Let me start by sending you here, and hope you can get the symbolic humor behind the title. I thought I might write down a bit of my past here, partly because I'm neurotic and seek validation, and partly because my hands are arthritic, so writing in a journal hurts my hand after a while.
I was the youngest child, born into an impoverish household. My parents were, and are, addicted to crack and various other drugs, and often neglected their children to get high. I grew up in domestic violence, drugs, my mother whoring and my father robbing for drug money, etc. Suffice to say, my childhood was an absolute blast! When I was around 8, my fathers druggy friend started sexually molesting me, and that continued til I was 12, when he was incarcerated for something.
Around the time I started high school, I took to sports to get away from my home life, and it led to a decent amount of men and women adoring me romantically, and a lot of men hating me. I started taking various martial arts as another way to get away, and I even got into wrestling on the schools team. I didn't have a lot of respect for women, most likely due to my mother, and I can honestly say that my behavior was completely misogynistic. I was also involved with a guy, but was discreet with that (messed up to him, but I was a kid) While the classes weren't difficult, I was stuck in a state of anger, and I didn't take kindly to people trying to control me, so my grades were subpar at best.
Around the time I was 16, the guy who had sexually molested me as a child got out of jail, and as soon as I heard that I promised my father then and there, that if he stepped foot in the house, I would kill him. My father didn't take me seriously, and he learned that I am not to be trifled with. The second I saw him, I put his head through the wall, and I ended up leaving his face not resembling the sick fuck at all. I ended up in police company, and, had it not been for his past incarcerations, as well as more then one other statement similar to mine, I would have been in juvenile hall all throughout my teens. At this point I was disowned by my family, and homeless.
I was still in school, but I dropped out after a hit and run broke my leg, and it led to me being really bitter and resentful toward the world. I whore'd myself out to earn the money to at least have a car, because I hated couch-hopping as it feels completely disgusting to be so reliant on others. I got my GED and left state because there was nothing left for me where I was, and moved to Ca. Once in Ca, I got a job and started rooming with a male friend I met at a bar, it was a casual friends with benefits thing, but it helped me open up to my sexuality a bit, as well as softened me, leaving me less angry. Over the years I had four other jobs, numerous women, and more liquor then I should have before getting help and meeting my current girlfriend.
About a year ago, I found out my father is dying, still, he doesn't wish to see me. I feel for my brothers, and regret his impending death, but, I know I'm better without that kind of hate in it. I've been seeing professional help for a while to deal with my grievances throughout my life, and I like to think it helps, as well as my girlfriend, who has been a great source of support, happiness, anger, annoyance, some sorrow, and most importantly... sex.
I'm still not all that comfortable with telling people about myself, hence why I don't tell people my name, but to anybody that cares, I thought a bit of transparency may help people know why I think and feel the way I do.