Recently, someone I respect said "Debate is a contest you try to win. Conversation is an attempt to understand."

Very often I have tried to engage people with whom I have a disagreement, here and elsewhere, and on the whole I honestly have been trying to get through to them, to help them see something I believe is wrong. But all too often I find myself debating them, trying to win an argument and prove my stance superior. And while I still do enjoy the tawdry thrill of telling off someone when they're being an asshole, I fear I may enjoy it so much it can sometimes overshadow my desire to educate and learn.

I am a teacher first and foremost. I hate ignorance with a passion and want to snuff it out wherever I see it. But no one does more harm to learning than a well meaning educator who ignores or avoids its most fundamental aspect: the art of conversation.

I see it all the time in internet memes posted to Facebook or floating around various forums, and it's commonly referred to as the Silver Bullet Argument. No matter the topic, it usually takes the form of a one liner, punchy and clever, a proverbial mic drop that lets everyone know who's the winner and who's the loser. I'm sure you can pick out a few from recent memory. They're the sort of thing that would fit right in on the pages of a movie script about a harassed teenager facing off against their bully, or a down on their luck business exec trying to stick it to their boss. But while clever, witty, and often giving others a cathartic sense of justice, it's true purpose is to shut down the opposition. It is meant to give them no avenue to proceed, to make them shut their stupid mouth. In essence, it is the opposite of learning, because it's focus isn't to start a conversation, but to stop one.

Look, I get it. Believe me, I do. As I said, I fucking love giving assholes their comeuppance when it's deserved, and I don't really plan on stopping any time soon. But in our haste to give them the verbal smackdown, let's not forget to first try to open a dialog. Approach them with a calm, logical demeanor, void of passion and with a desire not just to educate, but to learn. Even the worst examples of society have something to teach us, at the very least about how these people think. And even then, perhaps snappy one liners isn't the best way to handle them. Maybe they're acting like a child, or an idiot, or just a plain old dick, but acting like something out of a teen comedy in response is not going to help.

I've always said everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, but now I realize maybe that doubt should extend a bit further than I've been pushing it. Maybe certain situations require a far more nuanced approach than what I have been using. I should be working harder to understand, and to help others understand, and work towards a commonality we can agree on. I should try to be more accepting, more willing to listen, and less confrontational in the future.

But that doesn't mean I won't make it sting if you're an asshole.