Depression

[Dovakeks]

So first a little information: I have depression for a very long time now. I've been depressed since I was a little boy and now I think its taking its toll on me. I'm 19 years old, getting 20 now and I have never told anyone about my depressions. I feel like shit almost everyday, but like I can't get up and change anything about it.  Something is always holding me back. I often think about suicide and almost killed myself with 16 years. I thought I handled it pretty well till now, but the thoughts, the depression is often increasing. I have nothing to live for anymore except for my new girlfriend. She is my sun shine.

 

And I've come to this community now, because I think that I will be accepted for who I am here. What I'm asking is if anybody could give me advice for what I could do better to counter these depressions.

I'm very thankful for every response.

 

[Queen Bee]

Well, you've taken the first step, which is to seek help wherever you can find it. I know from personal experience how difficult it can be do to that when the weight of depression is crushing you down. There's an unfortunate stigma attached to mental illness these days that can make coming forward about it incredibly intimidating. I congratulate you for your bravery.

 

I can also tell you from experience that taking that first step is far from the entirety of your journey. The most annoying thing I discovered when I took that step was no one seemed able to tell me what steps two, three, four and five were (or even how many steps there were). I had to find out the hard way that there is no set number of steps, it's different for everyone, and without help you're just stumbling blindly through the dark. As someone once pointed out to me, you can't think your way out of depression because it's your brain that's causing the problem. You can't solve it using the part of you that's injured; that's like trying to set a broken arm using the arm that's broken. What this means is you need to find some help. And I don't mean advice from friends or family, I mean professional help. People go see doctors all the time when they're sick. Depression is no exception.

 

I strongly recommend you do a Google search for local professional therapists and psychologists. I don't know what country you're in, but in the US most psychologists I know of work on a sliding scale for pay, which means even if you're dirt poor you can still get some help. And check with your health insurance, if you have it. Most health insurance companies cover mental health visits as well (it's covered under special services). If you don't have health insurance, get some, trust me. There's plenty of plans out there that are easily affordable.

 

I know how intimidating it can be to take these steps. Believe me, I know. The horrible thing about depression is that it can be damn near comforting, like a heavy blanket you wrap around yourself to keep from feeling cold. But the awful truth is that blanket is a wet one, and it's not keeping you warm, it's keeping you numb. You have to fight it, strip it off, bear the cold and rip it to shreds if you're going to get anywhere. It may not seem like it now, but you can do this. Depression robs you of everything, even your will to fight. Don't let it. If I can do it, so can you.

[Coopervane]

It's probably not what you want to hear, but your first step should be to seek professional help.

 

I've also delt with major depression since childhood, i've been through every stage of the illness several times, including the final one where it starts to kill you (got a few attempts under my belt), and it's something i still struggle with. Point is that chronic major depression does not go away on it's own, and quite frankly, the very nature of the illness and what it does to you makes it almost impossible for you to fight it on your own. You're going to need help, and it should be help from someone who knows what they are doing.

 

 

There are several things that could help you, medication is only one of them (if you are in a bad enough state, that stuff CAN save your life, it has mine, but it's not pleasant, the side-effects are no fun at all), there are also places that offer group counsilling, excersise programs that can help, lots of things. But you're going to need to talk to your Doctor before any of those doors become open to you, so that is where you start.

[dobmc]

1) Don't lose your girlfriend

2) Do some service

3) Remember that life will forgive you if you come back to it at a consistent basis. No matter how low you fall.

 

 

 

Try to find something that you could fall back temporarily. Exclude excessive use of drugs or alcohol as that makes situations worse by taking tomorrow's happiness. I said not to lose your girlfriend, but you gotta know when to leave her.

 

 

[Cliffyqq]

don't rely on your girlfriend to keep you going because honestly you can't rely on someone else for your own happiness. I'm struggling with anxiety and depression too and i've gone through a couple of girlfriends who i thought were my only reason to keep going. but honestly you have to seek help and you can only do that when you decide that you want to get better. In the mean time, keep busy and find lots of hobbies. Go to the gym (this is really good), pick up sports, anything really that can get you out of the house and interacting with people and keep you distracted.

