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Worst Movie Ever Made (That I've Seen)


Guest GingerTom

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Guest GingerTom

I'm probably like a lot of people and I've seen a lot of movies. Some were really great and some have been worse than others but at least the bad ones usually gave a laugh or two or three.

 

Except...

 

I'm going to cheat a little on this topic and tell you about:

 

Yor (The Hunter From The Future)

 

My cousin and I went to see it thirty years ago (in the theatre.) And walked out.

 

We told another fellow about how we'd lost our money on that one and he quipped 'So Yor a sucker'.

 

Now, because it just might have been an off day for us I decided last year to watch it again.

 

Same result--couldn't turn it off fast enough. Worst movie every made (that I've see.)

 

EDIT: Just went and found this review for you. Sounda good. :D

 

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/movie-reviews/movie-review-yor.php

 

NOTE: The above review is available on YouTube--I'm not listing it here.

 

 

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As a sucker for bad movies, I've seen a lot of crap, but at least most of these attempts at film-making were still somewhat entertaining and had something about them to laugh at. There's this one movie I read about being the worst movie ever, failing in every regard possible.

I didn't want to believe it, wanted to see for myself how messed up it really is. One of the few times I really had to force myself to keep watching a movie - it's even worse than I ever could have imagined...

 

The masterpiece of fail, temptingly titled 'Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker!' How can you go wrong with that? It has zombies and ass-kicking, hasn't it?!

 

Obnoxious 'characters' (played by ugly bossturds) stumbling through a non-existent 'plot', spewing painfully unfunny lines non-stop.

Ridiculous wannabe 'action' and an overall nasty feel about it, made by a bunch of some drunken college friends totally full of an unpleasant "We making bad movie, hurr hurr!" attitude. No sense of entertaining to be had, it's annoying and mainly just boring. Luckily, it's short.

 

In the link below, there's even a user review that looks like from the guy who made the movie, full of praise for it, recommending it to everyone.

I recommend it, too - if you want to see how to completely screw up and abuse filming equipment and people's time.

Mulva on IMDB (surprisingly high score/rating): http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0264932/

And don't let yourself be fooled by the cover - that's not the movie's main character! It might be the chick from the sequel; After experiencing the first, I had enough and didn't watch the second part.

 

One more contender almost as embarrassing and painful to watch is 'Kickassia' (what's up with all that ass-kicking?).

Another movie only bearable and maybe even funny for the people who have worked on it. Everyone else just feels cheated.

Most interestingly, that one is the joint effort of a bunch of game and movie critics.

They should know how to make good movies if they review them for a living, right? But no, the thing is just a freaking fool-fest full of fail.

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I'm probably like a lot of people and I've seen a lot of movies. Some were really great and some have been worse than others but at least the bad ones usually gave a laugh or two or three.

 

Except...

 

I'm going to cheat a little on this topic and tell you about:

 

Yor (The Hunter From The Future)

 

My cousin and I went to see it thirty years ago (in the theatre.) And walked out.

 

We told another fellow about how we'd lost our money on that one and he quipped 'So Yor a sucker'.

 

Now' date=' because it just might have been an off day for us I decided last year to watch it again.

 

Same result--couldn't turn it off fast enough. Worst movie every made (that I've see.)

 

EDIT: Just went and found this review for you. Sounda good. :D

 

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/movie-reviews/movie-review-yor.php

 

NOTE: The above review is available on YouTube--I'm not listing it here.

 

 

[/quote']

 

Oh my god. lol I remember that movie, it was...quite...terrible.

 

 

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The worst movie I ever saw was a gangsterfilm called "Jack Said". It was part of the event called Midnight Movie in the UCI cinema, where you have to pay 4€ for food and than get to watch the movie for free. Compared to Yor it wasn't even silly.

That film was about a dude that infiltrates a gang. I guess he was an undercover cop. It was horribly dubbed. Easiely the worst dubbed movie I've ever seen. Did I mention that it was the most boring film I've ever seen? None of my friends understood the story, one of them slept and I refused to concentrate on it and played on my mobilephone since it sucked so much. Terrible acting of people that didn't even look like the persons they played. Another gigantic problem was that the whole movie took itself dead serious.

