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Lich Evilynn - Looking for help writing quest text.


Evilynn

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This is for my mod Lich Evilynn.

 

I'm not a writer.

 

I've spent more time trying to write quest text than actually making quests.

 

What I come up with also has a lot of room for improvement...

 

I'll post the quest text here ... anyone interested is welcome to rewrite the text.

 

Assuming the result fits in the mod and works well, I'll update things :)

 

Please close all quest text in spoiler tags - just in case someone in here doesn't want a quest spoiled.

 

I'm paying with credit in the mod download page!  :P (once it exists)

 

Opening Quest:

 

 

The player touches an object. It shocks the player. 

 

MessageBox 1:

Power surges from the stone through you and your head starts pounding...

The screen goes black, and the player wakes up in an empty room. When they move close to the door...

 

MessageBox 2:

You overhear someone talking.

...one for each of us.

The other one is yours.
Tie her down and have fun!

I'm going to go fuck my pretty little thing raw!

After the player takes out the bandits they find a captive in the next room. They are then faced with a choice:

 

Choice 1: "Free the pretty little thing." 

Choice 2: "... I'm going to enjoy this."

 

(BEGIN GOOD PATH)

If the player frees the captive, Evilynn appears and says:

 

Conversation 1

This simple dream kept you distracted while I moved into my new body.
You are my new body. You are my plaything.
I will do anything to you, or with you that I want.

Then Evilynn takes over the player and the following message boxes appear:

 

MessageBox 3

Evilynn's overpowering essence pushes you aside.
You can feel your body slipping away from you.
The room fades as she takes control.

Your vision dims and you realize that you can no longer feel the discomfort of your armor, or the chill in the air.

At least this is a painless death.

MessageBox 4

You hear an evil laugh in your mind.

No, I'm not letting you fade.
I'm not simply going to take your body.
I'm going to rape your body, mind, and soul.

MessageBox 5

You can feel her twisted pleasure as she caresses your mind.

You shiver as feelings flood back.
You can feel your body again.

You watch helplessly as you strip.
You feel your own fingers invade your pussy. 

Sexlab Masturbation scene starts.

After the scene ends a new messagebox appears

 

MessageBox 6

Well, that was fun.

I'm going to enjoy playing with you.

I'm going to take a nap, but don't worry. I'll be back soon

Then the quest ends and the player wakes up.

(END GOOD PATH)

 

(BEGIN EVIL PATH)

If the player doesn't free the captive, Evilynn appears and says:

 

Conversation 2

Well, that was interesting.
I assumed you were going to free the girl.
I was going to take your body, and use it as I wished.
I need a body to take over. I need victims to play with.

Would you like to have your own toys to play with?
Would you like to share my lair?

If the player says no, then Evilynn says:

I'm going to enjoy this.

The player changes to the start of the good path.

 

 

If the player says yes, then Evilynn says:

I'm sure you don't want me to stay in your body. Let's go find a new body for me.

Then the quest ends and the player wakes up.

(END EVIL PATH)

 

 

 

Evil Path Quest 1:

 

 

Evilynn speaks in the players mind:

It's very important that we move carefully. We are vulnerable right now.
My old lair will give us a hidden base of operations. So, let's start there.
I'll mark its location on your map. Head there and repair one of the jail cells.

While you do that I'm going to look for a new body.
Once I have one picked out, I'll come back and we can go get her.

Hmm, I think I want a cute redhead. Someone strong but sexy.

When the player finds the old lair, and fixes a cell. Evilynn returns and Kidnap Quest 1 starts.

 

 

 

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Here's what I have for the Opening Quest and the Good Quest.

I'm pretty sure it will fit very well :D

 

 

 

I am assuming that the voices at the door are bandits
I don't know if you re able, but I've added delays. For no other reason than dramatic effect.
I've also broken up the message boxes for the same reason on the assumption that they move on to the next one after a default delay

MB1:
"A sudden surge of power flashes through you, overwhelming your senses and you instantly lose consciousness ..."

