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Corrupt a Quote

Content Consumer

By Content Consumer,
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Content Consumer

Content Consumer

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Here's a thread where you can put your famous sayings, aphorisms, and quotes. Suitably altered, of course. :)

Here are a few to get you started:

 

An eye for an eye, seeks single green iris for long-term relationship. Nonsmoker preferred. -Mahatma Gandhi

 

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, and it's called the internet. -Benjamin Franklin

 

Assassination is the extreme form of curling. -George Shaw

 

Be wiser than other people. It isn't hard. Just look at 4chan. - Lord Chesterfield

 

Censorship always defeats its own purposes, for it creates in the end the kind of society that is incapable of seeing nudie pics without a bunch of masking pixellation. -Henry Commager

 

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather stark raving madness when you're fighting the Zerg. -Ambrose Redmoon

 

Death is more universal than life, ever since the carbon-devouring nanobots were released. -Sachs

 

Dream as if you'll live forever. It's better than being awake, trust me. -James Dean

 

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery. Rise up and kill the telepathic overmind! -Bob Marley

 

Freedom is not worth having. Trust me, I've done the research. -Mahatma Gandhi

 

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from the Ghostbusters. -Albert Einstein

 

Happiness is not something you experience, because you're still a virgin. -Oscar Levant

 

He who knows does not speak; he knew too much and had the bad judgment to speak, and is now resting at the bottom of the swamp in cement shoes. -Tao Teh Ching

 

I like nonsense. Just read any of my books! You'll see that I must, in fact, get erotic pleasure from it. -Theodor Geisel

 

If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we could finally kill them all and win this war. -Henry Longfellow

 

If you can't convince them, try waving a meat cleaver at them in a reassuring manner. -Harry Truman

 

If you don't control your mind, you're quite normal. -John Allston

 

In a mad world, only Gary Jules is sane. -Akiro Kuurosawa

 

It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. With advances in modern prosthetics, you can live a normal life! -Emiliano Zappata

 

It is not what you look at, but what you see. My eyes are up here, jerk. -Thoreau

 

Liberty means "the state of being free within society from oppressive restrictions imposed by authority on one's way of life, behavior, or political views." Pick up a dictionary, will you? -George Shaw

 

Many people say it is insane to resist the system. They're right, it is. -Mumia Jamal

 

Millions long for immortality but do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Or did, anyway, until the internet was invented. -Susan Ertz

 

Minds are like parachutes, they only function when the cord is pulled. -Thomas Dewar

 

Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living; the other makes you depressed if you think about it too much. -Sandra Carey

 

New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, because they're generally pretty stupid. -John Locke

 

No man, however great, can defeat Grornak the Destroyer in single combat. Let the battle begin! -Moore

 

No race can prosper till it learns how to fit reproductive organs together properly. -Booker Washington

 

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever fail greatly. -Robert F. Kennedy

 

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, which is a double negative, and should be restated as "our greatest glory is in always failing." -Ralph Emerson

 

People who know little are found posting in great numbers in youtube comments. -Jean Rousseau

 

Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Except our telepathic overlords, who can implant emotions and thoughts into our brains directly. -Eleanor Roosevelt

 

Silence is an argument carried on by telepaths. -Ernesto Guevara

 

Talk sense to a fool and you must be on the internet. -Euripides

 

The books that the world calls immoral can be mailed to you in plain brown wrapping. -Oscar Wilde

 

The first casualty when war comes is probably that guy over there, he's standing out in the open and is making a fine target of himself. -Hiram Johnson

 

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for evil to be really effective. -Edmunde Burke

 

The world is full of willing people; just be careful, and wear a condom. -Robert Frost

 

There is no conversation more boring than those between Dick and Jane. -Michael de Montaigne

 

Think for yourselves and get out of my head, mind flayers! -Voltaire

 

Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to go into a STEM program instead. -Socrates

 

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible can never invent the wheel. -John F. Kennedy

 

Time is a great teacher, but he retired the year before you started your A-levels. -Hector Berlioz

 

What are the eyes? Little squishy orbs embedded in the front of the face. -Ada

 

When one door closes, we cannot empirically say that another door has opened based on the current data set. -Alexander Bell

 

When people talk, listen completely, then discard. Congratulations, you're now posting online. -Ernest Hemingway

 

When you have nothing to say, comment on youtube videos. -Charles Colto

 

Where they have burned books, there is now a pile of book ash. -Heinrich Heine

 

Who controls the past controls the future; so send a guy back in time to kill the Terminator before we're all destroyed. -George Orwell

 

Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he doesn't lose any important limbs. -Frederick Nietzsche

 

Whosoever would be a man must be born with a penis, or have sufficient disposable income to spring for some major elective surgery. -Ralph Emerson

 

You can kill a revolutionary. Come on, try it, it's fun! -Afeni Shakur

 

You have not converted a man until that man is giving 10% of his wages to the church. -John Morley

 

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you knew how stupid they were. -Olin Miller

 

EDIT: And don't be afraid to repeat yourself, or do quotes other people have already done!

