“How are you feeling? You seem down.”

 

Aithne blinked and looked up from her book as Brelyna sat across from her. “Hm? Oh. Um. Fine. I guess.” She sighed. “It’s just…hard to be free. The world is too big. I don’t know how people cope with it.”

 

Brelyna laughed. “It’s only been a month. You’ll get used to it in time.”

 

“I know, it’s just…scary. I can’t face anything past each moment. When my mas…when I was freed, I went back with…with Urag…” she had to drag his name from her mouth – it felt so wrong to say it so casually! “…and I’ve just…been living like we did before. In a way, nothing has changed. Well, except for the classes.”

 

“But it has. And not just because you have to go to classes now.” Brelyna leaned forward and took Aithne’s hands. “I can’t pretend to know what it has been like for you. Any of it. But I can see you fighting to come back from it. To live again. Tell you what, why don’t we go to town?”

 

Aithne blinked. “Town?”

 

“Yes. Winterhold is right outside the college. It’s not a very big place but maybe that’s good – you can walk around without an overwhelming amount of people.”

 

“I don’t know if…”

 

“What’s this about town?”

 

Aithne jumped as Onmund plopped down on the seat to her right.

 

“Aithne hasn’t been outside the college in…” Brelyna tilted he head at Aithne. “How long have you been here?”

 

“Um…two and a half years? About?”

 

“So we’re taking her on a day trip.”

 

“I didn’t say…”

 

“Did someone say they were going to town?”

 

J’zargo slid into the chair opposite Onmund. “J’zargo has been expecting a delivery. J’zargo was going to go tomorrow but today is even better.”

 

“Well, that’s settled.” Brelyna began to stand but Aithne reached out and grabbed her wrist as panic began to spew through her.

 

Then the panic was swept aside by raw fear and she snatched back her hand, chagrined that she had dared to grab…

 

No. She shook her head. It was…

 

“What is it?” Brelyna’s gentle question brought Aithne back to the moment.

 

It took a few breaths before Aithne’s panic subsided enough for her heart rate to lower and her breath to slow enough that she felt she could trust her mouth to form coherent words.

 

“I don’t…I’m not ready. For that. Yet.”

 

“Well, of course you’re not. You don’t have a day pass. Just a moment.” She sashayed away while Aithne tried to tamp down her panic and the boys chatted away, apparently oblivious to her fear.

 

***

 

Her panic, she realized as she followed her friends out of the college and approached the gate she had failed to pass just a month ago, was a little ironic given the fact that the town was exactly where she had been trying to flee. Her feet stopped at the exact spot she had stood before as Brelyna held out their passes to the student on watch. Her heart quaked in her chest as she looked over the length of the graceful white stone bridge. The town on the other side seemed miles away.

 

She was startled out of her reverie when Brelyna linked her arm with Aithne’s, tossed an encouraging grin, and said, “Ready?” Then started walking before Aithne could respond.

 

Three steps onto the bridge, Aithne’s brain registered what her nose had been trying to tell it and she froze in place, dragging Brelyna to a halt.

 

“What?” Brelyna looked concerned as the boys stopped and turned around, but Aithne had eyes for only…

 

“The sea.”

 

And so it was. The college sat on a large island that rose like a pillar hundreds of feet into the air, connected to the mainland only by the narrow bridge upon which she stood. The jagged coast stretched to east and west, and beyond lay the blue waters of the Sea of Ghosts.

 

It had been almost four years to the day since the Jaunty Spirit had left port on its ill-fated journey, three-and-a-half since that journey had added its share of ghosts to the aptly name sea…and kicked off her own personal journey.

 

She shivered a little as memories flashed through her mind and the world dimmed as shadows of the past crept toward her. A green arm shooting out of the water, a…

 

“Hey!” Brelyna’s voice broke the darkness and her arm around Aithne’s shoulders chased it away. “You’re okay now. All of that is over. Come on, let’s go to the town.”

 

Aithne nodded and allowed herself to be tugged away from the wall. They resumed their trek across the bridge and, after a moment, Onmund made a comment about a plant called cat’s whiskers and its rumored aphrodisiac properties and pondered whether actual cat’s whiskers had similar properties, which led J’zargo to announce they absolutely did and they all laughed and the moment was gone and by the time they entered the town, Aithne had managed to stow the past away for the moment.

 

And once there, she didn’t have time to feel overwhelmed. The first building they came to just off the bridge had a sign shaped like a white cat and the store itself was filled with wonders she had never seen – butterflies suspended in jars, yet still somehow moving; iridescent lizards in crystal cases whose bulging ambidextrous eyes made her laugh; a mammoth tusk that hung from the ceiling and stretched the length of the room. Everything, in fact, but an actual cat.

