Short, yet interesting diary.

 

About the children issue, supposing your love remains equal, and unaltered by time and jealously :

— Well, to the children I don't think it is needed to lie to them, they just don't need to know everything. For example if you have a child with Prince, then that child could simply call Ivy by her first name, while calling you « mum » and Prince « dad ». In a similar way, Ivy's child could simply call you Eva. That way, each one has a mom and a dad, even if it's the same dad. Just don't mention them that Prince is still « active » with both of you until they come of age. Once they become teenagers, having only one bed for the three of you might get delicate to explain though.

— Your family seems understanding and I believe could go on with it

— Prince would have to recognize both child as his own before law

— To the others, specially at school : it might be better if teachers and children do not guess that you're polygamist. If they only see you and Prince once referring you about your child ; and then Ivy and Prince when referring about Ivy's child, they will think Prince had a child with both but is currently only with one of you. Just like divorced people.  At the contrary, if they always see the three of you taking decisions and care about each child... then I'm afraid that would expose you to peoples judgments, and you children to children nastiness.

 

Also, I believe that model could only resist all foreseen hardships if your love remains equally shared, without jealously. Time is the best way to make sure of that, so giving yourself some years before taking the children step might be wise.

 

But I have no more experience of this life model than your parents, so consider the thoughts of every understanding member of your family.

Short, yet interesting diary.

 

About the children issue, supposing your love remains equal, and unaltered by time and jealously :

— Well, to the children I don't think it is needed to lie to them, they just don't need to know everything. For example if you have a child with Prince, then that child could simply call Ivy by her first name, while calling you « mum » and Prince « dad ». In a similar way, Ivy's child could simply call you Eva. That way, each one has a mom and a dad, even if it's the same dad. Just don't mention them that Prince is still « active » with both of you until they come of age. Once they become teenagers, having only one bed for the three of you might get delicate to explain though.

— Your family seems understanding and I believe could go on with it

— Prince would have to recognize both child as his own before law

— To the others, specially at school : it might be better if teachers and children do not guess that you're polygamist. If they only see you and Prince once referring you about your child ; and then Ivy and Prince when referring about Ivy's child, they will think Prince had a child with both but is currently only with one of you. Just like divorced people.  At the contrary, if they always see the three of you taking decisions and care about each child... then I'm afraid that would expose you to peoples judgments, and you children to children nastiness.

 

Also, I believe that model could only resist all foreseen hardships if your love remains equally shared, without jealously. Time is the best way to make sure of that, so giving yourself some years before taking the children step might be wise.

 

But I have no more experience of this life model than your parents, so consider the thoughts of every understanding member of your family.

 

Dear friend, thanks for your very constructive opinion. My angles haven't seen your post yet because they are working but I'm sure we share the same thoughts about what I'm saying now.

1. We would never and will never lie to our children because we do not lie to each other and lie doesn't bring anything good. If we assume and see that our children aren't capable (mentally and emotionally) to accept the truth we will rather be silent or delay the answer for later, then lie to them.

2. About the dressing my children to Ivy and reverse using our names: I have no problem with this, but when we talked to my Prince earlier he is strongly against it. He explained that in this case (I'm not sure I'm able to explain it well in English and I apologize in advance) children wouldn't have certain "respect" for the other "mom". In our culture if the children addressing to their parents with their names is proved as some type and kind of disrespect. It reduce the parenthood on a "acquaintance" level. He strongly believes and holds that no children should address to their parents by their names. So, in our case, he thinks and my children should address to Ivy with "aunt", rather then using her name and reverse. We support him in this although if our children decide to use our names in infarction with us, we won't forbid them,

3. "The law issue": Since our marriage isn't recognized by the Law, polygamy can't be the issue. W can have as many children we want with ANYONE we want and not be in the conflict with the Law. He grand dad lived in warlock with one women and he had children with several other women. My Prince told us that he's dad saw the birth certificates of some of the children with different women and they contained his name as their father. So, it's not against the law.

4. "The school problem": You've right. Our children might have certain problem caused by other children and the teachers. We have to work more on this and we will. At the moment we do not plan to have children next few years so we will work on this.

5. "Jealousy issue": We all believe that jealousy isn't a good thing and it's possessive. We aren't such a people. We know that Prince would never live us and we won't leave him. But since nobody isn't certain about own future, neither we know what the future brings. We know what we ant and how we want to build our future. All together until we pass away. Thou, I can not guarantee that things might not change one day. People are changing and start to do things they never thought they will be able to do. So far, we are "saw on the good ground"; respecting and loving each other and accepting our differences. We never had a problem with jealousy. Hope it will stay that way in the future. We'll try to keep it away as much we can.

 

Your comments is always welcome and appreciated. We will certainly go through your post when they come home. I don't know when it will be but we will read it and discuss about it. The time is our advantage. We have a plenty of time to discuss all or most of the issues because, as I said; we don't have in plan to have children next few years.

