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About Elf Prince's "Lonely" blog entry


Evaloves4

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His entry:

 

 

First of all: I want to thank you all for expressing your sympathies to my Prince. He asked me to correct and polish his English when he wrote his rant. I cried when I was doing it. I felt sorry for him and for being "guilty" because I am the one among those who tries to understand him, but can't, at least not always and often. My love for him "helped" me to accept him as he is although I tried to change him at the beginning. That was wrong. It had opposite effect. Every single member of our large family loves him. His friends too, but he is a great mystery to all of us. Before I continue, I want to ask you: are you completely open to those who love you and will support you? No offense, but I doubt you are. All of us, "normal" people have some "secrets", some "thorns" in our souls that we can't tell no one. The reasons why we can't do it varies from fear of rejection, marginalization, condemnation or at least distancing. Love is perfect, but we aren't. We can't remain same after hearing someone's "confession". It affect us more or less depending how much that "sin" or secret clashes with our moral, social and other beliefs. My Prince has right in one thing: if we haven't "been there" we won't understand why is he the way he is.

 

Second: who are those who have right to define what is normal and what is not. I'm not talking about rape, bulling, vandalism and similar shit. THOSE THINGS ARE NOT NORMAL. I'm talking about social, ideological, ethical, religious and similar trending that most people follow. When I met my Prince the first time I learned that he is different from, I dare to say, 90% of people, especially males. It attracted me. I was hungry to learn more about those differences. Most of them impressed me very much, some of them shocked me, surprised me or made me wondering "why?" Even after hearing his explanation, I couldn't understand why he is doing some things, but when I stopped attempting to change him, I accept them because I love him. My desire to change him wasn't rooted in "You must be like me", but on desire to be accepted in society, to be "normal" as we are.

 

My Prince is apolitical, nonreligious, antinationalist, anti racist, no homophobic, nontraditional person. Everything that is wrapped in "You must do or be" has opposite effect on him. He loves people, nature, he is loyal, compassionate and so on and so on. On other side, he doesn't like animals, especially dogs, bugs and seagulls. (He has his reason) He hates injustice, bullying, molesting, raping, and so on and so on. "Normal" people celebrate national and Christian holidays in our country, but, he doesn't. In our culture you must be proud on your nationality and religion (Roman Catholic since those two are in symbioses). He is totally indifferent and opposite to any social rules and standard(s) of behaving and practice. He never followed trends, liked parties, crowds, celebrations and similar. He didn't judge those who practice those, he just wanted be out of it. That attitude marginalized him and labeled him as weird. He is a bohemian. His body "lives" on Earth, but his mind and soul is somewhere else. He said in his post that our world and way of living is chaotic for him and he sees no place in it for him. Those who follows my diary, knows how many times I spoke about him being different. He did some compromises with the "world". And he did them out of love for my Ivy and me and our parents. There are things he still can't and won't accept. If he does, it will be his mental and emotional suicide.

 

 

Now, in his defense, I have to say few words. He never forced anyone on anything, but society forced him to adapt and change. Was he better when he tried to submit and comply? NOT AT ALL. He was more sad, more introvert and farer from everyone, even us who loves him unconditionally. Here are few examples. You surely noticed his several posts against extreme dog loving and equalizing them with human race. But, listen to this: he didn't come to those people and lecturing them, changing them or being hostile toward them and their pets. He reacted when his freedom of not being dog fan was jeopardized or attacked. He can live in agreement with those people as far they leave him alone. Unfortunately, they rejected him, for every normal human being should love animals, or at least dogs. I say: "Who says so?! Who has right to say to others you must be like us or get the fuck out of here weirdo!" Even some LL members withdrew from him reading his statements or my diaries about certain things. Most people expect you, demand from you to be like them. If you can't and won't, then "Fuck with you!" We all try to change others according to our likeness directly or indirectly." Acceptance? Hmmmm. Hardly. Maybe, if it doesn't strongly clash with my beliefs and way of living. My Prince is NOT like that. He never rejected anyone who disagreed with him, but he was rejected for being different. He NEVER tried to change my Ivy and me. NEVER! No matter how much he didn't like some parts of our way of living. Suggesting him to talk to someone about what pains him down deep in his heart and soul is commending, but let me ask you: if you will be different like my Prince and if you were hurt, mistreated, misunderstood, misinterpreted, rejected, marginalized, judged and ignored so many times, would you darely open to somebody; even to those who loves you? I doubt. No offense, but I doubt. He tried, I know he tried and none of us, could understand him. If you have read my last dairy, you had to noticed that his adopted mom, couldn't understand why he rejected her help. My Ivy and I didn't too. Each of us understands only the fragments of his being, but none of us fully understand him because we "HAVE NOT BEEN THERE". We belong to "normal people. We love and practice things that he sees as meaningless. Yet, he didn't expect from us to be like him, but we expect from him to be like us. Dharivina nicely said and I will paraphrase it: "Global society regardless of cultural differences have one thing in common: it doesn't tolerate different people. You are either with us or against us, and you know what it means." I would agree with Trilog's saying: "try to talk to someone older in your family" if he didn't try and failed. Not because it was his fault, but because non of us "HAVE BEEN THERE". I was messed up before I met him, but I had support, understanding and help in my Fran, my mom and Ivy. But, I was and still am "the normal". We have a saying in our country: "Sit gladnom ne vjeruje." (Rough translation: Person with full belly doesn't believe the empty one that he is hungry). I'm concluding this entry with sincere saying: I wish I can understand my Prince, but I can't no matter how hard I try. I do not reject him, I do not condemn him; I love him and accept him, but I can't understand him. He knows that I will (all of us in the family) will accept him if he opens to us, but he doesn't need that, he needs someone who will share his/her soul with him and who will say: "I'm with you. I have been there". Yes, the soul mate in original sense of meaning. I'm not saying that such person doesn't exist, I'm saying he (we) don't know anyone like him. I truly hope that some day he will find his soul mate and that the thorn in his soul will be pulled out and set him free.