 

Even if you like bad movies. Don't watch this one! It has no charme at all and tortures your mind... The trailer is infinite times better than the movie and shows all the shitty fights.

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Guest GingerTom

Plan Nine From Outer Space

 

It's actually not that bad--compared to Yor. Yor has nothing going for it, Yor isn't even funny by mistake.

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Plan Nine From Outer Space

 

It's actually not that bad--compared to Yor. Yor has nothing going for it' date=' Yor isn't even funny by mistake.

[/quote']

I don't know. I looked Yor up and it didn't strike me as Plan9 bad. Although it does sound very bad, but perhaps only on a par with Independence Day with a smaller budget? (That's very bad of course).

 

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Guest GingerTom

I saw attack of the killer tomatos--can't remember what I thought of it. Probably because it was nothing.

 

@Symon--Yor is the ONLY movie I've ever walked out of--and I've seen many, many of them. It has absolutely nothing going for it. It's insulting to the viewer.

 

And I just read that they were bringing it back in wide screen--now it'll be twice as bad.

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'A Sound of Thunder' http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0318081/

Spoilers ahead (as if anybody wouldn't see 'plot twists' coming for miles, or anybody even want to watch the movie at all)!

 

Made after an already rather weak story by Ray Bradbury, the movie is an attempt to mix up 'Jurassic Park'-like creature action with time travel extravaganza. In theory an interesting idea to explore the concept of the 'Butterfly Effect' - changing a tiny element of the past and its gargantuan repercussions for all of history itself - the movie stumbles from one plothole to the next while trying to keep up its facade of 'hey, this is serious business'.

 

Characters nobody cares about meet their sudden fate and get simply removed from the plot, side stories are left unexplained.

Dumb-looking, neither spectacular nor convincing CGI creatures roam the streets (in search of the producers to complain about this movie?).

The concept of changes to the timescape in the form of 'time waves' is very silly and ridiculously executed, sometimes the 'hero' escapes such a time wave with a jumping dodge! Speaking of 'jumping': In the most brilliant moment of heroism, the hero proves his ingenious problem-solving skills by simply jumping out of the window! Normally to his certain doom, in this case his fall magically cushioned by monstrously grown flora!

If all else fails, make like David Belle in 'District 13 Ultimatum' and jump out of the window! Plants will have grown to soften your landing!

 

The whole plot depends on the oh-so-neat concept of ice bullets.

This movie has it all: Goofily executed time-travelling, evil corporate villains who unceremoniously drown off-screen, a female lead who degenerates to a strangely more attractive yet primitive creature...

Whatever you do, don't step on butterflies when on a prehistoric safari - and never watch movies about such events.

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Guest GingerTom

I'll take your word for it having just read this on the link:

 

"So I saw a free screening of A SOUND OF THUNDER about six months ago. We were told that the special effects were just "mock-ups" and therefore to not judge those effects too harshly. And we were promised that for the actual release the special effects would look spectacular.

 

I just watched A SOUND OF THUNDER on its opening Friday and the special effects were EXACTLY the same. They used the mock-ups, the "pretend special effects," for the release.

 

Which leaves me to believe that the test screenings got such bad feedback that the studio decided to cut its losses. They didn't advertise this film very much and they didn't spend any REAL money on the special effects." :s

 

PS: I'm a Doctor Who fan and they point out that they 'used' a little bit of the lines from the movie in 'The Shakespeare Code'--which I didn't know of course since I didn't see the movie.

 

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Hehe, the movie did cost 52 millions to produce!

 

A good chunk of that certainly got paid for freaking Ben Kingsley to star. He played an insignificant role in the plot to just push forward the notion that sloppy preparations to cut the costs for the time safaris were the reason for everything that happened.

