Afraid of women, help me guys and girls

[polaczek]

Hey guys 

I am not sure where to start. For years now I have a problem with women and it makes me very lonely but I have no idea how to solve it, it's like a no way out for me. Since when I was 15 I was getting rejected every time I fell in love with a girl. I think I may be a bit handsome as there were always some girls near me, but I was always labeled as a friend after some time together. Until the very end of highschool I got rejected a lot of times. In the last grade when I was 18 I got my heart broken seriously by the girl I thought I would marry and I would build her a house and a garden... Yeah stupid I know but I was thunderstruck, like on drugs. I got really depressed and thought it was because I wasn't manly enought. At the age of 18 with 180 height I weighed 60kg... 

So I thought if I change myself, become a "real" man I would never have to go through it again. I started training boxing and weightlifting and trained like madman. Three years later I am 21, muscled at weight 80kg, fight in competitions, am very strong and respected among my male friends, I am independent and yet... nothing changed. I mean some things changed but I am still lonely. Women now look at me and smile, sometimes even try to talk to me but I am kinda fraid of them now/hate them ? When I see a girl looking at me smiling I just look away and clench my jaw. And then I regret it. I  want to love, both physically and emotionally, find a woman just for me, but it seems like an impossible thing for me. One day I watch "how to pick up girls" videos, read romance books, pump myself up and go to a shopping mall or on the beach to meet a girl, but whenever I see attractive one I would like to get to know to, I look her in the eyes, and just can't do it and go back home and spend the entire night telling myself I don't need them and tell myself bullshit. It's like that every time I try and try again. 

It's like a constant fight between myself and I am so tired... I just want to rest and get a full breath. 

Is it so hard for everyone? My friends have fun and positive girlfriends and they look so happy and make it look so easy I am jealous even though they look up to me.

Please guys and girls inspire me some way, tell me a secret, tell me whatever... I just don't know what to do anymore. 

I want a change, I tried so many times, but I can't figure it out on my own. 

 

[Ashkandii]

i got the same problem, kinda only problem with me i find it difficult to look anyone in eyes, no idea why but when i talk to anyone at all ill always look somewhere else, but when it comes to women, then i guess im worst at advising, there are some girls i thought i could get with rather easily because of our good past but, i can never be bothered to even contact one, infact i tried to contact one before, didnt even get a reply since early november, so at that moment i thought fuck it, ill just find someone through things like comicon people i can relate to rather easy and have no trouble talking to them.

 

only advise i can give is let say your into gaming right, look for girls at places like E3 or something i know pretty cheesey picking up girls there but its easier if your into that sort of thing, if  you like paryting then get drunk, you'll have enough confidence to talk to any1 at all, but its probably most likely you'll get one night stands that way.

i personally live in UK and i love gaming so i pretty have much have no chance to find someone who's my type over here, but places like Japan Sweden Norway are my highest chance to find any type of girl but talking to them is rather easy, i mean if they're talking back at you then well you got nothing to worry about until you wana pop the question if they want go out. and only thing you can worry about is "no thanks"

but i've know some people that find theres through college or university where your on the same course and see each other everyday its x10 easier if you get to know them before you ask anything. 

[l33tMan]

Ah, a wanderer on the path I once walked!

Though your story sounds a lot more serious than mine, I still think my experience applies to your situation.

From what you've written I gathered it's been 3 years since your heart got broken so bad. As they say, time's the beast cure for the heart, but after 3 years you should have been fine already, so I kind of get the feeling you still are very attached to that girl that anihilated your self-esteem. Until you finally get over her and the rejection, you ain't gettin' anywhere. Purging your heart is the first step, but I can't help you here. For me, time and work did the job and By the time I fell in love again I had already forgotten, but each has his own wayto find. If you've got no other idea, try finding an activity NOT motivated by getting a gf, something that will take your thoughts away from women altogether - not more bodybuilding that you're doing because of manliness issues, rejection etc. For example - I do origami and opinion essay writing.

 

Once you get over it and don't give a F about the last big rejection, you can start working on your girlpleasing skills. I had a lot of learning to do, but I also had a heart so cold and hard as if made of marble, which made the next step easier: find yourself some girl friends ( not girlfriends, not companions, but your average friend), purposely make yourself appear as a slight madman - a true friend - and talk with them, do stuff with them, but DON'T fall in love. Learn through first-hand experience what your 5 closest female friends like, then generalize. The image of an average girl you will get should correspond to your personality -> you wouldn't have 4-5 girls you hate as real friends akin to your bros. The trick is not developping feelings while having fun together.