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:wink::thumbsup:

 

Come to think of it the only person who has closely done all those things to me is my own brother and I no longer try to open up to him any longer but sometimes I end up doing it unintentionally and he's mainly mad at the world for what it is now then again who isn't. I still care for the guy though. :smile:

Like I said before I really don't see anything wrong with Prince's beliefs. He does things that your conscience say is right thing but you don't want to do like giving a homeless guy a home or a lot of money etcetera etcetera. Not being selfish or greedy and that's what I like about his he is honest person and honorable man. Keeps his word like Naruto the ninja. Prince is a Hero like him ....Well at least in my eyes but nobody is perfect I'm sure you know. :wink::thumbsup:

Spoiler

41002500_NarutoNinya.jpg.3c9347071e784fd8d55927eab634b360.jpg

 

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Prince does say he feels lonely because he feels no one can understand him. You do say he is different, so no one will understand him. My take on this is that you don't need to die from a heart attack to cure people having heart attack. Living the same thing, being the same isn't a requisite for understanding ; only the adequate skillset to listen and understand that precise situation is.

 

You do know your Prince. You do know he doesn't like to receive gifts, you do know he doesn't like expensive furniture (such as smartphones), yet you always said those were because Prince is different. That explanation feels like "he's wrong (different from us), but that's how he is". If you tried to go a layer further, to understand why he reacts that way, that understanding may allow you to know when you can get around it, and when you shouldn't force your ways upon him. And so, possibly to get him to feel understood. Though only dealing about secondary matters, I believe the examples where Boss wife tricked him into having birthday parties, or where he gets forced to accept a super expensive phone which is the complete opposite of what he wanted, do only reflect that fact. The sole title of the entry "bigger heart than brain" reflects the lack of will to understand what led him to behave differently. 

You're his wife Eva. You're the one who has the best chance at understanding him. But that supposes you stop thinking "how can I make him like us", and instead "what can I do to make him feel at home". I believed some elderly may have gained that ability through experience, but as you're saying, if they have the same mindset "let's make him like us", their chances at understanding him aren't any better than the others. :classic_smile:

 

Anyway, that's just my opinion. Maybe he's just going through a bad moment, and that will pass with time.

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4 hours ago, Jayomms said:

:wink::thumbsup:

 

Come to think of it the only person who has closely done all those things to me is my own brother and I no longer try to open up to him any longer but sometimes I end up doing it unintentionally and he's mainly mad at the world for what it is now then again who isn't. I still care for the guy though. :smile:

Like I said before I really don't see anything wrong with Prince's beliefs. He does things that your conscience say is right thing but you don't want to do like giving a homeless guy a home or a lot of money etcetera etcetera. Not being selfish or greedy and that's what I like about his he is honest person and honorable man. Keeps his word like Naruto the ninja. Prince is a Hero like him ....Well at least in my eyes but nobody is perfect I'm sure you know. :wink::thumbsup:

  Reveal hidden contents

41002500_NarutoNinya.jpg.3c9347071e784fd8d55927eab634b360.jpg

 

> You are one of the rare people who can distinguish between hating sin, not the sinner :)  I can say I often make it reverse, but I'm learning. :) 

> Thank you for nice words about my Prince and seeing him as he really is. Many hugs.

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3 hours ago, Tirloque said:

Prince does say he feels lonely because he feels no one can understand him. You do say he is different, so no one will understand him. My take on this is that you don't need to die from a heart attack to cure people having heart attack. Living the same thing, being the same isn't a requisite for understanding ; only the adequate skillset to listen and understand that precise situation is.