 

It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. Actually, it's just better to die, period. God, I am depressed. -Emiliano Zappata

 

It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. Necessary, actually, since the wizard cast that spell and all the world's socks grew teeth. -Emiliano Zappata

 

It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. Prostitutes have it rough. -Emiliano Zappata

 

It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. Self-cannibalization is a terrible thing. -Emiliano Zappata

 

It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. The view is much better up here. -Emiliano Zappata

 

It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. Then again, ever since you got caught in that threshing machine, you've saved a bundle by not having to buy new shoes. -Emiliano Zappata

 

 

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  • 5 months later...
Content Consumer

Content Consumer

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Reminds me of this stuff I wrote a while back, for M'aiq the Liar:

 

What does it mean to combine bodies? Bodies plus bodies is still pregnancy.
Too much masturbation can be dangerous. M'aiq once jerked off twice in a row and bent his cock.
Much snow in Skyrim. Enough snow. It looks like falling semen. M'aiq does not want any more.
Skyrim was once the land of much clothing. Now, not so much.
Breasts jiggle. Why worry about how much. M'aiq thinks bare breasts are pretty.
M'aiq has one cock, it's all he needs. What if it breaks? M'aiq would have to be very unlucky.
M'aiq is always in search of virgins, yet finds none. Where could they have gone?
M'aiq hears many stories of the prostitutes... yet few of them are true.
M'aiq saw a mudcrab's penis the other day. Horrible things!
M'aiq does not understand what is so impressive about shouting. M'aiq can shout whenever he wants. M'aiq would be more impressed with sucking. (thank you Jordisslave)
Why do soldiers bother with masturbation? One is pleasured best by sex with real people.
Something strange happens to Khajiit when they arrive in Skyrim. They all get horny.
Werebears? Where? Bears? Men that are bears? M'aiq approves.
Dragons were never gone. They had just stopped reproducing for quite some time.
M'aiq once climbed High Hrothgar. So many rapes by animals, he lost count!
M'aiq does not remember his first love. Perhaps he never had one.
M'aiq is very practical. He has no need for condoms.
Nord's skin is very smooth. This sometimes makes M'aiq excited.
Some like taking friends on adventures. M'aiq thinks being alone is better. Less possibility of unwanted pregnancy.
Some say Alduin is Akatosh. Some say M'aiq is a great lover. One of those things is true.
It does not matter to M'aiq how strong or smart one is. It only matters how large one's member is.
M'aiq was put in a cage once. Not very pleasant. You should think about that once in a while.
Nords are so serious about breasts. So many breasts. M'aiq thinks they wish they had six nipples like Khajiit.
M'aiq loves the people of Skyrim. Many interesting ways they have to fuck each other.
M'aiq can mate anywhere in the land. Some lazy types mate in beds. It is all the same to M'aiq.
Once M'aiq got in trouble in Riften, and was put in the Riften jail. It was good for M'aiq.
M'aiq has heard it is dangerous to be your fucktoy.
M'aiq knows why the Falmer are aroused. It has nothing to do with the fact that the males outnumber the females by a factor of six. Really.
M'aiq's father was also called M'aiq. As was M'aiq's father's father. M'aiq suspects that his family tree may have a few kinks in it.
Don't try fucking if you wield a weapon. You will only hurt your partner. Much better to grab fair skin anyway.
M'aiq has heard that the people of Skyrim are better looking than the ones in Cyrodiil. M'aiq only cares about the women, though. All women are beautiful to him.
M'aiq is tired now. Go fuck somebody else.
 
And guards:
 
Heard they're reforming the Dongguard. Cunt-hunters or something, in the old fort near Riften. Might consider joining up myself...
I used to be a sex addict like you. Then I took a horse cock up the ass.
Let me guess... someone stole your virginity.
Disrespect the cock, and you disrespect me.
Staying chaste, I hope.
Could sure use a warm bed right about now... with someone in it to keep it warm...
I'd be a lot warmer and a lot happier with a bellyful of cum...
I mostly deal with petty grabass and public nudity. Been too long since we've had a good orgy.
Watch the trousers, traveler.
My cousin's out fucking dragons, and what do I get? Guarding booty.
Gotta keep my fly open. Horny dragons could swoop down at any time.
Fear not. Come dragon or giant, we'll be randy.
They say Ulfric Stormcloak murdered the High King... with his cock! Drowned him in cum!
I fear the night. Because the werewolves and vampires roam the streets looking for innocent guards like me to ravish.
Only rapists and their victims creep around after dark. So which are you?
Just a few more hours and I can crawl under some furs with that cute waitress...
Guard might get horny, a man approaches with his penis out...
Guard might get horny, a woman approaches with her tits out...
Sheathe that cock, Khajiit.
I need to ask you to stop. That... humping... is making people nervous.
Uch. been tending your hounds? You look like a dog's cumrag.
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  • 6 months later...

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