[ratrace]

I'm living with depression now since I was about end of puberty. I was diagnosed with 30 because of a nervous breakdown. The time til then I medicated myself with all the chems I could lay my hands on. XTC, Ephedrin, Cocaine, speed, lots of alcohol (never developed a physical dependency though), LSD, magic mushrooms. I used to smoke a lot and eat very unhealthy crap. I didn't care anymore. One day I was short before smoking smack. Something held me back. I guess it was the last bit of a will to live that was still left.

 

I tell you this because it shows what not seeking professional help does to you.

 

Tody at the age of 42 I take no drugs anymore, no alcohol, no cigarettes, do a regular and very hard weight training and I'm on a good medication after one total fuckup. Well, psycho meds are always a bit trial and error (which is why you're not supposed to do self treatment). And the best: I don't have to force myself to live that way. When I got my depression correctly treated, the urge to consume drugs and live unhealthily completely vanished. There's something I've learned:

 

1.: Never put your happiness in the hands of others. Never. That's unfair towards yourself AND the one you put that burden on. Though you may not tell the person in question, he or she will feel it.

 

2.: Seek professional help. Really.

 

3.: There are a lot of assdorks out there who have not the faintest idea what depression is and can be, what it makes you feel like and what it means to fight hard to get even the easiest things done like getting out of bed and make it to the toilet to take a piss. They don't know anything about the mortality rate of that disease, think it's some kind of bad mood or so, they are not interested in your well being, but despite their lack of knowledge and empathy they won't shut the fuck up.

These wankers are telling you to buck up, get something achieved, take a walk in the sun, tell you that there are others who are far worse off than you and thus make you feel guilty as the icing on the cake that is your shitty condition, basically they throw every cliché at you they ever picked up on TV or wherever they seek "education". Learn to ignore these bastards COMPLETELY.

 

4.: Again: Seek professional help. From your nick I guess you're german (so am I). In Germany you have free access to therapists and psychiatrists. Your health insurance company can give you some addresses of therapists close to where you live. However it can take a while - up to half a year or longer - to get your first therapy session, but that doesn't matter. What's half a year compared to years and even decades of untreated depression?

 

The therapist will work out everything with you, and in case he or she proposes medication and wants you to see a psychiatrist in addition to therapy, don't be all against it. Be aware, be critical and ask the therapist and the psychiatrist any question you may have. But stay open to external, professional help.

 

5.: Keep in mind: It WILL get better. I have - among other personality disorders -  a so-called "double depression", which means anhedonia with temporary depressive episodes on top. I got used to even that and found my way of kicking the fucking disease in the ass. Thanks to therapy and psychiatrical treatment. And you can do that, too. Just find your way and pace to do it, but don't cheat yourself with legal or illegal mood brighteners of any kind that you take on your own initiative without seeing a professional. Depressions are not a headache.

 

Be it XTC or any of the above mentioned drugs - yes, they help. For a few hours. And then take their toll. And that really sucks, I can tell you.

[Dovakeks]

Thank you all for your posts and advice. It really means alot to me for you guys to post here. So I should get professional help ? Ok, I guess I can do that. It just always feels so exhausting and heavy for telling anyone about this. I just hope that it will one day have an end. I'll try my best then to get professional help. 

 

Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart, it really felt good to talk about this. 

[Coopervane]

Thank you all for your posts and advice. It really means alot to me for you guys to post here. So I should get professional help ? Ok, I guess I can do that. It just always feels so exhausting and heavy for telling anyone about this. I just hope that it will one day have an end. I'll try my best then to get professional help. 

 

Thank you all again from the bottom of my heart, it really felt good to talk about this. 

 

Do, there is no try.

 

If you are currently in a state where you can't find the motivation to do it on your own (and that is a destinct possibillity with depression), then reach out to someone and ask for help getting you to that Doctor's appointment or whatever it needs to be that gets you started. Talk to your girlfriend about it, a parent, a freind, whatever it takes.

[Dovakeks]

Ok, I will do it. I will talk to my girlfriend so I will really make it there. I just want to be "free" again. 

 

Thank you again for your help.

[ТigегШооd]

Find an occupation, internet therapy won't work. You won't commit suicide, those who talk about it never do.

I don't believe in 'relying on each other'(I'm saying you have to solve your own problems), you have to be her support, not the other way around. Man up, women don't like depressed partners, she's going to think you're a wuss. Go travel with your girlfriend & have sex in unusual places. & go to the gym, the endorphins will help.

