Jump to content

New super project Elena's life (RPG Maker MV)

Nickfifa

By Nickfifa,
in Adult Gaming

Recommended Posts

Nickfifa

Nickfifa

Posted
Posted

Hello, my name is Nickfifa and i'm creating adult games. 
My new game's name is Elena's life and it's a corruption RPG game about a young engaged woman, who moves into a new city with her fiance. 
It's a free game and it will eventually get released in public, but I could really use your support! 

 

Check my patreon page for more info about the game https://www.patreon.com/Nickfifa

 

 

Download the 0.1 version of the game here: https://mega.nz/#!rYEHGS7I!f6bu1iJWotuUMg3z5PwcptFFuDfh2rUiWNfo6KupW40

post-1616231-0-72927900-1483152463_thumb.png

Link to comment

XJ347

XJ347

Posted
Posted

Opinions in the spoiler...

 

 

 

First off the standard disclaimer. I am just one dude, with one opinion and there might be plenty of people who disagree with me. Don't freak out if i say something negative, because I might be the only one who feels that way.

 

  • Intro is helpful into building character for Elena, saying that I feel that it feels flat.  It conveys the information but isn't vibrant. Pictures who her as a teen drinking beer with Peter and pictures of the car accident and things like that would help create a better picture. You dont need the pictures, it could be done with text too but I feel it needs a little more umph.
  • Also it appears there are spots in the intro where there is a missing space after periods "type.She" should be "Type. She"
  • She dated "Some guy" who obviously helped raise the daughter for 10 YEARS and all we get is some guy? Feels really weak. Just give him a name, and a reason why they broke up. Even if they never are in the game, it would feel more immersive.
  • Why would David tell her to call her daughter? It feels unnatural this way. I would rewrite it to something like this. "As you requested last night, don't forget to call Kaley. Seriously why not just mark it on your calendar?" She then responds something cutesy "Because I have you for that." /smile Minor thing but helps create character between the two.
  • David: "I'm leaving now, see you later." This also feels a little stiff, like someone living wouldn't say it that way. Would feel more natural with "I'm leaving, later beautiful."
  • Daughter looks good, seems a bit busty for 18-19 but it's not so ridiculous that it breaks immersion.
  • Kaley makes prostitution jokes? It might fit if she she is intentionally trying to annoy her mother up. A light hearted joke to tease her mother. I'm ok with that. Saying that, I would dump the line (I'm doing it for free anyway). We are role playing the mother, not the daughter. Don't give us the daughters thoughts. That breaks immersion for me 100%.
  • Brad, his into text seems awkward. I like the concept that he is a little moody, as teens generally are but it seemed slightly off. "Get out of the way. I'm late for school!" This transition matters. Does he view her as his new mom? If not then have him use her name, Elena. "Out of the way, Elena. I'm going to be late for school!" I know it seems minor, but using the name makes the sentence feel better to me at least.
  • Only one job? Feels like the game is on rails. I guess that is ok if the story makes up for it, but so far there is no story, just introductions...
  • Quest log is a GOOD idea. Thanks for that.
  • Force us to take the elevator? Really? Can't we choose to use the stairs so Elena gets some exercise? I know you want us to talk to George, so just give a reason why she decides against using the stairs. "Ulg, what died in the stairwell? I'll just use the elevator."
  • I'm not ok with having Georges inner monologue.
  • Ground floor is the first floor. So why is there a 1st floor and a ground floor? May be this is a regional thing? I know different countries might do it differently.
  • I appreciate that you go to the coffee shop and she doesn't have a job. Feels more realistic to represent a job search.
  • First floor, up the stairs.... This MUST be a regional thing because here in America the ground floor is the first floor. Ok, now that I know it isn't a but I'll adapt. WAIT but if you go up the stares it says it is the SECOND floor not First. There is something wrong here, it is not consistant.
  • Once again, I don't like the inner monologue of Mr. Miller. We shouldn't be privy to other peoples thoughts who we aren't playing.
  • The office outfit conversation is awkward. She doesn't have ANY formal outfits? BULLSHIT. Feels a cheap way for the author to get her into outfits that Elena might not normally wear. It's a cheap trick.
  • The sex animations are really stiff. Obviously 2 pictures just going back and forth.
  • Elena has only masturbated a few times in her live at 34 was it??? BULLSHIT. That is dumb and idiotic.
  • The Elena walking into Brad naked is also dumb. He would lock the door. It is soo transparent.
  • I like it when you change the focus to follow another person, in this case Brad and then tell us his inner monologue, but only when you do that. Since that person is the stories current focus.
  • Brad blackmail scene is silly. Her boss touched her ass and her fiancee would leave her? That's just ridiculous. Such a weak excuse to move the plot along. A stepmother who is actually trying to be a good mother would never give in to this.
  • The neighbor... Everything is going fine. David falls asleep, ummmm ok... You sun then walks in just to see you get molested? REALLY? How many times are you going to do this? It is a really cheap trick. Use it once, sure but molested twice with the son walking in both times? Especially after the first one? It just reads fake. Total immersion buster.

