Jump to content
  • entries
  • comments
  • views

-Real Life- Head Cheese



Let me start by sending you here, and hope you can get the symbolic humor behind the title. I thought I might write down a bit of my past here, partly because I'm neurotic and seek validation, and partly because my hands are arthritic, so writing in a journal hurts my hand after a while.


I was the youngest child, born into an impoverish household. My parents were, and are, addicted to crack and various other drugs, and often neglected their children to get high. I grew up in domestic violence, drugs, my mother whoring and my father robbing for drug money, etc. Suffice to say, my childhood was an absolute blast! When I was around 8, my fathers druggy friend started sexually molesting me, and that continued til I was 12, when he was incarcerated for something.


Around the time I started high school, I took to sports to get away from my home life, and it led to a decent amount of men and women adoring me romantically, and a lot of men hating me. I started taking various martial arts as another way to get away, and I even got into wrestling on the schools team. I didn't have a lot of respect for women, most likely due to my mother, and I can honestly say that my behavior was completely misogynistic. I was also involved with a guy, but was discreet with that (messed up to him, but I was a kid) While the classes weren't difficult, I was stuck in a state of anger, and I didn't take kindly to people trying to control me, so my grades were subpar at best.


Around the time I was 16, the guy who had sexually molested me as a child got out of jail, and as soon as I heard that I promised my father then and there, that if he stepped foot in the house, I would kill him. My father didn't take me seriously, and he learned that I am not to be trifled with. The second I saw him, I put his head through the wall, and I ended up leaving his face not resembling the sick fuck at all. I ended up in police company, and, had it not been for his past incarcerations, as well as more then one other statement similar to mine, I would have been in juvenile hall all throughout my teens. At this point I was disowned by my family, and homeless.


I was still in school, but I dropped out after a hit and run broke my leg, and it led to me being really bitter and resentful toward the world. I whore'd myself out to earn the money to at least have a car, because I hated couch-hopping as it feels completely disgusting to be so reliant on others. I got my GED and left state because there was nothing left for me where I was, and moved to Ca. Once in Ca, I got a job and started rooming with a male friend I met at a bar, it was a casual friends with benefits thing, but it helped me open up to my sexuality a bit, as well as softened me, leaving me less angry. Over the years I had four other jobs, numerous women, and more liquor then I should have before getting help and meeting my current girlfriend.


About a year ago, I found out my father is dying, still, he doesn't wish to see me. I feel for my brothers, and regret his impending death, but, I know I'm better without that kind of hate in it. I've been seeing professional help for a while to deal with my grievances throughout my life, and I like to think it helps, as well as my girlfriend, who has been a great source of support, happiness, anger, annoyance, some sorrow, and most importantly... sex.


I'm still not all that comfortable with telling people about myself, hence why I don't tell people my name, but to anybody that cares, I thought a bit of transparency may help people know why I think and feel the way I do.


Recommended Comments

Head cheese.. what a strange translation. Never heard of it. But as the myth goes, you Americans don't eat much sausages and parfait (unless us Europeans).


Back to topic: in 15 years you lived through more than I did in my first 30 years. Most of your experiences I can't understand, since I was never even close to that kind of life. But for the sake of understanding you better, I guess that worked well. Damn... it takes balls to live through that and still be mentally sane. My respect.


You know, that might sound idiotic and naive, but with the past like yours, I wouldn't be surprised if you one day manage to become something important to mankind. Cultural, social, musical.. no idea. But you earned the right to become important.

Link to comment

I called this blog head cheese because it's made with the meat from the head of a pig, and pork is kind of my calling card, hence why my blogs are called bacon bits. It's also a play off the fact that I'm opening up and letting people know what's going on in my head. I thought it was clever. I eat all kinds of sausage (no homophobic jokes, low class guys) but I don't have a sweet tooth, no cake, cookies, ice cream, candy, etc.


I am working to get into the police academy so that I can help people, I don't want or need the spotlight, just being a better person than the world introduced me to is enough for me.

Link to comment


 So, if you're still reading, I always disliked your avatar, it never seemed to fit your knowledgeable posts.

Knowledgeable... interesting.


The avatar started as a joke because a lot of women used to say I was pig-headed, but it's kind of grown on me; besides, pigs are actually pretty intelligent, clean, social animals.

Link to comment
  • Create New...