Cheating. What are the Virtues You Live By?

[KoolHndLuke]

 What? I need to explain this shit?!! Do you fuck your neighbor's husband/wife when you can get away with it or don't you?- that kind of stuff. Maybe I'm looking for a reason to NOT do that very thing. It's hard because she looks sooo damn sweet!! And "Rivers always reach the sea". ?

 

 

[joemonco]

Yes, I fuck your wife every day after you leave.  you walked into that one.

[KoolHndLuke]

1 hour ago, joemonco said:

Yes, I fuck your wife every day after you leave.  you walked into that one.

I never doubted that you did and I hope you took some really hot pics.   I guess you're saying all is fair in love in war, huh? But, when do you not cross that line? When it's your friends husband/wife or just someone you hardly know or not at all? I mean let's face it - most of us are fucking around on our significant others at one point or another. I'm curious as to who will admit to being a real scoundrel. To me it's a given with a guy or an attractive woman that they will have other lovers when you're not around. So my question is when do people say no.

[joemonco]

4 hours ago, KoolHndLuke said:

So my question is when do people say no.

 

I don't knowingly shtoop anyone that is involved with someone else.  Key word, knowingly.  

[landess]

Without bringing into consideration all the drama that may or may not ensue, and the fact if they did it to them - they'll do it to you:

 

Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young - If you can't be with the one you love - love the one you're with....

 

Seriously though - Deny it if found out! Deny it to the day you die! As others have said "bury it, then bury the shovel". (from an episode of Coach)

 

I believe in consenting adults 101

 

Define friendship..... If they consider 'fucking around', isn't keeping them from messing with a stranger safer for their relationship than if they approach a stranger?

 

If my significant other messed around on me - I wouldn't want to know. Some things can never be taken back. Ignorance is bliss.

 

I used to believe in unconditional love. I used to believe in trust.

 

Now I believe I'll let someone else take a crack at this.

[Guest]

22 hours ago, KoolHndLuke said:

 I mean let's face it - most of us are fucking around on our significant others at one point or another. I'm curious as to who will admit to being a real scoundrel. To me it's a given with a guy or an attractive woman that they will have other lovers when you're not around. So my question is when do people say no.

"Most" people do not cheat, and claiming they do or that it's okay even in such a case is a reprehensible, childish mindset. We're not sixteen anymore. 

 

When you are in a relationship with someone, you have made a commitment to their wellbeing. If you're not mature enough to honor that commitment, then don't enter it. Having an affair with someone else's partner is likewise a terrible thing to do to that person. 

 

Most human beings are, in fact, still decent. If you're surrounded by cheaters and backstabbers... well, I can only wonder why. Personally I cannot imagine dismissing this sort of behavior - treacherous behavior - as a "given". If you're capable of that, that says a lot about your character, and thus the kind of people you'd attract.

[Darkpig]

How else do you play poker?

[landess]

1 hour ago, zexari said:

If you're surrounded by cheaters and backstabbers... well, I can only wonder why.

Years ago when I played in a band, I found being single most liberating. I learned a lot of my 'flings' were with women whom were in a commitment. I never felt the need to have them fill out a questionnaire or submit to a polygraph beforehand. All I can say is I never saw them again.

 

Most of my band mates WERE married though, and they were the worst! It made me uncomfortable when I was invited to their homes for whatever reason as speaking to their wives, while having knowledge of their affairs, made it hard to hold a conversation with them.

 

My post above is cynicism mixed with dark humor and is not to be taken seriously. Perhaps I should add a disclaimer in the future.... 

[Jazzman]

I don't cheat on mi partner, never felt inspired to show a cheater that he/she has partnered with Snow White and the (not so short) Seven Dwarves.

Instead I part ways after one or two fruitless talks about the serious sexual problem that hangs in the air. Why? Because I hate to be treated like shit.

Happened only once in 15 years of sexual activity, at the end of mi pregnancy when I couldn't even see mi own toes. Since then I know how that feels.

Quoth the raven, nevermore!

 

The cheater knows exactly what the problem is whereas the cheated just realizes the usually ignored collapse of sexual frequency and an astonishingly

increased styling as well as body care on side of the partner. Getting the best of two worlds, huh? Good luck with that, bearbie!

 

I for one have directly swapped mi cheating man for an open-minded wifey and role-play the husband for six years now. We'll see where this leads to...