This should teach you how to handle girls of your liking, and build confidence as a very important bonus.

 

Along with what these girls like you should also find out where such girls reside. I understand you want a low-drama lng-term relationship => stay away from bars and parties, or you'll only ever get one night stands.

Finding a soulmate first needs you to find your own soul, but that has been explained already. If you got all the way here, you understand what works on your type of girl, you know where to find her and so on, all that's left to do is fine tuning the experience for her. This is also the hardest part.

After all those years of hate, after that long, cold journey of learning how to please woman, you need to bring fire back to your heart. First you need to not give a F about the last failure to be able to give Fs to the new "Girl 1" in your life. This reminded me of my own struggle, and a tear came to my left eye. It really did.

Your heart must be ablaze, but you need to keep your head cool. Act as if you're ignoring your feelings. Just be relaxed and friendly, never be pushy. Of course, all is easier said than done, but practice makes perfect - you'll get there eventually.

After some time of being a good, RELIABLE friend, but not a lifeless PUSHOVER, you can start gazing deep into her eyes at short range, sometimes touching her back when you let her through a door or when you lean over her. There is no ultimate key to a woman's heart, let alone a fragile, unexperienced girl's one. The entire package is what counts: a good physique (check), monetary stability (stable income and a place to live), class (both monthly pay and your upbringing and behaviour standard), confidence (work on that), fidelity, and humour.

 

Hope this helps.

 

P.S. If she's the one, smile back when she catches you secretly gazing at her.

[Dubhorizon]

All of us have had this problem. That's because all us guys make the mistakes of 1. Taking tips from movies and expecting girls in the bar/beach to be friendly and talkative to a stranger and 2. because we chase that one girl, who either has another guy or has us in the friendzone because of how clingy and desperate we sound when trying to "win her". The trick is to not actually try to get a girlfriend. What I mean is, you should hang around with girls as a friend primarily. The main idea is, if you don't try to romantically impress anyone, you will be yourself. If it's hard to be friends with an attractive girl, try befriending a girl who you don't find attractive at all.

 

Through her friendship you will meet tons of other girls. And from them even more. Because girls have big circles of friends. From all those girls you will slowly and gradually meet, because you will be friendly and not hitting on them, there will definately be girls that like you. You will know, they will give you hints. Then you choose from those girls the one you find most attractive. Girls want us to be ourselves and to not really overthink things. They don't want a guy who sits his day waiting for them, because the last thing a girl wants is a guy who acts like they are married from day 1. They want a guy who already has a very interesting life, whose serious attention they will gradually win. 

 

That's the big secret. Don't chase it. Treat girls like a person, as you would with your guy friends. Look at a girl and imagine this. Even she has to go to the toilet. Even the prettiest girl you've ever met in your entire life goes to the bathroom and there is poop coming out of her bum. Boom! instantly she is another normal human being.

 

Last but not least don't go for the supermodel type just yet. Work your way up. Find a girl who you find semi- attractive first. I mean a girl you talk to at school, think she is kinda cute, but you weren't really awestruck when you saw her. Start something romantic with her first. That's my advice.

 

[Chaos63]

Simulate having a backbone.

Alcohol and lightweight drugs work wonders.

[Darkwisdom]

Simulate having a backbone.

Alcohol and lightweight drugs work wonders.

 

This. But maybe drugs and alcohol aren't the way. If you emulate yourself as having confidence then you will eventually gain that confidence. Women love confidence, doesn't matter what kind of woman it is, shy or slutty - they all like a confident man. 

[l33tMan]

That's the big secret. Don't chase it. Treat girls like a person, as you would with your guy friends. Look at a girl and imagine this. Even she has to go to the toilet. Even the prettiest girl you've ever met in your entire life goes to the bathroom and there is poop coming out of her bum. Boom! instantly she is another normal human being.

This. This is all I've written in a nutshell. The girl is not a girl.

Your potential lifetime companion is a human, just like you.

