even without feedback on my last post in the dreamghostsblog (wich makes me feel a bit insecure) I wish I could continue to work on Adelheits story. I started it cause someone told me to try and it felt good to know that you guys liked it, even though I've implemented my own personal fantasies, wich can be extreme at some point. However, Skyrim is the perfect playground for sexual fantasies with a lot of possibilities to justify absurd characters and storys, perfect for unskilled authors like me  It was fun to work on it, but right now there is little to no motivation to continue. Without any feedback I'm not able to know if it's worth it to publish my ideas and I know on the other hand, I have never given feedback to someones work. I have no right to complain. I try to change that in the near future and hope to get my motivation back, so that Adelheit finally finds her way into the world of unknown pleasures.

Ari Noir out.

(in my case that means, check spelling, logic mistakes and clean the picture montage) 

And NO, I think dirty fantasies don't need any kind of justification.

But what they need is private space, a clear dividing line that seperates the "gameworld"

where everything is possible, from the real world where every single event

has it's consequences and there is no "undo" shortcut or second live.

What is the line, where is it and why do I personally think it's important to think about that.

This is not just about the control of my inner beast, but also about keeping the creative process moving.

I will write this blog parallel to the Dreamghosts-blog cause I think it will help to improve my writingskills 

and at the same time, I have room to cry out my feelings. Just kidding, I cry only when I hear the first outrosong

of Assassination Classroom, so beautyfull...

What do I mean with that sentence in the blogdiscription?

What is that part of human nature and why do I think that society is repressing it?

What I mean is sexuality and strong emotions.

And by repressing I mean, censorship, political correctness and dogmatism.

Maybe thousands of years of religious superstition have distortet the connection

between being a human and being a living creature. Maybe being perfectly civilized means,

to be a robot and follow the perfect algorythm for perfectly civilized behavior

and if you look at what's happening right now, to the most popular video platform youtube,

that picture really hits the spot.

Algorythms determine who may earn money with their content

and who may be part of the high society. The most sensitive topic is sexual content in general.

More than racism and sexism. By far more than violence and strong language.

Did you ever see genitals in a hollywoodmovie or movies from studios

outside of hollywood with similar popularity? In scenes where characters

should be naked, why not show what everybody's expecting? As if every Hollywoodstar is

a Barby or Ken down there. Come on it's just another organ! 

Of cause there are emotional reasons why society is repressing it's libidinous side.

A human has no control over what exactly drives him wild. I can only speak for my self.

There was never a moment in wich I said: "Hey, from now on I'm totally into bondage!"

And I know exactly, that it wasn't the influence of porn or any other kind of media that 

started any of my fetishes. I remember moments in my childhood, long

before I even knew what sex is. I explored many sexual things long before I conected them

with sexulity. I was never sexually abused. I had a happy childhood, spending a lot of

time outdoors with the neighbours kids. Until I was nineteen, I had no internet. 

That means: no porn! 

And still, I had a very lively fantasy. Sexfantasies were one of the reasons why I drew so much.

They boosted my creativity. Even now, they still do.

Media built a stronger associative connection between sexuality and many trivial things in my live.

Trivial things, wich I didn't know why they existed. A simple example is when I mastubated for the

first time. I didn't know why or what it was good for and it was even long before I was able to

ejaculate, meaning I was younger than twelve but it felt good and so I went on doing it. 

Later on something or someone told me that it's dirty and disgusting to do that.

I can't remember if my parents said that or TV or what ever. Maybe it was just the

general tone in wich such topics were discussed.

So, many years I was ashamed of it, but that didn't stop me from doing it anyway.

It always depended on the peaple in my environment. Parents, girlfriend, buddys. 

Nowadays, if my buddy askes me what I did after work, I tell him: "watched some porn, came, ate something,

netflix, etc.

Let's get to the point: Sexuality is an essential part of human nature, of wich we have

almost no control. It can be traumatizing to do something, without knowing why and then later someone

tells you, that it's something demonic instead of something totally natural. It's disturbing, especially for a kid.

But I can only speak of my own experience. I still haven't defeated all of the demons that were planted into my head.

The only thing they do is to scare me. They make me feel ashamed instead of curious.

They try to prevent me from dealing with those topics.

They are distructive, not constructive.

But fear and insecurity are strong emotions and not easy to overcome.

That's why I need some kind of emotional playground. That is were art comes in handy. A private

space without restrictions. An empty space that can be filled with anything. 

A laboratory for ideas and thoughts. I know, ideas can be contagious but they still don't hurt anybody.

If everybody has the freedom to play around with ideas, change them, adapt them or throw them

away, why should they be dangerous? As long as they don't become dogmata.

Here runs the line, of wich I was talking about in the first paragraph. Freedom of choice. 

How can this freedom be guaranteed? That is something I

want to talk about in my next article. 

Excuse the spelling mistakes. I won't run a spellingcheck on these.

Consumes too much time anyway.

Till next time