Personal Log, stardate unknown:  We are on our way to Vulcan.  Lt. Cmdr. T'Prax has shown the obvious signs of Pon Farr.  The Vulcan's biological need to procreate or perish.  Her name is pronounced Teh'Prey and according to medical records, she is in her third or fourth Pon Farr.  Aroused, irritable, and extremely expressive of her libido, hot-blooded Star Fleet Captains and Commanders had better be on their toes and set their phasers to high stun (...like that will work...).  She'll reach the breaking point in her species need to climax to orgasm and fuck anyone and everybody just to sate her biology's sex drive.  Be ready for the Vulcan Sexual Mind-Meld or the Vulcan Sexual Nerve Pinch (which works backwards for the lack of a better description).  If your lucky and logical, you might end up snuggling next to her or outside buck naked in a starship corridor...  

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Jesus!  Is how Vulcan women fuck?!

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Shut Up Male!!!

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...Oral slurping noises can be heard on the recorded file...