 

If the thing would have been entertaining, I could have neglected the bad creatures, mainly lame-assed 'lizard-apes', insidious insects and corny carnivorous plants full of perilous poison... But they all seemed just not threatening because everything was filmed and staged without any heart to it. Main characters that are boring don't make the viewer care for their well-being, possible fate and survival.

 

In every case of such movies I wonder what all the people involved were thinking. Everyone clearly saw it sucked, nobody even tried to give a damn making it better. Trainwrecks of movies from the start that will unavoidably tank.

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Guest GingerTom
In every case of such movies I wonder what all the people involved were thinking. Everyone clearly saw it sucked, nobody even tried to give a damn making it better. Trainwrecks of movies from the start that will unavoidably tank.

 

Excellent point. How about for the money? Did you read/see where Patrick Stewart (Shakespearian actor) who starred in Star Trek: TNG took the part as the captain 'knowing' it was going to be a flop and he wouldn't have to keep playing that part. (Of course it ran for 7 seasons.)

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Or Sir Patrick taking the part of voicing an Emperor guy in some computer game he just knew was soon to be forgotten ...

 

Luckily he was wrong in both cases. TNG wouldn't be half as good without him. And Oblivion's intro movie with him talking as good old Uriel S. sends shivers down my spine everytime I hear it. Though the lines are cheesy, it's his voice and tone that deliver the certain kick.

Imagine some guy like, well... John Travolta speaking these lines! Oblivion would have tanked as well with that guy.

Or Eddie Murphy. No racism intended, someone like Samuel L. Jackson would have delivered an awesome Septim voice part, I'm sure.

 

I wonder what Patrick Stewart thought about his minuscule part in 'Dune'?

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Guest GingerTom
I wonder what Patrick Stewart thought about his minuscule part in 'Dune'?

 

He was in Dune? (And then I remembered--he didn't add anything to it.) I liked Dune--and that was before I read all the books.

 

Speaking of John Travolta and Samual L. Jackson--I thought they were both great in Pulp Fiction (but that's the other thread.) :D

 

Yes, he is good in Oblivion. Makes the game more real when you first run it.

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Yes, Travolta's Pulp Fiction performance is great, even legendary.

But the more I imagine him speaking emperor Septim's lines, the more I'm convinced he couldn't speak/act such 'epic' parts if his life depended on it. Maybe it's because of the part being solely the voice acting. Travolta, starting out as a dancer, is a rather physical actor, being very able to use his whole body. I really did like him in movies like 'Face/Off'.

 

Sam L. Jackson instead is quite capable to only use his voice to act out a part. It's easy to imagine him as Uriel Septim, delivering the lines like he did in his speech in the classic 'retrieving Marcellus' suitcase full of shiny' scene... Voice swollen with pathos, booming, a real authority.

He's certainly one of my favourite actors ever. But Patrick Stewart as well, so the Septim part was done by the right guy in any case :).

 

Somehow we're off-topic if we continue to praise good movies and actors, you're totally right about that.

I've got to look into my movie collection to find another real stinker full of FAIL!

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"The Undergound Comedy Movie" has to be the worst movie ever. The Writer/filmmaker/producer even was flunked out of his prestigious hollywood sect, after he refused to discontinue filming.

It's a bad bad movie. I gladly watch Yor anyday, if the alternative is watching this piece of garbage.

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Wow, where to start with this one?

This trailer caught my attention, so I got the MST3K version and was amazed by the movie's incredible badness:

"THE PUUUUUUUUUUUUMAMAN!!!" For good measure and effect, let's repeat it a few times!

 

'Pumaman', a cheap Italian attempt to cash in on the success of the first 'Superman' movie but does everything painfully wrong.

Starring Donald Pleasence (another case of 'in it for the money') - who the movie refers to as 'Pleasance' - as the impressively evil villain.

A most captivating story is told about a hapless bumbling fool who is destined to become... A hapless bumbling super hero.

 

Descendant of a bloodline of heroes powered by alien benefactors, this man is the chosen one to protect the world from Donald Pleasence's villainy and evil plan to steal a golden mask of the same alien origin as the hero's powers. The meanie intends to use the golden artifact to control the minds of a group of some world leaders, effectively making him rule the world. Only one man is able to cross this abominable plan:

"THE PUUUUUUUUUUUUMAMAN!!!"