 

? Bi's have more fun

[DarksideTinkerbell]

I don't like cheating, to me cheating is when you have promised to be with only the one or a few people only. It is when you go out fuck somebody and keep it a secret from the one or ones you love.

In saying that though, I have cheated, I have caused others to cheat. My history especially in my younger years, cheating (often connected to sex, and sex only) was part of my addiction. At the height of my sex addiction I so seriously didn't care who it was with, let alone what repercussions there might be.

 

From experience though there are 2 types of cheating,;

Cheating in Love, this hurts the most Love being such a powerful emotion

Cheating in Sex, while many often consider this a (can't think of the word) of love, sex in it's very nature does not really require Love, even if Love does help to make the act more enjoyable/personal.

 

The common misconception is that both these come "hand in hand", the reality is often very different, a cheater in sex, does so for a want/need that sex provides, this want/need is different to what Love provides. So while still not really ok a person who cheats with sex, can still be fully devoted in Love with their partner.  Often the simple act of brutal honesty and communication can prevent this, or even provide understanding and ultimately acceptance (that is of course if you believe Love can conquer all). 

[Captain Cobra]

It'll bite you in the ass in the end.

[KoolHndLuke]

See, that's the thing. I know most guys cheat on their wives because I've either seen it or heard them admit it more times than I even care to count. It's almost a contest to see which one has the higher count. They just will never, ever admit it to their love interests because in their minds sex with other women (or men) doesn't mean anything- to them anyway. They reason that it is just sex and that it doesn't have anything to do with the one that they truly care about. To them they see a clear distinction between the two and figure that what the wifey don't know.....

 

And you people that say you have never cheated and never will and neither will your partner are either lying or just setting yourself up for a big disappointment. In my experience, it's just better to assume that your partner is stupidly horny and therefore will "make mistakes". Expecting them to be totally monogamous for ever is just completely unrealistic and naive- not to mention stupidly selfish on your part. Humans are not monogamous by nature. Also to think you "know" your partner is somewhat assumption where sex is concerned because you only know what you have seen so far. Another person might make them do things that you never could.

 

"Cheating" happens all the time everywhere. I know it is not a comfortable thing to acknowledge especially if you do not want anyone else. But, putting on blinders or hating on anyone that you know has is not going to make it go away or help in taking a look at why people wander. If fact, I would say that because it is "cheating" is why some people do it for a thrill.

 

Let me ask LL when you use the various sex mods from this site in your games, do you only have sex with one character? The answer is no you don't. So you say one thing and do quite the opposite because it is just sex in a game. This demonstrates your duality on the subject.

[CramHunter]

Never trust someone who says they could never cheat.

Never try to convince yourself that you are incapable of cheating.

 

Only by acknowledging your darker parts you're able to work on them. By realizing that you in fact are perfectly capable of betraying the people you love the most - and so is everyone else for that matter - you are able to think about how to prevent this from happening. An axe murderer who doesn't realize he is one and just hasn't found his axe yet will be fully out of control once he finds his axe. But an axe murderer who realizes this about himself may choose not to murder people with his axe and avoid situations that might entice swinging the axe a couple of times. So when he finally finds his axe, he can put in on a shelf instead.

 

49 minutes ago, KoolHndLuke said:

Humans are not monogamous by nature.

An appeal to nature isn't something that's of good utility, I'm afraid. The natural lifespan of humans isn't 80+ years. Diseases like cancer and infections are natural. Doesn't mean it's preferable. The same goes for human society. Hell, even rape is natural and an effective reproduction strategy, as far as evolution is concerned.

[wokking56]

1 hour ago, KoolHndLuke said:

I know most guys cheat on their wives because I've either seen it or heard them admit it more times than I even care to count. It's almost a contest to see which one has the higher count.

While I somewhat agree with you as among my acquaintances it's about a 65/35 split in favor of cheating. However those guys are just sleazy a**holes.

1 hour ago, KoolHndLuke said:

They reason that it is just sex and that it doesn't have anything to do with the one that they truly care about. To them they see a clear distinction between the two and figure that what the wifey don't know.....

See you nailed it right there "they reason" so they convince themselves that it is okay since it's just sex and not an emotional thing.

1 hour ago, KoolHndLuke said:

And you people that say you have never cheated and never will and neither will your partner are either lying or just setting yourself up for a big disappointment.

Now I have to take offense with this statement, while I can't be 100% sure of my wife (only 98%) I have never cheated in our 32 year marriage. Even way back when I was single it was one at a time sure I "dated" several girls but I had always ended it with one before hooking up with another. The one and only exception was a set of sisters and the three of us had a h*** of a time (their idea).

