Sex in the front of the children?

[winny257]

1 hour ago, Resdayn said:

What the heck ?

this happened in France.

 

https://www.focus.de/schule/grundschueler-zum-oralsex-gezwungen-serie-von-sex-uebergriffen-von-paedophilen-lehrern-schockt-frankreich_id_4618673.html

[Evaloves4]

37 minutes ago, winny257 said:

nothing screwed up, I even go one step further!
it even happened several times, that teachers to the sexual contact, came with her students, 14 - 16 years old!
the internet is full of such offenses!

 

https://www.focus.de/panorama/welt/39-jaehrige-festgenommen-us-lehrerin-hat-verhaeltnis-mit-schueler-es-ist-der-freund-ihrer-eigenen-tochter_id_9315911.html

 

  Reveal hidden contents

https://www.google.de/search?q=lehrer+sexueller+konfakt+zu+ihren+schülern&oq=lehrer+sexueller+konfakt+zu+ihren+schülern&aqs=chrome..69i57.37615j1j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

 

There were two things I have the school prohibited!
1. Sexual education
2. religious education

 

edit: wenn du willst, dann schreibe ich Dir das nächste mal auf deutsch.
mal sehen wer dann dumm aus der Wäsche schaut. ?

 

it is very sad that those teachers abused their profession. They have no excuse and they should be locked out; in prison. But, I have to disagree with you about forbidding sexual and religious education. You see, those subjects aren't evil in their essence, but they can be if they they are abused and used on wrong way. Let me explain: We had catechism in high school. It was a mandatory subject and still is in elementary schools. I had to listen various priests and nouns every week. But, it didn't turn me into believer. Most of us didn't become Christians. So being educated about religion is not wrong, but if it is forced and used as "You must", then it is wrong. Same goes for sexual education. Let me tell you; my mom and dad never watched porn, I never saw them having sex, my mom even hates sexual jokes, but I turned to be sex addict in the time when we DIDN'T have sexual education. My parents taught me well, but I turned to bad. My Prince's father taught him well, his mother forced to become believer, but he stayed good and didn't accept religion. You see what I'm talking about? Proper education and uprising is not guarantee you will turn to right person. prince's father grew up in orphanage, was molested, rejected, beaten, despised most of his life and he turned on good. Nothing can guarantee us that we will remain on right path and that will will not astray. It's the matter of choice. I could write more about it but I'm handicapped with knowing of English and the time. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

[Resdayn]

You already made your mind about I see, so why ask the question at all?

 

 

 

 

[Evaloves4]

2 minutes ago, Resdayn said:

You already made your mind about I see, so why ask the question at all?

 

 

 

 

Read my first post, please. I said I want to, quote: "My question is: what do you think?" 

 

[Resdayn]

1 minute ago, EvalovesEP said:

Read my first post, please. I said I want to, quote: "My question is: what do you think?" 

 

Why will it effect your decision? ?

[winny257]

37 minutes ago, EvalovesEP said:

 

it is very sad that those teachers abused their profession. They have no excuse and they should be locked out; in prison. But, I have to disagree with you about forbidding sexual and religious education. You see, those subjects aren't evil in their essence, but they can be if they they are abused and used on wrong way. Let me explain: We had catechism in high school. It was a mandatory subject and still is in elementary schools. I had to listen various priests and nouns every week. But, it didn't turn me into believer. Most of us didn't become Christians. So being educated about religion is not wrong, but if it is forced and used as "You must", then it is wrong. Same goes for sexual education. Let me tell you; my mom and dad never watched porn, I never saw them having sex, my mom even hates sexual jokes, but I turned to be sex addict in the time when we DIDN'T have sexual education. My parents taught me well, but I turned to bad. My Prince's father taught him well, his mother forced to become believer, but he stayed good and didn't accept religion. You see what I'm talking about? Proper education and uprising is not guarantee you will turn to right person. prince's father grew up in orphanage, was molested, rejected, beaten, despised most of his life and he turned on good. Nothing can guarantee us that we will remain on right path and that will will not astray. It's the matter of choice. I could write more about it but I'm handicapped with knowing of English and the time. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. 

