"Boy," said a familiar voice out of the darkness. "Those Thalmor sure know how to get ahead!"

 

Bawdy laughter filled my ears. I closed my eyes - to no effect, in this perpetual darkness - and grimaced.

 

"I'd say the finish to that race was neck and neck!" More laughter. "Good thing you came out ahead!"

 

"Really?" I growled, peering into the inky blackness, to no avail.

 

"You really do have a good head on your shoulders." Snickers turned into guffaws. "At least you did! You're heading downhill from here!"

 

"Oh. My. God. I don't know if it's possible, but I'm going to kill you."

 

"Now, now, let's not lose our heads. Oh wait! Too late! Buahahahaha!"

 

The darkness diffused into smoke and blew away, leaving me standing in a familiar otherworldly park. The red man stood in front of me, a huge grin on his face. "You know," he said, "I was about to head over to my table to have a bite to eat. Care to join me?"

 

"Do I have a choice?"

 

"Of course! You always have a choice. Everyone in my realm has free will! But let's not get...ahead of ourselves." He laughed again as I looked around at the people stuck in bondage and torture devices.

 

"Really? You claim all of these people want to be here?"

 

"Of course! As do you, although you won't admit it to yourself. Yet. Someday, when you know yourself better, you will realize that the only way to enter my realm is through your own choice. You're heading down the right path!"

 

More laughter. I couldn't help myself - I slapped him across his laughing face. "Stop with the stupid puns, will you?"

 

This only made him laugh more, to the point that he was literally rolling around on the ground, grasping his sides. "Oh! The pain! I'm getting cramps! I haven't laughed this hard in millennia, not since the time Shaggy put the rat in Debbie's tea kettle and she drank the entire pot. Oh!" He sat up and wiped tears from his eyes. "Those were the days." He grinned up at me, a twinkle in his eyes. "You're growing up. Finally. In fact..." He leaned forward with a grin so wide it seemed to split his face in two, "I'd say you're a head taller than last time I saw you."

 

Laughter again, tears streaming down his cheeks as he pounded the ground with his fists. I glared at him, impotent rage coursing through my body. "This isn't funny!"

 

"Oh, but it is! It is so, so funny! Ah!" He climbed to his feet, brushing more tears from his cheeks. "Well, you have to admit - that was a hairy situation."

 

I rolled my eyes. "That one was really weak."

 

"It was, wasn't it? Ah well, no one gets a hit every time." He sighed. "Look, if it will make you feel better, I'll even the score." And with that, he reached up and detached his own head with a sharp twist, then held it in the crook of his right arm, his grin never wavering. "How's that? Any better? No?"

 

I turned away and started walking up the path, fists clenched at my sides. "Hey, wait up!"

 

I didn't hear him move, but a moment later he was back at my side, head re-attached. We walked together in silence.

 

"I don't even know your name," I said after a moment.

 

"What? Didn't I...no, I guess I didn't." He stepped in front of me, forcing me to stop, then bowed. "I am known to the realm of Tamriel as Sanguine, Daedric prince of fun, excitement, and really wild things!"

 

I frowned at him. "I thought Sanguine was the Daedric prince of debauchery and greed."

 

"That's what I just said!"

 

I rolled my eyes again. "Look, what do you want from me?"

 

"Well, isn't that obvious? I want you to entertain me!"

 

"What, I'm your jester, here to dance and sing for your pleasure?"

 

"Oh, no, I've heard you sing. And I've seen you dance. Remember your cousin Mable's wedding? How many tables did you knock over when you tripped?"

 

"I didn't...it wasn't...gah! I got pushed!"

 

"So you say. Funny how no one saw that happen."

 

I stared at him as my heart dropped and a terrible realization came over me. "What are you...did you..." I stopped, struggling to hold in sudden tears. "How long?"

 

His smile this time was quiet. Almost kind. "All your life."

 

"But...why?! Why me? Surely you don't keep tabs on everyone on Earth!"

 

A quiet, ironic chuckle. "No, surely I don't. Only a select few. Only those who..."

