It might be fairly obvious, but I should point out that I'm writing things down as I see them, and that includes bugs. For example, dragons are supposed to emerge from the ground as skeletons and get fleshy when Alduin resurrects them... but in this case, what actually happened (and it happens to me a lot) is the dragon emerged from the ground fully formed, then instantly turned into a skeleton, then got his skin back.

Other bugs encountered may be less obvious, especially considering how much content I'm skipping and the structure of the narrative. For this playthrough, I am using the Unofficial Patches, but an older version, I think it was the second or third that they ever released, somewhere around there anyway. So there are bound to still be problems. You'll just have to deal with it... at least you don't have to play it.

As a matter of fact, now I'm angry at all you readers. Consuming my content like that! I work hard playing a goddamn buggy game for your entertainment! I deserve to be showered with riches! Bring me wine! Bring me slave girls to bathe my feet! I'll trade the soul of every last subject of mine for a little comfort!

Gah... sorry, I think Potema's ghost invaded me for a minute there.

Actually, it's probably the dextromethorphan... I have no idea what it does, but this little bottle full of blue liquid lists it as the major active ingredient. It says I shouldn't drive or operate heavy machinery, but it says nothing about writing, and it completely fails to mention staring at a wall for ten full minutes until the phone rings and snaps you out of wherever it is your mind went. To Potema, apparently.

This shit should be illegal. I haven't done any sort of drug for about a decade now, but it reminds me of happy brain death at the hands of illicit narcotics. They sell it over the counter! Sure, I took the maximum dose, but that's just to try to get some goddamn sleep.

I hate being sick.

And it just struck me that after an outburst of inebriated hostility, the traditional next step is to start weeping and saying "I love you, man!" in a vaguely homoerotic way to nearby friends and family, but the only nearby friend right now is the dog, and she responds to the slightest word out of my mouth by jumping up and asking for treats, as if the instant I speak, milk bones come pouring out my mouth. Dumb dog. I'd be angry at her if she wasn't so damn cute. She sits there staring at me, wagging her tail, and it keeps knocking against the wall, a steady metronome of "thock thock thock" keeping time with my pulse.

Alcohol or other drugs aren't involved, but this blue medicine stuff is really quite strong. I should have kept the label, I want to get some more of that shit.

I'd always thought that those stories about people getting high on cough syrup were over exaggerated. I guess not, if a mere two doses is enough to make me wonky like this.

I'm rambling, aren't I? That's it, signing off now.

p.s. I really really hate being sick.

p.p.s. I wasn't really angry, I don't know if that's clear or not. I honestly have no idea what I'm writing right now, so please nobody take offense. I'm pretty hazy right now. I can just imagine it... tomorrow morning, waking up with a pounding headache and a fuzzy tongue, wearing a yellow raincoat and one shoe, in a completely different city... next to me on the ground is a fifty-page academic summary of Skyrim that for some reason contains the words "eil a si ekac" somewhere on every page. I clutch my head and wonder if my computer has caught any viruses, and whether the hair of the dog, a glass of cold water, or a bullet to the brain would be best right now. My wallet is there, but all my money is gone and in its place is a note saying "We had a great time last night. Come visit us again soon!" and a business card from the local dog training school. I stand up, swaying slightly, vowing never again to try the blue liquid, but you just know I'll be back again the next night, chugging shots of the stuff and hitting on the hot chick and her biker boyfriend simultaneously.

Okay, now seriously, I'm signing off. For reals.

I hate blogs and fanfics in general but I like how you point all the flaws of Skyrim (and damn, there's quite a lot of them), really funny and well-written. I'm eager to see how you will treat the embassy part. I'm always distressed on how Delphine considers you, whatever you are, like :

- "OK, you look like shit and are as mind-fucked as a malkavian but if you keep that big mouth of yours shut, it MIGHT be alright"

- *poker face*

And she's not the only one... the bosmer dude (still can't remember his name) speaks in a voice full of disbelief: "YOU'RE who she picked? I hope she knows what she's doing..." like a badass warrior in full armor and wielding a greataxe is somehow inferior.

Her attitude towards me is reflected by the attitude of the "superior officer" or "elder warrior" or what have you towards the protagonist in many games.

I mean... I've just spend days trudging around doing quests or missions, killing dozens of henchmen, solving intricate and diabolical puzzles, taking down the nefarious plans of supervillains, disassembling the atomic bomb with 2 seconds left on the timer... and when I'm taken to see the big boss, he immediately says something like "I'm not impressed with you so far, but you're all I've got" followed by a harder mission. What the fuck DOES it take to impress you, then? I spent half the game doing crap that nobody else is even capable of, and all you can do is tell me that I'm shit at it? Who are you, GOD? I could fuck you up mister, so don't insult me!

It's repeated so often it must be a trope. "You, Secret Agent #1, are the best agent we've ever had and are quite possibly the most impressive human being on the planet. But it's not good enough for me, I recoil from you with undisguised contempt."

And the embassy mission is coming... in chapter 16. Gotta go through Windhelm first. I'd post more per week, but I'm kind of stuck with writer's block right now in chapter 26, so... it'll come, but slowly.

lol at "little Mace".

Plot Armour ruins so much TV and cinema too.  "Angel" needed a whole lot less Plot Armour and there are so many others.

Our Hero Must Lose This Fight To Advance The Plot Even Though It's Just A Mook They'd Normally Pound Into The Floor.  etc.

lol at "little Mace".

 

Plot Armour ruins so much TV and cinema too.  "Angel" needed a whole lot less Plot Armour and there are so many others.

Our Hero Must Lose This Fight To Advance The Plot Even Though It's Just A Mook They'd Normally Pound Into The Floor.  etc.

I particularly enjoy in games when the player loses fights in cutscenes that they'd definitely win if actually playing the game... just to advance the story.

There's a bit in GTA:SA where all of three (count 'em) cops are enough for The Pathetic Sap CJ to put his hands up to go into cutscene.  Given the scale of police chase and battle you can have it's really jarring.

Ah, but these are Super Cops, they have famous voice actors.

There's a bit in GTA:SA where all of three (count 'em) cops are enough for The Pathetic Sap CJ to put his hands up to go into cutscene.  Given the scale of police chase and battle you can have it's really jarring.

 

Ah, but these are Super Cops, they have famous voice actors.