My heart is broken. I was doing something that hurt my luvs and my son. That's why I didn't go to work today. Here is my confession.

Mom Boss's funeral was yesterday. Many relatives and friends from her side arrived at the funeral as well as from dad Boss’s side. Our e.o. board also came. Everyone but my Prince. Well, we all know his opinion about it so nobody resented him. My Prince didn’t let us come with our children to the funeral but he also didn’t want unknown person to watch them. I desperately wanted to stay with our children, but Zdenka insisted to stay for she missed Mikey and wanted to bond with Precious. I was little bit sad and much more selfish for I wanted to be with them, especially with Precious. Anyhow, dad Boss let my Prince to organize post funeral gathering. I think you know what my Prince did. He went to mom’s Boss favorite cafeteria and reserved the place only for us. It cost a lot of money but dad Boss was willing to pay any sum for he loved mom Boss and he trusted in my Prince. He welcomed all and he couldn’t continue to hold the speech for he, being overcome by sorrow and pain, cried very much. Dad Boss hugged him and walked him into another room to calm him down although he cried too. My Fran “jumped in” and knowing mom Boss continued the speech in her honor.  It was very touchy and, most of us wiped the tears from our eyes. After his speech, dad Boss said few words about mom Boss after which we all had her favorite drink: big cappuccino with vanilla. Now, I loved mom Boss, we had very good relationship, I was sorry she’s gone, but I wasn’t heartbroken. My mind was with my Precious. That little angel “spelled” me. While my Ivy was with my Prince supporting him in every way, I was with Precious in my mind. Now, do you think that my mom and my Ivy didn’t notice that something was wrong with me? Unlike my mom who saw “dreaming” in my eyes, my Ivy knew exactly what I was dreaming about. She came to me, drag me at the side and she silently “yelled” into my ear:

- Don’t you have a fucking shame, Princess!! Let me tell you something …. If you don’t put yourself together and move your skinny ass to our husband and dad Boss and show them how much you are sorry for their loss, I’m telling you seriously: you will not get near Precious for a long time. I swear with my life!!!

Then she walked toward the group of women. I was shocked! I knew she is capable to do it. Well, I walked to my Prince and I put all my power to show how much I am sorry for his loss. I didn’t pretend for I’m not such a person, but I wasn’t fully with him and dad Boss in my heart and my soul. When he hugged me and kissed my lips gently he said: “I love you soooo much, Princess! Thank you for being with me. It means a lot to me.” I felt ashamed. He is such an angel. He needed me and I wasn’t there for him. Damn me!

After few hours, we returned home. I couldn’t wait to see Precious’ reaction. As soon my Prince unlocked the door, Mikey ran toward my Prince joyfully shouting “Tataaaa! Moj tata”. My Prince took him into his arms and showered his face with kisses. Mikey grabbed Ivy for her neck and saying: “Mama!” he formed his lips into kiss. My Ivy also showered him with kisses. Me? I quickly kissed him, told him that I love him and I rushed toward Zdenka to see my Precious. Hearing our voices she started to cry. When I saw her face red and swollen from (earlier) crying I felt a sharp pain in my soul. I took her into my arms and sobbing quietly I whispered to her that mommy is here and that all is fine now. She calmed very quickly. Zdenka said she tried her best, but Precious missed us very much and she cried very loudly. I don’t know what got into me but I angrily said to Zdenka:

- She missed ME, mom! She missed me! I will never let her with you again!

Then I heard Ivy’s sharp voice:

- Eva, come with me! (My Ivy called me by name, which means only that she is very pissed at me)

I handed Precious to my Prince and I walked behind my Ivy on our beach. When we came down she looked at me very furiously. I knew she wouldn’t harm me but the words she spoke to me were more painful than any slap or punch.

Ivy: I’m sick and tired of your behaving Eva. I can’t and I won’t tolerate it anymore! Since the day our Precious was born, you behave strangely! You didn’t only neglect our husband, but our son too! Do you really think he doesn’t know what is going on?! How many times Mikey came to you lately asking for a help or attention or wanted to play with you? I’ll tell you: twice in 5 days, Eva! Fucking twice!!!! He sees he is losing his first mom and he finds a comfort in me. You know I love him as my own son and I’m happy he wants to be with me, but you are his mother, Eva! …. I’m sorry, but from now on you will have limited time with Precious and only when Prince and I are around until you realize that you are tearing this family into pieces! I won’t let you do it, Eva! I won’t let you! If you will disobey me, I will take Precious and I will move to my mother until you come to your senses! Our husband will come to see us every day, but you will not be allowed! … Sorry, I love you but this is the only way that will help you to realize that our marriage is based on love triangle, and that our children have two mothers and one father.

She kissed me on the cheek and she started to walk to house. I was shocked and paralyzed. I couldn’t believe what I am hearing. I shouted: “Ivy!!! Ivy!!! Come back! Don’t do this to me!”, but she just kept walking. I felt how my legs started to shake and I just dropped on the rock heavily crying. I wanted my Prince to come and comfort me. I heavily cried. Then my Prince lifted me up and he placed me on his lap. Wiping gently tears from my cheeks he kissed me several times. I tried to manipulate him saying:

- Honey, Ivy was very mean to me and she hurt me …

Prince (gently): No, Princess, she wasn’t. She had to tell you things you weren’t’ able to see by yourself. She and mom Boss wanted to talk to you earlier, but I asked them not to for I hoped you will realize what you are doing to us.

I was surprised he knew and I continued with my defense:

- She is punishing me!

Prince: No, honey, she doesn’t. She wants to help you to open your eyes and see how much we all suffer. That was the best way, Princess.

I wanted to continue with myself defense but he didn’t let me. He shut my mouth with deep kiss. Then lifted me up into his arms and carried me home. My Ivy was with our children while my Prince took me under the shower. He gently soaped my body constantly saying how much they love me. Then we made love. It was fantastic. We joined to my Ivy and children in the living room. My prince sat next to my Ivy who gave him Precious. Mikey sat in Ivy’s lap and he played with her fingers. I called him to come and sit in my lap, but he didn’t want to until my Ivy told him: “Go to mama, Mikey.” He obeyed and he sat in my lap but he constantly looked at my Ivy. In that moment I fully realized how I mistreated my family. I gently put Mikey down and I went to our bedroom heavily crying. My Ivy came after me very soon and she comforted me with kisses, “love yous” and “It’s gonna be all right, Princess”. On my saying that I’m a bad mother and wife, she said that I’m not, that it is only a period of my weakness. I tried my luck saying:

- Will you let me put Precious to sleep tonight?

Ivy (biting my upper lip): Don’t push your luck, Skinny!

Then we made love and I slept. I woke up this morning with awareness that I am the one who endangered our marriage. Living with that guilt on the soul isn’t easy. Believe me.