like to be back before nightfall if possible”. My mind wanders to a goofy video Maisy and I were laughing about on Wednesday. In it a cat appeared to kiss a mouse before walking away.  The mouse then stood there looking confused, with its arms wide open. The caption read “so what are we?” Right now, James was the cat, and I felt like the mouse. I wanted to ask him the same question, for closure, for comfort, for something to hold onto, but knew I couldn’t for fear of being too clingy. As James walked me to the door, I opted for a safer option “I’ll miss you too, you know, I had a great time this past week”, I said, turning to him

 

James smiled, those beautiful, piercing eyes staring into mine, “Me too Briony, let me know when you are back yeah?”. I wrapped my arms around his neck for one last hug before kissing him on the lips. “Well at least I know he wants to talk to me when I’m back in college” I think. I felt a contented happiness, I could live with this for now, the mouse knew there was something there at least. As the elevator door opened, I turned to him one last time and smiled, blew him a kiss and stepped inside. As the doors shut behind me, I leant against the wall and closed my eyes

 

 

 

Saturday night was honestly really fun. My mom was super excited to see me when I got home, she didn’t ask me too many questions about my ‘girlie night out with Maisy’ as she called it, which to be honest, I was glad about as I was having a hard time not thinking about James’ bed, what we did on his sofa, and in his shower… We stayed up late that night, the music was playing, dad even got the karaoke machine out. As far as weekends go, this one was turning out to be pretty awesome. It was just a shame that Sunday was going to suck

 

“Oh sweetie I can’t believe it’s time for you to leave already, please drive safely and let me know as soon as you get home!”, mom planted a big kiss on my cheek and squeezed me almost as tightly as when I arrived last Friday

 

“Of course, mom, I love you both”, I turned to my dad and gave him a hug

 

“Love you too sweetie” dad replied

 

As I placed my suitcase in the trunk of my car and got into the driver’s seat, I felt a lump in my throat. Part of me was looking forward to going back to college don’t get me wrong, but I’d miss my parents, I’d definitely miss James, and I knew I had to face letting Jacob down. I still didn’t know how I was going to approach that conversation. I adjusted my mirror, started the ignition and drove off my parents’ driveway, and down the street

 

 

 

I sat down on the edge of my dormitory bed and picked up my phone, dialling Maisy’s number. “Hey Maisy, can we catch up later?” I asked

“Sure B, is everything alright?” Maisy responded

 

“I’ve…ended things with Jacob” I replied

 

“What?! Oh Briony are you okay? How come, where has this come from? I can come over now if you’d like” Maisy sounded genuinely shocked. I forget she, or no one for that matter, doesn’t know about what happened last week at home

 

“Err yes please if you’re not busy, and can we go out? I’d prefer to get out of this room if I’m honest. I’ll meet you outside campus?”

 

“Sure B, see you there in 5. I love you” Maisy hung up. She really was a good friend, I knew deep down if I ever needed her for anything, no matter how trivial, she’d be there for me. I grabbed my coat and locked my dorm door behind me, before heading down the corridor

 

As I caught sight of Maisy stood on the pavement outside, she noticed me as well, and came running over before giving me a huge squeeze “Briony I’m really sorry, what happened, how come you never told me you were having doubts?”

 

 

 

“To be honest Maisy, I don’t think I knew myself. I saw him this morning and I dunno, it just didn’t feel right, so I decided to end it. Shock I know right. I’m okay though, I just feel bad for Jacob”

 

“Did he not take it so well?” Maisy asked

 

“I mean he didn’t get mad or anything. He didn’t really say much at all, I think that’s what has made me feel bad. The silence was awkward so I ended up blabbing and saying he hadn’t done anything wrong and so on, oh god I definitely made it worse”, I covered my face with my hands. I knew I’d make a hash of this, I thought

 

“You didn’t say it did you”

 

“Say what? Oh no, I didn’t use it’s not you it’s me.” For a  second there, I thought Maisy knew about James

 

“Well, there is that at least” Maisy said encouragingly, putting her arm around me, “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad, I’m just glad you are okay. When you first said it, I thought you were going to say something bad, like he was seeing someone else or something

 

“Oh yeah, right, no nothing like that” I replied. “Great, now I do feel really bad” I think

 

“I could crash in your dorm tonight B if you want? Set one of our laptops up and watch Netflix or something” Maisy asked