 

1 hour ago, KoolHndLuke said:

Expecting them to be totally monogamous for ever is just completely unrealistic and naive- not to mention stupidly selfish on your part. Humans are not monogamous by nature.

Just because a prehistoric necessity (continue the species) was continued on well into the "Middle Ages" does not mean it is still the norm. Yes our brains are still wired to think that way (screw everything to propagate my gene-pool) doesn't mean we can't overcome it.

[KoolHndLuke]

32 minutes ago, CramHunter said:

An appeal to nature isn't something that's of good utility, I'm afraid. The natural lifespan of humans isn't 80+ years. Diseases like cancer and infections are natural. Doesn't mean it's preferable. The same goes for human society. Hell, even rape is natural and an effective reproduction strategy, as far as evolution is concerned.

I'm more pointing out that some people are still struggling with the notion of only one sex partner and it's "not preferable" in your opinion. Also this has nothing to do with rape at all. What I think this all comes down to is a sense of sexual freedom verses being tied to one person sexually while still maintaining a relationship. I will retract my earlier statement about everyone being tempted to "cheat" and just say that some (more like most) at least have thought about it. And had things gone slightly different that one evening when you had a bit to much to drink, you might well have acted on your desires.

 

Since there seems to be no acceptable reason for people seeking sexual gratification outside the relationship. Then the question becomes why do people do it? And how much difference do you think there is between one person's sex drive and another's? Do you always think less of a person when they are caught cheating? Is it because of the cheating itself or is it just that they were sloppy enough to get caught?

[CramHunter]

1 hour ago, KoolHndLuke said:

I'm more pointing out that some people are still struggling with the notion of only one sex partner and it's "not preferable" in your opinion. Also this has nothing to do with rape at all. What I think this all comes down to is a sense of sexual freedom verses being tied to one person sexually while still maintaining a relationship. I will retract my earlier statement about everyone being tempted to "cheat" and just say that some (more like most) at least have thought about it. And had things gone slightly different that one evening when you had a bit to much to drink, you might well have acted on your desires.

 

Since there seems to be no acceptable reason for people seeking sexual gratification outside the relationship. Then the question becomes why do people do it? And how much difference do you think there is between one person's sex drive and another's? Do you always think less of a person when they are caught cheating? Is it because of the cheating itself or is it just that they were sloppy enough to get caught?

Rape was just an extreme example for something that's quite natural but not very preferable. I didn't mean that cheating or what you wrote about it has something to do with rape. Well, as for your question, you can always discuss an open relationship with someone and if that's what you need in your life, then that's that. Would be best to make that clear from the very start, though. And if things go south for whatever reason, you have always the option of quitting the relationship in a proper way.

 

People do it either because they have little to no empathy or because they weren't prepared for the temptation because they have been telling themselves over and over again 'oh, I could never do such a thing! I'm a good person.' Yeah, but the thing is, being a good person doesn't mean being incapable of doing bad things, it's the conscious decision to not to that counts.

[Jazzman]

1 hour ago, CramHunter said:

Rape was just an extreme example for something that's quite natural but not very preferable.

For a million years only during tribal raids and feuds. In rare intertribal wars probably no one was kept alive.

 

Life in a clan as part of a tribe followed certain restrictive rules - we have depictions of tribesmen collectively

executing a clan member in cave paintings some 30k years ago. There were but two crimes punished by death

- the killing of a clan member and the raping of a clan woman who owes the meat calories to feed the offspring

now or later to another man, doubtlessly not to the rapist.

 

With the coming of farmers and pastoralists some 10k years ago (in evolutionary terms that was just yesterday)

private property got invented, personal wealth accumulated - my sheep, my goats, my cattle, my women, my

offspring, the more, the better. That's biblical, you know. From that moment on, the egalitarian hunter-gatherer

clan was dead and women became fair game and had hardly any rights, some say up to the 20th century CE.

 

Rape was always her fault cos she's with the Devil anyway, any faithful man knew that. What a bunch of idiots...

 

Conclusion: Rape in times of peace is an artificial social phenomenon as is the way in which the actual or charged

rapist as well as the woman involved gets treated by the Zeitgeist, thus by society. The door swings both ways...

and there's always a loser that has to pay the full price.

