My Prince is emotionally, mentally and morally down. I know, he made “unforgivable” mistake for running away and hiding from my Ivy and me, but he was stressed, confused and lost. He didn't do it willingly and purposely. His failure made him do irrational moves. Therefore, my Ivy and I think he doesn’t deserve our judgment. We all making mistakes for nobody is perfect. I want to thank you all of you who supported my Ivy and me, but, please, show some compassion to him for he is good man.
I’ll skip some events and go “straight” to the point. After their wild sex in which I joined them, patching the bloody scratches my Ivy made all over his body and the shower, my Prince slept immediately. He had very hard day and he was exhausted. I sat in my Ivy’s lap. She made me smile for she did exactly the same thing as my Prince when I’m sitting in his lap; kissing my neck, lips and shoulders and gently crossing over my tummy cuddling my baby with one hand and my legs and butt with other hand. No, she doesn’t imitating him. She truly loves our baby as her own for she loves my Prince and me. We both see her as baby’s second mother and she sees herself too. Oh, that reminded me; since my Prince can’t stand the smell of medications in the hospitals which makes him sick, my Ivy will be with me in the maternity room. I was the one who insisted on it although he wanted to be with me regardless of that disorder. He will be with our parents, Fran and friends in the waiting room. I don’t want him to be sick but joyful when he hears that the baby came to the world.
My Ivy and I talked about him a lot. Before I continue, I must say this: we don’t mind he fucked Mexican girl or any girl, but he minds. We don’t mind he broke his own rule, but he minds. However, we all deal with own failures and guilt differently. My Ivy? I admire her. She behaved much better than I in “Case Prince”. While I was very emotional: mad, sad, hurt, breaking things, yelling, swearing and blaming her, she wasn’t idle either, but unlike me, she behaved more normal and mature. She cried for she suffered too, but she wasn’t mad at him. She was the one who stepped into his shoes and opened my eyes. She said to me:
- Princess, how did you feel when you hurt him?
Me: I thought I would die of shame and guilt. I hate I hurt him and I knew I have to apologize, but I never thought of running away, Ivy!
Ivy: No, honey, you didn’t because you don’t share same level of guilt and shame with him and he is a male ….. You know they have stronger and bigger pride than females. Trilog explained that perfectly. (Now, my Ivy knows what I write in my diaries and who said what because I tell her or she reads them with me. She speaks, we call it “broken English”, but Steve could understand her when she was talking to him about my Prince and she could understand him because he didn’t use heavy phrases. I’m quoting Trilog now) – “He sets himself behavior rules towards his weakness, and as he's used to behave quite rightfully in every other aspect, gets his pride hit harder each time he fails to fulfill them.” …… You and I never set anything so high and valuable in our lives except “The bet” game. Remember all the guys we dated … None of them ever had anything sacred, just like you and I, but Prince does. When he break his promise or oath, to him it is almost equal as suicide. That’s why I wasn’t mad at him, but sad and broken that something bad might happen to him. You reacted the way you did because your hormones wilds and I completely understand that.
Thinking about how sacred keeping his word is to him and that upholding it is the act of respect to the person(s) whom he gave a promise, I concluded she was right. But I told her that I can’t excuse my raging calling upon my pregnancy. I should control my temper too. My prince is not the only one who has to work on certain issues. I do too. After very constructive conversation and new lessons we learned about ourselves, we returned to the bed and we showered my Prince with kisses until we slept.
During our morning coffee tradition my Ivy and I started to work with my Prince on his problem with oversensitive consciousness. We started slow and easy and he co worked with us. I sensed a deep-rooted pain in his heart again, but didn’t force him to tell us for I felt he will withdraw if I do it. I want him to tell us by himself when he’ll be ready. Anyway, although he wrote to Tina that he is taking few days off, he went to work. My Ivy told me that he was very professional, but although he was gentle and caring when they were alone, he was quiet and withdrawn. She also told me that Steve took them to Hotel bar and he apologized about his Mexican girlfriend behaving. When my Prince said that he appreciates his friendship and efforts to make things right but he doesn’t want to talk about her, Steve respected his wish and changed the subject. We decided to invite him over for Sunday lunch. He accepted. I was surprised that my Prince didn’t offer to cook for he loves to cook. He will cook with Ivy and me, but he has no will to make any of his special meals or cakes. He was still under “attack” of his failure although he didn’t neglect us when being home. He did all as he always does, he was gentle toward my Ivy and me and the baby but ……. one “thing” was missing: the smile on his face. It still missing although my Ivy and I try everything to make him forget. When he was alone we heard him sobbing and whispering curses about himself. I talked to my Ivy about what else we can do to help him and again, the only adequate answer we found was: be patient and to love him. That is all he needs. My Ivy and Trilog had right about him: his failure hit him hard for he seriously determined to overcome his weakness. I respect that. He fight and lose but he will win eventually. I’m sure he will. He will rise again although the healing process might take longer than I thought but, on the other hand, you never know with him. He is very unpredictable.