MB2:
"I will! Time to go play with my new little toy ..."

MB2a:
"You hear heavy footsteps approaching ... the door creaking open."

Another as assumption: She is not bound and is faking being unconscious.

MB2b
"You fake being unconscious until you hear the footsteps coming close enough ..."
find the captive

Choice1
"Free the poor girl"

Choice2 is perfect

I'm combining Conv1 and MB3 here

MB3
"Your vision fogs and everything goes dark for you as you feel an immensely powerful entity
invade your mind and body."

MB3a
"You hear a voice in your mind, dripping with an evil you've never felt before."

Conv1a
"You are mine ... body, mind and now soul."

MB3b
"For a moment that lasted an eternity, *note: try to keep this as its own line in the message box, please
you feel as though your very essence was torn from you and shredded into nothingness ...

(insert a 1 to 2 second delay for dramatic effect.)

MB3c
"You feel everything fade, you no longer feel the comforting safety of your armour, the satisfying weight of your weapon, the flow of air through your nostrils, the taste of your own mouth."

MB3d
"You are surprised at just how ... pleasurable dying is."

(inset another 1 or 2 sec delay)

MB4
"That same chillingly evil voice suddenly laughs with insane cruelty!!"

(perhaps another delay, maybe not)

Conv1a
"Oh no, I'm not through with you!"

MB4a
"You feel as though a thousand dragon's claws rip into your soul as you are dragged from pure bliss back into your body."

Conv1b
"I told you, you are mine, body, mind AND soul!"

MB5
"You feel chilled to your very soul as you feel Evilynn caress your mind, insinuating herself into it like a poisonous, black fog."

(inset delay)

MB5a
"slowly, you regain the sense of your own body, your armour against your skin at first,
then the moistness of you mouth
the smell of a nearby torch
the sound of it returns
finally the blackness lifts from your eyes"

MB5b
"You feel your arms move, enjoying the feeling of having a body again."

MB5c
"With dawning horror you realize that it is not your pleasure you feel, but hers.
And, despite not understanding how you know, you know who she is.
Evillynn"

(perhaps a delay, maybe not)

MB5c
"Helplessly, your head is drawn down so that you can see down the length of your body
watching your hands as they move of their will to slowly strip your armour from you"

Conv1c
"Not their will, slave, mine.
"That's right, slave, I hear your every thought. I control your every muscle."

MB5d
"Suddenly, you stop breathing.
You just simply stop."

MB5e
"Within a very short time, you can feel the need to for air.
You have the over-powering need to gasp for it, but nothing happens.
You begin to black out."

(insert delay)

MB5f
"Suddenly you can breathe again, but it is with an unnatural calmness and not the gasping and gulping for precious air that would normally happen.
Soon enough, though, your breathing was fully restored"

Conv1d
"Mmmmm ..... your fear is delicious.
And now it is time for me to get to know my new body."

MB5g
"With utter despair you helplessly watch your hands as they caress and stroke your body.
You feel her enjoyment of the feel of your body as your hands softly glide over your skin as they move over your stomach to softly, gently stroke and cup your breasts. An enjoyment cruelly doubled by her pleasure at your horror and despair."

MB5h
"Your horror grows as you watch one hand move down you body to you pussy,
feel our fingers gently part your lips
feel one of them begin stroking your clit."

MB6
"With a feeling of shame and guilt you realize that you enjoyed the resulting orgasm."

Conv2
"Mmmmm .... its been soooo long since I enjoyed my self that much.
I am going to have so much fun breaking you like I broke the last one.
She hardly lasted, but you? You are a LOT stronger. You're going to last a long time.
Long enough to really take my time."

(insert delay)

Conv2a
"But, I think I'll take a nap, let you run around a bit."
"Don't go away, slave, I'll be back soon enough and we can play some more."

MB6a
"With another of her insanely cruel laughs,
you feel her presence fade and control of your body returns to you."

 

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Thanks!

I should have the Bad Quest early tomorrow.