 

Next Brelyna announced, “You’ve been wearing hand-me-downs long enough!” and dragged Aithne to a shop filled with clothes. Aithne’s eyes boggled much like the lizards’ when she saw the dizzying array of colors and materials. When she protested she had no money, Brelyna said, “Oh, that reminds me!” and produced a jingling bag. “When I told Professor Urag about our plans, he told me to give this to you.”

 

It was too much; Aithne felt tears begin to form as she looked at the bag, but Brelyna grabbed her wrist and pulled her toward a rack and said, “Let’s start with a party dress. Don’t look at me like that, you need one. Ooh, this one would really make the color of your eyes pop!”

 

Two hours and thirty tried on outfits later, they left the store with three day-to-day outfits, the party dress, and a slinky black dress that Aithne had been afraid to touch, let alone try on, but that Brelyna had talked her into buying. “Every girl needs a black dress. Can you imagine Urag’s face when he sees you in that?”

 

They reunited with the boys in an alchemy shop, where Onmund was smelling powders while J’zargo picked up his package. The pungent scent of the place was nearly as overwhelming as the clothes shop's wild array of colors. She left Brelyna looking through a barrel full of various roots when she spotted a row of plants along the far wall. As she smelled the flowers, she remembered she needed some hypha facia for one of her assignments and moved to the fungus section. That moment, she reflected to herself some time later, small thought it was, was the most normal she had felt since she could remember.

 

When they left the shop with purchases wrapped and stowed in their bags and headed up the street as a chattering, laughing collective, Aithne had forgotten about being overwhelmed or afraid. Whenever something tugged at the corners of her memories, she tamped it down and stayed in the moment.

 

Until they reached the tavern.

 

When she saw where the group was headed, her feet stopped moving of their own accord as the darkness that she had been holding back pounced like sabre cats upon prey. Visions sprang at her from all angles; chains, whips, rods. Dicks.

 

So. Many. Dicks.

 

She didn’t realize she was shaking until her friends’ strong arms enveloped her.

 

“It’s okay,” Brelyna said for what was probably the thousandth time. “This is just an inn. There are no slaves here. There aren’t even any whores.”

 

“Pity, that,” Onmund muttered.

 

Brelyna spared him a glare before turned back to Aithne. “You’re safe.”

 

As before, her voice and the sturdy feel of their arms – and Onmund’s joke, which made her mouth twitch in response - pushed the darkness back, though not completely away. It withdrew but clung to the edges of her mind, ready to spring back and retake their lost territory. She forced one foot to move, the other to mimic the first, and followed the friendly voices up the steps and into the inn.

 

Lute music played. Voices rumbled. A cheery fire pit filled the center of the room and the strong smell of roasting meat made her mouth water and her stomach growl and not a soul in the room paid a bit of attention to them, a far cry from the entrances Bork…

 

No. She shook her head as the darkness inched forward, then was pulled toward a table. In mere moments, they were seated and someone brought ale and the darkness was pushed away once again.

 

The ale was delicious, the food heavenly, the company the best she could ever remember having (although, to be fair to past companions, she could not get herself to cast back for specific comparisons. She was not yet ready to leap the dark chasm of the past three and a half years to try to reach the solid ground on the other side). When they stepped back through the door some unregistered number of hours later, her primary emotion was surprise.

 

“It’s dark!”

 

Brelyna swore as they started down the road toward the bridge. “We were supposed to be back by now! Urag is going to have my hide!”

 

“He won’t get a chance if we’re caught at the gate.” Onmund scratched his neck. “We’ll have to try the ol’ ‘someone got sick’ ruse.”

 

“We did that last time. J’zargo thinks we should buy a drink for the gate watcher.”

 

“Depends who’s there.” Brelyna lifted her eyes toward the college’s massive silhouette against the darkening sky. “If it’s Boren, yes. If it’s anyone else…maybe.”

 

Aithne raised her eyebrows. “Why don’t we just teleport?”

 

Brelyna shook her head. “There are wards against teleporting in or out of the college grounds.”

 

“There are?”

 

J’zargo laughed. “Many have tried, none have succeeded.”

 

They reached the bridge and began to climb. Despite their words, they didn’t appear to be concerned about their fates.

 

Until they reached the apex of the bridge and could see the distant gate. Onmund stopped in his tracks, causing a mini-pileup of bodies as the others ran into each other.