 

I waited a few heartbeats. "Who what? What the hell is going on?"

 

His old grin, then, and the mischievous twinkle was back in his eye. "No, no, that's enough for today. Far more than I intended revealing, in fact. You do have a way about you that opens others up!"

 

"But..."

 

"No more time for chatting. I took away the others' 'gifts' because they weren't for you. In order to follow the path that has been set before you, you need to stand on your own. What must be done, must be done by you, and you alone."

 

"But..."

 

"To borrow a quote from my favorite literary character of all time, TTFN! Ta ta for now!" He waved a hand and the park disappeared.

 

A moment later I was standing, naked but whole, in the common room of the Sleeping Giant Inn in Riverwood, a small parcel clutched in one hand. All conversation stopped, and I flushed as I found all eyes staring at me. I ducked my head and hurried to Delphine's room.

 

She looked up with a startled expression as I entered, then smiled an excited greeting. "You're back! Did you find what we're looking for?"

 

"No, I..." I looked around. "Do you have my gear?"

 

"Of course, sorry!" She pulled a box out from under the bed. "It's all here."

 

“Thank god.” I dropped the parcel and dove for the box, then pulled on the first item of clothing I saw, which happened to be a robe I had liberated from a frost mage and had kept because I like the stitching on the lining. I was suddenly very tired of being naked in front of people. I turned around after dressing to find Delphine looking through the items in the parcel.

 

"Wow! You got everything! Good work!"

 

"What? No, I..."

 

"Did you read any of this? Looks like the Thalmor are just as in the dark as we are about the dragons. What's this? Ooh, a dossier. On me!" She laughed. "Can't wait to read that. What else?" Then she went still.

 

"What?" I craned my neck, trying to see what she was reading.

 

"Esbern. He's still alive." Delphine looked up, her face alight with enthusiasm. "He's alive! He will know! If anyone does, he will know what the return of the dragons means! We have to find him!" She flipped through the dossier, then her face went pale. "Divines! They've already found him - he's in Riften. We need to get there before the Thalmor do. Hope you're ready to travel."

 

"But I..."

 

"I gotta get my gear together. Just a sec." She hurried to her hidden door and hastily unlocked it and yanked it open. I followed her down the stairs. "Good thing I got my armor back from Hod yesterday," she muttered as she scurried about. She glanced as me as I stood there. "If you need anything, take it. I don't think we'll be coming back here."

 

I looked around, the daze of my thoughts beginning to clear, the reality of the situation settling in. I was back. Alive. I felt my head, then my neck. Still attached. I frowned at my hands. Dibella's markings were gone. Experimentally, I slipped out of the robe and tried to summon the swords. Nothing happened, and I did not feel the familiar presence, nor that of the lustful succubus that had hidden in my depths. I was simply me again.

 

Me, who had proved, time and again, to be weak fodder for any and all attackers. I shook my head. Well, if I couldn't rely on the gifts of the Daedra, I would have to become something more than I currently was. I asked Delphine and she showed me where her back up armor was stashed, sturdy leather gear remarkably similar to what Lysha had given me - how long ago? Two years? Could that really be all? I had long ago lost my sense of time in this world.

 

I slung a graceful, slightly curved sword and another sturdy straight blade across my back, crossing in the middle, hilts jutting out behind my head, and practiced drawing and re-sheathing them, an arduous task. I grabbed a bow and a quiver and practiced notching them.

 

Clumsy. I was so clumsy with these implements of death.

 

"Delphine..." She paused in her efforts to squeeze a last apple into a bag.

 

"Hm?"

 

"Will you teach me to use these?" I gestured at the weapons.

 

She eyed me with curiosity. "Did something happen? I thought you could pull weapons out of the air."

 

"Not anymore."

 

I didn't go into details, and she just shrugged. "Of course, I'll be happy to teach you everything I know. Divines know, you'll need every advantage you can get. Ready, then? Let's go."

 

And that's how my second life began. It was far too brief.

 

Don't feed the bastards - they'll just want more

 

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