I can understand you very well, but own experiences shape a human, I do not want to continue this.
only that much, when I went to school, 53 years ago, so at the age of 7 years, was the subject of sexuality forbidden at school!
Sex education did not exist just as little religious education.
At the age of 16, a female teacher seduced me and it came to sexual intercourse, my first sex.
first with the reunification of Germany 1990, these two school subjects were introduced.
and as you already know, I grew up in a religious family, but not Catholic or Evangelical, but a faith-direction the in Germany East was pursued mercilessly!
These experiences are deeply rooted in me, and one can not re-educate an old human. 

[Bjorn Stronginthearm]

Hi Eva,

 I am a child of a strict catholic mother and an atheist father. In our family we were taught to be open and honest and to question everything. My father particularly distrusted the catholic church and likened them to the gestapo. He always said, "never believe what a man in a fancy dress and a dog collar tells you, just because he tells you it comes from God".

From my mother I was taught to respect the christian faith view of things, but to also ask, "why?" So you can see I was taught to have a good sense of morals and good reasoning.

 

Now to your question, "what do I think?" well I have to give you some of my history first.

 

Both my parents had a joyous marriage with plenty of love-making, mostly they were private about it, as after all they did tend to do it after their children were already in bed. But they were seen doing it by myself and my brother on a number of occasions throughout our childhood. My parents never made a big deal about it, no screams of shock or outrage or anything like that. My parents explained that physical love was simply something that was perfectly natural for married people to do. Now in your circumstances you might need to say it a little bit differently. But that is no big deal. You simply don't worry about the small, "dirty" thoughts that some people have about sexual relationships and activities. Explain to your children that sexual activity is a normal thing enjoyed by adults who live together in a loving relationship. Emphasis on in a loving relationship and by adults.

 

Teach your children that love comes first, always! Then comes learning about the other person or people in your relationship, respecting their needs and wants and desires and then last comes sexual activities with those people you are involved with. If your children see you having sex so what? It isn't a big deal when they know that it's just their parents showing each other love.  That is what my parents taught my brother and I. Once we knew it was just a thing that adults did to show love to one and other it was like seeing them kiss or hold hands. It didn't mean anything to us.

 

So now my answer,

everything is in the context of how the children see the sexual activity and how we teach them about our (the parents I mean) sexual activities.

 

1. I would not advise actively encouraging the children in your family to either witness or take any part whatsoever in your sexual activities. That is not just immoral but will definitely get you prison time and a lifetime of abuse and hatred from your entire society.

2. If you are making love to a partner and your kids come home early or get up in the middle of the night and see you doing it then so what? You are not encouraging anything or trying to involve them in anything and millions of parents around the world have been seen by their kids and have had to explain what was happening to their children.

 

It's not wrong to be seen by your kids if you are having sex and even the most religiously blinkered people on the planet cannot judge you for it. Should any of the Judeo-Christian-Islamic types try to give you a hard time about it. All you need to do is, tell them to read the Old Testament Bible and have them try to explain how some of the men named in that book had sex with their own daughters even made children with those daughters and apparently that was perfectly ok with their God.

 

All you seem to want is to have a wonderful sexual life and not worry about whether or not the kids see it. Totally not a crime in my opinion.

As I said I saw my parents doing it, I never wanted to join in, I have never had sex with anyone other than a consenting adult, never wanted to and I was also an adult myself when I lost my virginity. I am bisexual, a parent, and I hope as normal and grounded as any person can be in our messed up world. The best thing I learnt, is from my parents, love comes first, always!

 

[Evaloves4]

12 hours ago, Bjorn Stronginthearm said:

Hi Eva,

...

 

Thank you for wonderful post. You said many great things that we, as married triangle talked about a lot. For the third time: Our children will be loved a lot. We will not force sex in the front of them if that will bother them. My original point was that I don't see it as wrong if they see us doing it and they aren't disturb with it. And again, none of is is a pedophile and we will never be.

[Evaloves4]

13 hours ago, Resdayn said:

Why will it effect your decision? ?

1. Maybe yes, maybe not

2. It is always good to hear how other people thinks

3. LL is site with various sexual content and I wanted to know how this community will react on this subject.

[Bjorn Stronginthearm]

10 hours ago, EvalovesEP said:

 

Thank you for wonderful post. You said many great things that we, as married triangle talked about a lot. For the third time: Our children will be loved a lot. We will not force sex in the front of them if that will bother them. My original point was that I don't see it as wrong if they see us doing it and they aren't disturb with it. And again, none of is is a pedophile and we will never be.

