Slim had a problem.

 

It was a tricky problem. A kind of problem he'd never had to deal with before. Sometimes it was hard to think of it as a problem. It didn't seem like it should be a problem. It seemed like it should be a good thing. No, it was problem. It was a real problem. He just couldn't think of a way to deal with it. Most of the time, he couldn't think clearly at all. That was part of the problem.

 

There was only one thing to do. Call the guys, go down to Patchy and explain the problem to them.

 

 

"Let me get this straight," Spider said when Slim at finished. "Dirk the Jerk bailed, stole your money and your stereo. Asshole. And he ditched his girlfriend... that blonde hottie, Star... who is now staying with you."

 

"Right," Slim said.

 

"Then, about a week ago, that hot brunette over there, who's name's Frankie, shows up on your doorstep and you let her crash with you too," Spider continued.

 

"Well, it's a squat," Slim said defensively. "It's supposed to be a place for people who need a place... and there was room. I didn't think it would be a problem... but, like I said, the problem is..."

 

 

"Yeah, so part of the 'problem' is that you are living with two hot women," Spider said. "One of whom is basically an exhibitionist who walks around the place naked."

 

 

"Yeah," Slim sighed.

 

"... and, both of these hotties are hot for each other," Spider continued. "But - and this you've got to admit is the really weird part - they are also both into you."

 

"Why is that weird?" Slim grumbled. OK, he thought, it was weird.

 

 

"But the real 'problem', is that both of these two hot women want to have sex with you," Spider said. "Together. At the same time. You have two hot women, naked, in your bed."

 

 

"Well, sometimes on the couch, or in Star's room, or..." Slim muttered. 

 

"Where they have sex... with you," Spider repeated.

 

 

"Together," he continued. "At the same time. A lot."

 

 

"This is the problem?!" Spider finished.

 

"Yes!" Slim said earnestly.

 

"Son," Eric said seriously. "What you have there is called an abundance of riches."

 

"Seriously bro, how is this a problem?" Biggie chuckled.

 

"I'm fucking exhausted," Slim groaned. "I think, by the end of last night, my dick was fucking shooting air because my balls were empty."

 

"Dude, do you need someone to step in and cover for you?" Spider asked. "Because, I would do that... for you. You know, as a friend, I could make the sacrifice."

 

 

"What would Bubblegum say about you 'sacrificing' for Slim?" Eric chuckled, looked over at Spider's pink-haired girlfriend on the dance floor.

 

"Hey, what she doesn't know, right?" Spider chuckled.

 

"She might notice if you're completely drained," Biggie smiled.

 

"You don't think I can satisfy three chicks?" Spider said.

 

"Well, I keep seeing Bubblegum going over to that photographer's place," Biggie pointed out. 

 

"So, I don't think you can satisfy the chick you got."

 

 

"Fuck you, Bubble ain't banging no photographer," Spider grinned.

 

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that," Biggie snorted.

 

"Frankie bites," Slim muttered. It was the closest he could bring himself to telling them the truth.

 

"Kinky," Eric said, sounding strangely approving. "You know those goth girls are freaks."

 

 

Only, Frankie wasn't a freak. Well, she kinda was, but the important thing was that Frankie was a vampire. A real, honest-to-Pete, bloodsucking vampire. 

 

Sex with Frankie usually ended with her biting and taking a mouthful of blood. They'd started having sex together so that Slim could stop her if she tried to take too much from Star. The next time, she'd bitten Slim instead. Something about Star needing time before 'donating' again. Now it was just a thing.

 

 

"She doesn't... like... bite your dick. Does she?" Spider asked, looking uncomfortable as he obviously thought about it. 

 

"No, man. She doesn't bite my dick," Slim said feeling uncomfortable for a completely different reason. 

 

It was Star's fault. Frankie had only been a vampire for a few months. She hadn't been with a guy since she'd... changed. For some perverse reason Star had wondered if, with her fangs, Frankie could fit Slim's dick in her mouth. So, they'd tried it. 

 

Slim had honestly worried that he'd go limp as a wet noodle at the thought of those needle-sharp fangs anywhere near his junk. He hadn't. In fact, he'd never felt harder. In the end, Frankie hadn't been able to get his shaft past her fangs... but just thinking about it was giving Slim a boner.

 

 

"Anyway, son," Eric said, trying to hide his smile. "I think you are going to have suffer with this burden God has given you."

 

"I'm still willing to help you out, any time you want, man," Spider grinned.

 

"No, no, no. You guys are thinking about this all wrong," Biggie said. "Slim, my brother, you have got to look at this thing differently. Don't look at it as a problem..."

 

"Dude, like, seriously," Spider said. "What problem."

 

"Spider, man, let me talk," Biggie grinned. "It's not a problem. It's an opportunity. We just need to figure out how to rig the squat with wifi and install some webcams."

 

"Why do I even talk to you guys?" Slim laughed.

 

 

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Author's note: After a month and a half away from this story - due to update issues, mod issues, crashing issues, and just plain issues - I felt like a kind of short recap was in order just to get my head back into it.