Start off asexually, building a strong friendship through common activities, mutual support, friendly jokes, conversation... later on, if you seem confident and gentleman enough (relative to the girl's class), she'll basically invite you into the relationship with hints.

But as I've written before, you need to gain experience from friendship with other girls to be able to read the clues in her voice, word choice, body language etc.

[Angrybird]

I'm just going to say this, men and women are different, what you want is not the same as what they want.

[LordJerle]

Women are crazy.  I hear they eat brains.

[spoonsinger]

Feed them cheese to gain their confidence. Once they are close tickle them behind the ears. (If that can be counted as an analogy, it works on many levels - although it might of been originally applied to goats or some other creature which should only be herbivores, but if you look into their eyes you will know when they actually want meat).

[LordJerle]

Feed them cheese to gain their confidence. Once they are close tickle them behind the ears. (If that can be counted as an analogy, it works on many levels - although it might of been originally applied to goats or some other creature which should only be herbivores, but if you look into their eyes you will know when they actually want meat).

 

If they growl at you, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at them.

[Kamen Rider Kuuga]

Women have teeth in their vagina. They desire to mate simply to bite off your penis and consume it to give themselves power.

 

Don't do it.

[shirow]

Women have teeth in their vagina. They desire to mate simply to bite off your penis and consume it to give themselves power.

 

Don't do it.

 

Come on, we all know how to get these teeth off.

 

 

 

 

[Ashkandii]

Women have teeth in their vagina. They desire to mate simply to bite off your penis and consume it to give themselves power.

 

Don't do it.

[mkprovince]

 

Women have teeth in their vagina. They desire to mate simply to bite off your penis and consume it to give themselves power.

 

Don't do it.

 

Come on, we all know how to get these teeth off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, the next thing you know is that you'll get your balls ripped off by the debt collectors.

[Darkwisdom]

 

 

Women have teeth in their vagina. They desire to mate simply to bite off your penis and consume it to give themselves power.

 

Don't do it.

 

Come on, we all know how to get these teeth off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, the next thing you know is that you'll get your balls ripped off by the debt collectors.

 

 

Or you'll marry her, then get divorced and she'll take half of everything you worked hard to buy and obtain. 

[fizzybutt]

Be yourself. If you're nervous, that's ok. Chances are, if the woman/girl is a nice person, easy going; then she's probably nervous too. At least a little bit if she's honest. Everyone is nervous about meeting people. I have massive, -massive- anxiety. My bf does too. But that didn't stop him from saying 'Hey that's a pretty cool outfit' (We met online of all places) We just celebrated our 2nd year together in november, and in may, we'll be celebrating 2 years of seeing each other face to face. We've been living together for ... almost a year now. wow. Time flies. We don't know when our friendship became a romantic relationship, it just sort of slid into it. We mark our anniversary by the day we met because we can't pinpoint when we actually called ourselves a couple. But he's my best friend and I can't see my life without him now. We game together, we goof off together. Have long, indepth talks about the stupidest things together and I help his sister be mean to him If he wasn't brave that first day when we bumped into eachother and he said the first words, then we wouldn't be together. 

 

All this has a point, bear with me :3

 

The thing is, you can't be looking at every girl as if you're searching for the life long relationship. It's ok to be 'friendzoned' (such a stupid word...) What you need to do is evaluate what type of women you're actively searching for. Pro and con the past women you've met and analyze when each woman decided you weren't dating material. Don't go overboard and nitpick every friendship to pieces. You're going to drive yourself and your friends nuts. Just jot down the first thing that comes to mind for each one, then say to yourself 'ok, which of these is not like the other' kind of thing. What went wrong.

 

And be honest with yourself. If you've got weird habits, (those are ok) gotta make sure you're either not showing those weird habits on the first few dates or make sure the woman you're dating is goofy enough not to mind them. Seriously, a women with a personality that you can get along with is so much better than those snooty chicks who know the label of their clothes and purses but don't know how to check the oil in their car.

 

Your hobbies. Seriously. You can't go searching for some high maintenence chick who loves to shop at macys and go to the salons spending more money on her nails than gas for the car and expect her to be ok with your love for pervy game modding. Or gaming in general. And vice versa. Don't think you have to give up stuff you love to do just because you're in a relationship. I think that's the silliest thing when people give up something that gives them joy because they think they have to 'get serious'. Screw serious. I was in a violent, hateful marriage for 10 years and now I'm going to be happy. Luckily my best friend and mate loves to game as much as I do. 