 

 

> Listening works in most cases and it is helpful. But NOT in this case. A parabola: If you meet a blind person who never saw the beauty of the nature and he says to you: "I heard about wonderful colors but can't imagine how they look like" and you say: " I hear you", doesn't comfort that person. But if you say: "I'm blind too and I know what you talking about" the blind person knows you sympathies with him, for are are alike. My Prince was comforted many times because we listened to him. But in this case, listening is like giving a aspirin to a person who suffers incredible pain caused by cancer or "who knows from what" and need morphia.

 

Quote

You do know your Prince. You do know he doesn't like to receive gifts, you do know he doesn't like expensive furniture (such as smartphones), yet you always said those were because Prince is different. That explanation feels like "he's wrong (different from us), but that's how he is". If you tried to go a layer further, to understand why he reacts that way, that understanding may allow you to know when you can get around it, and when you shouldn't force your ways upon him. And so, possibly to get him to feel understood. Though only dealing about secondary matters, I believe the examples where Boss wife tricked him into having birthday parties, or where he gets forced to accept a super expensive phone which is the complete opposite of what he wanted, do only reflect that fact. The sole title of the entry "bigger heart than brain" reflects the lack of will to understand what led him to behave differently. 

> If you could see, my whole entry was confession that I too do not understand him, that I too indirectly forcing him to change doing exactly what others are doing. I have no excuse. We do things for him out of love, because it is normal to us and because we love him. It is sad that we do not realize how our deeds of love have completely different meaning in his world. We all failing all the time.

 

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The sole title of the entry "bigger heart than brain" reflects the lack of will to understand what led him to behave differently. 

> I wouldn't call it lack of will, because we are trying to cope with him. I would rather say we have luck of wisdom in certain situations.

 

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You're his wife Eva. You're the one who has the best chance at understanding him. But that supposes you stop thinking "how can I make him like us", and instead "what can I do to make him feel at home". I believed some elderly may have gained that ability through experience, but as you're saying, if they have the same mindset "let's make him like us", their chances at understanding him aren't any better than the others.

> You are 100% right about this one. Let me give you another parabola: Let's say that you are heavy sleeper and you can't wake up without alarm. If you don't get up on time, you will be late for your job. But most of the time you don't hear the alarm no matter how high and loud you set it. It's because you have been heavy sleeper all your life. So what do you need to do? Change your alarm waking up time two or three hours earlier for there is a better chance you will wake up and won't be late to your work. :) That's we have to do in our case. None of us doing what we are doing intentionally having in mind: "We gonna change you, pal one way or another!" But our acts says so.

 

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Maybe he's just going through a bad moment, and that will pass with time.

> Of course it is a phase. But very intensive one because we "pressed" him hard. When we let him be what he is, he still feels lonely but the intensity is very low. Yes, we have to work on ourselves first so we can suppress his feeling of being lonely.  I believe when we stop loving him the way we think we should love him, but love he the way he needs to be love, his feeling of being lonely will vanish and the "thorn" in his soul he mentioned, will fall off by itself. My god. It's gonna be a hard and long period before we learn this lesson well.

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1 hour ago, EvalovesEP said:

> You are one of the rare people who can distinguish between hating sin, bot the sinner :)  I can say I often make it reverse. but I'm learning. :) 

> Thank you for nice words about my prince and seeing him as he really is. many hugs.

:mrgreen::heart:?

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1 hour ago, EvalovesEP said:

> Listening works in most cases and it is helpful. But NOT in this case. A parabola: If you meet a blind person who never saw the beauty of the nature and he says to you: "I heard about wonderful colors but can't imagine how they look like" and you say: " I hear you", doesn't comfort that person. But if you say: "I'm blind too and I know what you talking about" the blind person knows you sympathies with him, for are are alike. My Prince was comforted many times because we listened to him. But in this case, listening is like giving a aspirin to a person who suffers incredible pain caused by cancer or "who knows from what" and need morphia.

What if he wants more than just being listened ? He wrote this entry on LL but didn't even read the comments. He asked for assistance in english, while his english holds the waters perfectly most of the time. Doesn't him requesting your help to polish a message while he, in fact ,absolutely didn't care about the reactions nor needed assistance, seemed a bit strange to you ?

 

You may be right in him finding no comfort in being just listened : it is possible that what he wishes for is to be less forced to change his way of life out of love. In my opinion this message was in fact solely addressed to you, and possibly to Ivy and your whole family though you. The birthday parties and phone cases are possible examples where a middleground could've been found.

 

Point is this entry is a message to you in disguise. Maybe he wants you to discuss it with the community, but it's clearly not aimed at us. :classic_smile:

1 hour ago, EvalovesEP said:

> You are 100% right about this one. Let me give you another parabola: Let's say that you are heavy sleeper and you can't wake up without alarm. If you don't get up on time, you will be late for your job. But most of the time you don't hear the alarm no matter how high and loud you set it. It's because you have been heavy sleeper all your life. So what do you need to do? Change your alarm waking up time two or three hours earlier for there is a better chance you will wake up and won't be late to your work. :) That's we have to do in our case. None of us doing what we are doing intentionally having in mind: "We gonna change you, pal one way or another!" But our acts says so.