I hope that my thoughts help you even a little. I know you guys are not into forcing kids into doing things or anything like that.

Some people have not understood that you were talking about is having a wonderful sexual life with your adult partners and not worrying about whether or not the kids see it.

To anyone who did not understand that point I wanted to make it clear I was not speaking about their confused ideas but about your idea and your question.

 

How the other people confused the two things is beyond me and I think it says a lot about how their minds work. (Trying to see the negatives in things). I mean who would use a public forum to ask if it was ok to do wierd stuff with their kids? Plainly nobody would be so stupid!

 

Anyway whatever you and your partners decide, I wish all three of you joy and happiness and many wonderful years together.

 

Love first, always!

 

[Tirloque]

15 minutes ago, Bjorn Stronginthearm said:

I hope that my thoughts help you even a little. (...)

 

Love first, always!

Thoughts and experience ! The main points being not being seen intentionally, and to explain it's a normal thing to do between two persons in a love relationship if the children happen to stumble on it, I think. Thanks for the share. ?

[Resdayn]

11 hours ago, EvalovesEP said:

 

Our children will be loved a lot. We will not force sex in the front of them if that will bother them

 

You shouldn't really underestimate the kid's curoisity and desire to try new things and explore and they going to cling on you all the day, considering they choosing the parents as the one they learn, they try copy things they saw.

 

[Bjorn Stronginthearm]

13 minutes ago, Tirloque said:

Thoughts and experience ! The main points being not being seen intentionally, and to explain it's a normal thing to do between two persons in a love relationship if the children happen to stumble on it, I think. Thanks for the share. ?

Thanks, Tirloque.

That was exactly what I was hoping to share. People need to feel love first after that everything else is easy to sort out.

Too often we see the bad stuff where there is none.

 

For example, I admit I have seen my share of nude kids, as has every parent in the world. But today as a man it's scary to admit that publicly, because people jump to the wrong idea straight away.

All men have been made into monsters, because of a tiny, tiny minority of people (of both genders) who have abused the trust of kids.  Most of us simply have no desire to do this and that confused me when I read some of the other people posting on Eva's question. People were obviously mistaking what she was asking about, I had to try and answer it.

 

[Evaloves4]

On 8/21/2018 at 10:06 PM, Bjorn Stronginthearm said:

I hope that my thoughts help you even a little. I know you guys are not into forcing kids into doing things or anything like that.

Some people have not understood that you were talking about is having a wonderful sexual life with your adult partners and not worrying about whether or not the kids see it.

To anyone who did not understand that point I wanted to make it clear I was not speaking about their confused ideas but about your idea and your question.

 

How the other people confused the two things is beyond me and I think it says a lot about how their minds work. (Trying to see the negatives in things). I mean who would use a public forum to ask if it was ok to do wierd stuff with their kids? Plainly nobody would be so stupid!

 

Anyway whatever you and your partners decide, I wish all three of you joy and happiness and many wonderful years together.

 

Love first, always!

 

> You said a lot of wisdom and support. You are very wise and honest man and I highly appreciate your words. Thank you.

[Evaloves4]

On 8/21/2018 at 10:50 PM, Resdayn said:

 

You shouldn't really underestimate the kid's curoisity and desire to try new things and explore and they going to cling on you all the day, considering they choosing the parents as the one they learn, they try copy things they saw.

 

> I'm very aware of it. That's why will will observe how our children will react on it as many other things. As it was said before: we are all different; some have traumas after that, some doesn't. But, thank you for your insight.

[winny257]

15 hours ago, EvalovesEP said:

> I'm very aware of it. That's why will will observe how our children will react on it as many other things. As it was said before: we are all different; some have traumas after that, some doesn't. But, thank you for your insight.

Eva, your life will change abruptly when children come to the family.
It is not as carefree as it is without children, nothing changes in some relationships, but I know very many, where the relationship broke up.
why are there so many single mothers?
because a lot of men with such a drastic change, do not come clear!
how @Resdayn already said, what children see, they try out.
Remember, your children go to the children garden and later to school.
What is if they that, what they have seen try on other children?
you will not be happy then, the law enforcement authorities, would you take away the children, in the worst case, Her go to jail!
I would avoid completely, that children see the sex act, believe me, nothing good will come of it. 