 

And seriously, guys. I love this forum but some of you guys have awful advice when it comes to women   

 

Anyway, have confidence in yourself. Like who you are before you go looking for a relationship. It's ok to be friends. You never know, that one girl might be just as scared as you and want to stay friends and then find themselves falling in love. Took us 2 years to say the L word. Terrified, completely. Friends teased us constantly and we both denied any idea of love. But yet, here we are. He's laughing at me as I type this and he's killing shit in mech warrior; our rigs sitting right next to each other on the desk. It's great to be friends.

 

I'll hop out of the manly thread now... Just thought you might like a voice from the other side of the fence.

 

 

Oh and the bf says 'Just be funny and you can't go wrong'

[A She-Wolf]

[Kestrix]

 

Hey guys 

I am not sure where to start. For years now I have a problem with women and it makes me very lonely but I have no idea how to solve it, it's like a no way out for me. Since when I was 15 I was getting rejected every time I fell in love with a girl. I think I may be a bit handsome as there were always some girls near me, but I was always labeled as a friend after some time together. Until the very end of highschool I got rejected a lot of times. In the last grade when I was 18 I got my heart broken seriously by the girl I thought I would marry and I would build her a house and a garden... Yeah stupid I know but I was thunderstruck, like on drugs. I got really depressed and thought it was because I wasn't manly enought. At the age of 18 with 180 height I weighed 60kg... 

So I thought if I change myself, become a "real" man I would never have to go through it again. I started training boxing and weightlifting and trained like madman. Three years later I am 21, muscled at weight 80kg, fight in competitions, am very strong and respected among my male friends, I am independent and yet... nothing changed. I mean some things changed but I am still lonely. Women now look at me and smile, sometimes even try to talk to me but I am kinda fraid of them now/hate them ? When I see a girl looking at me smiling I just look away and clench my jaw. And then I regret it. I  want to love, both physically and emotionally, find a woman just for me, but it seems like an impossible thing for me. One day I watch "how to pick up girls" videos, read romance books, pump myself up and go to a shopping mall or on the beach to meet a girl, but whenever I see attractive one I would like to get to know to, I look her in the eyes, and just can't do it and go back home and spend the entire night telling myself I don't need them and tell myself bullshit. It's like that every time I try and try again. 

It's like a constant fight between myself and I am so tired... I just want to rest and get a full breath. 

Is it so hard for everyone? My friends have fun and positive girlfriends and they look so happy and make it look so easy I am jealous even though they look up to me.

Please guys and girls inspire me some way, tell me a secret, tell me whatever... I just don't know what to do anymore. 

I want a change, I tried so many times, but I can't figure it out on my own. 

If there's one thing I've learned in life is that being the nice guy is good for life, bad for relationships.  For some odd reason women are initially attracted to the asshole in the room.  Sometimes he's even abusive, a downright jerk, borderline scum of the earth.  He's the kind of guy you would happily either leave on the side of road in the middle of nowhere or potentially run his ass over if you could get away with it.  The reason is pretty perplexing from a woman's point of view;

 

Men who are jerks are usually seen as the Alpha Male of the pack.

 

Now I know many guys don't want to act like this.  Being a complete douche bag isn't exactly a good way to live your life but there is a way to make yourself seem like the Alpha Male without being a dick.

 

1:  Take charge.  If she asks where do you think is a good place to get dinner, say it without hesitating and stick to your guns.  Let her know, "I'm large and in charge."  Women seem to love that indefinitely.  Don't go like, "you're gonna listen to me bitch," because that'll turn her off immediately but say something along the lines of, "I like Italian food so we're going to the best place in town, no exceptions."  This is kind of your way of telling her you are planning to pamper her with good food and company but YOU will be the one making the decisions.  Women love a guy who takes charge.

 

2:  Don't let her play the, "hard to get game," because that's reserved for you.  Letting her take the, "hard to get game," just means she's losing interest.  Give her the impression you could care very little about her but maintain your general rule in the first paragraph; take charge.  Also flirt a little with other women if you can get away with it.  A little jealousy will make her think, "I can't let him fly away."  You might even try the, "I have no interest," approach like I do (which surprisingly I have a few lined up who are interested in me but my problem is much worse; I've been hurt to many times and have developed a very thick skin; I make Niotara from the Bleach series look like a wet paper towel sometimes xD).  Make yourself scarce, make her long for your presence and make every time you are around memorable for her.  Those few times in rarity make her feel like she needs you.