Its up to you about the inserted bits that I said "perhaps", but I do recommend the rest.

The 1 to 2 second pauses should be just long enough to be noticeable not annoyingly so. The idea is to get the player's imagination to hold on to the scene long enough to sink in.

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Okay, here's the Evil Quest

 

 

 

I am inserting a bit of dialogue before Evilynn makes her presence known.
I am also inserting a bit more back and forth between Evilynn and the player.
I am unsure of what happens with Evilynn. Does she remain in the object ( I am thinking its a modified soul gem) while everything is going on or has she transferred herself to the player's mind? I am going with the latter.

MB7
"As you reach for a whip to begin enjoying yourself with the captive, you find yourself suddenly unable to move.
A voice dripping with venomous cruelty that is both horrifying and enticing speaks in your mind ..."

Conv2
"Well, it has been a very, very long time since I have been surprised.
Every other time, the girl has been freed.
But not you.
I find that to be a rather pleasing surprise."

PlayerReply1
"What in Oblivion?!!? Who are you?! Get out of my mind!"

Conv2a
"I am Evilynn and no, I won't leave.
At least, not yet I won't."

PR2
"What is it you want? How do I get you out of my head?"

Conv2b
"Its very simply, really.
Centuries ago, I was able to modify a soul gem to protect my life essence, to keep it within and to not send it on to the Soul Gem. The process of transferring my essence to the gem depleted me, however, and it has taken a very long time to regain sufficient power to be able to begin to return to world.
To complete my return, I need a new body."

(insert delay)

Conv2c
"I had originally planned on just taking yours, but we seem to have similar tastes in ... hobbies.
Perhaps you would be willing to help me?

Help me to find a new body?

It would, of course, require kidnapping suitable ... candidates.
So, will you assist me or not?"

(Player makes her choice)

Chooses No

Conv2d
"Well, that's too bad. We would have had so much fun together.
But I don't see why I should do without just because you don't.

PR3
"What the hell does that mean?!"

Conv2e
"It means that I am taking yours!"

(go to sequence at MessageBox3)

 


Chooses Yes

Conv3
"Excellent! We are going to have soooo much fun together."

MB8
"You can somehow feel Evillynn's cruel grin in your mind."

Conv4
"I am unable to return to the gem, so you are stuck with me until we find a suitable body.
But, not to worry, you'll hardly know I'm here.
However, its a cruel world and I will protect myself from any betrayal you might think to try at some point in the future. I can see through your eyes, hear through your ears, speak through your mouth any time I desire. I can take complete control of your body any time I want.
I shall now demonstrate ..."

MB9
"You feel your arms begin to move and you realize that it is not you moving them.
You can feel your head dip and you can now see down your body.
You are unable to stop watching as your hands begin unbuckling and removing your armour and gear ..."

(perhaps a delay)

MB10
"It doesn't take long before you have been stripped naked.
You feel her enjoyment of the feel of your body as your hands softly glide over your skin as they move over your stomach to softly, gently stroke and cup your breasts.
You cannot help but enjoy the sensations, becoming aroused yourself.

MB11
"You watch one hand move down you body to you pussy,
feel your fingers gently part your lips
feel one of them begin stroking your clit."

(masturbation scene)

MB12
"With very confusing and mixed feelings you realize that you enjoyed the orgasm as much as Evilynn did."

Conv5
"Mmmmm .... its been soooo long since I enjoyed myself that much.
And it looks like you enjoyed yourself as well.
I do hope you understand the need for that little demonstration.
And I assure you that I will not take control unless you make it necessary."

PR4
"How do I know you won't do so anytime you want?"

Conv6
"Frankly, you don't.
But, as long as our interests are aligned and you do not try to betray me, you have nothing to worry about. Furthermore, this is temporary arrangment. Once we find a new body for me, I will happily transfer to it."

PR5
"How can I be sure of that?"

Conv7
"Because, over the centuries that I have been in that gem I have come to realize that if I had someone to help me I may not have had to resort to modifying the gem in the first place. And so, it is to my own advantage to find a new body and then to invite you to join me in pursuit of our mutual ... interests."