 

ps: I'm seeing a psychiatrist too, but for different reasons.

[Coopervane]

Ok, I will do it. I will talk to my girlfriend so I will really make it there. I just want to be "free" again. 

 

Thank you again for your help.

 

Now that is a good decision

 

Good luck to you Dovakeks, i wish i could tell you the road ahead will be easy, but it never is. It's a road worth traveling though, it has it's bumps and turns, but it's going to lead you to a better place in the end, so just hang in there, and don't be afraid to talk about it, problems belong out in the open where they can be delt with, not burried away where they can only fester and become worse.

 

 

EDIT:

 

Find an occupation, internet therapy won't work. You won't commit suicide, those who talk about it never do.

I don't believe in 'relying on each other'(I'm saying you have to solve your own problems), you have to be her support, not the other way around. Man up, women don't like depressed partners, she's going to think you're a wuss. Go travel with your girlfriend & have sex in unusual places. & go to the gym, the endorphins will help.

 

To this^ All i can add is the quote below:

 

3.: There are a lot of assdorks out there who have not the faintest idea what depression is and can be, what it makes you feel like and what it means to fight hard to get even the easiest things done like getting out of bed and make it to the toilet to take a piss. They don't know anything about the mortality rate of that disease, think it's some kind of bad mood or so, they are not interested in your well being, but despite their lack of knowledge and empathy they won't shut the fuck up.

These wankers are telling you to buck up, get something achieved, take a walk in the sun, tell you that there are others who are far worse off than you and thus make you feel guilty as the icing on the cake that is your shitty condition, basically they throw every cliché at you they ever picked up on TV or wherever they seek "education". Learn to ignore these bastards COMPLETELY.

 

That is all that needs to be said about that.

[ТigегШооd]

 

 

That is all that needs to be said about that.

 

Actually I do, a family member committed suicide with a cable. & I was depressed myself at 16 because I couldn't cope with my own problems. Once I solved them, things got better.

& I didn't say therapy doesn't work, I said internet therapy doesn't work.

 

[Redflyingmonkey]

 

 

That is all that needs to be said about that.

 

 

Well, he didn't throw any clichés or anything, endorphin does help during depressions, and he was right to make him thrive to be his girlfriend's mental support instead of the contrary, setting a goal that means a lot to you emotionally is a common psychological device that he's going to come across anyway once he gets professional help. 

I'm not saying this randomly either, I'm doing psychology studies and some of what Tiger said comes out in the very textbooks psychologists use to treat their patients. 

 

To the OP, you should indeed seek professional help, no matter which experiences everyone here has had in his life with depression, each person is different from the next and copes with it differently. I wish you a good recovery. 

[ТigегШооd]

 

 

 

That is all that needs to be said about that.

 

 

Well, he didn't throw any clichés or anything, endorphin does help during depressions, and he was right to make him thrive to be his girlfriend's mental support instead of the contrary, setting a goal that means a lot to you emotionally is a common psychological device that he's going to come across anyway once he gets professional help. 

I'm not saying this randomly either, I'm doing psychology studies and some of what Tiger said comes out in the very textbooks psychologists use to treat their patients. 

 

To the OP, you should indeed seek professional help, no matter which experiences everyone here has had in his life with depression, each person is different from the next and copes with it differently. I wish you a good recovery. 

 

I hope OP gets my comment & doesn't take it as wanton malice, doing something about it is a whole lot better than talking.  I can do a lot worse if I don't listen to reason myself, can't I? Remember the nail? Boy did I dodge that bullet.

 

Do you study psychology? Any titles in particular?

 

[Redflyingmonkey]

 

 

I hope OP gets my comment & doesn't take it as wanton malice, doing something about it is a whole lot better than talking.  I can do a lot worse if I don't listen to reason myself, can't I? Remember the nail? Boy did I dodge that bullet.

 

 

Do you study psychology? Any titles in particular?

 

 

 

Yeah it was close, the nail I mean, real close !

 

I'm not majoring in it or anything, I just take some psychology classes at my college, nothing professional or anything. I told you I'm majoring in History, but sometimes we get to have different cross over courses and in one of them I did come across some lengthy description of the various "State of Minds", but it was all more centered towards historical facts about psychology than psychology per se. Like the story of the theory about "thanatos" and "eros", and the fact that the first was heavily linked to the state of mind of "depression". I think it was Freud by the way, he said something like "thanatos" is the "thrive for pleasure's death". 