 

3:  Chivalry is NOT dead.  Open doors for her.  Buy her drinks.  Pamper her with roses (quote from Bablyon 5; The only way roses insult a woman is by their absence) come to her defense if someone is hitting on her.  Even when someone asks nicely if they could dance with her, if she throws you a look upon hearing the question that's not simply waiting for acknowledgment, that's her way of saying, "I'm waiting for you to save me."  Though they don't acknowledge it, and some feminists downright hate it, almost all women want to feel safe.  Make her feel safe; let the guy know, "I'm sorry she's with me."  You don't have to be an asshole but lay down the law.  She's spoken for and that's that.  Again with the Take Charge Rule #1.

 

4:  As Rorschach said from the Watchmen, "NEVER compromise, even in the face of Armageddon."  If you get into an argument, and you know you're right, stick to your guns.  Listen to both arguments, analyze it from both sides.  The trick is YOU have to think with the right side of your brain.  Male's tend to use their left side; calculation, logic and analysis.  Women are more right brained; creative, imaginative and deep emotional bonds.  Try and see it from her point of view.  If there is even a slight benefit of a doubt give her that satisfaction.  You don't always need to have a fight but sometimes it can make a relationship stronger however if she is wrong and you're aware of it don't just simply back out because its getting tough.  Stick to your guns and don't back down.  Remember she want's an Alpha Male so act the part.  She may think she's not looking for something long term but genetics and hormones are speaking here.  Largely she is looking for the Alpha Male so that her possible children will also grow to be just as strong.

 

5:  You don't necessarily need to have the body of an Olympic Champion although it does help sexually.  Remember even extremely physically fit guys neglect their, "Alpha Male," role and women by and large ignore someone like that.  Having a fit body does help but as the old saying goes, "all bark and no bite," can make a relationship go downhill fast.  Remember Rule #1; STAY IN CHARGE.  She want's to feel safe with you.

 

6:  PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR WOMAN.  Don't ignore her thoughts.  Don't drone her out while listening the game.  Make her feel appreciated.  Make her feel loved.  Let her know you'll always be there to protect her.  Always listen to her because sometimes you'll miss out on something that could end you're relationship badly.

 

7:  Last but certainly not least; your ultimate goal.  If you finally decide to have a roll in the hay, for the love of all that is holy DO NOT TREAT IT LIKE RECREATION.  Let go of your logic and see it as a spiritual connection between you and her.  Sex is not merely a means to reproduce, its a bond between two souls who want to share each other.  It's also important to be a good performer; remember men tend have a sex drive that borders between 3 to 7 minutes then crash.  Women's libido is very different; they can stay in a state of sexual bliss for hours!  The trick to having good stamina is these few below:

a) if and when you masturbate try clenching the shaft when it feels like you're going to ejaculate.  This cuts bloodflow a little (so don't over do it) but learn to, "hold it in," as it were to lengthen the experience.

while during intercourse breath deeply and in good rhythm.  I would suggest learning to meditate by placing one hand on your stomach and one on your chest.  Take 5 deep breaths slowly letting your stomach rise and fall and then switch to your chest rise and fall.  Alternate between them so you can get a good rhythm.  Trust me you can last a REALLY long time doing this

c) don't be so hell bent on your orgasm.  Remember it's not just you its also her.  during the love making try thinking of something other than what's going on like work, your favorite game, even taxes xD (my record was 2 hours, even she was shocked I could last that long).

d) tease them into oblivion.  THIS DRIVES THEM NUTS.  don't just think about sticking your manhood in her; look at her as if she's a canvas of a painting and explore every inch of her.  Trust me this will make her go wild.  Oral sex is a good idea as well because it makes her feel desirable as a woman.

 

As a final note this is the most important; DON'T ACT LIKE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT.  If she's into Twilight movies or something and you're not remember Rule #4: Do not compromise!  Be yourself and NEVER EVER LIE to yourself.  Even if she gets turned off by the idea of you playing video games for instance it doesn't matter because if you apply the rules stated above you could be a hardcore WoW player and she'll still love you as long as you maintain your, "Alpha Male," persona.  You can even use that as a means of stubbornness which they won't confess it but love a man who puts his foot down and won't submit to anything.

