I have seen 2 sides... When he first visited Lugansk, my husband's friend was there to tell and demonstrate some cultural differences. Removing his shoes inside was just one. ))) It was wonderful that he knew and respected this, the very first time he entered my parents' house, and removed his shoes without being told. I think it impressed my parents!

Other side is that he was working and people asked that he remove his work boots in their house. He refused and said in his work, boots are safety requirement. He would be going down and up stair to and from basement, and outside to get parts as needed, and did not have time to remove shoes at the door, carry them and tools thru house and put back on at basement door each time. This is in US. After brief stand off in which he said he would simply leave, they relented.

In first, he was guest in my parents' home. In second, he was working in strangers' home.

> Your husband and mine are very alike. I think they could be good friends regardless of their age differences.

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Why some people have problem to keep "unwritten" rules and respect common practices?

Maybe because they don't know what your unwritten rules and common practices are?

Happened to me as a child.  A lot.  No one told me "That is rude"; they just stopped talking to me.  Now I'm afraid to be around anyone (everyone), because I don't know what their rules are.

17 hours ago, qalavix said:

Maybe because they don't know what your unwritten rules and common practices are?

 

Happened to me as a child.  A lot.  No one told me "That is rude"; they just stopped talking to me.  Now I'm afraid to be around anyone (everyone), because I don't know what their rules are.

This "unwritten rule" is more of culture. It is simply how things are, and how they have been. It is really for the visitor to learn about a culture they may visit, or you prefer Ukraine military escort you to a "social education class" upon arrival? Or Croatian??? And then, those "teaching class" should know every foreign language??????

20 minutes ago, LadySmoks said:

This "unwritten rule" is more of culture. It is simply how things are, and how they have been. It is really for the visitor to learn about a culture they may visit, or you prefer Ukraine military escort you to a "social education class" upon arrival? Or Croatian??? And then, those "teaching class" should know every foreign language??????

 

> You've right. We had guests from the States (USA) and we didn't have to teach them the house rules. They simply observed and did the same. Also, if someone doesn't know "unwritten" rules, he ask and is told. My prince had that practice. Take a smoker for example: there is unwritten rule that there is no smoking in the house with children and it is no obligatory to be said. Cultured and civilized person will ask if not sure.

2 hours ago, EvalovesEP said:

> You've right. We had guests from the States (USA) and we didn't have to teach them the house rules. They simply observed and did the same. Also, if someone doesn't know "unwritten" rules, he ask and is told. My prince had that practice. Take a smoker for example: there is unwritten rule that there is no smoking in the house with children and it is no obligatory to be said. Cultured and civilized person will ask if not sure.

No smoking in the house is another big one! There are no ashtrays (old jar or tin) in many houses and apartments, as you simply do not smoke inside. Perhaps an ashtray is outside on porch or apartment balcony.

But, smoking is different from removing shoes. Even in US, it is now normal that many do not want others to smoke inside, so Americans will probably ask... because it has become THEIR culture to do so. Removing shoes is not part of US culture, so they do not "think" about it.

In some ways, it IS responsibility of the host to inform, and to also understand cultural differences of their guests, so not to be abrupt if the guest makes unknowing violation of rules.

We must try to know what they know! If guest is new to our countries and visit our home for first time, we do need to politely inform of such customs. "Welcome to our home... here in Ukraine/ Croatia/ wherever, it is our custom to remove our shoes inside and leave the dirt from outside by the door." "It is our custom that we do not smoke inside, and there is a tin for ash on the balcony if you have urge."

To be honest, I think many women in US would welcome these!!! No smoking inside is becoming more, but not removing shoes. OY! My husband removes his shoes!!! And our son!!! It is easier to only train 2. )))

59 minutes ago, LadySmoks said:

No smoking in the house is another big one! There are no ashtrays (old jar or tin) in many houses and apartments, as you simply do not smoke inside. Perhaps an ashtray is outside on porch or apartment balcony.

 

But, smoking is different from removing shoes. Even in US, it is now normal that many do not want others to smoke inside, so Americans will probably ask... because it has become THEIR culture to do so. Removing shoes is not part of US culture, so they do not "think" about it.

 

In some ways, it IS responsibility of the host to inform, and to also understand cultural differences of their guests, so not to be abrupt if the guest makes unknowing violation of rules.

 

We must try to know what they know! If guest is new to our countries and visit our home for first time, we do need to politely inform of such customs. "Welcome to our home... here in Ukraine/ Croatia/ wherever, it is our custom to remove our shoes inside and leave the dirt from outside by the door." "It is our custom that we do not smoke inside, and there is a tin for ash on the balcony if you have urge."

 

To be honest, I think many women in US would welcome these!!! No smoking inside is becoming more, but not removing shoes. OY! My husband removes his shoes!!! And our son!!! It is easier to only train 2. )))

> Agree. It is unwritten rule to inform guests from other countries and cultures about our customs. My post was inspired by those who are coming from our culture and knows its customs but do not care. It would be unfair to get mad with those who aren't familiar with our customs. So, there certainly are differences from guest to guest.

1 hour ago, EvalovesEP said:

> Agree. It is unwritten rule to inform guests from other countries and cultures about our customs. My post was inspired by those who are coming from our culture and knows its customs but do not care. It would be unfair to get mad with those who aren't familiar with our customs. So, there certainly are differences from guest to guest.

HA HA HA!!! My father would first "kindly" insist, then harshly remove the offender from his home. But, in the village I grew up, all abide to tradition, and even guests from the city knew also.

Perhaps again, you see a generational change? Younger people who do not respect tradition? Or is this also among older people?

7 hours ago, LadySmoks said:

HA HA HA!!! My father would first "kindly" insist, then harshly remove the offender from his home. But, in the village I grew up, all abide to tradition, and even guests from the city knew also.

 

Perhaps again, you see a generational change? Younger people who do not respect tradition? Or is this also among older people?

> Mostly younger generations. They don't give a shit about cultural practices. And I identify their behaving more like "who cares about it. You can do this at my home too". But the older people misbehave for they don't give a shit about you and your rules.