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KoolHndLuke

Toxic Masculinity and Men's Shame

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5 minutes ago, KoolHndLuke said:

I finally decided that enough is enough and had to take risks. Certainly there are more/different risks now than say a decade ago, but when has anything worth having not involved taking risks?

 

Are you sure that playing on women's emotional playground is something worth having? What exactly do you seek from playing their games? What is the reward, what is the endgame?

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1 minute ago, catchyorbit said:

But even then, being a coldblooded entity such as myself is very rewarding: there are no emotional burdens.

I can't do that- it's not who I am or want to be. I also fully identify as a man who likes and enjoys women despite/because of our differences and try to see past individual flaws and hope for the same patience with my own. It's a tall order, I know....but something wonderful can come of it with work.

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16 minutes ago, KoolHndLuke said:

I can't do that- it's not who I am or want to be. I also fully identify as a man who likes and enjoys women despite/because of our differences and try to see past individual flaws and hope for the same patience with my own. It's a tall order, I know....but something wonderful can come of it with work.

 

I have a passion for women myself. To me, they are the most beautiful creatures in the world. But I don't give most of them the time of the day, not out of spite, but solely out of nonchalance.

 

I don't obtrude my outlook and philosophy on others, I encourage everyone, regardless of gender, to make their own choices.

 

I surmise that you believe that some exoteric force in the form of a woman can enter your life and make it more meaningful and joyful. It is a very common error that many men make. The truth is that only you can make your own life more pleasant and meaningful, not other people. Miyamoto Musashi said in his teachings that a man derives happiness from creativity. Which is why it is important for a man to have some kind of a hobby or a project to focus on. If pursuing women is your thing, I don't think anyone here will think less of you for that or criticise you. It's just far not the best path to happiness and fulfillment.

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49 minutes ago, catchyorbit said:

The last chick I was in touch with was the one initiating texting every evening for a span of a week. I got fed of wasting over an hour talking with her every day and dumped her. I remember waking up one morning and asking myself "What are you doing? Why are you wasting all this time and pretending to be interested?"

 

Never bothered with working on relationships since then, it's less rewarding than studying and hobbies.

 

Wow, that's a similar experience to mine.  Sure, I enjoyed talking with her, and it was nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of, but it turned into an awful lot of wasted time.  And then you get the ones who don't even bother to tell you they're not interested, and you just... don't know.  Me, I'd rather know.  How do I know?  By not being involved. At. All.  As you said: Be invisible to them.  Not that difficult for me to do, as I already was for the most part. 

Now I get to focus on myself, my dreams, my goals, instead of my life being solely for the benefit of someone else.  I'm sure beyond a reasonable doubt that such a mentality plants me square in the middle of 'Toxic Male' territory.

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On 3/7/2021 at 2:07 AM, AKM said:

Now I get to focus on myself, my dreams, my goals, instead of my life being solely for the benefit of someone else.

 

Most men don't even know that this is the best strategy to be attractive to women, by focusing on oneself and not giving them attention.

 

On 3/7/2021 at 2:07 AM, AKM said:

I'm sure beyond a reasonable doubt that such a mentality plants me square in the middle of 'Toxic Male' territory.

 

I've never even had such thoughts because their perception of my persona is irrelevant. I'm too busy having way to much fun.

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2 hours ago, catchyorbit said:

 

Most men don't even know that this is the best strategy to be attractive to women, by focusing on oneself and not giving them attention.

 

I've never even had such thoughts because their perception of my persona is irrelevant. I'm too busy having way to much fun.

 

Absolutely on both accounts.  I've seen this time and again in my travels and research: If you focus on women, you will have nothing in the long run.  If you focus on yourself, you'll have everything.  Figure out your purpose.  Be on your purpose.  Do it for YOU.  You will likely thrive (as work is not work if you enjoy it), and others will notice.  And you'll be the best version of you you can be at that moment in time in the process.  Always improving.

If those others, no matter their sex, wish to join you on your journey, if you allow them to, they may.  If they get bored (Who, women?  How many times did I hear her say that 'I'm bored'.  I'm not your personal entertainment, sweetheart.), they're free to be on about their path, as your paths diverge.

It was difficult for me in my earlier years to not have such thoughts, but I always had the 'I'm doing my thing.' mentality.  Leading by example.  Apparently people did notice, but I never caught on, because no one said anything.  Oh well and anyhow.  Didn't get me what I really wanted, but I figure it's way too late now.  Especially with the knowledge I have.  Maybe it's just who I'm listening to, but I've seen the exact same message from far too many points to just ignore it anymore.  Even happily married people who've been married 40, 50 years tell me the same thing (no matter how much effort you put in, it can end at any time), so it's coming from both sides of the argument.

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On 3/6/2021 at 3:39 PM, KoolHndLuke said:

I finally decided that enough is enough and had to take risks. Certainly there are more/different risks now than say a decade ago, but when has anything worth having not involved taking risks?


Yes and no.  It's about the size of the risks, but also about basic percentage chance those risks will come to happen.  You don't have to look very far to find the fact that no fault divorce, despite being "available" to both parties, is almost exclusively used by women.  Why is that? 

If you wish to talk risk, most people, of both sexes, seem to have taken down any barriers at all to sexual activity, expecting it sooner rather than later, BEFORE a solid relationship is established or even the 'Who the hell is this person I just met?' stage is over.  You speak of risk, but do you really want to take that kind of risk?  When who knows who is with whom?  There are risks everywhere, but they must be calculated risks.  Personally, it doesn't take much more than basic math to calculate that, given even a few of the more important factors, women in general simply aren't worth the risk,  I've worked too hard for too long to invite someone into my life who can then destroy it on a whim.  No thanks.