 

Hope these tips help dude.

 

 

Whatever you do don't listen to this advice. As a woman I can tell you it's terrible. Even if his advice attracts women it doesn't attract the type of women that make for healthy relationships. Jesus, marriage and relationships are BUILT on compromise. 

 

The alpha male shit is just that bullshit and a great way to come off as a potential rapist.

[LordJerle]

http://youtu.be/xnGnl-UElVA

[aRuthSA]

To have loved so much to hope of marriage and a life-time of companion at 18 is commendable. It seems you have good priorities and values.

 

From what you wrote it seems that you came to the conclusion that to get girls, you had to change your appearance, which you did and that is no easy feat. If you maintain the gains you've made, you can enjoy a lifetime of good health for your efforts, that in itself is invaluable. Yet, you are still the same person (if not even more afraid of rejection) that you always were. From the way you talk about yourself, you seem to lack confidence and self-worth. Your physicality will help to get people to notice you, but who you are is ultimately what will get someone to love you regardless of your physical form.

 

When you are not confident in yourself and what you bring into a relationship/friendship, then she (any she) will pick up that uncertainty from you. You need to look hard at yourself and identify what makes you unique and desirable, (are you funny, dependable, patient, kind, loyal, trustworthy, etc?) and then really own and even celebrate those qualities. Many people confuse self-knowing and ownership for "alpha" (or asshole) behavior. "Alpha" behavior might get people laid, but it will not help you find acceptance, companionship and love.

 

It sounds cheesy, but you have to know and value yourself, even in the face of rejection and even when alone, before you can really be known and valued in a relationship. You can't pin your expectations on another. You must not tie your self worth to anyone's opinion of you. Once you've mastered that, you can really put yourself out there. Then you will not get so beat up (by yourself or others) when things don't go as you hope.

 

Hope that helps and I wish you good luck.

 

 

[Schmendrick]

Hey guys 

I am not sure where to start. For years now I have a problem with women and it makes me very lonely but I have no idea how to solve it, it's like a no way out for me. Since when I was 15 I was getting rejected every time I fell in love with a girl. I think I may be a bit handsome as there were always some girls near me, but I was always labeled as a friend after some time together. Until the very end of highschool I got rejected a lot of times. In the last grade when I was 18 I got my heart broken seriously by the girl I thought I would marry and I would build her a house and a garden... Yeah stupid I know but I was thunderstruck, like on drugs. I got really depressed and thought it was because I wasn't manly enought. At the age of 18 with 180 height I weighed 60kg... 

So I thought if I change myself, become a "real" man I would never have to go through it again. I started training boxing and weightlifting and trained like madman. Three years later I am 21, muscled at weight 80kg, fight in competitions, am very strong and respected among my male friends, I am independent and yet... nothing changed. I mean some things changed but I am still lonely. Women now look at me and smile, sometimes even try to talk to me but I am kinda fraid of them now/hate them ? When I see a girl looking at me smiling I just look away and clench my jaw. And then I regret it. I  want to love, both physically and emotionally, find a woman just for me, but it seems like an impossible thing for me. One day I watch "how to pick up girls" videos, read romance books, pump myself up and go to a shopping mall or on the beach to meet a girl, but whenever I see attractive one I would like to get to know to, I look her in the eyes, and just can't do it and go back home and spend the entire night telling myself I don't need them and tell myself bullshit. It's like that every time I try and try again. 

It's like a constant fight between myself and I am so tired... I just want to rest and get a full breath. 

Is it so hard for everyone? My friends have fun and positive girlfriends and they look so happy and make it look so easy I am jealous even though they look up to me.

Please guys and girls inspire me some way, tell me a secret, tell me whatever... I just don't know what to do anymore. 

I want a change, I tried so many times, but I can't figure it out on my own. 

 

There is only one thing I can advise to you: get help, professional one. A lot of people (young and not so young) think that therapy is for lunatics or loosers, and that a "true man" can figure his way out of any problem by himself: by going to the gym, training box, being though, being the alpha male, etc. Truth is ofthen other: if you can find a point of view to see yourself as others do, yo'll know what you are doing wrong, and change it. In other words: know yourself.