 

Among the hero's many powers are flight, amazing strength, teleportation (rendering flight more or less obsolete) and the badass power to play dead, deceiving his enemies (who still have the idea trying to kill him even deader, they almost end Pumaman's heroic career on the spot).

 

But to become the hero of legend, this man, an ordinary guy working in a museum, has to be found and tested first. A big Aztec guy travels to England in search of the son of the previous Pumaman. You would think from this guy's impressive stature alone he was the far more fitting Pumaman instead of the wimpy weakling the main character is... When the messenger and servant of the benevolent aliens finally finds the hero-to-be, testing him consists of throwing him out of the window! What if Mr. Aztec had found the wrong man? What if that man wasn't

"THE PUUUUUUUUUUUUMAMAN??!"

 

But he is - and his powers activate! Developing the ability to fly slooooooooooowly and in an impossible angle, the Pumaman's musical theme plays, a cheesy 'Synthie' tune that keeps looping and sounds not heroic but simply childish. The rear projection effect to simulate the soaring through the skies, combined with the strange noise (?) that accompanies the flying, is all it takes to demonstrate the epic nature of FAIL of this movie. It won't get any cheaper? Oh, but it will...

 

As the little helper of the power-hungry villain, we got the Aerobics icon Sydne Rome, pretty but with a very creepy way of smiling.

Donald Pleasence even keeps on mispronouncing the hero's name, speaking of the 'Pyumaman'. But we all know by now the hero's name is

"THE PUUUUUUUUUUUUMAMAN!!!"

 

Don't you just love the scene in the trailer where Pumaman grabs a henchman from behind, takes to the skies with him - and the guy screams: '"Let me go!!"? In one chaotic 'fighting' scene, some badguy is thrown against a wall which visibly shakes because it's made from cardboard!

In general, the hero's fighting style is aimlessly hopping around like mad, grabbing guys and throwing them away most spectacularly while his big Aztec buddy again is the one to knock out the villains with nasty and powerful punches. That guy also likes using sticks of Dynamite...

 

Imagine all the people involved: They all knew what they were doing is utter trash - actor performances, special effects, music, the whole plot. Or did they really believed themselves to be working on an epic super hero movie? Can anybody be that blind/oblivious to such a lack of quality? When these people were asked on what great movie they were working, they proudly proclaimed to be part of the staff and cast of

"THE PUUUUUUUUUUUUMAMAN!!!"

 

Watch the movie! It is entertaining in any case just because of its ultimate ineptitude. And soon you will find yourself also saying:

"THE PUUUUUUUUUUUUMAMAN!" - "THE PUUUUUUUUUUUUMAMAN!!" - "THE PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMAMAAAAAAAAAN!!!"

 

That part in the trailer always cracks me up, the guy hollering it so full of pathos and seriousness, with his sonorous voice...

Here is the movie in all his glorious puma-ness:

 

And Kraxon, you're right, 'Undergound Comedy Movie' and Vince Offer indeed suck on every possible level. There is nothing comedic or funny about the movie, it's just annoying and cheap. A mixed trashbag of lame sketches and wannabe spoof songs. Utter torture trying to watch it.

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Yay, 'Doc Savage'! Pumaman is indeed more painful because of the flying, the ridiculous music and the weak fighting abilities of the hero.

 

My favourite scene in 'Doc Savage' is the martial arts festival that is the final fight between the Doc and the main villain. While duking it out, both of them change their fighting styles every few seconds, and to keep the viewer informed about it, the film-makers most helpfully show the martial arts style used in little captions at the bottom of the screen!

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Guest GingerTom

Well, I thought I'd seen everything--guess I missed a lot of goodies.

 

Lucky me. :D

 

@PT The Comic Freak You did such a great job of discribing Puuuuuuumaaaaaaaaaaamaaaaan that I don't even want to try it. :P

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