 

Anywho,  the teach pointed out that basic things that enhance your "eros", which means your "thrive to be satisfied" is a way to push back the "thanatos", and it can come from various stuff like endorphin, adrenaline and of course dopamine (they sure love their sexual theories those psychologists). 

 

 

 

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

Glad to see people on this site taking these things seriously

[Dovakeks]

Yes TigerWood I read your comments, every word of them. I thank you for your advice and will take it to heart. Its just a little hard to start, but I will make it.

 

Thank you again for sharing.

[Dovakeks]

Hey there again Loverslab Community. 

I just wanted to give an update for those who may take interest in it what happend to my depression. 

 

It all went to shit. I tried to get my life together, but failed. I tried telling my friends and my family that I have depression and really want help, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it, because they always looked up to me. I always was there for my friends, when they needed help. I was like the guy that always knew what to say and what to do. I tried telling my family, but they were so proud of me, that everything was alright with me and that I always smiled, no matter what the fuck happend. I didn't want to let them down, and letting them see me like this. My girlfriend and I broke up, because we had a long distance relationship. She still loves me and I love her too, it just hurts so much to be so far away.

But I've tried talking to my bestfriend about it, but he's always like:  "Just snap out of it. It will go away. " Like I'm just in some kind of bad mood.

I've fallen in such a deep depression now, I don't know if I can get up anymore. It's like I'm trying to scream for help, but nobody can hear me. I feel so lost and alone... I have no idea anymore what I should do. 

I'm just telling you guys, because you guys cared.
I know this really isn't the right site for this kind of stuff. It's supposed to be a site for mods and adult stuff and not the personal problems of somebody. 

I'm sorry for posting this here.

Thank you again for everyone who tried helping me. It really means so much to me. 

[Guest airdance]

We call this section of the forum "Off topic" for a reason, and that reason is so people like yourself can call out for help and guidance if need be from time to time.

   Are you seeing a Doctor right now with regards to your present state of depression?   It is called clinical depression for a reason, you need to be under some form of medical supervision.

   You need to start taking care of number one right now, no matter what everyone thinks, or how it will affect them.  it is not about them, it is about you and getting yourself better.   Only people who have experienced depression can begin to understand what you are talking about, but even they will come up short on your particular case because the experience is unique to each person who suffers with it. 

    We are hear to listen, but you MUST seek professional help, I would suggest as early as NOW.

 

[windpl]

Hey there again Loverslab Community. 

 

I just wanted to give an update for those who may take interest in it what happend to my depression. 

 

It all went to shit. I tried to get my life together, but failed. I tried telling my friends and my family that I have depression and really want help, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it, because they always looked up to me. I always was there for my friends, when they needed help. I was like the guy that always knew what to say and what to do. I tried telling my family, but they were so proud of me, that everything was alright with me and that I always smiled, no matter what the fuck happend. I didn't want to let them down, and letting them see me like this. My girlfriend and I broke up, because we had a long distance relationship. She still loves me and I love her too, it just hurts so much to be so far away.

But I've tried talking to my bestfriend about it, but he's always like:  "Just snap out of it. It will go away. " Like I'm just in some kind of bad mood.

 

I've fallen in such a deep depression now, I don't know if I can get up anymore. It's like I'm trying to scream for help, but nobody can hear me. I feel so lost and alone... I have no idea anymore what I should do. 

 

I'm just telling you guys, because you guys cared.

I know this really isn't the right site for this kind of stuff. It's supposed to be a site for mods and adult stuff and not the personal problems of somebody. 

I'm sorry for posting this here.

Thank you again for everyone who tried helping me. It really means so much to me. 

 

You need to find thing that will make you get up from bed. It doesn't have to be something big like love or all that stuf, it can be some trivial, trivial things that you enjoy. For exemple if you like game you could try to make mods for them, or try create a  writing game you could then post it see if someone like it then you have just one thing to make you move from bed. There is many ways to cope with depression you just need to find one for you. Faster or later any intelligent being have to deal with it, it is inevitable.

[Coopervane]

Dovakeks, let me ask you one very easy question: How does "Depression" feel to you?