 

“Yeah sure, I’d like that” I smile

 

 

 

I’m glad Maisy did spend that night with me, as I woke up in the early hours after having a nightmare. It was so vivid, almost like a fever dream. I was being pushed towards a cliff edge by a force I couldn’t see. I tried to fight against whatever was pushing me, but I couldn’t stop myself from slipping over the edge. I must have startled Maisy awake as she sat up and asked if I was alright. I apologised and said I was having a bad dream. I got up to go to the bathroom and splash some cold water on my face. Just a dream, I thought, looking myself in the mirror. I got back into bed and Maisy put her arm over me, I cuddled into her and went back to sleep

 

I could not believe my eyes as I walked out of my lecture building. “James?” I thought. That was definitely him, same charcoal grey suit he was wearing when I saw him at my mom and dad’s house. He was leaning against his black Jaguar convertible. I wanted to run over to him and jump into his arms, but I was acutely aware of my surroundings and who else might notice me leaping into the arms of an older man. As I got closer, he looked up from the floor and saw me approaching. He let out a faint smile, but something wasn’t right, his brow appeared furrowed like he was sad, or about to deliver bad news

 

 

 

As I reached him, his expression did change for a fleeting moment. “Hey Briony, I’m sorry to just show up like this, can we talk?” he put his hand on his car door as if signalling me to get in

 

“Of course, James, is, everything alright?” I asked, with a tone of concern. James didn’t answer, “lets go for a drive” he said. Suddenly I felt sick, like I was about to be pushed off a cliff edge. I reluctantly opened the door and sat in the passenger seat. If you’d have told me before my lecture that I’d be getting into James’ car immediately after, as he surprised me with a visit, I’d have been unable to contain my excitement. I’d have probably skipped the lecture altogether, but something was definitely wrong. As we pulled out, I ran through in my head every possible scenario I could think of, and none of them were good. Had something happened to my mom and/or dad, and he was here to take me home? No please don’t let it be that. Had they found out about me and him? Had he come clean to them that we slept together? Unlikely, I’d know long before James’ got here if they knew. Was he breaking it off with me? I didn’t want to believe it, but this felt the most likely

 

 

 

As we reached the park, James pulled over and turned the ignition off. He closed his eyes for a second before exhaling. “James, you’re scaring me, are my mom and dad okay?”

 

“What? Oh my god, Briony yes, they are absolutely fine, I’m sorry” he undid his seat belt and turned to me. As much as that was a relief, I knew what was coming

 

“Look, Briony, I’ve been thinking these past few days about us. Realistically, what future does it have, it can’t have one, can it let’s be honest. Even if I was a complete stranger to your mom and dad, you’re in college and I’m…well, it was a long time ago I was in your position, put it that way. But your mom and dad and me, mine and your dad’s business…it’s just…”

 

 “You weren’t thinking of my mom and dad, or your business for that matter, when you came up to my bedroom that evening, were you”, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I looked at him

 

“No, and for that I’m so sorry…I was selfish”

 

I started to cry, “and what about wanting to see me before I came back here huh? A one-time fling, it would have sucked, but if that was it so be it. We both wanted it, it happened. We move on. Why invite me over to your place? I actually felt a proper connection after that night and the next morning. I fucking dressed up for you”

 

“Briony please, don’t make this harder than it already is. I’m sorry, you’re right, I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have done any of it.”

 

I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked up at the sky. I hated that part of me knew he was right. I just wasn’t ready to give up this fairytale yet. Deep down I wasn’t mad at him, but I wanted him to know I was. I wanted this too, probably more than he even did. He came to my room, but I would likely have been touching myself to the thought of him anyway. He invited me over to his place, and I was over the moon that he did. He didn’t ask me to buy lingerie; I did that myself. Who instigated sex? I did, and then again, the next morning…

 

“I’ll drive you back to your campus” James said. “No its fine, I’ll get out here” I replied coldly. As I began to open the door, James touched my arm, I turned to look at him again. “I really am sorry, B.” I got out and closed his car door, slowly backing onto the pavement, as tears welled up in my eyes again. He started the car and pulled out, driving off down the road and into the distance. I was over the cliff edge, falling into the abyss. The only difference, I couldn’t wake up this time…

 

 

 