 

Overall I see potential. The dialogue is decent. Most of it works and in the end if you kept what you have I wouldn't be disappointed. The art is excellent! Elena has a nice mature body, hopefully all bodies will not be the same shape. The stiff animations on the other hand are awkward. Rather have stills and more descriptive text than them. Lastly the story plot needs a TON of work. As is it doesn't make any sense, and looks like you are just making any excuse to get Elena to get felt up. Some minor tweaks to the plot and I can see this game really elevating itself. Ohhh and don't give us inner monologues of people who the story isn't focused on.

 

Feel free to ignore me, It's just one opinion. Good luck to you and your game.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Nickfifa

Nickfifa

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Opinions in the spoiler...

 

 

 

First off the standard disclaimer. I am just one dude, with one opinion and there might be plenty of people who disagree with me. Don't freak out if i say something negative, because I might be the only one who feels that way.

 

  • Intro is helpful into building character for Elena, saying that I feel that it feels flat.  It conveys the information but isn't vibrant. Pictures who her as a teen drinking beer with Peter and pictures of the car accident and things like that would help create a better picture. You dont need the pictures, it could be done with text too but I feel it needs a little more umph.
  • Also it appears there are spots in the intro where there is a missing space after periods "type.She" should be "Type. She"
  • She dated "Some guy" who obviously helped raise the daughter for 10 YEARS and all we get is some guy? Feels really weak. Just give him a name, and a reason why they broke up. Even if they never are in the game, it would feel more immersive.
  • Why would David tell her to call her daughter? It feels unnatural this way. I would rewrite it to something like this. "As you requested last night, don't forget to call Kaley. Seriously why not just mark it on your calendar?" She then responds something cutesy "Because I have you for that." /smile Minor thing but helps create character between the two.
  • David: "I'm leaving now, see you later." This also feels a little stiff, like someone living wouldn't say it that way. Would feel more natural with "I'm leaving, later beautiful."
  • Daughter looks good, seems a bit busty for 18-19 but it's not so ridiculous that it breaks immersion.
  • Kaley makes prostitution jokes? It might fit if she she is intentionally trying to annoy her mother up. A light hearted joke to tease her mother. I'm ok with that. Saying that, I would dump the line (I'm doing it for free anyway). We are role playing the mother, not the daughter. Don't give us the daughters thoughts. That breaks immersion for me 100%.
  • Brad, his into text seems awkward. I like the concept that he is a little moody, as teens generally are but it seemed slightly off. "Get out of the way. I'm late for school!" This transition matters. Does he view her as his new mom? If not then have him use her name, Elena. "Out of the way, Elena. I'm going to be late for school!" I know it seems minor, but using the name makes the sentence feel better to me at least.
  • Only one job? Feels like the game is on rails. I guess that is ok if the story makes up for it, but so far there is no story, just introductions...
  • Quest log is a GOOD idea. Thanks for that.
  • Force us to take the elevator? Really? Can't we choose to use the stairs so Elena gets some exercise? I know you want us to talk to George, so just give a reason why she decides against using the stairs. "Ulg, what died in the stairwell? I'll just use the elevator."
  • I'm not ok with having Georges inner monologue.
  • Ground floor is the first floor. So why is there a 1st floor and a ground floor? May be this is a regional thing? I know different countries might do it differently.
  • I appreciate that you go to the coffee shop and she doesn't have a job. Feels more realistic to represent a job search.
  • First floor, up the stairs.... This MUST be a regional thing because here in America the ground floor is the first floor. Ok, now that I know it isn't a but I'll adapt. WAIT but if you go up the stares it says it is the SECOND floor not First. There is something wrong here, it is not consistant.
  • Once again, I don't like the inner monologue of Mr. Miller. We shouldn't be privy to other peoples thoughts who we aren't playing.
  • The office outfit conversation is awkward. She doesn't have ANY formal outfits? BULLSHIT. Feels a cheap way for the author to get her into outfits that Elena might not normally wear. It's a cheap trick.
  • The sex animations are really stiff. Obviously 2 pictures just going back and forth.
  • Elena has only masturbated a few times in her live at 34 was it??? BULLSHIT. That is dumb and idiotic.
  • The Elena walking into Brad naked is also dumb. He would lock the door. It is soo transparent.
  • I like it when you change the focus to follow another person, in this case Brad and then tell us his inner monologue, but only when you do that. Since that person is the stories current focus.
  • Brad blackmail scene is silly. Her boss touched her ass and her fiancee would leave her? That's just ridiculous. Such a weak excuse to move the plot along. A stepmother who is actually trying to be a good mother would never give in to this.
  • The neighbor... Everything is going fine. David falls asleep, ummmm ok... You sun then walks in just to see you get molested? REALLY? How many times are you going to do this? It is a really cheap trick. Use it once, sure but molested twice with the son walking in both times? Especially after the first one? It just reads fake. Total immersion buster.