 

Does it:

 

1) Feel like a crushing sense of sadness, hopelessness, like this ball of pain and hurt sitting in your chest?

 

Or:

 

2) Do you feel completely apathatic, emotionally deadened, like your dead inside and nothing seems the matter anymore, nothing seems to really excite or repulse you like it should.

 

Or:

 

3): The same as 2, but you also experiance thoughts creeping into your head that don't seem to be your own. Like, you can have a person tell you "Have a nice day!" and you involountarily react to this by thinking incredibly destructive/selfdestructive thoughts, often about how they are just lying, that they see you as a burden and that the world would be a better place if you were dead.

[RunicGray]

I don't know if this will help you or not. This turned into a wall of text real quick - sorry.

 

 

I will say that joining LL has helped me, as the sense of community has really perked me up, but that aside, I generally do not find any of my hobbies enjoyable - any of them. I've only just found my spark for gaming via Skyrim and LL in the last few months - this has been going on for 8 years. But it took me 6 years to identify that something was wrong.

 

The first 4 years, I was in uni and life was riding backseat to my grades, making sure I didn't lose my scholarship. Once I finished, my first year out was hectic with life changes (marriage, an international move, finding a new job twice, etc), so I figured nothing felt right because I wasn't in my new routine of life yet - surely, it'll all come back once things had settled now. Another year went by - it hadn't come back at all.

 

At first, I tried drawing and writing again - and nothing would happen. Okay, just rusty maybe. But then it kept happening, each time. It wasn't that my skills weren't there or that anything in particular was bad - I just felt nothing. Eventually, that empty feeling and remembering how it SHOULD feel (happy, accomplished, enjoyable) would give me breakdowns. I'd cry for hours - I just wanted that enjoyment again and it just wasn't coming back. What I had originally attributed to being out-of-habit or rusty was just plain old absence of pleasure. Eventually, I avoided trying because I was afraid of feeling that emptiness again and spiraling into a breakdown - then I'd have a mini-breakdown about avoiding a breakdown! Finally, I hit a day where I just stopped and realised that I wasn't meant to feel like this, that it wasn't right and that I wasn't going to allow myself to keep feeling this way. Trying to get out of it on my own hadn't worked - I was getting help.

 

 

I tried telling my friends and my family that I have depression and really want help, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it, because they always looked up to me. I always was there for my friends, when they needed help. I was like the guy that always knew what to say and what to do. I tried telling my family, but they were so proud of me, that everything was alright with me and that I always smiled, no matter what the fuck happend. I didn't want to let them down, and letting them see me like this. 

 

Oddly enough, I went to therapy first for my anhedonia, but ended up concentrating on something else I hadn't realised. My first round was a year ago and was for self-esteem - I was so eager for people to appreciate and find me helpful that I never said no to anyone and I volunteered extra work onto myself. I jumped at every opportunity to swoop in and save the day, at the expense of someone else doing what they're supposed to be and also overburdening myself. If anyone tells you that you're helpful or supportive, so you must not be depressed - it's a load of crap. You'll find sometimes that the people who are so occupied with helping others are avoiding looking into themselves. Because, surely, if other people find us helpful and good, then we must be worthwhile, right? And yeah, it's nice to feel helpful and appreciated, but we can't define ourselves by it. We have to be helpful to ourselves first because, hey, our friends don't have to live our life - we do!

 

 

I was like the guy that always knew what to say and what to do. I tried telling my family, but they were so proud of me, that everything was alright with me and that I always smiled, no matter what the fuck happend. I didn't want to let them down, and letting them see me like this. 

 

Related to this, there are those that are depressed and everyone can tell - and then there are those like you and like me who can hide it very well, most likely because we don't want to burden anyone else with our problems. We go to work, we smile and laugh with everyone. We engage in idle chitchat and everything seems normal. And sometimes, perhaps we genuinely do feel normal during those times. Other/most times, we are putting on a face in order to function.

 

 

My second round of therapy is now concentrating on my anhedonia. My first therapist felt that if my self-esteem was higher and I concentrated more on me than others, that my hobbies may come back. It was a fair enough assessment and it did improve my mood, but they didn't come back. So I applied again. Meeting my new therapist, even just going through the initial assessment of what was wrong has made me feel better - he understood what I was saying, why I was upset and that, yes, I'm not meant to feel like this. 