 

There are lots of psychology schools and therapys, and which will fit you is something you'll have to discover. I can only speak for myself: that psychoanalytical therapy worked wonders for me.

 

I truly hope you find the way out.

 

[testsubject013]

 

 

Hey guys 

I am not sure where to start. For years now I have a problem with women and it makes me very lonely but I have no idea how to solve it, it's like a no way out for me. Since when I was 15 I was getting rejected every time I fell in love with a girl. I think I may be a bit handsome as there were always some girls near me, but I was always labeled as a friend after some time together. Until the very end of highschool I got rejected a lot of times. In the last grade when I was 18 I got my heart broken seriously by the girl I thought I would marry and I would build her a house and a garden... Yeah stupid I know but I was thunderstruck, like on drugs. I got really depressed and thought it was because I wasn't manly enought. At the age of 18 with 180 height I weighed 60kg... 

So I thought if I change myself, become a "real" man I would never have to go through it again. I started training boxing and weightlifting and trained like madman. Three years later I am 21, muscled at weight 80kg, fight in competitions, am very strong and respected among my male friends, I am independent and yet... nothing changed. I mean some things changed but I am still lonely. Women now look at me and smile, sometimes even try to talk to me but I am kinda fraid of them now/hate them ? When I see a girl looking at me smiling I just look away and clench my jaw. And then I regret it. I  want to love, both physically and emotionally, find a woman just for me, but it seems like an impossible thing for me. One day I watch "how to pick up girls" videos, read romance books, pump myself up and go to a shopping mall or on the beach to meet a girl, but whenever I see attractive one I would like to get to know to, I look her in the eyes, and just can't do it and go back home and spend the entire night telling myself I don't need them and tell myself bullshit. It's like that every time I try and try again. 

It's like a constant fight between myself and I am so tired... I just want to rest and get a full breath. 

Is it so hard for everyone? My friends have fun and positive girlfriends and they look so happy and make it look so easy I am jealous even though they look up to me.

Please guys and girls inspire me some way, tell me a secret, tell me whatever... I just don't know what to do anymore. 

I want a change, I tried so many times, but I can't figure it out on my own. 

snip

 

 

Whatever you do don't listen to this advice. As a woman I can tell you it's terrible. Even if his advice attracts women it doesn't attract the type of women that make for healthy relationships. Jesus, marriage and relationships are BUILT on compromise. 

 

The alpha male shit is just that bullshit and a great way to come off as a potential rapist.

 

I like you.

 

EDIT: first you got to let go of the past. I am aware how easy it is to say that and how hard it is to actually do. but if you want a relationship with someone that part of the risk you have to take.

 

secondly be yourself the last thing you want to do is attract someone who isn't compatible with you. opposite may attract but people with things in common say together long and are happier in general. girl aren't a hive mind they are people and each one is different they have different like and dislike and finding someone who aligns with you is key to a good relationship  I have seen what a relationship between two people that have very little in common it's nothing but fighting, arguing, yelling, and finding any excuse to get away from them. most importantly remember girls are PEOPLE they eat, sleep, crap, pee, puke do stupid things, get horny, masturbate, have opinions, get drunk so treat them  like you would any guy if the first thought you have when you see a girl is some happy future you have with them being in a happy relationship and what you think they are suppose to be you are doing them a disservice just blank your mind go over and say hi to them and get to know them. maybe you could have a future with them or maybe the they could be a great friend to have. but you have to get to know them first and that means talking to them. so blank your mind about them and your expectation of what you think they are and let them fill it in. 

[uptower]

Make some female friends, hang out, get to know their friends.  Sit back, listen watch and learn.  Once you understand them better they won't be so intimidating.  And if you're nice enough maybe one of them will jump on you one day.  Just kidding at the last part but someone might take an interest in you.  Even if it's not one of the circle you'll be surprised how much more capable you are when you've developed some confidence.

[Jayleia]

OK, for this level of nervousness, I'd say professional help is needed.

 

No, that doesn't mean you're weak or sick or crazy.

 

Your brain is extremely complicated and sometimes a professional can understand what would help you more than...well, a bunch of strangers on the internet.  Also...there are...other sorts of professionals, and, actually, I can guarantee they've dealt with nervous people too, and sometimes they end up being de facto therapists.