I screwed up very badly in Saturday when going out. Although my luvs forgave me, and behaved as nothing happened, I still felt miserable. I had to talk to someone about it. I talked to my Fran in Sunday. He friendly warned me about possible scenario if I don’t stop behave irresponsibly an immaturely. But that conversation didn’t cured the pain in my heart. I needed to talk to someone else, someone with more life experience; I needed to talk to my mom. So, I took free unpaid afternoon yesterday and asked my mom if we can talk in private. My dad stayed with the children while we walked to my parents’ house. My mom was never judgmental toward me although she never approved my mischief and instead of “killing” my spirit, she always tried to lift me up and help me to correct my mistakes to be able to go on. Beside my Ivy, she is the only person who perfectly knows me. My Fran knows me, but not that good as two of them. Anyway, coming to her house, she offered me a tea and then we sat in the living room. I didn’t know where to start from, what to say first. My mom, looked at me compassionately and said:

- You wanted to talk to me about Prince and why he was beaten. Am I right, darling?

Me: Yes, mom. How did you know?

Mom: Mothers always know their children, honey. As a matter of fact, I was looking for this conversation. I only waited for you to be ready for it.

The big sadness and sense of guilt overwhelmed me and I started to cry very heavily. My mom sat closer to me and she, wrapping her arms around me, leaned my head on her chest and kissing my head, she helped me to let all the pain out of my soul. When I calmed, I started to talk:

- Mom …… I am such a bad person …. I don’t know why I constantly hurt my Prince and Ivy?! …… They love me so much and I behave very meanly to them, especially toward my Prince …

Mom: So, he was beaten because of you, I assume?

Me: Yes.

I told her the whole story and not only about last incident, but about few others. She listened to me and looked at my face all the time. I could see only love and compassion in her eyes.

Me: … I deserved to be slapped and punished for what I have done to him, but he never rose a hand on me. He yelled and swore, he was very furious, but he never hit me, mom. I am not worthy of him ….

My mom cuddled my face and said:

- We had this conversation before, my love, but I will tell you again; the moment I saw Prince the first time, I knew he is the man for you and that he would love you as no one ever before. His love for you is genuine. That’s why he cannot hurt you … And I know you sincerely loves him.

Me: Yes, mom, I do.

Mom: If you want to keep it that way, you must grow up emotionally and mentally. Honey, you have family now; you have children, your days of wild life and partying are over, at least they should be. I am not saying that you should stop going out and have fun, but you should stop behaving like you are 17 …. You said your Prince told you he’ll never leave you for whatever reason ...

Me: Yes, mom.

Mom: You and Ivy are together little bit less than 20 years, right?

Me: Yes.

Mom: And she never physically hurt you, right?

Me: No, she didn’t.

Mom: You told me that she told you if you ever jeopardize your husband’s life again and behave immature and foolish, she will hurt you. Correct?

Me: Yes.

Mom: Honey, don’t you see that Ivy changed. When there was only two of you, she endured all your mischief because she worshiped you and she still does ….. Don’t you see that since the day you started to live in love triangle, she grew up mentally and emotionally and that she loves your common husband with all her being that she is capable to hurt you to protect him from you?! I admire her and respect her now more than before. She understood that three of you can survive all hardships only if you love, care and protect each other. She is willing to do whatever it takes to save your love triangle …. (placing her palms on my cheeks) – Honey, did you ever think that no matter how much he loves you, one day Prince might simply have enough of your mischief and that he might leave you. Ivy will surely join him and they both might have taken your children with them …… Are you willing to pay such high price?

Thinking about that possibility, I started to shake and I blasted in heavy cry saying:

- If he, if they ever leave me, I will die …. Mooooom, there is no life for me without them ….

My mother helped me to calm and she said to me:

- Then do something about it, darling …. You only have to make decision in your heart and mind saying: “My husband and wife, and our children are most important persons in my life. Nobody will take them away from me. Not even I. I am stopping to be childish, immature and irresponsible because I am a wife and a mother who loves her wife, her husband and her children with all my being … Honey, I want you to say it aloud now and to seriously mean it.

I said it twice in the row and I felt great relief. My mom kissed me and hugged me saying:

- Honey, it’s not over. If you want to be completely healed, you have to speak with your husband and wife very openly and directly, especially with your husband. Don’t give promises, just tell them what you have learned, how you feel about it and what they truly means to you.

I thanked my mom dozens of times for her great wisdom and love and compassion. Then I went home.

When I came home I showered our children with numerous kisses and I thanked my dad for babysitting them. Then I asked him to go home since I need to talk to my luvs when they return from the work. When my dad left, I made a quick light supper (salad with various ingredients). When they returned, they took quick shower, spent the time with children, had supper together, had our evening routine and after putting the children to sleep, I told them I have to talk to them. So, we sat on the balcony. I sat in my Prince’s lap and I started to talk. I told them about my conversation with my mom and how she opened my eyes about certain things, I commended my Ivy’s maturity and I asked them to forgive me again. I also told them how much they mean to me and that I deeply regret I didn’t show it when I should. My luvs hugged me and kissed me saying “We love you, Princess”. Than we made love. It was incredible. I was very excited about what happened that I couldn’t sleep. When my ivy slept, I asked my Prince to turn toward me for I have something to say to him. When he did it, I placed my hand on his cheek, looked at him into his eyes and said:

- Thank you for loving me as I am. I am truly sorry for hurting you …. I don’t want to lose you for the day it happens, I will die. Please, never leave me ….

My Prince kissed my palm and said:

- Only death can separate me from you, Ivy and our children. If I wouldn’t love you with all my being, I wouldn’t stay with you for one second. You are my crazy witch … and I will always love you ….

I was incredibly happy hearing those words. I slept like never before.