 

Overall I see potential. The dialogue is decent. Most of it works and in the end if you kept what you have I wouldn't be disappointed. The art is excellent! Elena has a nice mature body, hopefully all bodies will not be the same shape. The stiff animations on the other hand are awkward. Rather have stills and more descriptive text than them. Lastly the story plot needs a TON of work. As is it doesn't make any sense, and looks like you are just making any excuse to get Elena to get felt up. Some minor tweaks to the plot and I can see this game really elevating itself. Ohhh and don't give us inner monologues of people who the story isn't focused on.

 

Feel free to ignore me, It's just one opinion. Good luck to you and your game.

 

 

 

 

First of all, I have to say that this is one of the deepest and most detailed post I've ever read about an adult game, in every website i've seen and I want to thank you for that, because it helps me and the game to get better.

   About the intro, I agree with you it's a bit flat. It was actually twice the size when I first wrote it, but I didn't like the result : Big walls of text about Elena's previous life and 10 minutes before the player could actually start playing. I hate that when I play other adult games and I didn't want this to happen for mine too.  So, I thought I should emphasise on Elena's present (which is what the player controls) and just mention some things about Elena's past (like Peter, who will be in the game in future versions).

     She dated "some guy" because he is irrelevant for the story and they only dated for a couple of months. Elena raised Kaley on her own, and only dated one guy because she was shy, not the outgoing type and too busy working full time to raise her doughter. I wanted to emphasise on Elena's lonelyness and shyness, not that random guy.

     About Kaley and prostitution jokes: It's not prostitution joke, it's just that Kaley as a character is completely different than Elena. She will introduced better in fututre versions, but she will be very outgoing and slutty. Of course she says the blowjob thing to tease her mother and to give you (the player) an idea about her sluttyness. She is a young adult who got raised by a full time working mother and ended up very different than her mother.

     Brad: I think he is my masterpiece :P

I young boy, horny all the time, who is forced to live with a new hot step-mom. She wants to kill her and fuck her the same time! That's why he behaves that weird! He doesn't know how to behave!

    About the elevator, I'm planning on adding a lot more events there and I don't want the player to miss an event or wander around for 10 minutes, not knowing what to do, just because he chose the stairs. About the floor's names, yes its a local thing, thats how we call them here :-)  

     Stiff animations: I agree but i dont have the pc to make moving clips and I wouldn't like to narrate the sex scene, ( example: Elena kisses him and then does that and David then does that.....) It's a first person game, so everything is happening live. Also, they don't talk to much when they have sex. If you think that i need about 1 hour for each still pic, then you understand why this is the best i can offer right now.

     Elena only masturbated a couple of times. The main theme of the game is that Elena, an innocent girl who had a bad experience and got pregnant, gets in some weird situations and through blackmail she discovers her sexy (slutty) side and turns into a cheating machine (something like that). 

     The double molest scene is there so that Brad has some material to blackmail Elena and not let her say it was a one time incident. Brad's blackmail is the way Elena gets into trouble (financial for starters), something that will lead her into some sexy situations in the future. 

 

Overal, thanks again for the detailed review. I hope you like the next versions. All i can promise is that it will be a very hot game! 

Link to comment
OutgoingChart7

OutgoingChart7

Posted
Posted

I don't think I'm going to pay 30 dollars for early access to your content. Really what I'm trying to say is, No one will be able to give you any criticism or ideas if there was something they didn't like about it because the update is basically locked behind a 30 dollar price tag for a month. 