[Kirzol]

It seems like we have something in common. I'm pregnant with my first. My wife is pregnant as well and our husband is really worried about this.

 

 I have told him that while this will be a huge life change. If we get seen by our children we should explain what they witnessed as loving one another. While his fears are quite real and understandable, there is also the fact that we are poly. In the United states it is illegal to be married like we are.

 

 So. Through our long talks and readying for two births, we have chosen to make a few small changes. We have arranged it so that only one woman will be in bed with our husband while the other sleeps where she will reachable by the kids to help with their needs. This should keep the kids from accidentally walking in on our private play time.

 

We don't want the schools to report us. It can and has ruined lives around here. While our marriage is protected under freedom of religion. That seems to go away when children are involved and wreaks havoc on families. When our daughters (Both of us are having girls) reach 8 or 9? I'll get my teaching cert (Cyn has hers) and we will home school the children. In doing this we will protect our family and our daughters from ridicule.

[Evaloves4]

Thanks for your comments @winny257 and @Kirzol

[Guest]

I deleted my earlier post because of lame arguments. The reason why Eva isn't bother to have a sex in the front of our children is because she likes to have a sex on public places. I don't. When I agree to do it it is because I love her and I want to make her happy. But, we always talk about things and none of us forcing anything. Since she knows I feel uncomfortable to be seen by other people during the sex, I also told her that I wouldn't like to be seen in sex by our kids. She respect my attitude and we won't do it.

 

Beside that, she is very aware about possible consequences that the children might have seeing  us in sex act. She studied this subject a lot. Although she still thinks that having sex in the front of our children isn't bad thing, believing that they might not be disturb with it if being properly educated about sex and sexuality, she wanted to hear what members of "sex site" like LL thinks about it.  Both of us are very thrilled that all participators of this discussions showed maturity and behaved not insulting her. (with few exceptions). Nevertheless, thank you for participating in this discussion presenting very good arguments "for" and "against".

[sen4mi]

This will not be simple:

 

Children tend to get into all sorts of situations, and sooner or later this will involve the people they interact with. So you should expect some conversations with other people in your community to be triggered by your kids. Some of this will require confronting some difficult issues.

 

When your kids are maybe 1, they will be sweet and cute but will start finding all sorts of things to do that you would really wish they would not do (bad thing - running out in front of cars kinds of bad), so by the time they reach 2 they will have learned to imitate your saying "no" (or whatever) to them.  So then they get over that for a while and then you start running into difficulties with them again...

 

Meanwhile, children watching you have sex might not be a problem, but that will depend on all sorts of other details which will be difficult to anticipate. Sooner or later they will get bored and they will eventually find things to do which will kill the mood. For example...

 

[Greeniewolf]

On 8/20/2018 at 12:01 PM, winny257 said:

Oh, here in germany other things have already happened.
some teachers have been dismissed from the school service, because they forced underage students with a dildo to perform the oral sex.
if someone enlightens my children (sexuality), then I was that and nobody else!

 

I am a peace-loving person, but in this point I'm become *Fuchsteufelswild* Fox Devil Angry.

That's happened in the usa too.  And in my state (one of the more conservative states ironically) the teachers union, planned parenthood, and a few other groups pushed to have every student regardless of gender be taught how to perform oral sex on all genders using sex toys.  Supposedly, it was to promoted "safer sex."  It didn't pass in law but some school systems and several individual teachers implemented the program anyways.  

Even before that though, sex ed in my state was getting ridiculous.  We had to watch pretty explicit videos starting in 3rd grade.  At least in that grade we were segregated by biological sex.  By six grade we all had to be in the same classroom together and it was quite uncomfortable.   
My health/sex ed teacher in high school was pretty tame, and highly encouraged if not abstinence at least taking it very slowly, but even so, it sometimes felt more of a how to class than anything.  One of the other health/sex ed teachers in my school at the time was pretty controversial because she demonstrated blow jobs on a dildo and cunnilingus on a fleshlite and actively encouraging students to get into sexual relationships and advocated that anyone that loved each other should have sex.   (As a side note, she routinely bragged about having sex and masturbating in front of her kids.)

