Ask A Lemming

[Ernest Lemmingway]

18 hours ago, The First Lady of Hats said:

Lemming,

Why does red toothpaste taste blue?

Because the red toothpaste is actually sad.

[bunnyllo]

what`s your favorite game of the last year, and why? Also your favorite game from all times 

[Ernest Lemmingway]

10 hours ago, bunnyllo said:

what`s your favorite game of the last year, and why? Also your favorite game from all times 

No game released in the last year really appealed to me. Ever since FO4 I've been rather wary of buying anything until I'm sure it's worth the money. Plus I'm a very picky lemming regarding games and even movies.

 

My favorite game is Landstalker, hands down. Followed closely by the first Alundra.

[Crw0]

Roses are red

Lemmings ain't blue

How did it happen

With you?

[bunnyllo]

2 hours ago, Ernest Lemmingway said:

No game released in the last year really appealed to me. Ever since FO4 I've been rather wary of buying anything until I'm sure it's worth the money. Plus I'm a very picky lemming regarding games and even movies.

 

My favorite game is Landstalker, hands down. Followed closely by the first Alundra.

Never heard of those games... Don be offended i found gaming in 2013 and i´m trying to catch up with the ones i miss. 

[Ernest Lemmingway]

23 hours ago, Crw said:

Roses are red

Lemmings ain't blue

How did it happen

With you?

Who sez lemmings ain't blue? Aw, I knew I was some sort of a freak o' nature!

 

EDIT:  On doing some research, I discovered that I'm a member of a rare genus called lemmini lazuli (blue lemming). It's a rare mutation akin to red hair in humans: harmless, random, and visually striking. We're marked by the obviously blue fur, a lower rate of reproduction (though not for lack of trying), and a preference for smooth jazz over country rock that so many other lemming genii like.

21 hours ago, bunnyllo said:

Never heard of those games... Don be offended i found gaming in 2013 and i´m trying to catch up with the ones i miss. 

Yeah, Landstalker is from the Sega Genesis and Alundra from the original PSX. I'm showing my age, aren't I? Especially considering I remember Pong. 

[Ernest Lemmingway]

The lemming has a question: why do we observe Daylight Saving Time? Ol' Ben Franklin was joking when he wrote about it, yet it became official practice! Apparently the government has always been run by a bunch of morons. Can't we just abolish this nonsensical idea and quit adjusting our clocks twice a year? Several states in the US of A already did away with it; let's get everyone to knock it off!

[Ernest Lemmingway]

I've been repeatedly asked the following questions, so I'll just run through them.

 

"What's your favorite sandwich?"

Chunky PB and strawberry J.

 

"What political party do lemmings belong to?"

No single party has all lemmings. I'm an independent moderate myself. No, not a Teabagger...er, Tea Party member. Independent. Which is a word that neither party likes.

 

"What do you do on a Saturday night?"

If my screwball friends haven't talked me into another nutty project, I prefer to curl up with a good book and read.

 

"No, what do you really do on a Saturday night?"

I'm serious. I like to read. Not on a tablet or smartphone, either. I might be blue but the blue light of flat screen devices really irritates my eyes after a couple of hours. So I read dead tree books.

 

Unless I've got a partner who's into power exchange. Then I do everything I can to bring them to the heights of erotic pleasure without stimulating the traditional erogenous zones. Or by blurring the line between pleasure and (non-injurious) pain. Then there's the kinky stuff I won't mention.

 

"What kind of pizza toppings do you like?"

Oh, no. No, no, no. I've seen discussions about what to put on a pizza devolve into out-and-out brawls. So I'm not answering that.

[FauxFurry]

Why don't lemmings hatch from eggs? For that matter, why don't rabbits? Small, fuzzy creatures should all hatch from eggs. It works out so well for kiwi birds, platypi, echidna and tarantulas.

[Ernest Lemmingway]

2 hours ago, TheWhite said:

have you found dating hard too? How did you bag your first girl, how was the experience/start?

Dating is...painful. I'd rather not talk about it.

 

2 hours ago, FauxFurry said:

Why don't lemmings hatch from eggs? For that matter, why don't rabbits? Small, fuzzy creatures should all hatch from eggs. It works out so well for kiwi birds, platypi, echidna and tarantulas.

AGH! Spiders! And rabbits?! Never trust a bunny!

[The First Lady of Hats]

Lemming!!

Do you have a green wig?

Can you stand in this position for extended periods of time?

Do you want an exciting and fascinating new career in stopping childeren/overly-eager-pamphlet-delivering-religious-evangelists/In-laws/the occaisional fennic invasion/that weird guy I'm sure keeps trying to come peer through my bathroom window, from passing my garden gate?

 

[Ernest Lemmingway]

13 hours ago, The First Lady of Hats said:

Lemming!!

Do you have a green wig?

Can you stand in this position for extended periods of time?

Do you want an exciting and fascinating new career in stopping childeren/overly-eager-pamphlet-delivering-religious-evangelists/In-laws/the occaisional fennic invasion/that weird guy I'm sure keeps trying to come peer through my bathroom window, from passing my garden gate?

 

Wrong type of lemming, tabodi. I don't do something because someone tells me to. You can find those types at any political rally. Just look for the people who believe the candidate will keep their promises.

 

2 hours ago, TheWhite said:

Awh.

