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Key:

 

Regulus Clarius (Imperial)
Maja Hearthmaiden (Nord)
Aleri Sevoran (Dunmer)

 

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19 Rain's Hand, 4E 202.

 

 

 

I saw you talking to that little boy earlier, back in town. You're good with kids, you know?

 

I daresay motherly with them. You don't happen to have any children running around I don't know about?

 

Heh, nah. Just... I've always liked children, you know? Always... curious, full of energy. Uncomplicated. I mean, after all, I would know, I used to be a child myself.

 

Allegedly.

 

Pffff.

 

It is somewhat difficult for me to picture you as a child, to be fair. Aleri, I can, since she's young... - younger, let me just quickly dig myself out of that hole... -

 

Ha. I know what you mean, don't worry.

 

- Mm... - But with you, all I can see is just... I don't know, a midget version of you running around getting into all manner of shenanigans.

 

So, still a pain in the ass, just smaller.

 

That pretty much was me as a child, yeah. Heheh.

 

Heh.

 

Ahh...

 

Have you ever wanted children?

 

Ah... I did, once, back when I could.

 

Could?

 

Ah, I've never told you, have I?...

 

Hm... I was married, when I was younger. My husband, Thaerndal, was a guard in the village. Was the same place I grew up in, my father still lives there too.

 

Way out near the Jeralls?

 

Yeah. Not much we had to deal with but the occasional reckless bandit, or wild animal. As was the case here.

 

Absolutely feral boar came rampaging in one day. Was half starved, poor thing. It was desperate.

 

Thaerndal got bit. Nothing too serious, I uh... I had a grasp on some basic spellcasting by then, so I was able to heal him myself. No big deal. Now, he lost his father to Blood Rot some years prior, and where they were at the time they didn't have access to any medicines or healers, so... there was nothing to be done, sadly. From then on, when possible he always made sure he had some potions with him to cure diseases, would down one on the spot whenever he got bit by an animal or some such.

 

Sounds like good practice to me.

 

Indeed. Unfortunately, we only found out later that we'd recently gotten in a bad batch of one of the ingredients he used for his potions. The ones he had then were basically useless, but he... unfortunately wasn't as aware of the tell-tale signs when he made them as he is now.

 

We were trying for a child at the time. We'd been together for some years by then, felt we were ready. We... well, we tried that night of course.

 

I... I didn't think anything was wrong when the pain started the next day. It just so happened that it was around that time of the month for me, so... very unlucky timing, looking back. But at the time I didn't realize anything was wrong. Had no reason to think there was. I'd been through more painful ones.

 

It wasn't until he started feeling off too, and especially when my pain just kept going on, that we started to realize something wasn't right. Drank a couple of potions just in case, but again unknowingly they were the useless batch, so we still didn't get any better. We went to the local apothecary soon after.

 

She was quite experienced. The village was lucky to have her. She'd been studying the boar's corpse already, making sure it hadn't been crazed due to some disease or something that she'd need to make some specialized cures for. Turns out it was carrying a nasty form of Black-Heart Blight around.

 

That's... not fun, yeah. It come up from Cyrodiil or something?

 

Probably, we couldn't really find out. But Thaerndal was infected, then infected me. My... womb, especially. That's where the damage was.

 

We also then found out about his potions, so we quickly made some with a new batch of ingredients we were more certain were okay. Cured us just fine, Thaerndal recovered fine... but the damage to my womb at that point was... permanent. Ruined. Went by too long before we knew there was anything wrong, the whole time it was in there just...

 

...

 

...

 

I've been barren ever since. I still use the contraception magicks and elixirs, of course, but that's more for the sake of not catching another disease. My childbearing days were well and truly over, then and there.

 

Damn. Sorry to hear.

 

Yeah...

 

...

 

What happened from there?

 

We... I mean, we eventually got past it. Accepted it as just... one of those things, you know? Even eventually started talking about making some trips out to the main cities, look for any children up for adoption. But things between us later broke down. Wasn't really due to anything in particular, we just... sorta drifted apart, couldn't rekindle things. It was the first marriage for both of us, so that was an obstacle there, but... still. We were married for nearly six years, we had a pretty decent run, I think. Learned from it, grew up from it. We parted on good terms. Still get in contact every now and then, see how we're doing.

 

He's still back there, helps my father out with his store. Good men, both.

 

Afterwards, I... well, I wasn't exactly ready for another relationship yet at that stage. I thought I'd give being a bachelorette a try. I'd been sort of a... free spirit, when I was younger, so it was hardly unfamiliar territory. Ashra, an old, old friend of mine, was passing through. She and her parents traveled all around Skyrim, would pass through the area from time to time, so we've known each other since we were children. We were together on and off before I married Thaerndal, so after the break-up I rekindled things with her. Felt like old times again, heh...

