Heyho,

warning, big chunk of text following, possibly with bad grammar or spelling!

Abstract / TL;DR:

I'm just an unimaginative potatoe who doesn't have the time or the phantasy to really create what I want and that bothers me.

Now the offloading of my thoughts

Just some thinking about my modding work. I have to admit, I'm not really fulfilled or happy with what I've done or created most of the time. Of course, it gave me pride for some time, especially my first mod Mimic Clothes, but none of those where really what I was aiming for.

Don't get me wrong, this is not some desperate cry for sympathy or compassion, more some self-reflection to get things straight for myself. And no, it's not the fact that all my work is kinky or sex-based, we're in the 21st century and OnlyFans is a thing, sex should have become something quite common as of now ^^

Now, where to begin? People who followed me or used some of my mods might have recognized the following: I didn't really create any unique mod.

Mimic Clothes - based on the idea of Cursed Loot

Simple Defeat - same ideas as most defeat mods, just a more basic approach as it was created to test the (back then) new Acheron mechanics

SL Nightlife - both, idea and code, heavily based on a mod with the same function, just for the OStim Suite back over at Nexus

Forbidden Tome - a rework of of Min's Devious Deviants quest

Sexist Commentary - a rework/tribute to Sexist Guards

And the rest are just some QOL addons that I don't even want to really call "mod"

So, why is that? Now, mostly it was that I found an idea/kink or aspect somewhere else and deemed it missing or outdated. Cursed Loot offered Devious traps, just not for already worn equipment, the Living Clothes aspect, so I created that. Acheron was still in Beta and was missing a defeat mod, so I created Simple Defeat as kind of a case study. I liked Min's Devious Deviants and wanted to have it re-implemented. You get the point.

What bothers me about all those mods is, that they don't tell any story. They have some gameplay mechanic or in the case of Forbidden Tome a short story, but nothing deeper. And that's what I ultimately want to achieve eventually: a real storytelling quest mod, probably not in DLC size but with significantly more content than one hour of gameplay.

The thing now is, I had and still have an idea  for a big quest mod, but that again is based on other's work. I played the games "Lust for Darkness" and "Lust from Beyond" which were loosely based on H.P. Lovecrafts stories, but their cult was seeking knowledge about lust and erotic fulfillment from the unkown entities. I knew about and now currently read the work of H.P. Lovecraft and had to think of those games again for some reason. So, why not join the ideas of Lovecraft about secret cults and the twisted Unknown, the sex aspect of Lust for Darkness, Skyrim's Apocrypha and the kinkyness of myself and this community? Oh, wait... that's From The Deeps. So again, I would create something that's already there. Now even worse, as Delzaron is still actively working on their creation.

I already think about what I want to have in Skyrim, because I saw that it mostly keeps me motivated if I want to have the result myself, quite obvious I know.

For my game, I like to make it somewhat more rough. It is a kingdom which is torn apart by civil war and dragon attacks. So, the people should be resignated, desperate and wary. Food and money should be hard to come by. It's a medieval setting, so misogynist behaviour and rape by bandits and soldiers is thinkable (hell, even if it would be in modern times, sadly...)

I already found mods for nearly all of those aspects and currently work on Sexist Commentary for the atmosphere.

OK, if not for general gameplay, how about kinky stuff? Well, my kinks and fetishes are mostly related to humiliation of some kind:

- (optionally non-con) free-use, as in choosing to become a whore and possibly loose the right to say no with that (Public Whore), being taken on the streets if wearing the wrong or no attire (Dangerously Nude, DCUR, ...), getting bound as prisoner at the market place for public fun (Prison Overhaul Patched)

- (forced) beastiality (nearly any rape mod)

- mental corruption (Stress and Fear SL addon, Troubles of Heroine)

- forced orgasms and the reactions of it (Devious Devices)

What I'm not into is gore or bimbofication. I don't want the girl really broken physically or mentally, it should be just for the moment and non-permanent.

Still you see, for every aspect I was able to give at least one mod again, that offers what I want. I don't know if it's just me or the size of Skyrim's modding community, it just seems that I'm not able to get a good idea for some quest mod that's not already there.

On top of all that, I work a full-time job which includes much work with a computer as well, so most of the time I'm not really motivated in the evening to work on mods after working ~9h shifts programming and debugging at work. As a result, I only have weekends and vacations to learn stuff about creating quests and working on a mod, which is not much for a big quest mod, especially given the fact that I don't even really know what to create. And sometimes it just really feels like work, too, that's when I stop modding and start playing again. That's another reason why most of my mods have very long development phases or are quite small, mostly both.

I still have the concept idea of a secret cult, who worhips Hermaeus Mora and tries to break the chains of prudeness to gain erotic enlightment and lustful knowledge. To achieve this goal, they use dark magic to kidnap young beautiful women all over Skyrim and use them in their rituals. You then get to choose whether to join the cult or destroy it. Both of course should have consequences and wrong paths. In my imagination, this would have all: illusion of choice, humiliating free use, beastiality up to tentacle sex, mental corruption, ...

Yet those of you, who now didn't think of From The Deeps, read its description again.

This is what bothers me: as I have this idea, I'm not able to fetch another one for some reason. And I don't dare to touch this idea, as I honour other people's work and don't want to build a mod with the same story as Delzarons. I'm just too unimaginative or too fixated to come over this idea.