(once again, you can check out this entry on my shiny new website, give it a moment to fully load)
Stenvar and the housecarls bravely battled the vile creature.
"What? My brother's a wizard, remember?"
"Maybe if I pull this lever, a big spike will shoot down and stab the spider!"
"Oh, no, I swear I'm not doing this on purpose."
"We must be getting close."
"Do you hear something?"
"Alanis, you and I are going to have a very serious discussion when we return to Whiterun."
"Ah, a pleasure to see you both again," I said to Danika and Monika.
"Must be a crazy party," said Monika.
"Did you find where those miners were taken?"
"I think we're about to."
"Is that flesh I sense?"
"I can feel the air move around your skin, pulsing with your hearts."
"Gods, I miss it."
"Are you the one that's been kidnapping miners?" Danika demanded. "Where are the people you took last night?"
"Oh, they were useless, like all the others."
"But perhaps you are just the bodies I need."
"It is quite useless to resist. But then, why would you want to?"
The strange metal woman led us down a dark corridor.
And we emerged in a great, cavernous space deep underground.
"Welcome to my studio," said the woman.
"Miss, are you ... the last living Dwemer?"
"Look around, my pet," replied the woman. "There are no living Dwemer here anymore."
"I was once like you," she said, as her Animunculi began disrobing us.
"Endlessly driven to make images of the flesh."
"But while you trifle with these crude depictions..."
"I harnessed the power of the Dwemer!"
"But my people, shackled by their own puritanical beliefs, imprisoned my soul inside this metal body as punishment."
"And for what? For showing them something real?"
"What does this have to do with us?" Danika asked. "And why kidnap all those people?"
"You, my darlings, are fuel. I have spent centuries perfecting this machine, and now it is ready."
"Your lustful energy will power this engine and cast my soul forth at long last, to join my brethren in Aetherius..."
"... where I will have my revenge."
"And by that, you mean..."
In a daze, we slowly found our belongings.
"You know, opinions differ greatly on whether the Dwemer really did transcend Mundus and attain immortality," said Alanis.
"But I'm pretty sure that woman just exploded."
"You know what?" said Ramara. "Screw that bloody party. We just fucked on some mystical machine in an ancient undeground Dwemer city, and I'm ready to go home."
"Thank the gods," said Stenvar.
"A very good call," I concurred.
"Alanis, I am sorry for doubting your fascination with the Dwemer. What a truly remarkable people. Certainly worthy of further study."
"Apology accepted," said Alanis. "Although, just so we're clear, I do also want to be a successful pornstar. I think I can do both."
We followed Danika and Monika back to the miners outside Markarth.
"You're all safe now," said Danika. "We vanquished the evil mastermind behind the kidnappings."
"We can't thank you enough," said one of the miners.
"How did you manage to defeat this menace?" asked the other miner.
"We had really hard sex," said Monika.
"Yeah, I wasn't gonna mention that part."
We made our back to Whiterun, where we parted ways with our young friends once again.
"I guess now it's our turn to say thanks," said Danika.
"You're most welcome," I said. "And if you ever need a team of pornographers to have an orgy to save a small village, you know where to find us."
"Thanks, we'll keep that in mind."
"I wonder if there is a lesson to be learned from this experience," I mused to Ramara as we watched our friends depart.
"Yes, I believe there is," she replied.
"Next time we're invited to a party, that bloody Alanis can stay home."
"I suppose that'll have to do."