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Feeling bad about not feeling bad


DirtySlut

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It's been awhile. The last thing I wrote about was going down on Will's younger brother, Kevin.

 

Kev is a couple of years younger than me - I'm normally attracted to older guys. He's nice, but he's also totally transparent - I can tell that all he really wants to do is get in my pants. Will told me afterwards that the bj I gave him was his first, and the way Kev has looked at since is a little creepy, like he was getting feelings for me already. He tried to hide it, but I could tell. The next few days he'd always try to be involved in conversations I was having or to root for me when it was my turn to play DoA. It just got a little strange sitting in a room with 4 guys that I had either fucked or sucked at one point or another, while one of them tried to act like I was his girlfriend.

 

But, I felt obligated to finish what I'd started and take his V-card. It's what he really wanted anyway, and I thought maybe he'd settle down once he got it done and out of his system. Plus, there is something special about being someone's first. So, a few weeks ago I came over on a Sunday, when I knew his parents and Will were out of the house. We smoked up and hung out in the basement talking. We played some games and I casually asked him if he wanted to have sex. He was so eager! I barely finished asking the question and he was already nodding and saying "Yes!". He took me upstairs to his room and we stripped and made out. I was going to go down on him, but he said he wanted to go down on me first, so I laid back and let him. It was pretty good for a first time; he really did his best. When he came up for air, he climbed up on top of me. He wasn't happy when I fished condoms out of the pocket of my shorts, but he put one on and looked me in the eyes as he slid inside of me. I arched my back and wiggled all the way down his shaft until he was balls deep in me.

 

Being someone's first when you have experience is such a powerful moment. He's barely holding onto his load, and each thrust is sending him closer and closer to the edge. He's lost in it, and trying hard not to cum too quick, and I'm doing what I can on my back to make it last. After a few thrusts I got to roll over on top of him and grind my pussy down at my pace, that way I could keep him edging. I remember looking down at him, his eyes were closed and he was moaning and grunting, and I wondered how many times he'd laid just like this and jacked off imagining this moment. I told him what a big fucking cock he had and how good it felt. Just that was enough to push him beyond the point of no return. He gripped my ass and pushed up into me, and I rode him hard until he shot his load inside of me. Afterwards, he flopped his arms on the bed and I slowly worked my hips in circles, watching him squirm and laugh to himself. He looked so handsome with that big stupid grin on his face.

 

All that following week he tried to engineer opportunities for us to fuck. He bent me over the car in his parents' garage, we fucked in the bathroom at Wal Mart and we even did it a couple times in the tree fort he and Will used to play in as kids. Kev brought his school friends over, which really made me feel weird because I could tell that he'd told them about me and probably showed them the pictures I'd let him take on his phone. I felt flattered at first, but the testosterone and the posturing was obnoxious.

 

Everything came to a head (so to speak) when Will drove me home last week. He and I got to talking and I ended up bobbing my head in his lap while he drove in circles around my neighborhood. By the time he finally gushed in my mouth, it had been almost a half hour, and Kev had been freaking out on facebook, wondering why I wasn't messaging him back.

 

So... I told him the truth. I told him that I was late because I was giving his brother head.

 

I don't feel like I did anything wrong. I never told him we were together and I never led him on. I guess I didn't correct him or tell him to back off, but the attention was nice for awhile and I felt good being his first. He just got attached and I guess it's not his fault, but I don't want to be with him at all. Apparently he and Will had a big fight and Kev broke some of his stuff. I haven't talked to Kev since he raged out.

 

Will and Jason took me out to eat and drink a little the other night. I asked, but neither wanted to talk about Kevin or the situation. I feel bad because I don't feel guilty. Should I? Did I do something wrong?

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Honestly, you didn't.  As you said, you fucked him.  That's all you did.  When I was fucking my friend Amanda while her boyfriend was a few states away, I never once got upset when she fucked her boyfriend or anyone else.  Fact is, sex doesn't mean relationships.  Sex means sex.  Sex means blow a load and have fun.  I don't think you did anything wrong, except maybe fucking in a walmart bathroom.  I worked at Walmart before, and part of the job was to clean the bathrooms.  Theyre beyond disgusting.

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He's young, not able to grip the situation. Some just shouldn't do it until they're really ready/in a relationship as some may see it as something more than just the casual fling. You shouldn't feel bad, you showed that boy a good time, something who knows how long he would've gone without. He seems to see things way differently than you, obviously. Sounds complex, awkward, and a difficult situation. Try and talk to Will about it all? Best not to confront Kev on your own if he's going to flip out like that. Sounds like someone who could be potentially dangerous to you and those around him.

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It's not your fault that the kid wasn't able to separate sex from love, but, had you been honest about what you were getting out of being with him from the beginning I'm sure you could have saved some headaches.

 

Also, am I an asshole for thinking to myself, 'Please dear god, don't let me fall for a girl like this' whenever I read these stories? Like I'm mixed with the thought that I just  want to hug you and tell you everything will be better, and the thought that I probably don't want to touch you. I'm really not trying to be mean, but I guarantee it sounds that way.

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Also, am I an asshole for thinking to myself, 'Please dear god, don't let me fall for a girl like this' whenever I read these stories? Like I'm mixed with the thought that I just  want to hug you and tell you everything will be better, and the thought that I probably don't want to touch you. I'm really not trying to be mean, but I guarantee it sounds that way.

No, I understand.  It's ok.

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