A few years ago one of my high school classmates that went on to teach at that same high school was forced out because she tried to get students she knew were having a relationship to demonstrate various acts through their clothes in front of her classes.   A lot of parents and students wanted her to be charged, but it never happened.  

It should be noted that in theory the policy for this school system was that the parents of students in all grades be given advanced copies of the course curriculum and that they had to sign permission slips for students to attend sex ed.  In reality, neither happened.  
 

Honestly, I think our sex ed classes really fucked up a number of my class because out of a graduating class of nearly 600, over two-thirds have had trouble maintaining a lasting healthy relationship.   One of the children I knew of the teacher that bragged about having sex in front of her kids was in my class, and her younger brother was a couple grades below us.  Both wound up becoming sex offenders.  Her for sex with underage boys, him for date rape.  Is it related to their mother's behavior?  Was there more going on besides exhibitionism?  I don't know.  

Alternately, two very close friends of mine who were sisters survived a hellishly abusive environment created and perpetrated by their parents and a host of other adults.  One so bad I doubt any of you would believe me if I listed even half of what happened to them.  After extensive physical, mental, and emotional therapy both went on to have very healthy marriages and normal, healthy relationships with their kids.  (The younger sister's kids are all adopted because the abuse was so bad it destroyed her ability to have her own children).

Personally, I never saw my parents having sex (thank god) though I heard them a few times and that was damaging enough.  My father was also a borderline exhibitionist walking from the bedroom to the bathroom in the nude until my little sister got to be about 7 and my mother finally put her foot down.  Even now he will walk around his house in nothing but (often dilapidated) tighty whities regardless of who is in the house which has caused great embarrassment to my brother, sister, sister-in-law, and myself. 

Out of the three of us, only my brother has ever had successful long term relationships and gotten married but even he has had his struggles.   I don't know which had more of a damaging impact on the three of us; the sex ed or our dad's borderline exhibitionism, but I honestly think both have severely damaged us.

My personal recommendation is don't have sex in front of your kids, at least not intentionally.  I cannot have kids of my own, at least not without very expensive genetic extraction and engineering but when I have been in a relationship with someone who had kids, I never had sex in front of them (at least to my knowledge) and I never intend to. 

[mindshadow]

There is a old saying. MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO

 

[Idyll]

If you educate your youngs and let them comfortably come to understand it, avoiding the parts that irks them until they are ready, it can prove safer in the long run rather than just pack all that in a pandora's box set to detonate in their teens or later, if at all.

 

I wouldn't mind showing normal sex to my children, if Master ever knocked me up, after extensive teachings on the theory - if they ever wanted to see actual application of some knowledge that is. I know what it's like to grow with the access to the insights and hindsight of sexually aware and open parents and I can say that I avoided many issues because of that.

 

 

On 1/28/2022 at 3:46 PM, mindshadow said:

There is a old saying. MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO

 

I agree since that partly applied to me but I believe that it's possible for it to not be so simple.

 

If I had to say, it could be "Monkey See Safe, Monkey Do Safe" since children that are cared for by their parent figures are likely to respect and abide by the knowledge imparted upon them by their tutors. The same thing happens when matters, sexual or not, are expressed as ill, sinful and/or immoral to children that then follow through with their lives, with an added set of risks in the common event that they undergo what I like to call "Condensed Sexual Liberation".

Reaching a turning point where instead of safely discovering and determining their limits where they become exposed to a degree controlled by themselves in a rational light, the individual would unleash their cumulated interests, curiosity, desires and/or whatever else regardless of their overall health and often happiness.

 

There's another idiom, "Curiosity Killed the Cat".

My thinking is to slowly diminish curiosity in order to reduce the chances of the individual straying from responsible thinking, application, consumption, etc. I have too many friends that lost sight of their thin thread of mindful thinking to instead throw themselves into something that greatly impacted or even ruined their lives because of the incompleteness of the ways they were taught while young only to surface from that full of harm.

 

Foggy/absent knowledge on pregnancy leading to very young mothers, avoidance of drugs' explanations; effects, purpose, etc; others. Any one such case, old, new or future, is one too many.

 

It's just my opinion and I'm not going to debate it if anyone has a different one.

 

 

Edited January 30, 2022 by Idyll