I haven't been around for awhile, some of you knew my wife Paola was ill, had been ill for 20 years first it was Cancer (Acute lymphoblastic Leukaemia) incurable in adults (at 20) then the medication caused diabetes, the diabetes + medication caused Complete renal failure, we decided to do home dialysis and all was going well, as always she fought every day even through the constant pain.
on the 8th of November she woke up (PD Dialysis happens over night) with nausea and heart burn, we thought she had a stomach bug.
Day before we had been to hospital for 2 month appointment checkup.
It got worse and we were really confused it wasn't acting like a bacteria infection.
Tuesday 13th at 4am she was rushed to hospital, seems she had what is called a silent heart attack (if you have diabetes you can have a heart attack with no normal symptoms).
I went in every morning at 6:30am and at night to setup her dialysis (I was fully trained)
Everything looked okay, diagnosis was harder because you can't have an MRI or certain types of CT scan because with renal failure no way for your body to metabolise the dye they use.
It seemed her heart was performing at 14% and she had two of the three primary arteries blocked, it was serious but still manageable she responded well to the medications.
On Tuesday 20th of November at 6:30am I went into hospital to disconnect Paola from her dialysis, things were looking up it was working well, we smiled and talked really wanting the treatment to get a move on, both of us wanted her back at home, no one ever wants to be in hospital, no matter how amazing the nurses and Doctors are we heal best at home.
After I disconnected her and we pushed the machine out of the way, we chatted as we waited for the nurses to come and give Paola her dry weight, a dry weight is when something you take first thing in the morning before eating or drinking, it is how you keep a record and watch on fluid build up.
The Doctors and Nurses in the coronary care unit were amazing the best I have ever seen, every night I went home knowing Paola was in good hands.
The main Doctor came around and told us the plan of action an Echo cardiogram and a big meeting of all the specialists, then tweaking of Paola's medicine and maybe home by the weekend.
Her weight was taken and then she sat out in her wheelchair, I tried to brain storm new things to distract her, at 9am I left after making sure the Nurses ordered her a protein drink, before leaving I told her that I loved her, and waved through the door to her room, I called Trevor to come pick me up and stood outside the hospital main entrance, Paola messaged me on whatsapp and mentioned Minecraft for the phone so I bought it for her from the google store and told her to download it.
I was so excited to tell Trevor Paola should be home by the weekend, even started making plans.
From looking at her phone I could see the last thing she did was start playing Minecraft and listening to the new song Hold on to Memories by Disturbed, I got home and fed the dogs, went up on my computer and started typing out all the updates to let people know how Paola was, I then looked at rings online, Paola wanted to swap her ring for one with less edges, I found a lovely band with a Dragon, it was 10:07 when I sent a message to her phone asking for her ring size.
She never replied, I got a call a minute later from the nurse looking after Paola, saying she was in a bad way and I needed to get back to the hospital, I felt right then like my world was ending, everything went cold, I put the dogs in and ran over to Trevor's house next door, we were in the car in minutes and he found a parking space while I ran to the ward, I was trying to talk myself out of the pit that had formed in my mind, I was shaking as I pressed the buzzer into the ward, a nurse came to me and told me they were working on Paola, would I like to go in or go wait in the waiting room, I went in with them.
I now understood why the coronary rooms are so big, 12 people were in there, a lot of machines and they were taking turns on Paola's chest, if you have never seen a cardiac arrest and how they respond its not like in the movies or TV series, its so much more violent, they compress the entire chest, they had the same kind of echo ultra sound you have to check on the baby, 2 mins of chest compressions plus she was already ventilated then they would stop check for a pulse, (unlike tv there is no sound from the machines they turn the sound off) do a quick echo scan of her heart and start again.
They managed to bring her back once just before I arrived and she had a second cardiac arrest, her heart was unresponsive, not working at all, they gave adrenaline they really did try everything and they let me tell them when to stop.
They then told me to hold her hand and talk to her as she slipped away which I did.
Paola was in no pain at the end, after that moment of playing Minecraft and listening to her song sitting in her wheelchair once she said her chest felt funny by the time they lay her on the bed she was listless and unfocused. But as the Doctors explained her body fought to the end.
She loved Skyrim and loved to mod, she was a very special person and I know we are supposed to say that about a person who is gone but she fought for 20 years against illness, and never complained, always helped others, for example when her kidneys failed and she was in a huge amount of pain and exhausted she dragged herself into a wheelchair and went around the ward cheering up people who looked lonely.
I am at a complete loss, if it wasn't for our dogs I would see on reason to keep going.