 

Something I do think about the game is it's 3D art and I don't really prefer it. 3D art has points where it has boring aspects like "Oh that skin looks to white and I can't see any pressure spots on the body anywhere. Personally it just looks lifeless in my eyes, the 3D art that is not the game. Sorry for being hard about it. 

Link to comment
XJ347

XJ347

Posted
Posted

Jesus christ man. 30 Fucking dollars! What the hell man, People can't afford that. That tier is a joke if you think people will want to put that much money into a 3D model game. Jesus.

 

I hate to call you out, but you need to be more respectful for people who actually create things. It's not what you say, it's how you say it. I agree 30 dollars is a ridiculous price, but you know what? Supply and demand, when no one chips in at the 30 dollar price the creator will lower it to a more reasonable amount. Maybe he CAN get people to donate that much, then good for him for getting what he can.

 

Just think about rule one here at LL

 

1) The biggest and most important thing of this community, is that the modders come first.

 

 

Instead of insulting the author, just change your message to be more constructive.

 

Twenty dollars seems really high as the alpha access price. You might find that it will be economically more feasible to have a lower amount and draw in a larger audience. 5people x$20 = $100 or you could draw 20 people x$10 = $200. Something to think about.

Link to comment
Nickfifa

Nickfifa

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I don't think I'm going to pay 30 dollars for early access to your content. Really what I'm trying to say is, No one will be able to give you any criticism or ideas if there was something they didn't like about it because the update is basically locked behind a 30 dollar price tag for a month. 

 

Something I do think about the game is it's 3D art and I don't really prefer it. 3D art has points where it has boring aspects like "Oh that skin looks to white and I can't see any pressure spots on the body anywhere. Personally it just looks lifeless in my eyes, the 3D art that is not the game. Sorry for being hard about it.

 

Hey there, I appreciate your comment. I totally agree with you that 30$ are too much for a 3d model game. No i'm not crazy ( :P ). I make 500 euros per month from my day job and i could never afford to give 30$ to someone for a game. However, in my defence, there are people out there that make 2.5k per month, maybe more. I've seen people pledging, 30, 50 and 100 dollars to other creators. So, i do not "demand" someone to give me 30$, i just give the oportunity to someone that might want to do it!  

 

Hope you like the game :-)

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...
Nickfifa

Nickfifa

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Was wondering what is new in 0.3 and 0.4 ?? i saw your patreon section but there is no info on what is new in newer version or this still clasified 

 

 

 

Every new version has 2 days of Elena's life, as she gets more and more corrupted every time. there are so many things happening at those 2 versions that i can't mention them all. The highlights i could say are at 0.3 Elena meets Brad's black friend Jamal and sees a "hot" dream with him and at 0.4 Brad is having a birthday party at home with all his friends coming over... I will release 0.3 for public next week, so be patient :-)

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
myuhinny

myuhinny

Posted
Posted

I played this awhile back and closed the game when she was talking to the asshole son in his room as it was just looking like just another molestation thing. I thought when I played it way back then that you could choose what to do her to do and be good or bad. One question what was the point of putting in a option to stop the principle from touching her ass if you were just going to have it rigged for her to fail anyway?

 

I have started putting any games with a females name or a females name and the word life or adventure in the title on the ignore list as they are all nothing more then molestation games.

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
Sagebrush61

Sagebrush61

Posted
Posted

I'm running into an endless loop on the .6 public version.  The day you encounter Tom and the Principal in the library - when I return home and walk into the apartment I get a message about "I need to fix dinner for Brad and David, there should be something left from last night".  When you try to advance the message it just repeats itself.  I was never able to break out of it so it pretty much stops the game in it's tracks.  Didn't see any sort of error log created in the install folders so no help with diagnosing problem.

Link to comment
Nickfifa

Nickfifa

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I played this awhile back and closed the game when she was talking to the asshole son in his room as it was just looking like just another molestation thing. I thought when I played it way back then that you could choose what to do her to do and be good or bad. One question what was the point of putting in a option to stop the principle from touching her ass if you were just going to have it rigged for her to fail anyway?

 

I have started putting any games with a females name or a females name and the word life or adventure in the title on the ignore list as they are all nothing more then molestation games.

 

It's a corruption game. There would be no point if Elena cheated on David from the first day! The option to stop the principle is there simply to give you

some extra corruption points. The groping is necessary for the continuation of the story, but if you choose to let him, you get more corrupted than stopping him :-)

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

View Community Rules

Help Support LoversLab

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. For more information, see our Privacy Policy & Terms of Use