Toxic family members

[Patricia1973]

My brother is crazy and drug adicted also smoking ruin this family.  We were evidected because the payment wasn't paided for the rental apartment and right before we moved out my brother attacked me and used his fat stomach and injured my lower back and I was stunned by my brother cruel harsh words to me . I wish I had someone to protected me. Took me to realized his nuts, aggressive jerk. Why can't anyone see his hidden his angry and aggressive attitude, short temper, moody. very negative in this family is a mess now. We finally found a small apartment but instead downstair . It's upstairs, this apartment not great neither. At least the hot water is not hot anymore, it's normal now. But my mom still doesn't have no bed and no bedroom. I have to share my bedroom, share bathroom. The living room is his bedroom because the air in his bedroom is too hot for him. It the air conditioner is better than his small bedroom apartment. I still don't have all my stuff in my bedroom. So the living room is his bedroom and moved the couch in the living room with a small table, This isn't a family anymore it is destructived and toxic brother doesn't act like kind sweet brother anymore. I can't call him my one year younger brother age 52 years old. His a complete stranger now. Since his back in his back ruin this family from weeds his is nuts and crazy, mental, toxic. By the time we finally moved in. Something bad happened to me. I injuried my both knee and fall and my brother didn't help but one strange ask I was okay but my brother say the worst thing to say to him. I rather not repeat it. The stranger offered to take me to the hospital not my brother that doesn't care about my injuries at all. I  was moving my computer stuff in one container box.  I wish I wasn't never born in this toxic family at all. My brother doesn't care about me or my injuried knees at all, no hospital neither. I still push myself to moved my stuff in my bedroom. I can't bend my knees or stand on my knees, my lower back injury is worst too. It was like a football player tackaled me to the ground hard on the floor of the rug, anyways I need to recovered but I don't know how can I recovered from my brother cruel and selfish act anymore, he injuried me and doesn't care if I fell to the pavement neither. My both knees was injuried so hard and scared from the fall. My brother didn't help me. Now everytime something go missing, never asked if I was using the contained small box filled with his stuff, no his punished me and took the bag filled with my stuff, tried my best moved it someplace else to used. It was just baby bag that nobody used . Instead of yelling at him. I didn't argue with him anymore, gave him back but doesn't care where I moved my small stuff. His acting like a spoiled brat now. I'm done arguring and fighting with him. His taller and fat, bad attitude with storid mean giant, push and say harsh words, wants to pick a fight with his own family and my mom too is very upset now. I got nothing else more to say to her or him anymore. Too bad I don't have a lawyer or a friend or no boyfriend to saved me. My dad is in heaven and says his son is crazy and he changed to something harsh, cruel. And he got married and her mom kicked out her daughter out and we don't have no bedrooms only 2 bedrooms and two bathroom the same amount here nothing changed her, small room and closet. We are homeless and no money to shop on grocerie foods as much as we use to, barely no toilet paper either. We all lost weight from no enough food to buy anymore like we used too. My brother barely working as much, my young newphew his eleven years old stay with us for 3 days usually but now two days. Tv show too expensive now. I don't have my cartoon network or Science fiction tv show. But I do have Xena Warrior Princes show oh well. I do have Disney channel, Nickelon tv show. I do have my Britsh show butI barely watch as much. But I want to get out of this toxic family. I can't lived like this anymore. They are driving me up the wall. Too bad I still have no friends or relationship with a guy to be a normal decent friend difficult to find anywhere. I don't trust guys or girls either. Not easy puting my guard down and open up to anyone. My other friends were as great at all. We barely do anything much. Watch movie and not travel as much like on the movie drama. I was 7-16 my friends abandended me when I was 15 or 17 years old and only had one year to graduated from high school of El Toro High school from 1991 I graduated and never went to my class reunion at all. My school was a nightmare, torture for me how people mistreated me not much different from home, barely have much fun with my friends in the neighborhood. In movies is totally fake and lies from 1980-2000. I rather not repeat my pass life anymore. I moved on and I want to move far away from my childhood and start over , be reincarnated to a better life and family and new religious from any family that has good heart and good life. That's my honest opinion with my nightmares, toxic dysfuntional family I have. You don't know how harsh my life was for me as a kid, teen and teenager, adult life. Pure tortue, mightmares on Elm Street from 1986. I want to leave them, never come back to them ever. That's the honest truth. 

[rt5a]

The world is a cruel place, stranger. We all have our own problems. If not today, then in near future. And if not in near future, then the distant future will certainly bring us problems.

 

Even if you or i were the part of any elite branch of American or European government, it won't have meant anything; we would have just gotten a different set of problems then.

 

I hope you understand, stranger. We cannot run away or hide from problems. Because we all have, our own problems.

 

We can only decide how to deal with our problems. We cannot evade them, can't skip them altogether. No one can.

 

Not even the president of United States of America.

 

Thank you for reading my monologue.

 

Please be happy and safe, wherever you are, whoever you are.

 

P.S.

 

I don't know if any God exists in this universe somewhere, but if it does, i honestly want it to personally apologize to you.

 

Lots of love.

 

- An Introvert nihilist.