Horoscope?!

[steelpanther24]

I did find an explanation of this topic, though.....my spell check might be off a bit.

 

Aries: You think we're being jerks when we tell you to go jump in a lake; but to be fair, you are on fire. Hey, at least today won't be boring.

Taurus: Your family will look surprised when you bring home your new significant other for the holidays. Just ignore their bigotry. Blow-up dolls are people too.

Gemini: Just because you can pick your nose with your tongue, doesn’t mean you should..

Cancer: It’s been a long year, but that’s no reason to get drunk at Thanksgiving dinner and have relations with a bowl of sweet potatoes. You don’t need a reason to do that.

Leo: This Thanksgiving, when your hand is stuffed way up that turkey's ass, remember: some prostitutes don't like being called 'turkey.'

Virgo: The moon is in your seventh house of Over Sharing on the Internet. No good ever came of combining love for tequila with an interest in amateur porn. Wait, what are we saying?

Libra: On this day of giving thanks, remember to be grateful for everything you have. Especially that fallout shelter Grandpa built back in the 50's.

Scorpio: We’re sorry we forgot your birthday. Please accept this complimentary DVD we received with our latest mail order of lube.

Sagittarius: No, family gatherings are not the best place to "meet people." Put down the Bailey's and stop hitting on Aunt Irma.

Capricorn: You’ll take what we give you and love it. Because Capricorns are awesome like that.

Aquarius: Family parties always make you feel like kicking someone's ass. You know who deserves an ass kicking? Capricorn.

Pisces: The moon is in your sixth house of Forgot to Wear Clean Underwear, and if we've learned anything from our mothers, you just know you're going to end up at the hospital today. But don't worry, we foresee they won't be able to identify you, so you will at least avoid that embarrassment.

 

 

Source: https://whoroscopes.blogspot.com/