First of all: I want to thank you all for expressing your sympathies to my Prince. He asked me to correct and polish his English when he wrote his rant. I cried when I was doing it. I felt sorry for him and for being "guilty" because I am the one among those who tries to understand him, but can't, at least not always and often. My love for him "helped" me to accept him as he is although I tried to change him at the beginning. That was wrong. It had opposite effect. Every single member of our large family loves him. His friends too, but he is a great mystery to all of us. Before I continue, I want to ask you: are you completely open to those who love you and will support you? No offense, but I doubt you are. All of us, "normal" people have some "secrets", some "thorns" in our souls that we can't tell no one. The reasons why we can't do it varies from fear of rejection, marginalization, condemnation or at least distancing. Love is perfect, but we aren't. We can't remain same after hearing someone's "confession". It affect us more or less depending how much that "sin" or secret clashes with our moral, social and other beliefs. My Prince has right in one thing: if we haven't "been there" we won't understand why is he the way he is.
Second: who are those who have right to define what is normal and what is not. I'm not talking about rape, bulling, vandalism and similar shit. THOSE THINGS ARE NOT NORMAL. I'm talking about social, ideological, ethical, religious and similar trending that most people follow. When I met my Prince the first time I learned that he is different from, I dare to say, 90% of people, especially males. It attracted me. I was hungry to learn more about those differences. Most of them impressed me very much, some of them shocked me, surprised me or made me wondering "why?" Even after hearing his explanation, I couldn't understand why he is doing some things, but when I stopped attempting to change him, I accept them because I love him. My desire to change him wasn't rooted in "You must be like me", but on desire to be accepted in society, to be "normal" as we are.
My Prince is apolitical, nonreligious, antinationalist, anti racist, no homophobic, nontraditional person. Everything that is wrapped in "You must do or be" has opposite effect on him. He loves people, nature, he is loyal, compassionate and so on and so on. On other side, he doesn't like animals, especially dogs, bugs and seagulls. (He has his reason) He hates injustice, bullying, molesting, raping, and so on and so on. "Normal" people celebrate national and Christian holidays in our country, but, he doesn't. In our culture you must be proud on your nationality and religion (Roman Catholic since those two are in symbioses). He is totally indifferent and opposite to any social rules and standard(s) of behaving and practice. He never followed trends, liked parties, crowds, celebrations and similar. He didn't judge those who practice those, he just wanted be out of it. That attitude marginalized him and labeled him as weird. He is a bohemian. His body "lives" on Earth, but his mind and soul is somewhere else. He said in his post that our world and way of living is chaotic for him and he sees no place in it for him. Those who follows my diary, knows how many times I spoke about him being different. He did some compromises with the "world". And he did them out of love for my Ivy and me and our parents. There are things he still can't and won't accept. If he does, it will be his mental and emotional suicide.
Now, in his defense, I have to say few words. He never forced anyone on anything, but society forced him to adapt and change. Was he better when he tried to submit and comply? NOT AT ALL. He was more sad, more introvert and farer from everyone, even us who loves him unconditionally. Here are few examples. You surely noticed his several posts against extreme dog loving and equalizing them with human race. But, listen to this: he didn't come to those people and lecturing them, changing them or being hostile toward them and their pets. He reacted when his freedom of not being dog fan was jeopardized or attacked. He can live in agreement with those people as far they leave him alone. Unfortunately, they rejected him, for every normal human being should love animals, or at least dogs. I say: "Who says so?! Who has right to say to others you must be like us or get the fuck out of here weirdo!" Even some LL members withdrew from him reading his statements or my diaries about certain things. Most people expect you, demand from you to be like them. If you can't and won't, then "Fuck with you!" We all try to change others according to our likeness directly or indirectly." Acceptance? Hmmmm. Hardly. Maybe, if it doesn't strongly clash with my beliefs and way of living. My Prince is NOT like that. He never rejected anyone who disagreed with him, but he was rejected for being different. He NEVER tried to change my Ivy and me. NEVER! No matter how much he didn't like some parts of our way of living. Suggesting him to talk to someone about what pains him down deep in his heart and soul is commending, but let me ask you: if you will be different like my Prince and if you were hurt, mistreated, misunderstood, misinterpreted, rejected, marginalized, judged and ignored so many times, would you darely open to somebody; even to those who loves you? I doubt. No offense, but I doubt. He tried, I know he tried and none of us, could understand him. If you have read my last dairy, you had to noticed that his adopted mom, couldn't understand why he rejected her help. My Ivy and I didn't too. Each of us understands only the fragments of his being, but none of us fully understand him because we "HAVE NOT BEEN THERE". We belong to "normal people. We love and practice things that he sees as meaningless. Yet, he didn't expect from us to be like him, but we expect from him to be like us. Dharivina nicely said and I will paraphrase it: "Global society regardless of cultural differences have one thing in common: it doesn't tolerate different people. You are either with us or against us, and you know what it means." I would agree with Trilog's saying: "try to talk to someone older in your family" if he didn't try and failed. Not because it was his fault, but because non of us "HAVE BEEN THERE". I was messed up before I met him, but I had support, understanding and help in my Fran, my mom and Ivy. But, I was and still am "the normal". We have a saying in our country: "Sit gladnom ne vjeruje." (Rough translation: Person with full belly doesn't believe the empty one that he is hungry). I'm concluding this entry with sincere saying: I wish I can understand my Prince, but I can't no matter how hard I try. I do not reject him, I do not condemn him; I love him and accept him, but I can't understand him. He knows that I will (all of us in the family) will accept him if he opens to us, but he doesn't need that, he needs someone who will share his/her soul with him and who will say: "I'm with you. I have been there". Yes, the soul mate in original sense of meaning. I'm not saying that such person doesn't exist, I'm saying he (we) don't know anyone like him. I truly hope that some day he will find his soul mate and that the thorn in his soul will be pulled out and set him free.