Andaria: Panty Raid
Hi Everybody!
This week, Andaria is back with a fun short story! I always wondered what the thieves in Riften were stealing when the guards were chasing after them late at night. So, I decided to make a story about it. Hope you enjoy!
Andaria: Panty Raid
For the first time since she received her new armor, Andaria returned to her home on the lower levels of Riften. It’s not the best neighborhood, but being away on assignment means Andaria isn’t home much of the time.
Andaria (To herself): It’s been too long since I’ve been home. Glad to see this place hasn’t been broken into.
Andaria (To herself): Dining area looks good. Look the Riften Guards even left me dinner.
Andaria (To herself): The alchemy and enchanting tables have barely been touched. I never really was one to use that stuff, It was mostly my sister’s area.
Andaria (to herself): And finally the most important part of the whole place, my bed. I haven’t slept on solid ground since before that pirate tournament. I’ve either been in a boat, exhausted from the night before, or in a tree. And I don’t sleep well when I’m that high up. I’m so looking forward to sleeping.
Carefully putting her new armor away in her closet, Andaria went to bed for a peaceful night’s rest.
1 a.m.
Thief 1 (Whispering): I don’t know what any of this alchemy stuff does! It doesn’t look like there’s anything of value here. I thought you said there'd be chests overflowing with gold!
Thief 2 (Whispering): Keep looking, we’re bound to find something. Reports say this apartment's tenant is rarely home. The guards check this place at 2 a.m. every night, so we have to get a move on. I’ll check this closet.
Silently the 1st Thief gestured frantically to the 2nd Thief at towards the bed...where Andaria lay.
Thief 1 (Whispering): She wasn’t supposed to be here! What do we do?
Thief 2 (Whispering): Stay Calm, take this bag of stuff from her closet. If she hasn’t woken up by now, maybe we can get away with much more.
Thief 1 (Whispering): What do you mean? I just came here for loot, not booty.
Thief 2 (Whispering): Maybe we’ll get a bonus if we can get her panties.
Thief 1 (Whispering): I wouldn’t, man. Your pick pocketing skill isn’t that high.
Andaria (hazey): ugh, what?
YOU’VE BEEN CAUGHT PICKPOCKETING
Thief 2 (Whispering): Here, Take these. Let’s go
Andaria: It’s never been this drafty in here before. Why are you two in here? Where's my underwear?
Andaria: Hands off the goods, Asshole!
Thief 1: AHHH!
Andaria: I gotta chase down that one thief. This other guy isn’t getting up for a while. But I can’t go outside like this…
Andaria: YOU’RE KIDDING ME! All you left me was my intimate wear!? How am I supposed to run around Riften like this!
Andaria kicks the downed thief one more time to vent her frustration.
Andaria: It’ll be a damn miracle if this corset stays up…
Andaria steps outside and sees the other Thief crossing the bridge by her house.
Andaria: STOP!
The Thief breaks into a dead sprint towards another door
Andaria (To herself): When has that ever worked?
Bridge to Town Center
Riften Guard: This city is suffering, crime runs rampant as the hard working people of this town cry out for a hero. Tonight, I will be that hero to end all for I am…
HEY MILK DRINKER!
Andaria: STOP DAYDREAMING AND GET TO MY APARTMENT! I’VE BEEN ROBBED AND THE ASSHOLE WHO DID IT IS STILL THERE!
Andaria: No wonder there are crime waves in this city, the guards have their heads in the sand.
Ratway
Andaria (to herself): The Thief ran in here. Usually I wouldn’t come down here without an guard escort. It’s so bad down here, it’s left out of the patrols. Drugs, thievery, and prostitution are jobs down here…
Andaria (to herself): And I’m dressed up like a working girl looking for johns...Fuck Me!
Andaria: Not today gentlemen! I’m looking for a certain someone.
Further in the Ratway
Gian the Fist: Gian ask for privacy, yet red-headed harlot interrupt!
Andaria: Calm down, big guy. I’m just trying to pass through.
Gian the Fist: Gian already let scared thief through here. Gian no like intruders! Gian make red-headed harlot leave!
Andaria: I AM NOT A HARLOT!
Andaria jumps out of the way of Gian’s fist. The momentum from Gian’s punch sent him tumbling into one of the nearby bear traps. There was a quick SNAP and Gian’s life was over.
Andaria: Well that escalated quickly. His punches seemed to be extremely powerful. It must have to do with these gloves. Added bonus for me as well as I don’t want to touch anything in this place. This thief can’t be too far ahead now.
Ragged Flagon
Vex was at a low point in her life. The Thieve’s Guild was having the worst luck in decades and even worse, she just botched and infiltration of Goldenglow Estate and was lucky to escape with her life. She stared at the mead in front of her and wondered for a moment if she should go legitimate.
Trying to banish the thought, she looked over her shoulder to see a red-headed prostitute trip over a chair. The prostitute picked it back up and sprinted on towards the vaults.
Vex stared in disbelief at the scene. She then eyed bottle of mead carefully.
Vex: Vekel! Throw out the rest of the mead. I’m having hallucinations. Delvin must have drugged all the bottles to get in my pants again.
Ratway Vaults
Andaria finally caught up to the thief who was running from her. He was desperately running towards the next door from Andaria got the drop on him.
Thief: IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE EMPTY!
Andaria wrapped her legs around the thief’s neck and twisted hard backwards in mid air.
The maneuver slammed the thief down on his stomach as Andaria stuck the landing.
The thief tried to get up quickly, but Andaria was relentless as she slammed him into a wall with one punch. He crumpled to the floor.
Andaria: Stay the Hell down! Now I’ve got just one question for you...
Andaria: WHERE! IS!
Andaria: MY! SHIT?!?
Riften Jail
Andaria (angrily): You broke into MY apartment. Steal MY things. Cop a feel. Then tell ME to calm down?
Riften Guard (mentally): Nice View!
Molgrom Twice-Killed: I can’t remember anything of tonight due to the concussion you gave me after my partner ran out on me. This whole night is a blur. Who are you again?
Andaria (angrily): You might as well change your nickname to Thrice-Killed and dig your own grave, Molgorm, because I’LL KILL YOU MYSELF!
Stormcloak Courier: Andaria, Thane of Riften!
Andaria (curtly): What is it? Can’t you see I’m in the middle of an interrogation?!
Stormcloak Courier: I have a summons from Ulfric Stormcloak. He requests your presence at a council of Thanes in Windhelm.
Andaria (to herself): Ulfric is gathering the Thanes? Until now, we’ve been left out of most of the military planning. This could only mean that he’s ready to escalate to a full on war between the holds.
Andaria: Inform Lord Ulfric I’ll be in attendance, who else has been summoned?
Stormcloak Courier: Portia Magnus of Winterhold, The Elder Sage from Dawnstar, and Princess Sable of Windhelm.
Stormcloak Courier: And I do suggest you dress warmly for your trip to Windhelm. It’s always snowing in our just city and your current outfit may leave you a bit frigid.
Andaria (to herself): ..But I’ve nothing else to wear...
Thanks for Reading! Who is your favorite Thane to adventure with so far? Let me know below!
8 Comments
Recommended Comments