[CramHunter]

2 hours ago, Jazzman said:

For a million years only during tribal raids and feuds. In rare intertribal wars probably no one was kept alive.

 

Life in a clan as part of a tribe followed certain restrictive rules - we have depictions of tribesmen collectively

executing a clan member in cave paintings some 30k years ago. There were but two crimes punished by death

- the killing of a clan member and the raping of a clan woman who owes the meat calories to feed the offspring

now or later to another man, doubtlessly not to the rapist.

 

With the coming of farmers and pastoralists some 10k years ago (in evolutionary terms that was just yesterday)

private property got invented, personal wealth accumulated - my sheep, my goats, my cattle, my women, my

offspring, the more, the better. That's biblical, you know. From that moment on, the egalitarian hunter-gatherer

clan was dead and women became fair game and had hardly any rights, some say up to the 20th century CE.

 

Rape was always her fault cos she's with the Devil anyway, any faithful man knew that. What a bunch of idiots...

 

Conclusion: Rape in times of peace is an artificial social phenomenon as is the way in which the actual or charged

rapist as well as the woman involved gets treated by the Zeitgeist, thus by society. The door swings both ways...

and there's always a loser that has to pay the full price.

The fact that even pre-historic humans concerned themselves with the issue of rape and murder supports my argument, does it not? Rules, regulations, traditions, all these things get created because someone looks at something and thinks 'yeah, this happens, but it shouldn't happen' or 'this doesn't happen, but it should happen'. The capability of committing atrocities is inside every single human being. Always was, always will be. "The finest trick of the devil is to persuade you that he does not exist", but in this case the devil is already inside you. Those autonomous systems residing inside your psyche, that when left unchecked will possess you at the most inopportune of times. Nature isn't good or evil, it has no inherent qualities, it just is.

 

If, by some miracle, lions would evolve into developing human-like intelligence and sapience, it wouldn't take long for them to say that this whole infanticide thing that happens every time a pride gets taken over should probably stop, or so I'd like to think. A natural thing for lions, to be sure, but that doesn't matter in the slightest if the question 'but should it happen?' gets asked.

[steelpanther24]

5 hours ago, KoolHndLuke said:

I'm more pointing out that some people are still struggling with the notion of only one sex partner and it's "not preferable" in your opinion. Also this has nothing to do with rape at all. What I think this all comes down to is a sense of sexual freedom verses being tied to one person sexually while still maintaining a relationship. I will retract my earlier statement about everyone being tempted to "cheat" and just say that some (more like most) at least have thought about it. And had things gone slightly different that one evening when you had a bit to much to drink, you might well have acted on your desires.

 

Since there seems to be no acceptable reason for people seeking sexual gratification outside the relationship. Then the question becomes why do people do it? And how much difference do you think there is between one person's sex drive and another's? Do you always think less of a person when they are caught cheating? Is it because of the cheating itself or is it just that they were sloppy enough to get caught?

It ultimately comes down to you and how you view yourself.    Any behavior, even what is considered abhorrent now, can be justified.  While urge to cheat is one thing ("He may be a fiend because he had a wet dream when he seen a teen in tight jeans.  What makes him act like that is biological, it's people getting in them jeans that's diabolical"), that urge cannot be used as justification.   That is based on my opinion that a relatively short amount of physical gratification does not warrant the risk of a lifetime (or years or months depending on when/if the SO finds out and opts for divorce) of guilt, grief and most of all, the disappointment my SO will feel when looking at me.   

 

Society, for both good and bad, still has an accepted set of behaviors, however at least here at LL, you won't so quickly condemned as a "bad man" and people will consider your argument. 

 

Yes, I do play games with sexual themed mods.......I also play a pretty ruthless king (and sometimes queen) in Crusader Kings II as well.  Sometimes I giggle when I send a poor innocent pedestrian flying when I hit them in GTA V, but it is pretty hard to have empathy for a set of electrons.   You may say that I have simply drawn the line on cheating to not include electrons (or computer generated sexual partners) for my own justification and you would have a point.     In the end, it is where do you draw that line and if you think the juice is worth the squeeze.

 

[landess]

13 hours ago, KoolHndLuke said:

some (more like most) at least have thought about it.

Maybe years of being single and being able to explore my 'options' has something to do with not making a fool of myself when someone I find attractive enters my view. Yet an awful lot of guys I know whom are in a relationship don't just look..... they try to burn a hole though any girl they see. I mean geez dudes, take a peek and get back to what you were doing. Instead they stop the press and gawk like it was the last woman on earth and they haven't seen one in 20 years. It's pretty creepy when I think about it. Pretty rude to their partners as well if they are around.