Have you ever watched the Twilight movies? You know that scene where Edward breaks up with Bella, and for an age it’s like time just passes Bella by. For the next few weeks, that felt like me. I was Bella Swan. The worst part is, people sort of understood Bella’s plight at first, I mean by the end her friends lost patience and stopped caring. But in contrast, I had no one I could confide in

 

“Are you sure you’re okay sweetie, you haven’t sounded like yourself the past few weeks. It’s not boy trouble, is it? Are you having regrets about ending it with Jacob?” mom asked. I look out of my dormitory window as I notice a few snowflakes fall from the sky. “Yeah, I’m alright Mom, honest. No, I’m not regretting breaking it off with Jacob. You could say I’ve had a bit of boy trouble yeah, a boy who I liked, let’s just say it wasn’t reciprocated. Probably karma for Jacob, right?” I try to make a joke and sound more upbeat, “but I’ll be fine I’m honest. Maybe you know, being away from home is starting to hit me more. Last semester was a bit of a blur and everything was new and exciting. Whereas right now, it’s getting cold here, the novelty is wearing off, I have some tests coming up…but I’ll be fine”

 

“Oh sweetie, I’m sorry to hear that, well if he doesn’t want you, he’s not worth the trouble. We miss you too Briony, so much. Your dad and I, we are so proud of you. We can’t wait to see you for the Christmas holidays!”

 

“Me too mom, I love you, I’ve gotta go Maisy will be here any second”

 

“Okay love, speak soon”, mom says goodbye and I hang up the phone. Almost instantly there is a knock on the door, I sit up straight on the bed and try to remove any signs that I was getting upset again. “Come in” I respond. With a flash, Maisy opens the door and shuts it behind her. She is beaming from ear to ear and looking at me

 

“Go on, give me the good news”. I sit back on the bed and cross my legs, tapping the bed for Maisy to sit next to me

 

 

 

Maisy drops down on the bed and takes a cushion, placing it on her lap and hugging it tightly. “I asked him” she exclaimed

 

“You asked, him?” I reply, looking confused

 

“Yes! Tom! I asked him out! And he said yes!” Maisy squealed

 

I jumped off the bed in excitement for her “Oh my god Maisy I’m so happy for you. See I told you to just go for it!” I sat down again and hugged her tightly. “I know thank you! I was so nervous! I just sort of spat it out and he said yes!”

 

“Just going to quickly use the bathroom” I said “but let’s do something fun, we need to celebrate!” I shut the door behind me and sit down. I get out my phone and open my messages, scrolling down to find his number. I must have done this a hundred times over the past few weeks. Last message received: “Thanks for letting me know you’re back safe. Had a great time this week😉. Missing you. James x”

 

“Just delete it Briony”, I think. Why are you doing this to yourself? I was happy for Maisy, genuinely I was over the moon for her. But selfishly, it only made me think of my own heartache again, and I didn’t need any new reminders. I’ve been torturing myself every day

 

 

 

“We need to find you a man now” I heard Maisy say from my bedroom. “Ha yeah, probably” I reply. I knew it would likely help. I mean it would definitely help me move on. I just, I don’t know if I was ready yet

 

I opened the bathroom door and sat next to Maisy again. “So now that you guys are official, when are you going to introduce your man to the best friend. I’ve not vetted him yet!” I give her arm a playful nudge

 

“Well, we could go to Harry’s Bar tomorrow night? Sam is going with a couple of his friends, I did say I’d ask if you wanted to go? Besides, you know his friend Noah has the hots for you right” she nudges me back

 

“Yeah Noah, not for me sadly. We can go though for sure! I want to meet Sam” I reply. Noah is…Noah is nice, but that’s the problem. He’s like a Jacob 2.0. Not in looks, but they are both so, innocent. Innocent and green. James, what have you done. You’ve literally ruined college boys for me. Maybe you didn’t, maybe deep down I preferred an older man all along. But you accelerated that realisation. I didn’t even get to find out for myself

 