You might be true about this example, but by comparing him to a heavy sleeper, you are in fact recognizing you see his differences as flaws in need to be corrected. No wonder you can't understand each other in those conditions.

 

Finding the right balance between what each member of a couple has to change to fit the other is delicate. But thinking duly between what you think is a flaw, and what really is could lead you to accept more than you spontaneously would. And if that little more fits him, possibly to solve that loneliness feeling.

1 hour ago, EvalovesEP said:

> If you could see, my whole entry was confession that I too do not understand him, that I too indirectly forcing him to change doing exactly what others are doing. I have no excuse. We do things for him out of love, because it is normal to us and because we love him. It is sad that we do not realize how our deeds of love have completely different meaning in his world. We all failing all the time.

You do all of that because you do love him, and you want the best for him. But while doing so, you should be careful not forcing upon him what you think is best, which is what a parent would do. But possibly to find the balance between his choices and yours that fit best the both of you. There, you'd recognize him as not only as a beloved one, but as a beloved partner.

 

 

Anyway, enough of me talking about couple issues. I have already stepped beyond my area of knowledge. You're an intelligent woman and you do love him, so eventually you'd find the solution even without assistance. :classic_wink:

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33 minutes ago, Tirloque said:

What if he wants more than just being listened ? He wrote this entry on LL but didn't even read the comments. He asked for assistance in english, while his english holds the waters perfectly most of the time. Doesn't him requesting your help to polish a message while he, in fact ,absolutely didn't care about the reactions nor needed assistance, seemed a bit strange to you ?

 

You may be right in him finding no comfort in being just listened : it is possible that what he wishes for is to be less forced to change his way of life out of love. In my opinion this message was in fact solely addressed to you, and possibly to Ivy and your whole family though you. The birthday parties and phone cases are possible examples where a middleground could've been found.

 

ues. I have already stepped beyond my area of knowledge. You're an intelligent woman and you do love him, so eventually you'd find the solution even without assistance. :classic_wink:

> Must disagree with you. His rant wasn't addressed to me at all. How do I know it? Because he always talk to me and my Ivy if he wants to say something to us. He never use indirect ways of communications with us. He asked me to help him in English so that LL members might understand how he feels lately. Since the moment he posted that entry, he wasn't visiting LL at all. He didn't work with Ivy on her story. He mostly spend his time working, with us and with Mikey, almost all the night. He knows we knows we fucked up and that we feels bad about it. So, he communicated with LL. not me or Ivy or both of us. Like it or not, it's true. :)

 

> I like to discuss things with you and regardless our most common disagreements, there were occasions when you had right and when you weren't. Must say that most of the times you were. (I can't believe I said that ;):P ) Therefore, please, feel free to say what is on your mind whenever you feel you should say something.

 

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What if he wants more than just being listened ?

> That's' what I have been telling you. He wants and needs more than listening. And for your notice. He didn't ask LL community for assistance, but to be heard about his emotional state. He thought I would say better about his feelings that he does and I don't see anything wrong in it. When he is sad or disturbed he can't say properly what he wants in English. You, my dear friend, have to tone down your suspicions a little bit.  :)  I'm temped to recommend you for some international spying intelligence organization. ;)

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It is really time to don't put him on pedestal anymore, he is equal person to you and Ivy, I get you you love him and look up him greatly, but thats just pretty much hurt more then help.

 

You want understand and help him, try that, trust me it will improve the things.

 

People not really want on pedestals in general, and I don't think Prince ever wanted that.

 

By doing that you make him feel a bit more isolated, feel having more responsibility on himself and the questions related to it, its an extra strain on him.

 

Let him comfortable at home and feel less "lonely".

 

Don't view him greater then he actually thinks himself, treat him more equal to yourself.

 

That was former mistake of my in lot of cases, ended up with conquences, as well others did with me too, and not really felt good being on one, you gonna feel it undeserved a lot.

 

Thats one of the behaviors you two do for him from what I noticed in the years, I shut myself up, cause it was my friend's relationship and saying something to there was not my place.

 

He and you asked for advices from the friends.

 

I give my point.

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2 hours ago, EvalovesEP said:

>  I'm temped to recommend you for some international spying intelligence organization. ;)

We are not currently hiring.

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1 hour ago, SpyVsPie said:

We are not currently hiring.

> :joy:?

Well, maybe you can find one more place and squeeze in Trilog between you and pie ;)

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22 hours ago, EvalovesEP said:

> :joy:?

Well, maybe you can find one more place and squeeze in Trilog between you and pie ;)

?

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