My luvs had enough of me fussing about LL and its anomalies. It started yesterday when they came to my office after accomplishing some tasks and seeing me tensed. They immediately knew the cause of my tension.
Prince: You have been on LL again, weren’t you, Princess?
Me (turning my look on the side): Yes.
Fran: What is LL?
Prince: Not now, Fran …… Look, Princess, Ivy and I have enough of your mood oscillations because of LL. The work is suffering and our relationship too because we spend a lot of time fixing your emotional damage. You are mentally and emotionally immature to deal with certain problems on LL and you gonna take a break from LL starting right now.
I didn’t like it, but I couldn’t oppose. They were right. I logged off. They kissed me and left the office.
Fran: What is LL, Princess?
Me (sighing): LL is acronym for LoversLab. It is a gaming forum with sex mods ….
Me: Gaming forum ……
Fran: I heard you the first time. I’m just shocked …. What are you doing there? As far as I know, you don’t play any sex game and you haven't been in forums for a long time…… unless you are hiding it from me …..
I felt I should tell him the truth.
Me: No, I don’t play sex games. I have been member of this forum for five years participating …..
Fran (shocked): FIVE FUCKING YEARSSS???? And you told me nothing about it??? I thought you and I have no secrets, Princess. Why did you hide it from me?
Me (feeling ashamed): Er … Fran, listen ….. You know I write my diaries and that I used to publish them in some forums years ago …
Fran: Yes, I do. I know you stopped because you had many bad experiences. Why did you start it again?
Me: Ahem … my diaries means a lot to me and I like people reading them. I missed sharing them and LL was good place to start publish my diaries again, but I was afraid to tell you about it lest you will not disapprove it since you know my history with forums ……
Fran came to my table and kissed me on my forehead. Then he said:
- I will never suggest you to stop doing what you love to do and makes you happy, Princess unless it does no good to you. If Prince and Ivy support you in this, I support you double. I was just disappointed you didn’t tell me about it …. Do you have any other secret you don’t want me to know?
Me: Noooo, Fran, I don’t. And I apologize for not telling you. You see, my Prince was the member of that forum more than five years but he left the forum. Thanks to him I joined the forum although he was against it at the beginning.
Me: Well, he thought me and my diaries wouldn’t be accepted and that I will be trolled and mistreated as woman.
Fran: I agree with him. But, why did he leave the forum?
Me: First, LL accepted me pretty well. That’s why I stayed. Second, he and my Ivy stopped playing Skyrim because he wants to be more with me and our children when we come home after the work. Besides playing games, LL was second obstacle in realization of his plan. That’s why he left.
Fran: I see. It was smart decision …. Will you tell me now, what was your problem on LL and why were you bitching so much?
I told him all about it and I showed him my last “LL immaturity” blog entry. Reading it, he was little angry at me.
Fran: No offense, Princess but I am very disappointed in you …. Haven’t you learn nothing from previous experiences being on forums? I am not surprised Prince reacted the way he did. And I support him ….. You should know by now that every forum has same attributes: those who likes you and support you, those who are indifferent about you, those who doesn’t like you because of various reasons and those who dislike you without the reason. You snapped, honey and you let yourself to be provoked forgetting that nobody gives shit about you since all relationships there are artificial and unreal. You let unreality to become your reality expecting too much from undefined and unknown bunch of people who are living their imaginary lives through their avatars. You should wake up before it is too late and before you capitulate again. I’m telling you this because I love you and you know it is true.
He kissed me on the cheek and he returned to his table. He was right and his words shook me well. I knew what I had to do.
When my luvs returned again I told them about my conversation with Fran and how he helped me to see my immaturity. I asked them to let me post my diaries promising them that I will behave on LL. They took a moment to think about it and they told me:
- OK, Princess, you will have one more chance. You may post your diaries and comments, but we will observe you. We’ll check on you on LL regularly and if we notice that you let yourself be provoked again and that you quarrel and bitching around, you will be forbidden to log in for a long time. This is for your own good for we love you and care about you. Do you agree?
I agreed. I knew my luvs wanted only the best for me. We hugged and kissed. And that is the strength of our family. We support each other and help each other when fall.
For those who doesn't know: My Fran was my gay friend since the day I started to work as the receptionist in the Hotel. He was the only one who truly understood me, was there for me, carried my life burdens, lifted me up in my falls and failures, never judged me and loved me as I am. We never had secrets to each other because we have brother-sister relationship. I would mess up my life much more if I hadn't have my Ivy and him by my side.
Edited by EvalovesEP