 

I decided to go traveling with her for a time. It was kind of time for me to get out of the village, see more of the world. Will always love the place, of course, but...

 

It... it'd done its job, you know?

 

Mm.

 

It used to be home, but... that time had finally passed. It was time to stretch out, find my life elsewhere.

 

We later met Aleri on the road. Then Calindwe, Gharz, and a few other people over the years... we all grouped up, traveled around, doing assorted mercenary work. Actually made pretty decent coin with us all together, hauling in the tough jobs.

 

Not for the faint of heart, but it's definitely good money.

 

Mm. Got us on our feet, that's for sure.

 

Eventually our group disbanded over time. Ashra and her parents had some family problems back in Hammerfell they had to deal with, Gharz left with her, Aleri had some issues back at Solstheim. Was then just Calindwe and I for a time. But I'd told everyone I wanted to get set up here near Whiterun, put my share of the money to good use. So whenever any of us would feel like banding together again, I would always keep tabs on things so I could pass messages on, and they knew where to find me so we could all get together. Either to adventure about, or... just some fun for a night or two. We've all crossed paths again over the years.

 

Anyways... when the Civil War flared up, Calindwe decided to lay low. Too much Thalmor activity stirring things up, you'd hear of Altmer being attacked even if they weren't with the Dominion in any way...

 

... And uh... heh, she probably thinks I don't know, but... I have my suspicions she used to a Dominion soldier herself, maybe even Thalmor, but she got out of there. Probably not a good idea for her to run into them, so...

 

Anyways, here I am now. Did some more mercenary work, made some good investments here and there, got set up. I'm doing pretty well for myself, I think. Everyone's still alive, all going up and down and around Tamriel, but still stopping by from time to time. Aleri's of course been back and forth between here and Solstheim for a bit, poor dear, but things are settling down over there, so she'll be able to stay out here more often.

 

And I've well and truly made peace with my infertility. I'll never have children, and... I'm completely okay with that. I love this life, I love where I'm at. What we have, what we all have, it's...

 

...

 

It's uncomplicated. We're all friends at the end of the day, and we'll always have that. Just we're also something... slightly more. It works for me, at any rate.

 

I don't regret the married life one bit, and I'm not going to say I'll never marry again. Who's to know what life will bring? But for the foreseeable future at least... I'm quite happy where I am. I'm happy with this way of life. I'm sure Dibella is, Divines know the shenanigans we get up to.

 

Mm...

 

Well, for what it's worth, I think you would've made an excellent mother.

 

Thanks.

 

And I mean that sincerely. I've never been... particularly good with people, in general. But, as you know, I've always been good at insight, sizing people up on the spot.

 

I've been all over half of Tamriel myself, met a lot of people. Met a few... well, shady types, we'll say. Learned to spot them. And i can say with full confidence that you're... you're good people, you know? ...

 

... You both are. I hear you back there, Aleri.

 

Ha. By Azura, you recognize my footsteps now or something?

 

Heh, nope. Not yet, anyway. But you're walking around barefoot and Calindwe doesn't get here for a few more days, so... unless someone's broken in here with no shoes on, my guess is it's you.

 

Anyways, evening.

 

Evening.

 

Evening. Everything alright?

 

All's well, for now... I just got in. Good people, you say?

 

Heh. Yes. You're among the... very select few I can honestly say I would entrust my life to, and I know it's mutual. That's a powerful trust, not one given lightly.

 

...

 

We seem to have a habit of getting into deep, personal conversations when we're drinking, don't we?.

 

Yep. And so it shall continue. You know what I'm going to ask~.

 

If I ever wanted children?

 

Mm.

 

-- I mean, I know you tried with Gwenevere, I mean afterwards.

 

Ah... well, for a time I sort of did, but after a while... It's... ... At the time I was kind of dealing with my own issues, so it was pretty much the last thing on my mind for a while there.

 

Once I eventually started to pull myself together, I decide to go back to traveling. Figured I wasn't doing any good moping about doing nothing. Adventured about, made friends, sort of tried to establish relationships here and there, but...

 

Couldn't really make it work?

 

Yeah.

 

I just... never really connected with anyone, you know? Part of that was no doubt Gwenevere, but also part of it was me specifically not wanting a... a repeat of Gwenevere, if that makes sense. I didn't want to burden anyone with my baggage again. They were my issues and I was dealing with them. It was... perhaps somewhat self-defeating, but I wasn't in any state to deal with more heartbreak, so...

 

Anyways. The... that little twinge of desire, of longing, would pop in every now and then, nudging me towards settling down. But I just couldn't, uh... .... Even when I finally started to let my guard down, I kept thinking long-term when I could barely even bring myself to establish anything to begin with. Was getting ahead of myself. The problem was that it was... easy, with Gwenevere. Natural. I barely had to learn anything, how to... how to build up a relationship the hard way. We just naturally went together, you know? But now I was out of my element. I had to start from scratch, and I... just did not know how to.