 

The muffled curses and snorting laughs went silent when Onmund said, “It’s Merks.”

 

“Merks?” Aithne peered around Onmund but saw only a dark figure beside the closed gate. “How can you tell?”

 

Onmund shrugged. “I just used Eagle Eye.”

 

“Ah. Of course.” Aithne flushed. “That was a good idea.”

 

He shrugged. “I always do that so we can make a plan. But no plan in the world is going to work this time. Why does he hate you so much?”

 

“Because I didn’t like having his dick in me.” The words slid out of her without thought but the reaction of the others was immediate – they burst out laughing as one.

 

“He probably hates J’zargo then as well, because J’zargo would also dislike that.”

 

“As would Onmund,” agreed Onmund.

 

“And Brelyna.” Brelyna laughed again. “I guess he has reason to hate all of us. So what do we do?”

 

“Pretend one of us got lost and the others spent all night looking for them?”

 

“That’s not bad. We could use Aithne as an excuse. With your permission, of course. ‘She wanted to see the town at night!’”

 

“J'zargo thinks that’s not…”

 

“I still say we should teleport.”

 

The other three stopped and frowned at her as one.

 

“We can’t,” Brelyna said again. “The wards…”

 

“…don’t extend all the way up.” Aithne tilted her head at the edifice. She could feel the energy of the wards…and feel where they stopped. It nearly covered the entire thing but it stopped about ten feet shy of its tallest point, the observatory platform used to study the stars on clear nights. She hadn’t been there yet but, “I have a class in the room just below the observation platform. I should be able to get there from this angle.”

 

The other three turned their heads to stare at the school and Onmund said, “What? Why wouldn’t the ward extend all the way up?”

 

“J’zargo supposes the wards were stretched to their limits. It is quite a tall building, after all.”

 

Onmund laughed. “It is that, for sure! I think it’s taller than the Blue Palace!”

 

“So how do we take advantage of this revelation?” Brelyna squinted at platform. “I can’t teleport that far.”

 

Aithne blinked. “You can’t teleport that far? Have you tried?”

 

“I…well, no. But it just seems a long way. Besides it doesn’t have a sigil to focus on.”

 

“I saw a crack in one of the tiles. I can get us there.”

 

“What?” Onmund frowned at her. “What do you mean, you can get us there? Are you going to draw a picture of the tile or something?”

 

Aithne frowned. “No. Just…here, give me your hand. And take J’zargo’s. And J’za…yes, good. Now.” She closed her eyes and focused on the broken tile. It had stood out to her because it had looked exactly like the mizzenmast of a Dorcan Schooner, if the yard was sitting too high and had an odd lilt at the end.

 

“Ratva: deṭ r̀ab freph krì.” She smiled, as she always did when reciting the words to the first spell she had learned. Well, second, technically, but that…

 

Her thought was blissfully interrupted by the familiar feel of the magic dumping over her, then the twisted flick as her body was whisked through space and time. A moment later, the bridge was replaced by the sudden dark of the classroom. She let go of Onmund’s hand as a small wave of dizziness spun through her head – that had taken more energy than she had guessed!

 

Brelyna looked around with a surprised expression. “I don’t…how did you…”

 

Aithne frowned. “You know how to teleport.”

 

“Yes, but four people at once? At that dis…”

 

“Oh, I thought I was alone up here.”

 

The students froze, then turned as one to face Professor Tolfdir’s aged face.

 

Aithne opened her mouth but couldn’t find words to say.

Onmund managed one before he ran out. “I…”

 

J’zargo made it to two. “J’zargo was…”

 

And, for what felt like the hundredth time that day, Brelyna came to the rescue. “Professor!” She smiled brightly and stepped forward. “Yes, we heard there was supposed to be a meteor shower tonight, so we thought we’d come up and watch.”

 

“Oh! I was about to go to the roof myself.” The old man shook his head and gestured upwards. “I sorry to disappoint you, but the Ru shower is not until next week. But you’re just in time to witness Secunda and Masser in a rare configuration. I like to call it the Crazy Eight. I suppose you can imagine why!”

 

He laughed and Brelyna laughed with him and Aithne took a deep breath and followed the two to the stairs that led to the rooftop observatory.

 

The darkness within her had receded, at least for now, but she knew better than to think it was gone – the tides of the sea ebbed and flowed following a predictable pattern but the tides within her followed rules of their own. She would grasp these moments of happiness and cling to the memories of them when the tides were high.

 

She linked her arms through those of Onmund and J’zargo as they followed Brelyna and listened to Professor Tolfdir prattle on and, for the moment at least, was at peace.

 

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