 

On the other hand, I've met a lot of girls whom during a conversation, can't help but look down and check the merchandise....  Life is funny sometimes.

 

I recently got around to watching 'The Theory of Everything", and was surprised that even the genius Hawkings wasn't above the subject matter of this post.

 

On the lighter side: Luke, there is no Virtue in cheating so I say of this post - "It's a Trap!" ?

[nonusnomeni]

disgusting creature without honor will cheat

[LewdTellon]

Imma throw my 2 cents here with some background on myself. I would never cheat on my girl or anyone I've truly loved. I'm soon-to-be 28 short years and in that time I have had THREE sexual partners. I don't need to dip my dick in anything that moves to be honest. If you're truly horny to the point where you almost can't control yourself, you find a really good porn and rub it out.

 

Now my current relationship is a blessing and we've been together for 5 years! I've never been with a girl who would let me explore my fantasies, no matter what it would be - We can talk about it. Heck, I even told her yesterday that if she, someday, would wanna try another dick then we can talk about it. Since I love her and want to spend my life with her from a "young" age, I don't want her to feel trapped with me and never get to have some "fun" out again.

 

I believe in open dialogue and trust. Those are the main-ingredients for a healthy relationship. If you want multiple partners you should talk with your girl about it, see if she would be interested in trying something new aswell. If things doesn't work out, you can always "revert back to an earlier build" of the relationship.

[KoolHndLuke]

What if you know that the person in the relationship is cheating on his SO? Is it okay to have sex with his SO then in your opinion? I mean is okay to cheat in a relationship in response to your SO's cheating so long as they were doing it first?

[KoolHndLuke]

43 minutes ago, Alkpaz said:

I try to live as stress free as I can, and that means no relationships of any kind.

I do too. Love is nothing but a heartache waiting to happen and some people really never recover. All the more reason sex should not be considered that big a deal imo or who you are fucking. I care about all women (and maybe a few men) equally. 

[V The Heretic]

I live by  an old philosophy. Before I get  into that, I will point out something, quite a topic happening currently in America.

Is Polyamory cheating? Well, but technical standards, no. It is the idea that a person can live in a intimate relationship with multiple partners all consenting. Those whom make it work, I can't knock them from that.
Is porn cheating on your significant other? Depends, you are sexually getting off, however through masturbation without them being there. Some women and men place equivalency of that to having the person in your room while masturbating. Blurred gray area.
Is talking, having sex, and/or relationships online considered cheating while in real life you have a significant other. Yes. This to me is black and white. Those whom make excuses that it's not real life shows how the person truly is and tells a bit about their character as a person.

Now, here is where I get into my own perspective a little bit deeper. Cheating to me is a person who betrays the trust, emotional connection and/or sexual connection of their significant other. Not everyone see's cheating the same way I do. However, those whom have a chronic cheating problem, I do acknowledge that it is a problem and not exactly easy to break. At the same time, I do not deal with this. Some one cheats on me, I don't dwell on it. I do not forgive, but I do not regret it either. I just move on and leave the person in the past like they had never existed. (Comes easy to me.) When I say emotional cheating, they confide in others, always opening themselves up open to others before you, and when it comes around to you, they do not open up because they already have with someone else. To explain it better, the emotional connection side is, your significant other is the one person whom you should always be able to open up to, confide your dark secrets and etc in. Sexual connection is rather, self explanatory in itself and shouldn't have to be explained. However, is porn cheating? No. My fiance watches porn to masturbate and I do from time to time. Or we both watch it together in search of new content or reliving old content. At that same time, it's a choice. You choose to cheat on another person, just like how you choose to cheat at a videogame, it's honestly that simple. I will not claim to be a "White Knight", but I hold myself to an higher moral obligation than stooping to that level because my significant other cheated on me. I would just kick them out and be done. Not waste time. (Long story, I've been married and went through the stress of cheating and etc. Not again.) I don't waste my time with it, which is why from day one of a relationship, I treat it like it's a marriage. It for me tests the waters to see where a person stands. Learned from my mistakes, will not make them again. However, cheating is a long debated topic on what all lies within the defined factors and what does not. Honestly, it comes down to what your perception of cheating is and trying to find the one person who also see's it the same way as you. The defining factor of most things, perception.