I'm weirdly interested in dating a person with high functioning autism. It's similar to my crap so I feel like they would understand and I wouldn't have to explain shit all the time and I wouldn't have to feel guilty about not being able living life to the fullest and holding my partner back.

That actually sums up my experiences dating, as well. It's also the main reason I've given up on dating for now. Outside the bedroom, I'm prone to over-stimulation; a meal at a restaurant or a movie is about the most I can handle before I need to head home to emotionally decompress with more familiar activities.

[The First Lady of Hats]

51 minutes ago, Ernest Lemmingway said:

a meal at a restaurant or a movie is about the most I can handle

That alone makes yer a slightly better catch than, well, pretty much any man I know (Most o' the women too come to think o' it.).

I might be a monster, but I'm an old world monster, should probably have been born in Victorian London when roses wine and candlelight were still a thing.

Anyways, point is, yer'll get there. Glad to see romance ain't dead for every bugger :]

[Ernest Lemmingway]

4 hours ago, TheWhite said:

<snip>

How old are you though?

Ooh and what are you living conditions? Alone? Housemates? With a pet? Parents?

I can empathize. That's very similar to how I was post-high school graduation when I finally had a total emotional meltdown and admitted myself for a full evaluation. Granted at the time I was taking a medication (Paxil) that's notorious for making what it supposedly treats worse.

 

I'm thirty-six (my birth date is in my profile) and I'll decline to go into much detail about my living conditions. Save that I have a pet cat that looks a lot like Sylvester who helps keep me company and I do see my parents, sister, and nephew almost daily.

[Ernest Lemmingway]

On 4/17/2018 at 2:31 AM, TheWhite said:

Okay, you gotta post  a pic of that cat now

I finally got a pic of my cat. It's not the greatest angle, since you can't really see his face or back to see why I say he resembles Sylvester. But it's the only one I could get without him swiping at my phone.

 

Spoiler

Warning! This will melt your brain and cause your eyeballs to bleed!

Spoiler

I'm serious! This is a killer!

Spoiler

OKAY! YOU ASKED FOR IT!

Spoiler

Who doesn't love a little pussy?

 

 

[The First Lady of Hats]

that Moggo MacMoggingson is adorable

[Ernest Lemmingway]

2 hours ago, The First Lady of Hats said:

that Moggo MacMoggingson is adorable

Tommy Moggy!  Tabodi!

(Yeah, his name is Tommy)

[The First Lady of Hats]

10 minutes ago, Ernest Lemmingway said:

Tommy Moggy!  Tabodi!

(Yeah, his name is Tommy)

He's adorables.

I have far too many mogs derping around the place, the old un currently hates me because she went to the vets they shaved all her hair off xD.

[Ernest Lemmingway]

The lemming has a question. Say I...sort of lost my senses after two weeks of nothing but instant ramen and no protein, shoving a plastic jar filled with peanut butter over the exhaust pipe of an overly large, heavily polluting diesel generator that was pumping carbon monoxide into my burrow, causing it to literally explode and destroy some old, white, Christian, wealthy male's six-figure RV? Can he legally sue me even though I'm a forest critter and not even recognized as sapient by 'Murican law?

 

I'd post the story in my other thread, but my lawyer warned me not to go into too much detail until a judge decides whether to allow the case or throw the guy into jail--if not the loony bin--for a frivolous lawsuit. He did claim that a lemming did those things.

[The First Lady of Hats]

...

 

Not sure if your level of old white christian wealthy male murder plotting is

 

 

 

 

 

or

 

 

 

 

 

[Ernest Lemmingway]

Definitely the latter. A diet high in carbs but lacking in protein leaves you highly suggestible and prone to brainwashing. I was being influenced by Terry, the Evil Rubber Chicken. And I may have chased the old white guy and his wife around the glen with a cleaver while yelling, "Tabodi!" (Translation: Hurry and get into the pot! Come on! Chop, chop, chop!)

[Ernest Lemmingway]

Bill from Reno, NV, writes, "Dear Ask A lemming, Why do you hate bunnies so much?"

 

Well, Bill, there are several reasons.

 

In Monty Python's The Holy Grail, the knights were slaughtered by a bunny!

 

In the video game Quest For Glory IV, the enemy I always had the most trouble with was the vorpal bunny!

 

In the movie Hoodwinked!, the villain was the bunny!

 

Growing up, the girl who bullied me in and out of the bedroom was a bunny!

 

Last year I had the misfortune of walking in on my cousin while she was shagging a bunny!

 

Any questions?

[Ernest Lemmingway]

31 minutes ago, TheWhite said:

Do you have them special interests too? If so, what are they?

What special interests do you mean?

[Ernest Lemmingway]

2 hours ago, TheWhite said:

um the autistic ones

You'll have to be more specific, please. If it's more comfortable, ask it in a PM.

[Grey Cloud]

Just discovered this thread so I'm playing catch-up.

 

How old is sixth grade and have you read Homer since? (For all the other Americans out there, I mean the ancient Greek poet, not the cartoon guy ?).

 

Are you any relation to the author of the James Bond novels, Ianf Lemming?

 

I've just done a quick bit of reading on Asperger's. Sounds a lot like me and that would probably be the label they would stick on me. Socrates says I'm a philosopher so I'll stick with him.