Anyone here have an anxiety disorder?

[checkett]

 

I have diagnosed Generalised Anxiety Disorder.

 

Does indeed sound more like a panic attack. My mental health advisor summarised Anxiety and Depression quite nicely. Anxiety tend to dwell on the future, depression tends to dwell on the past.

 

Always go see a doctor, self diagnosing is never healthy

 

I am glad that I found this thread.

 

Your advisor's definition is very perceptive... I had never thought to look at my moods that way. It would seem that I have both ends of this bell curve.... perhaps most folks do. It would seem that the future is scary and the past could always have been done a different (better) way.

 

About three years ago I started a long bout with throat cancer.  First thing the VA did was to remove my tonsils, then my teeth and then administer a long course of radiation and an absolutely evil chemotherapy. There was much physical pain and mental confusion and the "shame" of wearing a fraking diaper at age 69.  I lost 45 pounds which is a lot considering that I started at 165. When I finally was weaned from the feeding tube and began to try to eat actual food I found that the chemo had played hell with my sense of taste. I never did like library paste and sawdust. Enter medical marijuana. Just a pipeful in the morning spurred my appetite and made eating sort of a pleasurable experience.

 

Problem is, smoking weed was always something I did when conditions were right and security not an issue. Otherwise, I would become anxious. In the 1960s, smoking weed was a felony and one smoked behind closed doors. When I smoke now, I realize that I am not immortal. I can (and will) die.  While I should be ecstatic that I "beat" the cancer I instead fret about everything coming to an end.... it seems I got old in a very short time.  The two real victims of the cancer were my beard which I had worn since leaving the Navy in 1968 and my optimism.  Perhaps optimism would have gone away anyway at age 70 but it will be missed.  Optimism (and good friends) got me through the year 1968, any who lived through that tumult will know what I am talking about. At that time I was certain that that damn war would be ended soon and that there would be a colony on the moon by the year 2000.  Silly me, silly optimism.

 

The world today seems a cruel joke.

 

There is a profound melancholy that looms when I remember that past. I dwell on each poor decision I made and every beautiful relationship I let go fallow.... how  could I have let that happen?

 

So here I am. No past and no future.  Almost all my old friends are dead or in some other way missing.

 

Fifty years ago I would grab my toothbrush, my other shirt and the dog and drive the truck into the desert two states away to do help excavate some old rock shelter. Now, even a short trip to the store requires careful planning and much worry. Silly I know.

 

My wife has started to give me "St John's Wort"... it starting to help a bit.

 

Time for a long, slow walk in Skyrim.

 

Cheers

 

I can understand that. Having only your wife as your only emotional support must be tough for both of you. I believe that may be an issue with me, as my circle of friends has shrunk significantly since I moved to Korea. I know I can still talk over facebook or other social networking, but it's not really the same. I am glad to hear from a fellow vet though. I think that may be something that would help for both us; getting in touch with a veterans group, because I think once we join in we never really mentally get out and no one else but other vets will truly understand us.

[Kain82]

I've been diagnosed with extreme anxiety disorder myself.

[Codifer]

 

 

I have diagnosed Generalised Anxiety Disorder.

 

Does indeed sound more like a panic attack. My mental health advisor summarised Anxiety and Depression quite nicely. Anxiety tend to dwell on the future, depression tends to dwell on the past.

 

Always go see a doctor, self diagnosing is never healthy

 

I am glad that I found this thread.

 

Your advisor's definition is very perceptive... I had never thought to look at my moods that way. It would seem that I have both ends of this bell curve.... perhaps most folks do. It would seem that the future is scary and the past could always have been done a different (better) way.

 

About three years ago I started a long bout with throat cancer.  First thing the VA did was to remove my tonsils, then my teeth and then administer a long course of radiation and an absolutely evil chemotherapy. There was much physical pain and mental confusion and the "shame" of wearing a fraking diaper at age 69.  I lost 45 pounds which is a lot considering that I started at 165. When I finally was weaned from the feeding tube and began to try to eat actual food I found that the chemo had played hell with my sense of taste. I never did like library paste and sawdust. Enter medical marijuana. Just a pipeful in the morning spurred my appetite and made eating sort of a pleasurable experience.

 

Problem is, smoking weed was always something I did when conditions were right and security not an issue. Otherwise, I would become anxious. In the 1960s, smoking weed was a felony and one smoked behind closed doors. When I smoke now, I realize that I am not immortal. I can (and will) die.  While I should be ecstatic that I "beat" the cancer I instead fret about everything coming to an end.... it seems I got old in a very short time.  The two real victims of the cancer were my beard which I had worn since leaving the Navy in 1968 and my optimism.  Perhaps optimism would have gone away anyway at age 70 but it will be missed.  Optimism (and good friends) got me through the year 1968, any who lived through that tumult will know what I am talking about. At that time I was certain that that damn war would be ended soon and that there would be a colony on the moon by the year 2000.  Silly me, silly optimism.

 

The world today seems a cruel joke.

 

There is a profound melancholy that looms when I remember that past. I dwell on each poor decision I made and every beautiful relationship I let go fallow.... how  could I have let that happen?

 

So here I am. No past and no future.  Almost all my old friends are dead or in some other way missing.

 

Fifty years ago I would grab my toothbrush, my other shirt and the dog and drive the truck into the desert two states away to do help excavate some old rock shelter. Now, even a short trip to the store requires careful planning and much worry. Silly I know.

 

My wife has started to give me "St John's Wort"... it starting to help a bit.

 

Time for a long, slow walk in Skyrim.

 

Cheers

 

I can understand that. Having only your wife as your only emotional support must be tough for both of you. I believe that may be an issue with me, as my circle of friends has shrunk significantly since I moved to Korea. I know I can still talk over facebook or other social networking, but it's not really the same. I am glad to hear from a fellow vet though. I think that may be something that would help for both us; getting in touch with a veterans group, because I think once we join in we never really mentally get out and no one else but other vets will truly understand us.

 

 

Checkett,

 

I have been in the VA system for many years and have found their care to be outstanding, they were key in diagnosing and treating the cancer (hard part of VA care is getting INTO the system). The ENT doctor is brilliant and dedicated and has suggested that I get help from the VA psychologists. While I appreciate the offer, I feel that my problems pale in comparison to the needs of folks returning from the Gulf and Iraq and Afghanistan. They are busy.

 

Over the years I have belonged to both the VFW and the DAV. Both groups are great but the problem is that the VFW hall is a bar. I don't drink anymore. One thing I learned in the Navy was how to be a binge drinker.  After being at sea and dry for 40 days we would visit one of the wide open port towns where anything could be bought. After five beers another five sounded great and five after that. That set a pattern. All of my close friends were enthusiastic drinkers and I can no longer partake. About once a month wife and I still visit the pub but, as time passes, there are fewer of the old guard. Things change.

 

I have embraced the old saying, "it is what it is",  and that helps to deal with the past. I am learning to accept that. As for the future, I need to help my wife because I owe her so much.  During the two years of my incapacity, she did it all. She took care of me, the dogs, the car, the house, the bills and still taught classes and graded papers. I am not sure that she ever slept. The old saying that she lives by she got from her father, "make a plan and then work the plan"..... and she did. I am going to do that too.

 

Thanks for listening