PR6
"Hmmmm .... 'mutual intersts', eh? Sounds like a like an interesting propostion."

Conv8
"Excellent!
Now, before we begin the search, we need a safe and discrete place to use as a base. And I have the perfect place in mind."

PR7
"Oh??

MB13
"You feel a feathery touch across your mind."

Conv9
"And now you have the perfect place in mind as well."

MB14
"You suddenly realize that you now know the location of Evilynn's old lair."

[map updated]

PR8
"Well. Shall we go see how the old place has fared over all this time, partner?"

MB15
"You hear Evilynn happily laugh."

Conv10
"Oh, yes, partner! Let us be on our way."

(Player heads out)

 

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I'll rewrite the first quest to match the new design.

 

I've already done a lot of your good path suggestions.

 

So far the only real problem has been forcing a messagebox at specific times in a sexlab animation.

 

I like the comments mid scene, and I think I can work around it by using multiple stages, and add the comments between the stages.

 

I'll figure out what works best and come out with v0.0.3 when I can. I'm going to be extra busy this weekend (and most of next week), so I might not have an update out until next week... but it's coming soon!

 

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Sorry, I didn't write it with any idea of using message boxes during animations. I don't even know if its possible. I visualized things happening as I would as a player during other mods where player control is disabled, such as the Captive Dreams Embassy Quest. I should have added a notation at the beginning that I am using a double space between each separate bit. So, the Player would read Conversation 4, hit Tab or whatever is necessary, MessageBox9 would display, whatever the default timer Skyrim uses ends, and so on until MB11. That timer ends and then the Masturbation scene runs. Once the scene ends is when MB12 displays. Still, you're the modder, so the final decisions are yours, off course. Just don't forget the KISS Principle :D

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Sorry, I didn't write it with any idea of using message boxes during animations. I don't even know if its possible. I visualized things happening as I would as a player during other mods where player control is disabled, such as the Captive Dreams Embassy Quest. I should have added a notation at the beginning that I am using a double space between each separate bit. So, the Player would read Conversation 4, hit Tab or whatever is necessary, MessageBox9 would display, whatever the default timer Skyrim uses ends, and so on until MB11. That timer ends and then the Masturbation scene runs. Once the scene ends is when MB12 displays. Still, you're the modder, so the final decisions are yours, off course. Just don't forget the KISS Principle :D

 

 

 

[i'd like a strip animation to play here]

 

MB5g

"With utter despair you helplessly watch your hands as they caress and stroke your body.

You feel her enjoyment of the feel of your body as your hands softly glide over your skin as they move over your stomach to softly, gently stroke and cup your breasts. An enjoyment cruelly doubled by her pleasure at your horror and despair."

 

[sexLab scene starts here]

 

[beginning with petting, and then just before the final stage starts...]

 

MB5h

"Your horror grows as you watch one hand move down you body to you pussy,

feel our fingers gently part your lips

feel one of them begin stroking your clit."

 

[sexLab scene continues...]

 

 

KISS is good advice though. I can always add it in later.

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Oh! I get it. :D

 

I'm not sure which mod it is, haven't played in about a week due to other things going on, but it displays a system message reporting which animation is starting. The thing is, they change from one stage to another. If things can be interrupted between stages, that would allow for a message box to be displayed in between those stages. If that is the case, you might be able to do that, run a specific anim, then display message box, then run a sequence of specific anims, inserting any other message boxes along the way until conclusion. There's also the underlying idea that the player absolutely zero control over her body, not even the the animations.

 

If its possible insert between stages and run specific animations at each individual stage, then the following might be possible:

 

- strip animation

- message

- petting/stroking animation

- message

- fingering animation

- message

- full msturbation animation

- message

- orgasm animation

- message

 

I really got to buckle down and working with CK. I've only watched the build a dungeon Bethesda tutorial. I get the concepts. Too much other crap just keeps getting in the way.

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