Yes, I'll miss out on some of the better parts, but I've seen too much of the negatives to believe that the positives are worth the risk anymore.

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On 11/22/2020 at 8:37 PM, nIn nIn nIn said:

Toxic masculinity?

 

Read - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toxic_masculinity#:~:text=Toxic masculinity is thus defined,other emotions such as anger.

 

Men can be masculine without being toxic. Real men cry when someone they love dies or gets hurt. Real men can wear a pink shirt and it doesn't mean anything (ie - not gay) and many etceteras can be added to that very short list of just 2 examples.

If you can't be a "real man" without putting other men down who are "less" (in your eyes alone) then you are a toxic.

thats just toxic humanity sadly

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5 hours ago, steelpanther24 said:

 

It takes a big man to cry.   It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that other man crying.

idk i'm only like 2 feet tall and can't do anything so everyone laughs at me anyway

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This one's a long one, but he makes a number of the key points.

Contrary to popular belief, men do listen.  They hear what you're saying.  How many times were we told in years past 'Women need men like fish need a bicycle'? Or even just flat out 'We don't need men!  Men are not needed!'?  Okay.  Bye.

Why won't you date me? 'Because you're a good man who would make a great husband but a terrible boyfriend.'  What???  'You're a good man.  If I date you, and it goes wrong, you won't be available to marry if I can't find someone better.  We girls keep the good guys on the back burner so that when all else fails, you're there waiting for us.  We'll let YOU do all the work, get all the THINGS we want, and will be waiting at the finish line for you to cross.  Oh, and we might (or even probably will) have the Bad Boy Chad and/or Tyrone's kid in tow for YOU to raise, since, you know, you're such a nice guy and all.  Nice guys finish last for a reason.'

What the hell happened to 'Take this journey of life WITH me, because we're in this TOGETHER, as a TEAM.'?  Instead, it's "Throw all the traditionalism out the window, fuck your way through your best years, and then panic when 30-35 hits and find your good "man" to settle down with, after you partied away your good years - that he got none of." 

'Where have all the men gone?'  'Ra ra feminism, men are bad', and 'Oh God, Dad got divorced and he's living in his car'.  False rape accusations.  'We men are no longer worried about, if you ask a woman out, the worst that could happen is she would say 'no'.  Now we're worried about 'Do I go to jail if we date, and engage, and.. we got to the point with the VAWA laws that we have to have signed consent forms to technically be within the law!'  'How do I get the guys?  Where have all the good men gone??' Well.. I have no idea!  Maybe they're scared shitless and saying 'F this shit, I'm outta here!

Soyboys, weak men, living at "home", not being a high earner because all that's going to accomplish is the government taxing the gahoots out of you, and, well, if I'm working hard for my gahoots, I'd prefer to keep the majority of them, thanks.  You're just going to tax me to death?  Okay.  In that case, I'm only going to work just enough to support ME and my immediate needs and wants then.  People work by incentives.  If you tell people that the harder they work, the more you're going to take, you'll end up with the old East German joke: 'We pretend to work, and they pretend to pay us.'  If I can't keep the fruits of my labour, why the hell would I labor so hard in the first place?

Why do you X?  Because I don't have to do Y!  Where's the incentive???!!!

You do realize that the whole damn script is flipped, don't you?  It used to be women asking men 'What can you do for me?' Now, it's men looking at everything women can do to ruin these mens' lives and asking 'What do WOMEN bring to the table?'  Yes, the title of this video is 100% accurate.  If women want to date in the current environment, and date GOOD men (not the Chads, Tyrones, fuckboys and players who WILL still approach regardless), then the reality is that women are going to have to start asking the men they want out.  But that won't happen.  Not for anything beyond the most infinitesimal of percentages.  Why not?  Because women are afraid of rejection.  Imagine that.  Oh, and it's so just flat wrong that it sets off immediate alarm bells in most mens' brains. "What's going on here? Why is she approaching me?  Where's the sniper?"  But men?  Should men be afraid of rejection?  What?? Grow some balls already!  What's the worst that can happen?  (HA!  Hahahahaha.  Look around.  The answers to that question is EVERYWHERE in today's society.) 

But men are toxic.  Got it.  Message received, loud and clear.  (Oh.  Are you 'white'?  What about 'straight'?  What's this, you were BORN male???)
 

 

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Um. I feel like I'm caught up in another pointless battle of the sexes. Lets get the obvious out of the way. The way dating worked back then will not work now duh! Put that stupid horse drawn carriage away you nincompoop! For starters women need to start taking initiative and lo and behold some of them have. Don't get left behind ladies~ If people want a stable relationship both parties will have to share responsibilities. If you want a lasting relationship talk it out and for fucks sake do not go to war with each other! If you are going to argue leave it at that. People get seriously injured in wars often with mental wounds accompanying the physical that is if they don't end up dying from their wounds. Yes I compared relationships to wars. With both sexes on relatively equal legal ground the sparks will fly and dumb shit will happen much like wars but I don't read People magazine so I'm safe. It goes with the saying make gay love not war. No this is not my fetish but kinda is. Whether you are gay or straight this is going to get very gay complete with puppy talk and sucking face.

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