As far as weekends go, this past one was actually pretty good. I’ve set a pretty low bar recently it must be said, but Friday night we did go to Harry’s Bar. Sam is really nice; he and Maisy look great together. I caught them a few times holding hands and I was very pleased when I saw Maisy kissing him at the bar! Noah shot his shot, surprisingly he was more confident and forward than I thought he would be. Maybe I was a little harsh with the Jacob 2.0 comparison. I don’t have that spark him though. He took it well, I mean he was kissing some blonde later that night who seemed very happy with her catch so, good for them! On Saturday the college football team had an important game against their biggest in-state rival. It’s usually a huge event and honestly it was awesome! We won and it felt like everyone was out celebrating that night. Maisy crashed at mine again and we were so hungover on Sunday morning! For the first time in weeks, I felt pretty good again

 

 

 

“What are you two actually going to do for 2 whole weeks when you come home and he heads back to the west coast for Christmas?” I laugh. Maisy and Sam are deep in the honeymoon phase, and I mean wow. Lovebird central. “Oh shush don’t be jealous” Maisy replied, prodding me in my side. I had stepped out of my lecture hall just as it looked like they finished kissing. I was only teasing her. But the lack of contact for a few weeks would probably be a good thing. And give Maisy’s lips chance to heal, I chuckle to myself. As we step out into the cold air, I reach into my jacket pocket and offer her my ChapStick “here want this?” I ask. “Yes please” she responds. “It’s the cold weather you know, not Sam” as she applies it and rubs it in with her forefinger. “Sure, because kissing someone for 16 hours a day has zero affect at all” I can’t help but start laughing as she jabs me again, this time with more force. As we both start laughing, I notice in the corner of my eye a black convertible. For a fleeting moment, my heart skips a beat. “Damn I think I’ve left my phone in the lecture hall, can I see you at yours later?” I ask. “I’m going to ask my tutor about this final test next week"

 

“Okay sure no problem, see you later B.” Maisy gives me a hug and walks away. I wait a few moments until she is out of view. I take a deep breath and walk in the direction of the car. Maybe it’s not him, I think, as I slowly approach. As I get closer, the driver side door opens. As a man steps out of the car, I realise it is indeed James. My heart skips another beat. I pause for a moment, composing myself, as he closes the door and steps forward towards me

 

“James. What are you doing here?” I ask. Not cold, but straight to the point

 

“Briony. I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now.” Not quite, but we’ll go with that for now, I think. “Are you free to talk?” he asks

 

 

 

“I mean sure” I reply, “but what have we got to talk about, you were pretty clear on where we stood the last time we spoke.” I was finding this really difficult, but I was proud of myself for standing my ground so far. “Oh, sure James, let’s talk, do you know I’ve re-read your last text to me 150 times whilst crying in the bathroom?” Absolutely not revealing those cards, I think

 

“I only said those things because I thought they were the right things to say, not because I wanted to. And to be honest, part of me still stands by it. I don’t know how the hell navigating this is even possible. But I can’t ignore this feeling anymore B. I’m fucking crazy about you. Driving away from you that day was, honestly one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I didn’t sleep at all that night. Or the next.”

 

“You and me both” I reply. ‘Go on’ I think, you are doing well so far

 

“I thought doing what I did would end it, and it was the right call, and making the right call would give me closure. It hasn’t closed anything. I think about you every single day. I’ve wanted to text you so many times. I had to see you to tell you how I really feel. If you’ve moved on, I completely understand it. If you’ve met someone else, I’ll be happy for you and this ends here. I just. I…”

 

Before James could finish the next sentence, I stepped forward, planting a big kiss on his mouth. The scent of his cologne filled my nostrils, enveloping my senses. My own personal comfort blanket that I’d been starved of for too long. I could have let him carry on, but what was the point? I hadn’t moved on. I hadn’t met anyone else. I still wanted him and only him. As I slowly opened my eyes, and James opened his, he said “so you aren’t mad at me then?” I shook my head, “I wanted to be, I was hurt, but not mad. I was mad that you were right.”

 

James looked over me at my lecture building before exhaling, “So you haven’t met anyone else yet then?” I shook my head again and laughed before looking up at him, “No, not yet, just you.” James smiled, stroking my cheek with his hand before placing it under my chin. “So, what now?” he said

“I don’t know James, but I know that I want you in my life, I’m not ready to let this go yet, whatever it is.” I stood on my tip toes again to kiss his lips. “Just…don’t do that again okay. I can’t watch you driving away” I wrap my arms around his chest and hold onto him tightly and he responds by placing his arms around me, before kissing me on the head. “Okay Briony, I promise”

 

The End...