 

But I've tried talking to my bestfriend about it, but he's always like:  "Just snap out of it. It will go away. " Like I'm just in some kind of bad mood.

 

I know that my depression is mild compared to others, so it may not have the same impact - but the crux of it is this: You know you don't feel right. You know that you aren't meant to feel this way. You have identified this and you want help. DO NOT LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE. My mother is amazingly supportive in everything I do, and not even she understood that it wasn't just a phase or me being a bit down. She said similar things: just cheer up, I'm sure things'll pick up, etc. I had moved far away from home, and she assumed I was just homesick - she didn't understand that it had started much earlier than that, probably because I put on the aforementioned face so everything seemed fine. But I realised that because I never seemed depressed or because she never felt this way before, it didn't make sense to her - but it doesn't have to make sense for it to be real. My mind was made up - I was getting help, whether my family understood why or not. Because again, you're the one that has to live your life and not them.

 

 

Go get your help - if no one there gets it, you know we all do. Contact a therapy and get referred. If you are worried you might hurt yourself, tell the therapy that - that is what they are there for. And if you're not comfortable telling everyone that you're going to therapy, then maybe you shouldn't. If they're only going to hold you back from going, then it's not their business yet. That sense of discomfort is something you would talk about in therapy as well and they can help you on how to broach the subject with your loved ones.

[...0...]

Depression can be be very annoyance and not all can deal with it.

 

But life is short(yes even let's say 80 years is very short) it's over before you know it.

 

Unless you live in real poor country with deseases and hunger??? ...or warzone with killers around you???.. or with only terible people around you that make your life misrable???.. if not i say go out and enjoy your short life.

 

Specially when you say your girl friend is your shunshine, your bad if you you don't take that positive and get rid of the negative take advantage of this sunshine girl situation and enjoy.

 

Easyer said then done i know, but ENJOY LIFE while you can, it can be beautiful.

 

 

[Redflyingmonkey]

 

Specially when you say your girl friend is your shunshine, your bad if you you don't take that positive and get rid of the negative take advantage of this sunshine girl situation and enjoy.

 

Wow Evasia, bravo, telling him to "take advantage of this sunshine of a girlfriend" when he just said he broke up with her. Maybe on a sensible subject like this you could as well refrain from talking if you have difficulties with english, I am not sure you are helping right now. 

 

 

And dude, we've been telling you to go and see a doctor, you didn't say anything about this so I'm just going to assume you didn't. I'm sorry I have to repeat this again, but while this place is a good one to share your story and find empathetic ears, we are not professional shrinks. You should really consult, and I understand the reason you wouldn't want to, looking at how people "look up to you", but you should try anyway, just do it in secret, just try to talk to one on the phone, there are free hotlines for this kind of problems with people who know what they are doing on the other side of the line. Your depression is not just some kind of temporary state of mind who'll go away with some "sunshine" (holy mother of all morons, Evasia I want to slap you...), you need medical attention since it's really a disease. Just get treated for it like you would for a bad wound dude, or let it get infected, your move. 

[ratrace]

 

Unless you live in real poor country with deseases and hunger??? ...or warzone with killers around you???.. or with only terible people around you that make your life misrable???.. if not i say go out and enjoy your short life.

So you're saying as long as you don't die of malaria, typhus, ebola and famine you shall suck it up and enjoy life? Here is the news: Anhedonia is the lack of the ability to enjoy anything, life included. You cannot put a gun to a depressive persons head and say: "Hey, I'm gonna pull the trigger, then you're dead - wouldn't that be much worse than being depressed? So stop being depressive!" The only thing that this provokes in a depressive person is a feeling of guilt and inferiority.

 

Depression is not subject to rational thought and comparison. It's a fucked up mixture of screwed up brain chemistry, shitty upbringing, shitty situation right now and here and other factors. In many cases, a life of being exposed to too many arseholes can be the topping on the crap cake. It took me two decades to learn to give idiots the finger instead of taking everything they say seriously.

 

For fucks sake: Depression has the same mortality rate as some serious kinds of cancer because people choose to kill themselves because they cannot enjoy life. It's not some short and shallow period of a rainy day mood.

 

As much as I'd like to support your lust for life: Before cherishing that you need the ability to do so.