 

Eventually, I pretty much... resigned myself to the situation. Figured I may as well just enjoy being a bachelor myself, enjoy what I could, and contemplate settling down when my head was working right and I had the patience to re-learn how... you know, how to people again. Heh.

 

And now, over twenty years later, I still don't know. Heheheh.

 

Haa.

 

Ah... anyways, I kind of got used to moving around, eventually. I rarely stayed anywhere for more than a few days unless there was work available. I've... never really had a problem with being on my own, per se. But having said that, trekking halfway across Tamriel by oneself can still be lonely in its own right. Was always nice encountering any sign of civilization. Usually meant taverns.

 

Which usually meant bonnie lasses looking to share a bed for the night?

 

Correct. And one doesn't generally go looking for people in a tavern with the expectation of a relationship to come out of it. We always understood; fun for the night, then move on. It made things... a little easier. Made the road a little more bearable. I was content.

 

I'd still get the feelings for more, from time to time, but... by that time I think it was less genuine personal desire, and more the memory of that desire. Echoes of nostalgia. Even when I started to stick around in places for longer and actually... actually started connecting with people again, I realized that I was finally... my head was out of the long-term, and I was finally able to just start from the beginning. And start over I did.

 

Still, nothing lasted more than a few months at a time. But I was finally trying again. It was nice having an actual modicum of... of closeness again...

 

...

 

...

 

You alright?

 

Yeah, just... heh, that last cup took its time to hit. That's what I get for downing the whole thing at once.

 

Anyways... Yeah. Nothing held for too long, but it was still something. Occasionally I'd just go back to being a bachelor for a time, but... either way, I made do, you know?

 

And eventually I just... I stopped thinking about any end goal. Stopped thinking about marriage or children. Way I saw it, I'd cross that bridge if and when I got to it, in the meantime I was happy just with the here and now.

 

And then I met you two, and... ... I'm pretty much in the same boat. I like this life too. It's... I don't know, unconventional to some, I guess. But it's still... intimate. Passionate.

 

Fun.

 

Mm... and we're close friends first and foremost. That's our... our foundation, that's where this all builds up from. That's why everything's so... good, when I'm with youse. What we have is good, and... as you said, it's uncomplicated. I can work with that. I was used to moving around all the time, but now... now I'm used to this. Heh...

 

Perhaps not the most stable situation to raise a child in. But having said that... I'm fifty-two. Now, I'm nowheres near too old to father a child, technically speaking. And I fully intend to live for a long, long time yet. But I... I am kind of getting on a bit, in a way. I'm certainly not getting any younger. I don't quite have the energy I did when I was younger. And nor do I have the longings.

 

I actually... don't think I really want children anymore, you know? I like this life, I like what we have. I'm happy the way things are. And as you said, one never knows what the future may bring... but I just don't... see myself being a father anymore. I had my time, my opportunity. It didn't work out. Continued to not work out. And here I am now, and it's a little late for all that.

 

And that's fine with me.

 

...

 

Anyways.

 

We finishing the bottle?

 

Might as well, we've gone through half already...

 

Heh. Aleri?

 

Yep, I'll go get a cup.

 

Ah, got one here, dear.

 

...

 

Heh, since we're here... what about you, Aleri?

 

Children? Ah...

 

Well, I, uh... I don't have much to say about it, I think. if and when I ever get married, I'll think about it then. Not in a rush.

 

Mm, good thinking.

 

...

 

...

 

And you know, it's... ... It's a nice thought. Children. Someone to carry on your legacy. Someone who'll remember you, and maybe even pass that memory down. Everyone wants to be remembered to some degree or another.

 

But having said that, I've never really been one for fame and glory. I'm not some... renowned warrior or respected author. I consider myself pretty competent at a fair few things, but... there's always someone better. Someone else making history.

 

What the Dragonborn's done for instance - still doing -, that'll keep the historians busy for quite some time. People like that, they're remembered for ages to come. But me, I'm... I'm not the one they write about. I'm not the one that gets remembered. Archeologists will probably just know me from old census records they dig up.

 

But that's fine. Because you know what, I've done a lot of good in my life. I've helped a lot of people throughout the years, various mercenary and guard jobs, clearing out bandits and getting people safely through dangerous regions. I've saved people's lives, Aleri of course case in point. The world is ever so slightly a better place for my having been in it, even if my actual involvement is forgotten. My legacy isn't in words or memories, but actions and situations, the status quo.

 

I may not've done a whole lot in the grand scheme of things. But I've still done what I could to make things better, and I intend to continue doing so until the day I die. That's not a bad legacy to leave behind, I'd say.

 

Indeed. To making things better, mm?

 

To making things better.

 

To making things better. And whatever we're doing in bed tonight.

 

I'll drink to that.