My observations are just a point of view you know, nothing more. The advantage of using first names, was not forcing you to lie to your children (with the « aunt » solution). And a bit of practical experience, as I used it for my grandma second husband... long before I even understood what was a divorce. It just creates a special status for the named individual in a child's mind. However, if it's disrespecful in your culture, then it has drawbacks as well.

 

Anyway, I'm glad if discussing the matter beforehand could help you in the future. Words can hurt, but also help as well sometimes.

 

And I thank you and your officials for your consideration.

My observations are just a point of view you know, nothing more. The advantage of using first names, was not forcing you to lie to your children (with the « aunt » solution). And a bit of practical experience, as I used it for my grandma second husband... long before I even understood what was a divorce. It just creates a special status for the named individual in a child's mind. However, if it's disrespecful in your culture, then it has drawbacks as well.

 

Anyway, I'm glad if discussing the matter beforehand could help you in the future. Words can hurt, but also help as well sometimes.

 

And I thank you and your officials for your consideration.

 

Hi Triloque. Ivy and I red your comments. Love the way you thinking. Eva explained my view points very well. You see, in our culture "aunt" and "uncle" are used in general way too. These two terms can be apply to both: relatives and other people in general when children addressing to older person. Older then them. It's kind impolite if children are addressing to older people with their names. It's disrespectful. Our lack of knowing English well and certain terminology was our handicap when trying to explain certain things but you are wise and smart person and you understand what we are trying to say. For me personally, I never addressed to my father using his name. Same was with my mother.  They were against it  and I learned from listening their talk about the people whom they knew that they didn't like to hear  children addressing to their parents with names. Smilja is my one of my uncle's daughter. When my father was alive, she never called him by his name but always "uncle" Same is with me with my uncle. I'm grown up, 23 years old and I still call my uncle, uncle. Using his name during the conversation with him is impolite and uncultured. I'm addressing to Eva's parents as dad and mom, although I can use their names, but calling them mom and dad is more closer and in relationship then using their names. So, our triangle love and marriage makes Eva, me and Ivy kind of "relatives" and the children may used "aunt" and other relatives "titles". )I hope you understand what I'm trying to say).

 

The good thing (as Eva said) is that we have a plenty of time to learn how we will raise our children. We are aware that there is not unique formula for success in raising the children but we hope we'll be a good parents. As Eva said: if Ivy's children would address to her with "Eva", and not with "aunt", I wouldn't forbid therm although I don't like it. We will see how it's gonna be one they when we will have the children.  Just a notice: My mom and dad had very different approaches when rising me and my dad's logic was more acceptable to me then my mom's. She tried to force me to change it and I didn't want to, but my dad, unlike my mom, when disagreeing with her never forced me to accept his opinion.

 

Anyhow, this subject is worth to study more and learn more about it. We certainly will because we want our children to accept all of us and loves us as we will love them.

Hi Triloque. Ivy and I red your comments. Love the way you thinking. Eva explained my view points very well. You see, in our culture "aunt" and "uncle" are used in general way too. These two terms can be apply to both: relatives and other people in general when children addressing to older person. Older then them. It's kind impolite if children are addressing to older people with their names. It's disrespectful. Our lack of knowing English well and certain terminology was our handicap when trying to explain certain things but you are wise and smart person and you understand what we are trying to say. For me personally, I never addressed to my father using his name. Same was with my mother.  They were against it  and I learned from listening their talk about the people whom they knew that they didn't like to hear  children addressing to their parents with names. Smilja is my one of my uncle's daughter. When my father was alive, she never called him by his name but always "uncle" Same is with me with my uncle. I'm grown up, 23 years old and I still call my uncle, uncle. Using his name during the conversation with him is impolite and uncultured. I'm addressing to Eva's parents as dad and mom, although I can use their names, but calling them mom and dad is more closer and in relationship then using their names. So, our triangle love and marriage makes Eva, me and Ivy kind of "relatives" and the children may used "aunt" and other relatives "titles". )I hope you understand what I'm trying to say).

I understand. If « aunt/uncle » can be used in a more general way, then it might be preferable indeed, as you said.

 

The good thing (as Eva said) is that we have a plenty of time to learn how we will raise our children. (...)

Anyhow, this subject is worth to study more and learn more about it. We certainly will because we want our children to accept all of us and loves us as we will love them.

I think time and reasoning are your best allies in that matter. The simple fact of you having this discussion tend to prove that when you want, you can have both of them (when not using your fists first that is =p). Let's hope for a peaceful way until then.

 

I think time and reasoning are your best allies in that matter. The simple fact of you having this discussion tend to prove that when you want, you can have both of them (when not using your fists first that is =p). Let's hope for a peaceful way until then.

 

 

 

Hahahahahha - We certainly will talk about the children more and more. As for the arguing using the fists, I would never harm my witches. NEVER!!! I worship them. Some idiots and morons for whom no words matters, must be disciplined with the fists. That's the best cure for them.